Chapter 20: Stars... He'll like men...
"woke up?"
As soon as Fei Pos opened his eyes, he heard his father Devi's voice, which was as cold as ever, but seemed to contain a fleeting trace of worry that he hadn't quite managed to conceal.
Fipos turned his head uncertainly and saw Devi's usual furrowed brows, a handsome but world-weary face.
He looked around and found himself lying in a hospital bed at the First Military Academy Affiliated Hospital.
"Female father".
He remembered that because his estrus cycle was so intense, he had injected himself with a suppressant. Unexpectedly, he encountered increasingly frequent recurring pains, and the insect lost consciousness and fainted.
"Are your pain attacks becoming more and more frequent?"
Devi leaned against the balcony railing, keeping a respectful but limited distance from him, and lit a cigarette.
His gentle yet aggressive face was obscured by the smoke, and although the question was phrased rhetorically, it carried an affirmative tone.
"yes."
Feppos didn't ask him how he knew he would have a pain attack. His father was always very controlling; he usually just didn't bother with them, but there was nothing he didn't know.
Even though they don't like them, they enjoy controlling them.
Really...
"The doctor diagnosed that there's a 90% chance the pain is caused by insufficient calming pheromones. Your mental state needs enough calming pheromones to maintain calm. Also, the doctor said you can no longer use suppressants." Devi concluded rationally yet cruelly, "Therefore, you urgently need a male master now."
His tone was cold, as if he were talking not to a powerful ruler but to a pound of cabbage in the market.
Fipos looked up, but his face didn't show much shock; it was clear that he had his own guesses.
"So why don't you go find him? You went to the First Military Academy yourself." Devi looked at him, his face showing innocent curiosity.
He had always struggled to understand what his own female child was thinking.
He agreed to be an instructor only after hearing that someone was going to enroll, but after half a year, he never actually met the person and only knew how to secretly watch them.
Feibos pursed his lips, his eyes dark, and remained silent.
“Oh, you big benevolent worm.” Seeing his expression, Devi burst out laughing as if he had seen a joke. “I never thought that our Lilx family could produce a big benevolent worm, and he’s my child.”
"Didn't I tell you? You won't win over a powerful lord this way." He smiled sarcastically.
"And are you truly filled with good intentions towards that gentleman? You are the most like my child, I know that. You also know your own wickedness, right? You want to take it all back. Once you take it back, it will belong to you, don't you yearn for that?"
As he spoke, Devi's expression became paranoid and even somewhat distorted.
He laughed heartily, his words full of seduction.
Although Devi's words were vague, Fipos understood perfectly what he was talking about. He turned his head away, his expression indifferent, and made no comment.
"I don't believe you don't have such thoughts."
Fipos ignored it.
Having long been accustomed to Devi's erratic behavior, they had no intention of paying him any attention and simply gave him a dismissive look.
His female father is going increasingly insane.
Seeing his stubbornness, Devi gave a cold laugh of exasperation: "Then you can just watch as the male insect you care about is snatched away by another female."
He smoothed out his wrinkles, stood up, and before leaving, informed Fepos as if issuing a notice: "Judging from your appearance, I've put your file into the matching pool. The Hive will match you with a suitable male lord. No matter what you think, you'll have to go on a date and get married. This isn't just your own business."
"By the way, remember to go back and visit your father when you have time. He's been missing you lately."
Feibos's face suddenly darkened, as if he had been owed hundreds of millions of insect coins by a bug.
Will his father miss him?
Stop joking, he probably just wants to get rid of his female father temporarily.
He will not go back.
This kind of drama has happened countless times since he was a child, and in the end, he might even be kicked out by his stepfather.
*
Ignoring the doctor's advice, Fei Bos discharged himself from the hospital and returned to his apartment at the First Military Academy.
He knew that the hospital had no way to alleviate his illness.
Recently, his pain attacks have become more frequent and the intensity of the pain has increased.
When he last saw Vison, the pain was only occasional and bearable, but now it was becoming increasingly uncontrollable, and he was increasingly...wanting to see him.
He felt increasingly thirsty, or rather, hungry. Eating food did not make him feel full at all, and he craved something more and more intensely.
I'm so hungry, so hungry.
I was hungry, but also felt feverish.
if......
If I could bury myself in a glacier, with my body covered by thick snow, that would definitely, absolutely relieve this heat.
It must be...it must feel really good. If I swallowed the snowflakes and they melted into my stomach, maybe it would even relieve this maddening thirst a little.
The white silk fabric completely covered his face, and his heavy breathing made the rise and fall of his nose honestly visible in the soft, thin fabric.
