Chapter 22
The silence on the other end of the line was so heavy it was suffocating. Ling Peng could even hear his own heartbeat like a drum and the hum of blood rushing to his head.
He mustered all his strength, almost using up all the hope and struggle he had accumulated over the past four years, before finally squeezing out the words that would determine his fate:
"Jinglu... I may... not be able to go back."
He paused, feeling each word like a blade across his throat.
"The group... asked me to stay in Shenzhen as vice president."
On the other end of the line, there was still a deathly silence. It was as if all the sound had been sucked away, leaving only the faint crackling of electricity. This silence made him more panicked than any questioning or crying.
Like a drowning man grasping at the last piece of driftwood, he asked, almost pleadingly, with a faint hope that even he himself could not convince:
"Would you like to...come to Shenzhen with me?"
Even he felt powerless when he asked this question. He knew what it meant - to make her give up her promising career in Beijing, leave her familiar family and friends, cut off all the soil she relied on for survival, and come alone to this completely unfamiliar city to rely on him.
On the other end of the line, there was still a long, unnerving silence. It felt like a century had passed.
Finally, an extremely clear voice, choked and trembling with undisguised sobs, rang out from the other side, speaking decisively:
"No."
With this answer, Ling Peng's heart suddenly fell down into the bottomless abyss.
Zhao Jinglu hadn't been unaware. She'd long felt the invisible rift between them grow wider, their communication dwindling, their common language almost vanishing. She'd suffered from this, felt anxiety, and tossed and turned late into the night. But when the final choice lay stark before her, she was remarkably lucid and calm.
She wasn't a love-struck fairy tale. She loved him deeply, from a very young age. But love couldn't be eaten, much less gambled with one's entire life. She couldn't abandon her aging parents, her finally established career, the connections and resources she had accumulated in Beijing, to move to a completely unfamiliar place and become nothing more than an accessory to his side.
Perhaps at first, she'd be filled with happiness at the sweetness of reunion, but what would happen over time? Losing her stage and her own sense of worth, all her joys and sorrows now tied to him alone, that imbalance and sense of loss would sooner or later devour the initial feelings. By then, what would be left between them? She didn't dare to think about it, nor could she risk it.
She needed to take responsibility for herself, face reality, and plan a clear and foreseeable future. But in this future, it seemed that he no longer existed.
"So...will we always be like this?" Ling Peng's voice on the other end of the phone was filled with obvious anxiety and despair, like a child who couldn't find a way out.
This sentence completely shattered Zhao Jinglu's last hesitation. Was it always like this? This half-dead relationship, separated by thousands of miles, sustained by memories and faint signals? She'd had enough!
She finally made up her mind, her voice unusually calm, even a little cold, as she tried hard to suppress the immense pain:
"Let's break up."
Although he had a premonition and knew that this might be an inevitable outcome, when these five words actually came out of her mouth and clearly reached his eardrums, Ling Peng still felt a sharp pain like being struck by thunder and could not accept it at all!
"No...Jinglu, please don't..." He panicked, his heart feeling like it had been instantly frozen, then shattered by a heavy hammer. The cold fragments pierced his internal organs, causing severe pain. He begged incoherently, his voice tinged with tears, "Please don't do this... Do you really... really not want me anymore?"
Hearing his broken plea, Zhao Jinglu's tears, which she had been holding back, finally burst forth. How could she possibly not want him? She had loved him so much, for so many years. He had been the grandest and longest dream of her entire teenage years. Of course she couldn't let him go!
But what can I do if I can’t let go?
The grievances, sadness, and loneliness that had been pent up for years burst out at this moment like a flood. She could no longer remain calm on the phone, her voice choking with sobs, but her accusation was extremely clear:
"I want you? How do I want you? Ling Peng, tell me!"
"When I got together with friends, everyone was in pairs, but I was all alone. I smiled and explained that my boyfriend was far away!"
"When I'm sick and uncomfortable, I have to bear it by myself and go to the hospital alone!"
"I've been wronged at work and want to find someone to comfort me, but I figure you might be busy and all I can hear when I call you is your tired voice!"
"It's not like no one likes me! When others want to get close to me and warm me, I have to tell them over and over again, 'Sorry, I have a boyfriend!' But what do I really have? Is it a name? Is it a symbol that lives on in my phone?"
"I also want someone to accompany me! I want someone to pick me up when I get off work! I want to be able to hold hands and hug me openly on the street! I want to have a real hug when I'm sad! Instead of just saying 'I miss you' to the cold screen of my phone!"
"I know you're working hard for our future, but now that we have nothing, what's the point of talking about the future?"
"I'm tired of this kind of 'living like a widow' relationship! I really am tired of it!"
She almost screamed out her last few words, pouring out all the loneliness and resentment of the years without reservation.
Ling Peng, on the other end of the line, was completely silent. He listened to her tearful accusations, each word like a sharp knife, piercing the most painful part of his heart. He couldn't refute her, because every word she spoke was a bloody reality. He couldn't give her the most ordinary, yet precious, companionship.
It turned out that while he thought it was just a decrease in communication, she had endured so much alone. All his efforts and waiting seemed so pale and ridiculous in the face of such concrete pain.
Zhao Jinglu cried until she was out of breath. She used up her last bit of strength and repeated her decision, her voice filled with endless fatigue and despair:
"I don't want to be like this anymore... Let's break up, Ling Peng."
She paused, took a breath, and said the last words that sounded like a blessing and a farewell:
"I wish you... all the best in the future."
After saying that, without waiting for Ling Peng to respond, she hung up the phone abruptly.
“Beep—beep—beep—”
The busy tone sounded, crisp and heartless, completely cutting off the last connection between the two.
Ling Peng held the phone in his hand, listening to the busy tone. He froze in place as if his soul had been sucked out of him.
Seconds later, huge, unbearable grief engulfed him like a tsunami.
He could no longer hold on and suddenly squatted down, burying his face deeply in his knees. Like a child who had lost the most precious treasure in the world, he burst into uncontrollable, desperate and painful tears in the empty and cold room.
He lost her.
This time, I really lost her completely.
In this huge city where he has struggled for nearly four years but still feels out of place, from now on, he is really the only one left.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
