6
I stood in the elevator, my right hand instinctively pressed against my chest, feeling my heart pounding faster beneath my skin. A nameless tension gripped me as I thought about how I would explain the misunderstanding to Zhang Peng after we caught up. The elevator attendant glanced at me expressionlessly, turned away, and pressed the button for the first floor. In the narrow, quiet space, my slightly rapid breathing was clearly audible.
As soon as the elevator doors opened, I rushed out. Running out of the apartment building, I immediately craned my neck, searching for Zhang Peng. I looked around several times but couldn't see him. Thinking he might have already left the complex, I hurriedly chased after him. Reaching the intersection, I looked around and saw heads everywhere, hair and clothes all in brightly colored patterns. People passing by stared at me curiously; I glanced at them and then looked further away.
No, no, no matter how long I stretched my neck or how wide I opened my eyes, I still couldn't see Zhang Peng.
I ran from one end of the intersection to the other, circling back and forth twice, but I still couldn't see him.
Feeling somewhat disheartened, I figured he must have gone far away, maybe even gotten on some bus. Catching my breath, I decided to wait for Xia Yu to return before going to find him.
As I walked back with my head down, I thought about all the little things I had done with Zhang Peng these past few days. I thought about the scene yesterday when I saw him standing side by side with the guy in the Mercedes-Benz, calling me into the house. I thought about the smile on his face, which looked incredibly aggrieved, when the recommendation form floated down from his hand and landed in front of me. I asked myself, did Zhang Peng betray me or not?
If so, why did he send me a recommendation form? Was he pitying me, or does he at least consider me a friend?
If not, then I'm the biggest idiot in the world, and I've been making up all sorts of nonsense, not only wronging innocent people but also torturing myself. Running away from home without a clear reason and wandering around for four or five hours, my legs aching and my feet stiff—I'm such a fool!
I walked into the apartment building with my head down. The elevator was just a few steps away. I glanced at the indicator light on my right; the elevator was on the tenth floor. Taking two steps back and leaning against the freshly painted white wall, I thought to myself, "I still have that red-haired guy at home to deal with. I don't know him at all; it's time to ask him to come back."
When I close my eyes and wait for the elevator, I always feel like something's not right. My hands feel uncomfortable no matter where I put them—in my pockets, over my face, or around my chest; my head feels uncomfortable no matter how I position it—tilted back, straight, or drooping; and my feet feel awkward no matter how I stand—staggered, crossed, or pigeon-toed.
What's wrong?
A few seconds later, the skin on my face began to twitch slightly involuntarily.
My sixth sense tells me that the unusual sensations in my body are coming from the outside world.
It's a line of sight.
Someone is watching me.
I opened my eyes and, on instinct, turned around to look at Zhang Peng at the stairwell!
Their gazes met, and Zhang Peng's fingers, holding the cigarette, trembled slightly.
At the dimly lit entrance to the staircase, Zhang Peng leaned against the wall, his expression shifting instantly from faint sadness to panic and then to stiffness.
What are you doing here? I thought you had left a long time ago.
When I asked him, he quickly stood up straight and threw away the cigarette in his hand.
I walked over, glanced at the ground, then looked at him. "Don't you never smoke this stuff?"
He didn't say anything, but turned sideways to try and pass by me.
"Zhang Peng!"
I grabbed his arm, and he stopped. He didn't turn around, but stared straight ahead with a cold expression.
"Did you see me chase after you?"
After hesitating for a moment, Zhang Peng nodded.
"Then why didn't you call me?"
Zhang Peng didn't speak. He leaned forward a few times, trying to leave, but I held his arm tightly, and he couldn't move. Helpless, he could only stand there.
"I misspoke just now, can you give me a few minutes to explain?"
After waiting a few seconds, I saw that Zhang Peng did not answer, and I thought that he had given me a chance to explain.
So I quickly said, "Pengpeng, I really picked up Hua Hong by the roadside. I swear I'm not lying. You can ask Xia Yu if you don't believe me. Xia Yu saw me carrying him back last night."
Zhang Peng turned his head slightly and glanced at me.
"Um... what do you mean by breaking up..." Seeing Zhang Peng turn his face away again, I quickly added, "It's a misunderstanding, absolutely a misunderstanding!"
Zhang Peng coldly snorted, "What misunderstanding? I heard you clearly. You said that we... have reached the end." After saying that, he took a step forward.
I used all my strength to pull him back, thinking, I must not let him go. If he leaves, I don't know when I will have a chance to explain to him.
