Chapter 28
After that day, you started contacting him more frequently.
Back then, you bought some culture medium, planning to grow some flowers on the open-air balcony, because the room still felt too empty, Fang Xu asked you during a chat.
When did you discover you were gay?
You paused, still digging in the dirt, and thought typing was too much trouble, so you didn't reply. After a long silence, the other person started a video call. You thought about it and answered anyway.
He also has a graffiti house in the suburbs.
On a sweltering summer night, amidst the chirping of cicadas and croaking of frogs, the owner of the phone lay swaying back and forth in a hammock, a smoldering earthenware cigarette dangling from his lips, moving them up and down like a child.
He was wearing a black tank top, his hand with the brass bracelet resting under his head. His beautifully shaped eyebrows were well-groomed, and his eyes, illuminated by the streetlights in the darkness, appeared large and bright, like those of a Shar Pei puppy with big eyes. You paused subtly, lost in your own associations, as the other person waved his phone up and down, blinking, "Hi~".
You simply reply, "Hi."
Fang Xu was already used to your temper: "Teacher Nan, when did you find out you were gay?"
This isn't a very private issue. If you two are gay and you don't talk about feelings or hookups, what else can you talk about? Your interests don't really overlap. You're not really interested in fitness or skincare.
You organized your thoughts and gave a brief explanation, omitting some details you didn't want to recall. However, you still felt a little sad when you talked about Lin Xuebing. Fang Xu, who was very good at noticing people's micro-expressions, asked you, "If, I mean, if the male classmate who confessed to you back then hadn't passed away, would you have fallen for him after giving up on that straight guy?"
You stuck the shovel into the soil, thought for a while, and then nodded confidently, "Yes."
Back then, the male classmate's parents lost their son in middle age. After their grief, they moved to another city and now have a new child. The grave has been neglected for a long time. When you occasionally go home to pay respects to your parents, you will stop by to visit the grave. If you don't have time to go back for Qingming Festival, you will ask Qiu Li to sweep it for you.
After you finished speaking, it was Fang Xu's turn. Fang Xu, with a cigarette in his mouth, swayed back and forth in the hammock, casually tossing his hair with his bracelet-wearing hand: "As for me, I've known for a long time."
"But I always thought that homosexuals lacked fatherly love. I don't think I can be like that. I have a happy family and a happy life. It doesn't seem like it."
"Later in junior high, when someone was pursuing me, I tried dating a girl, but I didn't feel anything. We could kiss and hold hands, but it felt like I was holding a guy's hand. My heart didn't race, and I wasn't shy. Then, when I held the hand of our school's basketball team captain, I realized that my heart was beating too fast. From then on, I knew I was the one."
"Later, I got into the industry..."
You listen calmly. Actually, gay men value looks even more than straight men. You can easily imagine how well a young man like him, who is romantic, flirtatious, has a good physique, and is thoughtful and gentle, would thrive in the gay community.
Fang Xu gave up the game of holding the cigarette between his nose and lips. Because he was having a good time chatting, he was very enthusiastic: "Hey, Teacher Nan, do you know that everyone who has met you thinks you're like a straight man?"
Nobody told me that.
"That's because you never interact with people in the industry. Think about it yourself, besides your ex-boyfriend, how many gay people do you actually know?"
Not many. You paused abruptly. Is that your problem?
Fang Xu suddenly said mysteriously, "Teacher Nan, the first time I met you was much earlier than the first time you met me."
He seemed to want to say something, but ultimately changed the subject because of your overly calm expression, turning to talk to you about the various kinds of people he had encountered.
He made no attempt to hide his extensive dating history, nor did he complain about any of his exes. Instead, he earnestly praised them, saying, "They were all outstanding people, and we are still good friends now."
He asked you if you had ever used the apps Xiaolan and Xiaohong. After you said you had never, he gave you a knowing look and laughed as he said, "Hey, dating Teacher Nan would completely fulfill all my fantasies about turning straight men gay."
He maintained a relaxed attitude of not caring much about the phenomenon of casual sex and promiscuity in the circle.
"Everyone just wants to hook up. It takes too much time to really get to know someone. And even if you're in a relationship, there's no guarantee the other person won't cheat. Plus, the pressure is so high, so it's understandable that you might just give in to yourself."
Fang Xu finished speaking casually, not forgetting to draw a clear line, and said very seriously while holding a cigarette: "Of course, I'm not that kind of person. I'm very serious every time I'm in a relationship."
You can't deny it, but when the alarm rings, tell him, "It's already one o'clock."
Fang Xu was still swaying in the hammock. It was quiet outside, except for the occasional bark of a dog. He looked at you and said, "I know, I know, Teacher Nan, you need to sleep." But he didn't seem to intend to hang up.
You felt you had a pleasant conversation today, and you think you can probably get a good night's sleep. You feel it's about time to hang up the phone.
The moon peeked out from behind the clouds.
Fang Xu's cigarette went out.
You can't see his eyes; his face is hidden in the shadow of the tree, revealing only his soft, diamond-shaped lips.
The hand adorned with the dragon-patterned bracelet hung lazily at his sides, then suddenly twitched, as if scratching an itch. It slid down from his lips to his Adam's apple, guiding you to look at his beautiful pectoral muscles, his narrow waist hidden in his pants, and the plump, round buttocks you'd seen before.
Be quiet.
Suddenly, the door opened, followed by a scream and the clatter of slippers: "Holy crap! Fang Xu, you big idiot, you scared me to death! What are you doing in the middle of the night instead of sleeping?!"
Fang Xu sat up abruptly, exchanged a few words of banter with the man, and finally asked in a low voice, "Teacher Nan, when you wake up tomorrow morning, will you want to go on a date with me?"
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