Chapter 4
Ling Peng felt that he was finished.
This emotion was so unfamiliar to him that it was almost terrifying. Like a wildfire, it erupted without warning, raging within him, consuming the entire prairie in an instant, leaving him completely sane and restless. He couldn't even describe the feeling: anxiety, longing, panic, and a hint of unspoken sweetness... All the emotions tangled together, twisting into a powerful torrent unlike anything he had ever experienced, eroding the composure and self-possession he had cultivated over the past twenty years.
Being with Shen Siyu before had been like owning an exquisite collectible, the envy of all, a dazzling spectacle that satisfied every youth's vanity. It was a bright, even boisterous, feeling, like a lively party. But the party would eventually end, and the collectibles could be collected. But the feeling he had towards Zhao Jinglu now was completely different. It was more like a... silent collapse. It began in a corner he hadn't noticed, and by the time he realized it, his heart had already been shaken to its core, its foundations shattered, never to return to its original state. It was deeper, more intense, a longing rooted in his instincts, carrying the unbridled force to destroy everything and rebuild it all.
He hadn't even thought of what to say. But his fingertips, as if possessing a mind of their own, decisively pressed the dial button, rather than opening the text message dialog box. He needed to hear her voice, now, right now. It was as if it was the only sweet spring that could quench the wildfire in his heart, or at least give him a breath of fresh air from the burning.
Every time the waiting tone in the receiver sounded like a knock on his heart.
Zhao Jinglu was recuperating in bed during a break in training, the instructor's commands still echoing in her head. Suddenly, she saw the name "Ling Peng" pop up on the screen, and she was stunned. For years, their communication had always been through text messages—brief, restrained, and with just the right amount of distance. This was their first time speaking directly. An intuition that he must be in a hurry made her sit up straight and quickly press the answer button.
"Hello?" Her voice came through the radio waves, with a breathless and rapid tone, and a hint of clear concern born out of the unknown.
Just this one sound.
Ling Peng's heart felt as if it were suddenly clenched by an invisible hand, then abruptly released. A sharp, almost shuddering electric current shot from his ear to every part of his body, causing him to stutter. The sensation was so sudden and intense, far beyond his expectations. His already restless mind, strangely paused by the word "Hello," seemed to be reduced to the quiet din in his headphones and the clear sound of her voice.
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, caught off guard by the sudden emotion. Then, finding his voice, he replied dryly, "Hello."
"What's wrong? Is there something urgent?" she asked, various possibilities flashing through her mind.
"...It's okay." His voice was hoarser than usual, and a bit hazy, even he wasn't aware of it. He paused, then came up with the most unexcusable excuse, as if just to prolong the call for a few more seconds. "I graduated."
Zhao Jinglu's heart, which had been soaring high, suddenly fell back to reality. She even felt like laughing. That's it? She let out a deep breath, relaxed her body, and leaned against the headboard.
"Of course I know," her tone returned to its usual cheerfulness, even with a hint of teasing, "Congratulations, senior. When I'm done with the National Day, I'll have a gift for you." This was something she had thought of a long time ago, a thank-you gift, to thank him for the bag of "magical" review materials and... various other things.
"Don't call me senior anymore," Ling Peng blurted out, his heart skipping a beat as he spoke. The request was sudden, even a little presumptuous, but he suddenly couldn't stand the address that evoked distance and the past.
"Hmm?" Zhao Jinglu was visibly stunned on the other end, her tone filled with pure confusion, "What's wrong?"
Ling Peng's heartbeat was a little faster. He quickly found an excuse to make it sound more natural. "Graduation," he paused, feeling that this reason was not sufficient. He added, his voice unconsciously lowered, "And... you are not young anymore."
There was silence on the other end of the line for two seconds, as if she was digesting his strange request and the even stranger reason. Then, he heard her voice, a hint of tentativeness and joking: "So... call me by my full name, Ling Peng?"
The moment she pronounced his name, the sound resonated clearly through the receiver, striking his eardrums. No longer the "senior" separated by age and status, but the equal and direct "Ling Peng." Those two words, uttered from her lips, carried a strange intimacy, like a pair of gentle wings, yet stirred a mighty storm in his heart. An indescribable throbbing and satisfaction instantly seized him, even dispelling some of his previous anxiety.
"Yeah." He suppressed the inexplicable dryness in his throat and responded, his voice steadier than before.
Zhao Jinglu seemed to chuckle softly, perhaps thinking that he was indeed a little out of character today, but she still readily accepted this new rule: "Okay."
Only after this address was finalized did Ling Peng feel as if he had completed some secret ritual, the tension in his heart loosening slightly. Afraid that any further words would betray even more emotion, he hurriedly ended the emotionally charged call with a single warning before the silence stretched on: "Get some rest, and don't overwork yourself."
"You too." Zhao Jinglu felt that he was weird today, but the fatigue after training came over her and she had no time to think about it.
The call ended abruptly.
Hearing the busy tone, Ling Peng slowly put down his phone. The screen went dark, revealing his own distraught face.
He didn't feel any relief from the phone call. Quite the opposite. Her anxious "Hello" was like a pinpoint needle, instantly piercing his forced composure. Then, her relaxed, slightly soft tone was like the finest feather, gently scratching the most sensitive part of his heart. Far from putting out the fire, it was like pouring more fuel on it.
She was like a poisonous poppy, quietly growing in his heart. He had initially admired her vitality and uniqueness from afar, but had unwittingly become deeply addicted. Now, even a fleeting whiff of her through the phone evoked a surge of longing, tormenting his very being. This feeling was starkly different from the superficial, almost predictable happiness he'd felt with Shen Siyu. Back then, he knew he was loved, wanted, and even had a sense of control. Now, he felt like a prisoner without control, his every emotion easily swayed by the person on the other end of the line, unsettling yet receptive.
An overwhelming urge to see her immediately nearly devoured his rationality. He had to see her in person, her eyes, her smile, the subtle expressions when she spoke. He needed a definitive answer from her, about the man driving the Mercedes-Benz, about... everything about her.
This impulse drove him, and almost without thinking, he picked up his phone again and found Sun Wei's number. He didn't even think of a reason to use - to see Sun Wei? By the way... yes, by the way, he could always see her.
As soon as the call was connected, before Ling Peng could finish his lame excuse, Sun Wei's loud voice came over anxiously:
"Brother Peng! I was looking for you! Help!"
Ling Peng was stunned: "What's wrong?"
"It'll take a few more days for my graduate student dormitory to be approved. They're urging me to vacate the dorm, and I have nowhere to put all this stuff! I'm like a homeless stray dog right now! You have a spacious place, could you store it for a few days for me? It would be best if you could drive over and help me move it, please, Brother Peng! You're my brother!"
Ling Peng held the phone and felt that God was helping him.
"Okay." He answered without hesitation, "When? I'm free right now."
"Now?! That's great! Brother Peng, you are really my savior! I'm in the dormitory, come quickly!" Sun Wei's voice was filled with ecstasy of escaping from a desperate situation.
After hanging up the phone, Ling Peng took a deep breath. The wildfire burning in his heart, making him feel helpless, seemed to have finally found a clear outlet.
He picked up his car keys and strode out of the house.
The engine started and the car drove towards where she was.
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