Chapter 40
Fang Xu said, "Teacher Nan, what do you mean by 'this is my own business'?"
After a moment's reaction, his voice suddenly turned strange: "Do you want to break up with me?"
You can't see his face, but such an arrogant young man must be quite frightening when he turns cold.
"how?"
You lean back in your office chair, a cigarette between your fingers, and gently flick the ash off.
"Don't joke around."
He chuckled, but you didn't respond. He gradually realized your seriousness, and after sensing this, Fang Xu was a little incredulous: "Teacher Nan, are you playing me?"
"In fact, no."
You interrupted him, not wanting to beat around the bush any longer: "That Mid-Autumn Festival, I went to see you and overheard your conversation with your friends, Fang Xu. Since that was your true feeling, the breakup shouldn't have been unexpected."
Fang Xu's voice stopped abruptly. After a while, he made a loud noise on the other end of the phone, seemingly knocking over a chair: "Where are you?"
“I don’t think there’s any need to meet. I’m very busy, Fang Xu.”
"So busy you don't even have time to break up?"
He chuckled coldly, then, realizing the sharpness in his tone, softened it: "Teacher Nan, don't be so frivolous. Can we meet and talk?"
"No need."
Fang Xu remained silent for a long time, then his tone suddenly became calm: "Teacher Nan, do you really want to break up?"
He seemed to have sensed something, perhaps your tone of voice, or perhaps your consistently calm demeanor.
These seemingly normal details are all abnormal, because you are not a stone, you are a person. As a person, you feel sad when you are hurt and angry when you are bullied, but there is nothing in your voice, and you keep refusing his request to meet.
You subconsciously look at the cigarette burning on your fingertips and the ashtray full of cigarette butts, and suddenly you freeze.
It's because he doesn't love you—a reason that doesn't sound like you.
So, those who are unwilling to endure it want to vent, pretending to be rational, desperately trying to prove that they can let go easily and freely, but in reality, they cannot let go because of what they heard.
Guess what he'll say? He slowly takes a drag of his cigarette, closes his eyes, and leans back in his office chair.
After a while...
With a slightly helpless smile, Fang Xu said earnestly, "Okay, we're all just having fun." He knew you loved him.
He warned you, speaking from experience, "Teacher Nan, being too serious can actually make life very tiring."
Is that so?
The words lingered on his lips, but he didn't say them aloud.
Fang Xu didn't think he had hurt anyone. Because he was young and handsome, he was never short of companions. Hearing such words, he guessed your intentions, but he didn't try to understand your feelings and continued to live his own life.
He felt that you loved him very much, so even if it hurt him terribly, he wanted to get revenge. He also showed through his actions that he didn't really care that much, so he smiled and sighed with a sense of relief and teasing.
"Teacher Nan, even if you don't want to be a boyfriend, it's not impossible to be friends with benefits. Maybe you'll be more comfortable with a different approach."
"The concept of forever doesn't really exist."
"For people like us, pursuing those things is unrealistic. I thought you would understand these things after experiencing that ex."
I'm really sorry if I've hurt your feelings.
You open your eyes and extinguish the last cigarette: "Fang Xu, do you know the saying, 'Once you've seen the ocean, other waters are nothing; once you've seen the clouds of Wushan, other clouds are nothing'?"
"ha?"
Your voice was cold, so cold that it was devoid of any emotion. After repeating what you had heard that day, you said, "I do not have a father, but I became gay not because of a single-parent family."
"Besides, Fang Xu, I don't lack love either."
You hang up the phone. The things you overheard at the bar that day, besides the game-like weariness, included numerous speculations about your past. His friend, arm in arm, jokingly said, "Hey, actually, people like that aren't bad. Once they taste sweetness, they're like dogs—you can't chase them away."
[Really]
[Hahahahahahaha]
You really wanted to say that you weren't lacking in love.
He lost the family that a normal person should have during his childhood, but fortunately he had a foster family that wasn't too strange, so he grew up healthy and didn't encounter anything more unfortunate. His childhood was happy.
The young man, Mu Ai, also had a less-than-perfect, but still beautiful, first love. During his most confused time, he was guided and protected by a very outstanding person, and it ended peacefully. His high school years were fortunate.
He lost the marriage that most people would have at the age of thirty, but because he had his own career, he was able to start over and not end up with nothing.
The new life you were looking forward to has ended before it even began. You might lock yourself in your room and smoke for a long time, but you won't be discouraged or say anything depressing.
You've always felt that you already have a lot, but now it's probably because what you want is too precious. One shouldn't be greedy, which is why you've encountered so many difficulties.
When Fang Xu called again, you didn't answer.
Firstly, work is hectic, leaving no time to deal with emotional matters; secondly... being mocked like this, it's not entirely fair to say you're very magnanimous.
Having grown to this age, it's hard to have any unrealistic fantasies anymore, and it's impossible to play any emotional games together, and then easily wave goodbye when the love is gone.
It's not that it's impossible to stab someone, nor that it's not something that can't be done.
After careful consideration, not wanting to be trapped in a hopeless relationship, she gradually forgot about him.
After clearing those things out of the room, he only sighed wearily, without any particular emotion, and decided to go back to living alone.
You went on a business trip for about six months in New York.
Considering that the house was being renovated, we made a decision in a meeting the day before and set off with work the next day. This is one of the extra privileges that comes with becoming an entrepreneur.
Winter came quickly.
When I arrived, it was the golden autumn of August, but now it's the dead of winter. Snow is falling heavily on the streets, and Christmas carols are playing in the air. You are bundled up in thick clothes, walking down the street carrying a lot of decorations. While waiting at the traffic light, you suddenly think of the story of "The Little Match Girl".
Qiu Li calls you, and you struggle to even manage to pull out your phone with two fingers. Due to the time difference, he's on the other end, happily taking his wife and daughter hiking to watch fireworks, and grandly declaring that he wants to buy the mountain behind your house.
You listen and smile, while also trying to keep the oranges from rolling out of the damn bag.
Qiu Li said, "When are you coming back? It's been almost half a year. Your college classmates have been looking for you and have come to me... Hey, hey, Afei, are you listening? Everyone is waiting for you to come back."
He was careful, afraid of upsetting you.
You didn't seem to care much; you loved others deeply and were loved deeply in return.
All memories will be worn away by time, but the love you have felt will not; you will not dwell on sorrow for too long.
As you pass by a cake shop, music drifts out from the doorway. You stop to listen, and the familiar, lingering music, along with the familiar Chinese language, seems to be telling you that you are currently in a foreign land.
...
Even if a thousand stars shine in the future, they will outshine tonight's moon.
[Nothing can compare to the beauty of this night, nothing can wash away the thoughts I have tonight, for I know not when we will sing together again.]
...
You listened for a while, snowflakes landed on the tip of your nose, and you suddenly felt your eyes getting hot. You sniffed and laughed.
"I'm back."
"Tomorrow will be a good day."
Author's Note:
Next, Nanfei's storyline ends, and we'll start to tormenting him from Fang Xu's perspective. I don't want irrelevant characters to disrupt the protagonist's life anymore. When I wrote this story, I wanted to portray earnest and sincere people who, even after experiencing setbacks, will remain true to their original aspirations and live happily ever after.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com