Chapter 16
In the second half of the graduating class, time seemed to be wound up, rushing forward at a frantic pace. The music for the morning exercises continued on time, but Zhao Jinglu, standing on the podium, and Ling Peng, standing in the crowd, shared a familiar graduating fatigue and emptiness. The podium, initially a focal point, gradually transformed into a common backdrop on campus.
The air was filled with an increasingly strong smell of gunpowder - the first mock exam was approaching.
Zhao Jinglu buried herself deeper in the piles of exam papers, trying to fill every void in her thoughts with formulas, theorems, and phrases, blocking out the dull ache of isolation. She studied with unwavering diligence, her notebooks thick with writing and her collections of wrong answers curled up. This was her chance to prove herself, and it was also a crucial step toward her goal of getting into the high school department of her own school.
In the exam room, the rustling sound of pens scraping across paper was like dense raindrops, hammering at everyone's tense nerves. Zhao Jinglu sat by the window and answered the questions fairly smoothly until the physics exam was almost over.
With only fifteen minutes left, she was checking her answer sheet when she suddenly felt a gentle kick from the back seat.
She didn't pay attention to it, thinking it was just the carelessness of the person sitting behind her.
After a few seconds, there was another one, more rapid.
Zhao Jinglu was slightly startled. Sitting behind her was Lin Yue, a quiet classmate with average grades who was assigned to the same exam room as her.
She held her breath and didn't look back.
Then, there was another light kick, "Question 9! Question 9!" A faint voice came from behind, with obvious anxiety.
Zhao Jinglu's heartbeat quickened, realizing they were seeking answers. She glanced up quickly—one invigilator was gazing out the window, distracted; another was at the podium, arranging test papers.
At that moment, many thoughts flashed through her mind: What should I do? Should I tell her? If she gets caught, it will be over... But, Lin Yue looked really anxious... It was just a multiple-choice question... But what if the teacher saw it...
There was another light tap on the back, and the pleading contained in it almost overflowed.
As if possessed by a ghost, Zhao Jinglu took advantage of the moment when the teacher by the window turned his head and moved his test paper out very quickly. Then, he paused briefly at option C of question 9 with the tip of the gel pen in his hand.
Almost at the same time, the teacher at the podium raised his head.
Zhao Jinglu snatched the test paper back like a frightened rabbit, her heart pounding so hard it threatened to burst out of her throat, her cheeks burning. For the next ten minutes, her mind went blank. Even after the bell rang and she handed in her paper, she didn't dare look at Lin Yue.
On the day the results were announced, the teacher distributed the test papers for each subject. Zhao Jinglu could hardly believe her eyes. She had nearly perfect scores in physics and chemistry, 112 in Chinese, and slight improvements in math and English. But what surprised her most was, "This time, the top scorer in our class is Zhao Jinglu, and 11th in the entire grade!" her homeroom teacher, Teacher Wang, announced clearly from the podium.
A surge of joy washed over her like a warm tide, instantly dispelling the exhaustion and gloom of days gone by. Sitting by the window in the back row of the classroom, she couldn't help but curl up at the teacher's affirmative, approving gaze. The sun shone warmly on her, and she felt a long-lost sense of pure relief and pride. She had proven herself through her own hard work.
However, this joy lasted less than three days.
It was an ordinary break when our homeroom teacher, Mr. Wang, appeared at the classroom door with a serious expression: "Zhao Jinglu, please come to my office."
The noise in the classroom suddenly quieted down, and many eyes turned to her. A few classmates seemed to have suddenly realized something and began to whisper among themselves. Zhao Jinglu's heart skipped a beat, and she had a vague feeling of foreboding.
In the office, Teacher Wang didn't beat around the bush. His tone was heavy: "Zhao Jinglu, a classmate reported you for cheating in the first mock exam. Your results are not true."
Zhao Jinglu's face turned pale, and her blood seemed to freeze instantly. "I didn't!" she blurted out, her voice trembling with shock and grievance.
"A classmate saw you comparing answers with someone in the exam room." Teacher Wang looked at her with a complicated expression. "It's good to pursue good grades, but we must be honest..."
"Teacher, I really didn't!" Zhao Jinglu's eyes turned red with anxiety. She explained incoherently, "Someone...someone kicked my chair and asked me for the answer. She was very anxious...I, I just pointed out my answer to her. I really didn't mean to cheat..."
Her voice became smaller and smaller, because she knew that she could not clear up her behavior no matter what.
"Someone? Who? Which class?" Teacher Wang frowned and continued to ask.
Zhao Jinglu pursed her lips and stroked the edge of her school uniform with her fingers.
