I once sincerely liked you
"Leader, leader, are you still so smart?"
After getting a positive answer, Qi Yue suddenly couldn't believe her ears.
"But, you have children?"
Lin Lei, ah Lin Lei, why are you always so stubborn and only care about yourself?
"Leader, a marriage without love is a shackle for both parties. Instead of torturing each other, it is better to fulfill each other."
Qi Yue calmed herself down and looked at the classmate in front of her who looked very old. Time not only made the face older, but also made the mind mature. However, the person in front of her seemed to have not grown up yet.
"After all, it's your own business, as long as you are happy."
"Leader, can you give me a chance?"
"Can't?"
"Why?"
Why? What Qi Yue hates is "disobedience" and "not understanding what is said", and it seems that Lin Lei has both of these characteristics.
"There's no reason, because it's in the past. Do you know what's in the past? You can't go back."
"Why can't I go back? I'm standing in front of you. I'm back. I don't want to lose you again."
"Wait a minute." Qi Yue interrupted Lin Lei.
"You didn't lose me, you never had me."
"But, have you forgotten everything that happened before? Have you forgotten what you said to me?"
"I haven't forgotten. I remember. I remember everything clearly, vividly, including the feelings I had in the past."
"Because I remember it so clearly and felt the pain, I don't want to be the one abandoned again. Lin Lei, the moment you chose to turn around and leave, you and your love became worthless to me, Lan Qiyue."
Hearing Qi Yue say this, Lin Lei became obviously panicked.
"Leader, I know I hurt you before. I was wrong. I apologize to you. Please give me a chance and I will make amends."
"No need. Like I said, that's all in the past. There's no way for you today to apologize to Lan Qiyue yesterday. This is time, a reality that we can't see or explain clearly."
"But we are obviously in love."
"No, it's not. Love is when the time is right and there is love between us, but there is no such resonance between us. When I love you, you don't love me. When I don't love you, even if you love me again, that is not love."
"No, no, I love you. I have always loved you."
After listening to this, Qi Yue smiled helplessly. She didn't expect that after spending twenty years to let go, the other party was still entangled with her. What was the previous determination? Have they forgotten the pain they had experienced with each other?
"You don't love me, and you don't love Su Li. What you love is yourself, your own willfulness, your own selfishness, and your own desires."
"Lin Lei, the past is the past. You're the one who told me not to dwell on myself."
Before Qi Yue could finish, Lin Lei followed up with, "But I regret it."
Qi Yue, who just found it funny, knew how to continue the topic.
"That's your business. Why should you do whatever you want? You are not the master."
"Lin Lei, I've told you too many times that I'm not worthy. Today I want to tell you that you're not worthy."
"You have a beautiful appearance, but have you ever looked deeply into your own soul to see if it is what you think it is, or are you inadvertently beautifying yourself?"
"You are a righteous person, responsible and accountable, but is the face you show to others the same as the face you show to yourself?"
After hearing Qi Yue's resounding and incisive words, Lin Lei didn't know how to explain for a moment.
"Lin Lei, we're not children anymore. We're not at the age to do whatever we want. Especially since you're no longer yourself. You're a father, and you have to live up to the weight of these two words."
"Why do you always tell me what to do and how to do it, but have you ever asked me what I want? Why do you never consider things from my perspective?"
"That person was like this. He gave up on me when I was little. Now, even you are doing the same. Am I a piece of trash? Why did you all choose to give up on me in the end?"
After hearing Lin Lei's words, Qi Yue couldn't help but feel a little distressed. Lin Lei, when he was still a teenager, did bear unnecessary pressure, but fortunately, there were still people who were willing to accompany him, care for him, and choose him unswervingly.
"Lin Lei, even if someone gave up on you, there were also people who firmly chose you."
"So, have you ever chosen me?"
"I have."
At this moment, Qi Yue's eyes were extremely clear, as if telling Lin Lei the credibility of this answer.
Now that we've come this far, let's put an end to it.
"I once chose you with unwavering resolve. I bet my youth on you."
I don’t know if it was self-mockery or letting go of the past, but Qi Yue laughed.
"But I lost, completely."
When he heard this, Lin Lei moved his mouth slightly. Just when he was about to say something, Qi Yue took the lead.
