I won't go back
Finally, Lin Lei got off work. Qi Yue saw Lin Lei walking out of the construction site gate. She didn't say hello, but just followed Lin Lei and walked forward in the direction of the road.
While waiting for the bus, Lin Lei looked in the direction of Qi Yue.
It seems that God is particularly kind to Lan Qiyue. Even at the age of 30, she still has the appearance of a high school student, as if she has not been affected by the years at all.
"But, I've been through so much, why am I still the same as before?"
Lin Lei sat in front of Qi Yue, and Qi Yue sat in the seat behind him.
I have to say that this was the first time the two had ridden in a car together in the twenty years since they had known each other. In the days when they were not deliberately remembered, it seemed that they really had no intersection.
Qi Yue looked at the scenery outside the window and used her peripheral vision to make sure that Lin Lei had no intention of getting off the car, otherwise, she would have returned empty-handed today.
Xinghai, Qi Yue came to this city when she was collecting folk songs, but she didn’t get to know it well. At that time, Qi Yue was too playful, either catching crabs on the beach or falling asleep on the bus due to motion sickness, and missed a lot of scenery.
When the car stopped, Lin Lei said something very necessary to the dazed Qi Yue.
"Get off."
It turns out that this is the terminal.
In front of us is the Star-Moon Square located on the seaside.
"Aren't you going home?"
Isn't it a fixed route to go home after work? Qi Yue asked without thinking.
Lin Lei did not answer, but just kept walking forward until he reached the boundary between the beach and the coast.
The sea and the sky are one color, the setting sun is shining, the breeze is blowing on your face, and the night is getting darker. Seeing this scene, you feel like you have entered a painting.
“It’s so beautiful!”
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
While Lin Lei affirmed Qi Yue's mumbling, he stood side by side with Qi Yue and looked at her profile.
The person in front of you is your sweetheart, the scenery around you is a painting, and you and I are just passers-by in this world.
"Yueyue?"
"Yeah." Qi Yue responded subconsciously.
Wouldn't it be nice if it could be like this for the rest of your life, without tall buildings, without fancy clothes, just plain food, just an ordinary alley, just like this, deep and quiet, just like this, peaceful and happy.
But, there is no going back.
"Lin Lei, you know why I showed up."
"Know."
"Just know it, no need to talk so much. When you've had enough of wandering, just go home. The one you love is waiting for you."
I don’t know when it started, but it seems like the two of them haven’t sat together properly for a long time, talking about the past and the future.
"So, do you still love me?"
"Is it so obscure?"
Yes, isn't it obvious? When eating, Lin Lei had already noticed the ring finger of Qi Yue's right hand. Lin Lei knew what it meant, but he just didn't give up.
"Congratulations, why didn't you tell me...about us?"
"It's been less than two weeks, and I'm going on a business trip soon, so I don't have much time to think about getting married."
"What about him? He didn't even give you a wedding?"
Qi Yue looked at Lin Lei, taking a good look at the person she once cared about.
"Is it important? Isn't love something between two people? It's good to have everyone's blessing, but if you don't have it for the time being, then just wait a little longer."
"Wait until when? Wait until you're seventy or eighty?"
I have to say that Lin Lei's aura of hostility is still quite strong.
"When I want to make it known."
Lin Lei looked at Qi Yue in confusion. It could be said that Lin Lei seemed to have never understood Qi Yue. He was always confused by what Qi Yue said, and Qi Yue herself was always mysterious.
"It's just a ceremony. If you think it's important, then it's important. If you think you can discard it, then it's not important. Don't you think it's a bit awkward for two people to stand on the stage and receive everyone's blessings? And besides, you can't even eat at your own wedding banquet?"
Lin Lei listened quietly to Qi Yue's patient explanation, and reinjected his own inherent point of view with scenes that he had imagined but not realized.
"Yes, indeed, it is just a ceremony."
"Don't worry, when we're done with this busy period, we'll share our joy with our classmates if we have the chance."
"Are all you art students so free and easy?"
Qi Yue didn't know what kind of question Lin Lei was asking, so she didn't say anything. She just looked at Lin Lei's eyes, waiting for his answer.
"In the past, can we really let go just by saying so?"
At this time, Qi Yue understood why Qin Rong was looking for her. It seemed that the crux of the problem really lay with her.
“No, because that’s the path I’ve taken.”
A hint of joy flashed in Lin Lei's eyes.
"But I won't go back."
Qi Yue understood that there was no going back on this path. If they had cut the Gordian knot during that Spring Festival, how could there be any follow-up? If there was no follow-up, would Lin Lei have lived a peaceful life?
But there are no ifs.
Life is a play. From the moment the curtain opens, you have to keep acting until the end of your role. You have to taste all the flavors of life.