"Are you still hiding this from someone else? Are you doing this for his own good? Tell me now!"
Zhao Jinglu stammered and hesitated, but finally said a name. The teacher immediately called Lin Yue to the office.
Facing the teacher's question, Lin Yue's face flushed red, her fingers nervously twisting her long braids, her eyes dodging, her voice as thin as a mosquito's hum: "I... I didn't... I didn't kick her chair... I don't know who she was studying with..."
With a loud bang, Zhao Jinglu felt as if the whole world was collapsing around her. She looked at Lin Yue in disbelief. The girl who had desperately pleaded with her at that time now cowardly lowered her head and denied everything.
Teacher Wang looked at the two girls and sighed. She believed in Zhao Jinglu's ability, and her eleventh-place grade was no fluke. However, since someone had reported her, she had to deal with it.
"Zhao Jinglu, I'm willing to believe in your abilities. This time, without substantial evidence, I won't issue a disciplinary warning." Teacher Wang's tone softened, but remained serious. "However, this matter will remain in doubt. The only way is to use your actual scores on the next exam to completely prove your innocence. Can you do it?"
Zhao Jinglu bit her lower lip hard to hold back the tears. She nodded vigorously, her throat choked with sobs and unable to utter a single sound.
Lin Yue lowered her head and hurried out of the office ahead of her, her steps hurried and chaotic, leaving Zhao Jinglu standing there alone, bewildered. Meanwhile, not far ahead, Su Xiaowen, Li Yuanyuan, and Wang Yufei were whispering to each other, having obviously heard the news.
Zhao Jinglu looked at them, and a faint, inappropriate hope rose in her heart - they were once her best friends, they should...
However, Su Xiaowen simply glanced at her coldly, a hint of subtle sarcasm lingering on the corner of her mouth, and turned away. Li Yuanyuan's eyes held a complex expression of watching the fun, and she quickly left after pulling Wang Yufei along.
Wang Yufei hesitated for a moment, with a hint of sympathy in her eyes, but in the end she said nothing, lowered her head and caught up with the two people in front.
Not a single question, not a trace of trust.
It turns out that the darkest moment is not being wronged, but when you are covered in bruises and find that there is no one behind you.
She thought she deserved it, even if it was just because of a boy who had nothing to do with them.
Maybe, it's not just because of him.
This thought, like a cold snake, silently wormed its way into her chaotic mind. She suddenly remembered a lot of things: the time in dance class when the four of them were working out their moves in front of the mirror, and Teacher Chen Ping kept calling her name, "Jinglu, come here, show everyone," while the other three pushed her, saying, "Go ahead, Teacher Zhao." She remembered how Su Xiaowen had gracefully completed a set of front bridge-back leg techniques, but she, because of her expressiveness, was the one who got the middle spot, the gun-showing position. She smiled awkwardly at that moment. She remembered how she had secretly been reading Harry Potter under her physics textbook in class, and when the teacher called on her to answer a question, she'd managed to guess the answer correctly. Her deskmate had said, "You're amazing," while Li Yuanyuan had said, "Our Jinglu has to study hard at home, she's just pretending at school."
Those moments, seemingly ordinary at the time, now pierced back like poisoned needles, densely packed. She had always thought they were jokes, intimate banter. But now she understood, perhaps they were more than just jokes. Those images re-developed and focused in the cold reality, becoming incredibly clear. It turned out that the deepest chill came not from the reports of distant strangers, but from the hearts of those closest to her—the subtle yet genuine envy that "I don't want you to be so much better than me."
She finally understood that the iceberg between them lay far more complex and far larger than Ling Peng. It was a tangle of girlish jealousy, unwillingness, and the grievance of being outdone. The Ling Peng incident had merely given all these emotions the most legitimate and justifiable excuse to vent.
Zhao Jinglu stood there alone, feeling an icy chill creeping from her feet throughout her body, more biting than a winter wind. The joy she'd felt from her first mock exam results had long since vanished, leaving only endless resentment, anger, and a deep-seated loneliness.
She didn't look at anyone again, walking straight through the inquiring, skeptical, and even gloating gazes of the class and returning to her seat. The afternoon sun stung her eyes. She stared intently at the fine grain of wood on the table, trying to suppress the surging heat in her eyes. She couldn't cry; crying would only make her look guilty.
Her stomach ached slightly from extreme tension and grievance. She took a deep breath, folded the mock exam papers that once made her so proud in half, and then folded them in half again. She almost wanted to crush them and stuff them into the darkest corner of her schoolbag, as if this could hide the humiliation as well.
Prove it to yourself.
There is only this one thought, like the only light in the darkness.
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