"I didn't lose to you, nor to Su Li, but to myself. I lost to my own youth. However, I don't regret it, because this was a passionate time that belonged to me and will never be repeated."
"Leader, seriously, I really won't let you go this time. Give me one chance, trust me, just this once."
"I believe you as a classmate, but chances are, it's impossible for us to be together. Like I said, when I loved you, you didn't love me. Now I don't love you anymore, and I don't like you anymore."
"But how can you just say you don't love me anymore? Am I not already standing in front of you? I have given everything, why can't I get you in return?"
"Lin Lei, you're wrong. You were wrong from the beginning. You never believed in me. You have your own inferiority complex, so you also have a strong possessiveness. Even if I give you full love, you still lack confidence."
"It's not that I didn't have a choice, it's that I only chose you. Even though I knew you weren't the best solution, I still chose you, risking everything on you."
"Even though I know you're married, I'm still willing to play an insignificant role and accompany you for a moment. Even if I think it's fishy and it's what I hate the most, I'm willing to tear my own dignity apart for you. Even as proud as I am, there are times when I feel ashamed of myself."
"But, like you said, everything I did was just 'self-touching' in your eyes. So what if you saw it? Didn't you still turn away? It was you who let go of my hand, and it was you who gave up on me."
"No, no, you are the one in my heart from beginning to end. I love you."
Sometimes, when you tell too many lies, you may even forget your own heart. When you claim to be affectionate for too long, you may not be able to see your own hypocrisy.
"When you graduated from junior high school, you fell in love again and again in high school for your own self-esteem. In college, you thought of me when you were drunk, but chose to stay the same after you sobered up. After graduation, you pretended to be affectionate and got married. You really do love me."
"So, isn't it me who's been abandoned time and time again? Isn't it me who's been hurt time and time again? Isn't it me who's had my feelings trampled on?"
"Then, you turned and entered another land of tenderness, letting others heal your wounds, while the one you hurt could only lick the wounds alone. Who do you think you are? If it weren't for the care I gave you back then, if it weren't for the genuine love I had for you, why would you, Lin Lei, be so unscrupulous in my life, Lan Qiyue?"
"Don't forget, I've never been a pushover, and my willingness isn't because of who you are, or because you're worthy, but because I want to."
"But now, I don't want to."
Listening to Qi Yue's accusations one by one, Lin Lei now realized how wrong he was and that the harm he had caused Qi Yue was not just one or two days.
This person, who was once held in high regard by him, endured in silence until today's accusation, which was decades late.
"I'm sorry, Qiyue, I didn't know. No, I didn't expect it. I thought, I thought you didn't care about me."
After all, I was blind and fell in love with someone who knew nothing, or maybe someone who didn't want to know.
Qi Yue sneered, not for Lin Lei, but for herself and for Lan Qiyue, who had gambled her youth.
"Lin Lei, I'm solemnly saying this once today, and this is the last time."
"I, Lan Qiyue, once sincerely loved you. I loved you so much that for you, I'm willing to risk everything, even if it means a lifetime of poverty and hardship."
"But, I left all the paths leading to me, but you blocked my path to you. In the end, it became just you and me."
"But this is also good. Do you remember what you told me? If we really get together in the future, there will be more daily necessities. I guess, by then, you will treat your marriage the same way you do now."
"Actually, right now, you don't know whether you truly love me or are dissatisfied with your current life, so you can only pin your hopes on the beautiful us you once thought we were. In other words, it's like a child's mentality. I used to like a toy, but I don't have it anymore. When I grow up, I'll still like that toy. I want to get it to make up for what I didn't have back then."
“No one will wait in the same place forever, and no feelings will not change. People are the most fickle.”
The last time Lin Lei left Mu Jin, before Qi Yue blocked him, he introduced himself in his Moments: "I want to buy osmanthus flowers and carry wine with me, but it doesn't feel like the journey of youth."
At that time, Qi Yue only felt that she was lamenting the fleeting youth. We can never go back to the past and be the reckless selves we were in childhood. This is our compromise with reality.
Later, Qi Yue discovered: "Don't say it's too late, the sky is still full of rosy clouds."
Compromising with the past is not about being powerless, but about not having it in your heart. Because for those who are determined, no matter when or where, as long as they want to do it, they will succeed.
"It turns out that our ending was already determined the moment you made your choice."
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