"Then why do you care about me? We are just classmates, that's all."
Sure enough, the end point is the starting point.
"Because I don't want to see your mother sad. Although I don't have the right to say this, we are classmates, so I will do my best."
"Don't make yourself sound so noble. You're not a savior."
"Of course, I'm just an ordinary person. I've had the honor of being your classmate for three years, so I dare to be a little unruly in your life."
"Don't say that. You're the squad leader. You've always protected me."
"Of course. Do you think you can be so popular in the class committee group just by yourself?"
Lin Lei didn't expect Qi Yue to be so straightforward. Indeed, if Qi Yue hadn't been the class monitor, there was no way he could have been so successful in the class committee group. However, being said so directly still made him feel a little embarrassed.
"Life is your own. You can do whatever you want. Just don't regret it. Even if you do regret it, you have to persevere. The path you choose is your own."
"no?"
Qi Yue sneered. After so many years, what was the point in clinging to her passive helplessness?
"Look up, I want to see if there are any marks on your neck."
"What traces could there be?" Lin Lei was at a loss as Qi Yue stared at him.
"The knife wasn't on your neck. You didn't choose it. Could it be that everyone else chose it for you?"
Qi Yue is right. There is often a way behind the seemingly impossible choices. However, if you hide under someone else's shadow for too long, you will forget that you have a shadow as well.
"Do you remember what I said? Lin Lei, you really love yourself."
Lin Lei looked at Qi Yue in disbelief, as if he was questioning Qi Yue unscrupulously.
"Don't look at me like that. You want to say that I didn't give you a choice. Lin Lei, Lin Lei. It was never me who didn't give you a choice. It was you who didn't choose me."
Yes, it seemed that Lin Lei had never chosen Qiyue. Never. Whether it was the separation after graduating from junior high school, the indulgence in high school, the contribution to the Ministry of Railways during college, or even the long-distance companionship after finding a job, Qiyue had never been Lin Lei's first choice.
But, I clearly love Qi Yue, so why is she never my first choice?
"No, you didn't let me choose."
"Have you ever given me the chance to choose me?"
It hit the nail on the head. It must be said that Qi Yue's words were like a fatal blow that pierced Lin Lei's heart.
"If it weren't for my tacit consent, do you think you could have seen me in Mujin? Do you think who gave you the bullet that hurt me? Did you have it yourself?"
Because of Qi Yue's reluctance, she had the opportunity to load the gun for the executioner Lin Lei. Otherwise, Lan Qiyue, who was the center of attention, would have fallen at Lin Lei's feet.
A person’s greatest enemy is not others but himself. No one knows himself better than himself. Because of the understanding, he can kill him with one blow.
"Lin Lei, I love you, and I don't regret it. You always say that I'm trapped by my obsession and always tell me to move on. So, what is your obsession?"
"Look forward, you see, the moon is rising, just like me, Lan Qiyue."
As she said this, Qi Yue stood up and looked at Lin Lei who was sitting silently. Qi Yue said something that Lin Lei would never forget in his life.
"Lin Lei, listen to me. From now on, I, Lan Qiyue, will be the full moon that hangs high in your life, Lin Lei, and never falls."
Qi Yue used the softest tone to speak the harshest words. It must be said that women are creatures that will take revenge if they are wronged.
Looking at Qi Yue's receding back, Lin Lei kept repeating Qi Yue's words in his mind. Looking at the moon hanging high in the sky, he stretched out his hand, but the moon was really too high and he couldn't catch it no matter how hard he tried.
"You can't see the good in me, and you don't care about the bad in me. Lan Qiyue, Lan Qiyue, why can't you just look at me."
"Lin Lei, what you can't get will always cause you trouble. Rather than saying you are my obsession, it's better to say I am an inexplicable feeling deeply rooted in your memory, affecting your unintentional joys, sorrows, anger and happiness."
Lin Lei returned home and walked back to his room silently. From then on, he never went to the construction site again.
But he never left the house, still drank, still remained silent, and still lifeless.
"Lin Lei, if you can't forget, then just remember it forever. Remember the pain I brought you. Turn that pain into strength and return to the moment I left you. You were the one who had nothing but was moving forward with your head held high."
In this vast world, there is a cycle of life and death. The past life is unknown, and the future life is unclear. In this life, love and hate are intertwined, and sorrows and joys are told. Between you and me, there is no question of the way home.
"Leader, I still can't get over it. Can you please tell me how I should move forward in the days ahead?"
In the dark room, illuminated by the moonlight, Lin Lei fiddled with the star bottle, and the 222 hidden sentences, words that he had never said to you face to face.
"I am the one you will never be able to pick in your lifetime."
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