Chapter 11
The air seemed to freeze after Zhao Jinglu asked that question.
The only sounds on the tree-lined path were the rustling of leaves in the wind and the clearly audible heartbeats of each other.
Ling Peng stared at her intently, his eyes, always tinged with a touch of distance or playfulness, now swirling with an overly complex and intense emotion. Three months of longing, the uncontrollable jealousy he'd just felt, and all the pent-up emotions finally broke free in this moment, transforming into a gaze so deep it practically burned.
He looked at her, at the girl who had unknowingly occupied such an important place in his heart, at her slightly red cheeks in the sunset and her eyes filled with tension and courage.
"Zhao Jinglu..."
He whispered her name, his voice becoming unusually hoarse due to the surge of emotions, but with an unprecedented solemnity.
He didn't directly answer "Who?", but instead, as if he had finally found an outlet, he slowly unpacked the ups and downs of his heart, things she had never known before. He spoke these words to her, but it was also like he was clearly and completely organizing them for himself for the first time after such a long time.
"From the beginning, I thought you were a very interesting child. You were very methodical when teaching dance, and you felt ashamed and angry when expressing your feelings for others. Your seriousness was endearing." He spoke, his eyes calm, as if he was retracing a journey he had not even noticed. "Then, when I returned to school on Teacher's Day and saw you again, I felt that you had changed, but it seemed the same."
His words were slow and clear, each word rising and falling in her heart.
"That time at the bookstore, you asked me with red eyes why you were always the one given up... I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. At that time, I thought, how could anyone be willing to give up on you?"
"Seeing you dancing on the stage, so dazzling, strange and attractive, I realized that I never really understood all of you."
His eyes became complicated, with a hint of barely perceptible regret and heartache.
"That year, you caught me on the street looking my most miserable..." He paused, his voice lowering. "My first thought wasn't how hard it was to break up, but... how fucking embarrassed I was that you had to see it."
Zhao Jinglu's heart clenched tightly. She didn't expect that he would think like this that day.
"You texted me to comfort me, saying I was fine. But then I started thinking, I'm not fine at all. I'm so immature and impulsive. Knowing you might have someone else, that feeling... is like being hit by a club. I'd get so jealous just because you were close to someone else that I'd lose my mind. I found that I couldn't think of you as just a 'schoolmate' or a 'friend' anymore."
"These past three months," he took a deep breath, his eyes locked on hers, as if he wanted to carve those three months into her eyes, "I've checked my phone countless times every day, waiting for your text message to say you're safe or to complain about being tired. When it rained where you were, I worried you forgot your umbrella. Every night, I wanted to call you right away, just to hear your voice. Whenever I saw something fun or a delicious restaurant, my first thought was... I wish you were here."
His confession lacked premature admiration, but rather a man's belated realization of his heart, his uncontrollable possessiveness, the profound longing brought on by separation, and all the fragility and insecurity he felt because of her. This feeling, because of its gradual development and unconsciousness, seemed all the more real and profound.
"Zhao Jinglu," he called her name again, his tone clearer and more resolute than ever before, with a desperate frankness, "My unhappiness, my abnormality, my 'person I like'..."
"From the beginning to the end, it's only you."
As the words fell, the surging emotions found an outlet, but what followed was not relaxation, but a blank tension and huge uncertainty.
He unleashed his long-held pent-up worries on her face, like a gambler who had surrendered all his cards, suddenly left with nothing but his bare hands, waiting for fate's judgment. The domineering and confident air he had used just now to pull her away vanished, replaced by a cautious uneasiness. He turned his head away, not even daring to look closely at her expression, fearing it would reveal surprise, embarrassment, or worse... pity.
Had he been too impulsive? Had he scared her? He knew he couldn't hide it any longer, but he hadn't considered how this would end if she didn't care about him as much as he cared about her. That familiar, frantic fear of messing up loomed again. He subconsciously pursed his lips, awaiting her verdict.
Zhao Jinglu held her breath, listening to him word by word, piecing together the fragments of the story from his perspective. What she didn't know: his regret, his jealousy, his longing... like a complete puzzle, it finally appeared before her.
She never imagined that he had gone through such a tremendous struggle and confirmation in his heart.
A huge shock swept over her, and her heart felt like it was wrapped in warm sea water, sore and swollen. She looked at him, her eyes unconsciously moist.
However, the expected ecstasy did not come immediately. Instead, a deeper and more turbulent emotion took its place - relief.
A kind of almost pious joy.
She suddenly felt so lucky.
Fortunately, the boy who shone so brightly on the basketball court and made her heart beat for the first time was also upset about her.
Fortunately, the sun that once seemed so far away and out of reach across the grade and the playground actually watched her silently one day, and finally took the initiative to approach her step by step.
Fortunately, all her innocent affection, subsequent concern, and the courage she had just mustered were not in vain.
Fortunately, there was no real miss between them.
She thought of her past admiration and later approach, which now became a unique preparation leading to this happy ending.
She looked at him, the man who finally stopped hiding his true feelings and put his whole heart in front of her. Tears could not help but fall, but the corners of her mouth were raised high.
It was a mixture of great emotion, immense relief and final confirmation of happiness.
He made his feelings clear, clearing all her doubts. But seeing the rare nervousness and uncertainty in his eyes, she suddenly realized that he was not sure of her feelings, so he stopped and did not go any further.
This realization intensified the warmth in her heart. The air was filled with the quiet, sweetness, and a hint of cautious tension that followed the confession. A new chapter in their relationship had begun, but it hadn't yet been fully written.
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