Chapter 16
"I know... I'm sick, I can't be a burden to you..."
A sudden pang shot through your heart, and you interrupted him: "Do you think we broke up because you're sick?"
The senior looked at you pleadingly and said, "Nanfei, I beg you, please don't say anymore."
He was so guilty he felt like he was dying. If there were a way to undo his mistakes, he would spend all his money to buy it.
You understand; there's nothing you don't understand.
But if life cannot be relived, many people make mistakes, toss and turn, grieve and weep, feeling regretful and experiencing that feeling day and night until dawn. Many people cannot start over, so why should he be special?
You look directly at him, at the face you see every day, and suddenly feel helpless and disappointed.
You said, "You always think, 'If only those things hadn't happened,' and you keep running away from it and never take responsibility."
The senior student lowered his head.
Do you hate me?
You looked at him, thinking that at least this time, you wouldn't need to explain why you did what you did.
You want to ask him if he regrets it and if he knows he was wrong.
You mean to tell me to take care of myself, and that we'll be strangers from now on.
You mean I hope you're not doing better than me, but you don't need to be in so much pain. As long as you're in more pain than me, as long as you're more lonely than me, I'll feel like it's actually okay.
You want to say, why can't people who love each other understand each other? After the love fades and we've lived together for so many years, in the end you still don't understand me.
You want to say, "I don't hate you, I love you, so I will never forgive you."
People are complex, and so are feelings. You used to just fantasize that if you lost him, you would feel a dull pain in your chest and difficulty breathing. So now you've decided not to love him anymore. You won't be any better off than him.
But you will get through it. You will stop looking at him, just like the words of advice given before each parting, each one serious and detailed.
"Senior, let's not meet in the near future."
"Don't come looking for me. If you feel there's any danger, call the doctor and the family driver."
"Delete my WeChat contact information and phone number. If you have any work-related questions, contact my assistant or send me an email. I will reply every Thursday."
"I have entrusted a professional legal team to handle the division of property, so there will be no trouble."
"Remember to take your PEP medication. I've sent the relevant information about the PEP reaction to your assistant, and he will arrange a detailed treatment plan for you. This is the last thing I'm doing for you."
"Senior."
"take care of yourself."
You said that last sentence very lightly, as if it carried no weight.
The senior's expression gradually froze. He stared intently at you, the light in his eyes flashing and then fading away. He was like a lonely, withered lamp, and said in a hoarse voice, "Okay, I understand. Don't worry."
...
That night, you went to a bar.
You really don't want to be alone, you don't want to spend the night alone.
He Songyou and Camel live in the same city. After learning about this, they drove to pick you up for drinks and even specifically chose a gay bar.
Kawasatsu and Camel, those two idiots, have never been to a gay bar before. They keep saying they'll help you forget your old flame and start a new life, acting like they're very familiar with the gay world and want to open a new door for you.
In reality, they were like two mice sneaking into a cat's nest, trembling and furtive. When they were startled by the muscular man in the shiny vest at the door, they were immediately dumbfounded and put on an awkward straight-man smile. In fact, they didn't even understand what the other person was saying. How stupid!
And so, the two of them actually suppressed their guilt, pretended to be experts, and strode confidently into the booth, slamming their hands on the table with great force.
"There's so much young blood here, Fei, don't think about him anymore."
You sat down in the booth, and Kawasatsu ordered a lot of drinks. First, he angrily berated his senior, and then kept urging you to drink. Out of politeness, you raised your glass and clinked it with his.
"Respect to singles."
You raised your glass and gestured slightly: "To reason."
You were in a terrible mood. At first, you didn't want to talk about it, but after drinking too much, you just lay down on the table and wouldn't move.
He Songyou's face was flushed from drinking. He lay next to you, crying as he spoke.
“Ah Fei, men make mistakes. You’ve been together for eight years, eight years. How many eight-year periods does a person have in a lifetime? What can’t you say? If you have to fight to the death like this, you’ll be in pain, and Lao Xu will be in pain too, right?”
Camel, smoking nearby, said, "He's got that disease, He Songyou, what do you mean? Are you trying to harm Afei?"
He Songyou, clutching a beer bottle, his face red from crying, sobbed as he said, "I didn't mean it that way, it's just true. I feel it's a pity. They started their business together, weathered so many storms over the years, and now they're going to break up because of this. Is it worth it? They invested so much, and in the end, they'll never see each other again. Is it worth it?"
You lit a cigarette, silently dusted it off, and said, "It's worth it."
You were talking to He Songyou and the others, not paying much attention to the people around you. You rarely come to these places and don't know any of them.
Author's Note:
The real protagonist will appear in the next chapter.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com