The release of gambling with youth
"It was a mistake after all. You can tell me honestly why you lied to me. Our past was truly awful!"
"Boss, sometimes I really feel like a scumbag."
"I didn't say that to you. How could you think that about yourself? The you I know is not like that."
How thick must the filter be at that time to make such a delicate and crystal clear heart and a pair of clear and bright eyes blind?
"Lin Lei, I forgive you for being a scumbag in your relationship, but I won't be friends with a scumbag in society."
Just like that, the nine-year entanglement ended, the nineteen-year entanglement ended, and Lan Qiyue let it go in just one year after a car accident.
From the time they met in 2005 to the time they let go 25 years later, Lan Qiyue gambled her youth and walked through twenty years. Three years of ignorance, seven years of forgetfulness, nine years of entanglement, and one year of letting go—a life that was neither good nor bad, an ordinary twenty years. Precisely because of its ordinariness, one might imagine a life of peace, tranquility, and peace without worries. But life is not a simple proposition.
It’s not too late to see through a person in twenty years.
"I've banged my head against this wall again and again, I've bled again and again, you've shattered my trust time and time again, you've trampled my youth until it's tattered and broken, and in the end, all I get in return is your words 'self-admiration'."
"Perhaps, when you said this, you, in my clear and bright world, Lan Qiyue, are not worth mentioning."
"Lin Lei, do you remember? During the struggle between us, I said 'I'm not worthy' over and over again. Now, I want to return it to you."
"Lin Lei, you don't deserve it. You don't deserve my Lan Qiyue's kindness, and you don't deserve to enter my Lan family. We don't have any prejudice against family background, but when it comes to character, it depends on one's opinion."
"Actually, I should have opened my eyes the last time you came to Mujin and asked me to lie to mom and say 'Jiang Yiheng' came."
"Lin Lei, Lin Lei, the reason I said 'Jiang Yiheng' is my last hope for you. I left you an extremely smooth path to me. Otherwise, you think that your actions, or the so-called 'separation', can enter my house. Even if my father Lan Min is gone, I, Lan Qiyue, am not someone you can 'bully' whenever you want. Do you really think that the Lan family has no foundation in the county? Not to mention my family, just my uncles alone are enough to give you a hard time."
"You always say that I didn't give you a chance, but opportunities aren't something everyone can have. You never see things from other people's perspectives, so how can you tell whether an 'opportunity' exists or not?"
"I have been saying no all the time. But what do you know? You've only been asking for the 'answer' you want countless times, egocentric and self-centered. Are you better than me, Lan Qiyue? Are you better than Han Muze? Are you better than us?"
"But what you don't know is that Lan Qiyue has always firmly chosen you. Even though she has seen many beautiful sights, she still prefers the plain, original, simple, and warm sunshine."
"You always say there's no chance between us, but do you know? Although I've blocked all your thoughts of me, I've left you with all the paths to me. But you, having given me all the thoughts, have blocked all my paths to you. This is what you call 'loving me'. This love is truly ruthless. Wasn't this opportunity you wanted 'cut off' by you yourself? What right do you have to complain bitterly and resentfully, as if the whole world has let you down?"
"No, it's not that you're heartless. It's that I, Lan Qiyue, am stupid. I'm so foolish that even though I already have the answer in my heart, I still choose to believe it. I don't want to admit that the person I liked when I was young has become so clumsy. I also don't want to believe that my youth was torn apart by my own love."
Persistence is a good thing, but sometimes, blind persistence is worse than nothing.
"In the end, I couldn't tell which of your words were true and which were false. Perhaps they were all false. Just like what you said, 'self-touching.'"
"Lin Lei, I've never seen you love me, so I can't be sure which side of you loves me and which side doesn't. Every side of you is just what I thought it was, what I thought it was, that you loved me. Indeed, I was wrong. Every side of you isn't how you love me, it's how you love yourself. You don't love me, and you don't love 'Su Li', and similarly, you don't love all your previous girlfriends. You love what you 'can't have,' and once you get it, you won't love it anymore."
"After my father passed away, it rained endlessly in my heart. I thought I would live in this damp state for the rest of my life. Even if I looked up and saw a sunny day, my heart would still be filled with gloom and rain for the rest of my life."
"It just so happened that at the right time, you showed up."
"I don't blame you for your coming and going, your fickleness, your repeated actions, and your endless lies. But why, even though you already have a child, or know about the child's existence, can you still be so calm and unfazed, flirting with other men? It doesn't matter what kind of person you want to be, but at the very least, modern society doesn't believe in 'collective responsibility'."
"Art education is my favorite profession and it is also the profession that has given me hope. During that time, I saw many smiling faces, so innocent that I couldn't bear to hurt them."
"Lin Lei, you're still so fickle in front of your child. I feel sorry for Su Li and the child. It's unworthy for you to risk your life and still not know your husband's true feelings. It's a pity that your 'father' was so unfaithful when you came."
"What an ironic plot, what a dramatic life! Your girlfriend is right, 'Your love won't end here, and it won't be the only one.'"
"To this day, you haven't won, and I haven't lost. In this game of love, neither you nor I will be the winner."
"But the strong wind you brought still blew up, making the rain even more bitter, even colder, and even more biting."
"Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being with me for a short time when my father passed away. Thank you for teaching me a great lesson in life. Thank you for letting me understand love again."
Qi Yue once carefully counted the baby's breath in that bottle. From the day she started folding it to the day you said, "It's impossible in this lifetime," there were 222 beads in total, and 222 sentences in total.
Now, the first sentence should have one more word added.
"I loved you."
Lan Qiyue's relationship, while difficult to articulate with Lin Lei's help, is fortunately not one she feels sorry for Su Li. As a woman, it's more about empathy than Lin Lei's. If you put yourself in Su Li's shoes, you'd be forgiven. After all, in Lan Qiyue's eyes, it's all about wasted youth, whether it's a "spiritual" betrayal or a "sexual betrayal," it makes no difference.
However, you have to walk the path you choose yourself.
Isn't there a saying that goes, "If your dog doesn't obey, you should either beat it or throw it away?"
"The ultimate dignity for an adult is to let go of the past and not dwell on it. This is also my final tribute to my youth."
This rain lasted too long, and I missed too much; this wind was too strong, and it blinded me for too long.
In fact, the key to open this cage has always been in Lan Qiyue's hands.
"This time, I really want to see the sun that belongs to me."
The rain will stop, the wind will stop, and what is coming will still come. During this period, you must become a better self.
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