"No, it was a misunderstanding. I thought you were going to break up with me, that's why I said that. I was overthinking it, I misspoke. Don't be angry, please don't be angry."
Zhang Peng turned around and looked at me with a puzzled expression. "I want to break up with you? Why? How come I didn't even know this?"
Upon hearing this, a huge weight was lifted from my heart.
So, he didn't want to break up with me after all. That's great! But about the other man... Ugh, ugh, ugh! Slap me twice! What other man! Didn't Pengpeng tell you he didn't want to break up with me?! Hey!
"Let go! Explain yourself, what did I do that made you want to break up with me?" Zhang Peng turned around and faced me, his eyes, which had just refused to look at me, suddenly becoming sharp.
"You haven't talked to me much this month, why?"
"Why?" Zhang Peng glared at me, his voice immediately rising several decibels. "I want to know why too! You come home every day like a dead person, not saying a word, barely eating a few bites of food, watching TV like you're daydreaming, washing dishes like you're sleepwalking! When I talk to you, you're listless! It's just that you can't find a job, but you act like you've got AIDS! Tell me, what can I say to you like that?"
I opened my eyes wide, never expecting that the "me" Zhang Peng described would be such a dejected figure. Looking back on the past two months without finding a job, it seems like I've become more and more depressed and listless each day.
"Is that so? Isn't that a bit of an exaggeration?"
"Not an exaggeration at all! That's exactly how you are!"
Zhang Peng's wide-open, angry eyes already gave me immense confidence, and I apologized to him three times. Seeing that his expression had softened a little, I asked again, "So who's been contacting you a lot lately? To be honest, I'm particularly concerned about the guy you're talking to on the phone."
Zhang Peng tilted his chin up slightly, looked me up and down with a hint of disdain, and said, "What, were you eavesdropping on my phone call?"
"No, no, no, don't overthink it. I don't have that kind of guts! All I know is that the person who keeps calling your cell phone is a man, that's all."
"Confess obediently, what else do you know?"
"I..." Thinking about what Shi Ji had told me, I considered it for a moment and decided not to implicate him. I'll handle the beatings and scoldings myself. If I reveal my informant, who will dare to provide me with information in the future?
"I don't know much; most of it is just my guesses."
"Just guessing? Wow, you have quite the imagination. Tell me, what did you guess?" Zhang Peng's eyes gleamed with interest as he looked at me. He leaned close to me and slowly pushed me into the corner.
As I backed away, I said, "You... haven't done 'that' with me in a long time, I thought you... didn't want me anymore."
"Heh, I asked you to confess and you actually brought up that topic. Fine, go on."
"Isn't this crucial? If you don't do 'that' with me, of course I'll start overthinking." Doesn't he realize that our relationship started from the moment we were a blanket in his bed? Now, after so long of not being needed, how can I not think he's going to throw me away?
"Shut up, say something else!"
With my back against the wall, I watched Zhang Peng continue to lean closer to me and quickly said, "There's no way back. Are you trying to flatten me?"
He stopped, looked at me, then at the stairwell, and said, "Look, it's quite quiet here, and no one's passing by. Xia Xiang, let me make this clear: if what you say next doesn't satisfy me, your bottom is going to get a beating in a minute."
Zhang Peng looked at me and chuckled softly. When I heard that, my hair stood on end, and I quickly pulled my hand back from his arm. My stiff body felt like I had been dead for a day or two.
Being a bottom isn't unprecedented, though it was only once, but the feeling... it was indescribably uncomfortable! A dildo going in and out of me, not only was there no pleasure, but it was also incredibly painful. I felt like the top guy on top of me was working like a latrine cleaner. And I had to grit my teeth and endure it, determined not to let that disgusting thing escape and ruin our fun. I think I was never born to be a bottom. I told Zhang Peng about this; I didn't want to be penetrated at all. He knew that, so why did he say that to me? Was he punishing me?
"Can we try another way?" If I hadn't done anything wrong, I wouldn't have needed to beg him so humbly. But the problem is, I fucking had a stupid mouth today and said the wrong thing, offending Zhang Peng. If I flatly refuse, I'm afraid he'll never talk to me again.
Xia Xiang, Xia Xiang, you've lived to be twenty-eight, is your butt really going to get a bloody nose again today?
Zhang Peng held up one finger and waved it three times in front of my eyes, saying, "No, no, no."
When I heard that, I felt like crying...
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