These are the clothes Vison wore on the spaceship.
He tilted his head back completely, constantly pushing upwards, the veins on his neck bulging, his breath wetting the fabric at the tip of his nose. The whole insect was immersed in a predicament of trying everything to quench its thirst, yet still failing.
I long to get closer; I don't even care if I'm suffocating in the smell of glaciers.
Once things calmed down, Feibos stared at the thin silk fabric in his hand, which faintly smelled of glaciers. It was obvious that it had been used several times by a shameless thief, and even the scent had become extremely faint.
Even so, it still tempted the wicked to pick it up with utmost care and hold it to their noses to inhale its fragrance.
The moment you catch a whiff of the scent, before you've even had a chance to fully appreciate it, it's taken away, carefully and preciously hidden away so that the aroma doesn't dissipate as much as possible, so that there's a "remedy" to cure it the next time you can't bear it anymore.
It seems like once you've even gotten a little bit hooked, you can never quit. In the future, you can only burn your own flesh and blood to cover up your desires.
Sweating profusely.
Fipos gasped for breath, pressing his forehead to his hand, feeling his guilt once more.
But only by resorting to these despicable means can he possibly imprison the beast within him and suppress all his unspeakable thoughts.
At a school, he would inevitably hear things about himself.
Occasionally, he would take a look.
Even he himself couldn't explain why; it seemed he just wanted to sneak a peek.
He knew he was doing well, he loved mechanics, and he had become Vesa Bai's last disciple. A bright future lay before him, and he should have been so dazzling, like the brightest star in the empire.
All he brought to him was chaos, oppression, confusion, and everything negative.
He knew himself all too well; he was a madman, with vile blood flowing through his veins, and if he let himself go, that gentleman would fall into the abyss.
One day he will be unable to contain the beast within him, he will imprison him, and he will demand that his gaze be fixed solely on him.
That gentleman will be submerged, covered in dust, his brilliance and glory will be suppressed, just like his great father who possessed extremely high military judgment but was unable to use it.
He wanted to become the most dazzling version of himself, the empire's eternal and brightest star.
Although he still didn't know what his feelings were for that gentleman, he thought he was willing to give everything for it.
This is the whole reason why he has been able to suppress his rage every time since our last meeting.
"We have retrieved your file and are currently matching you with suitable candidates. Results are expected in 456,365 days..."
The message from the quantum computer interrupted Fei Pos's thoughts.
He didn't expect his father-in-law to act so quickly. Before he could do anything, his file was put into the matching pool.
The matching pool contains information on most insects. Apart from some nobles and high-level male insects, the quantum computer will match the most physiologically suitable pair based on indicators such as mental compatibility and reproductive potential.
Bugs that are matched must go on a date; those who break their dates will be blacklisted from the matchmaking pool.
It doesn't matter if I break the contract.
Fipos curled his lips into a sneer.
But his wretched female father was right about one thing: this wasn't just his problem as an insect. No matter how willful he was, he knew his limits. Some things are destined to be borne from birth.
If his mental state ultimately can't hold on any longer, he'll have no choice but to get married.
But in that case, I'll never see that gentleman again.
Unless he becomes his mistress, would he agree? Would he like it?
His fair face must be flushed, right?
Like last time when an insect passed by their door, he was clearly enjoying himself but didn't make a sound, and even covered the insect's mouth to prevent it from making a sound. He watched as the shy blush spread from the gentleman's neck to his entire face, like a pink rose blooming little by little before his eyes.
As Feibos pondered, he became somewhat lost in thought, feeling as if he had gone mad and transformed into a female insect devoid of any moral compass.
He then thought that, given that gentleman's moral standards, he would certainly refuse him.
Will he find a female ruler? What kind of woman does he like?
Oh, he said he likes gentle and obedient women, the complete opposite of himself.
But who could be worthy of him? Fipos thought of all the young, high-ranking females.
He concluded that no insect was worthy of that gentleman; those female insects couldn't even beat him, they were all a bunch of useless trash.
Even so, it couldn't stop his mood from plummeting.
He knew in his heart that after Visen returned to the empire, given his rank and age, there would definitely be male escorts coming to arrange female servants or female slaves for him.
Damn it.
Why?
Why can't the moon only shine on me?
As Feibos leaned against the headboard, he felt his mental sea, which had just calmed down, churning again, and a hunger spreading from his abdomen throughout his body.
He hunched over, enduring the pain, and smiled nonchalantly, glancing at the long string of numbers that the quantum computer had just estimated the time.
Perhaps he won't live to see the moon shine on him; he'll die young.
That's good too; once you're dead, you'll be free from greed.
A note from the author:
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