Chapter 110 Tossing and Turning
When words can no longer fully and thoroughly express all of one's emotions, the desire for physical contact naturally arises.
And it is getting worse and worse and cannot be contained.
Lin Guantang decided to follow his heart.
He walked towards Huo Shizhen, who was still sitting in the wide chair. He didn't express anything extra, but when Lin Guantang walked in front of him, he looked up slightly and looked at him.
It was a rare experience for him to look down on Huo Shizhen.
It felt like discovering a new world—
It’s not that Huo Shizhen’s appearance changes whether he is looked up or down, it is still the same cold and sharp. In fact, because of the angle of being looked down upon, Lin Guantang can see the sudden scrutinizing look in his red-brown pupils.
That was an instinctive act of vigilance, but a moment later, his gaze changed into a relaxed and playful smile, as if he was also waiting to see what Lin Guantang was going to do when he came over.
Looking down like this, Lin Guantang actually had the illusion of being superior.
She couldn't help but raise her hand and press it on his shoulder. Even through the snow-white shirt, she could feel the strength in his shoulders and neck, as if she was soothing a large beast that could suddenly attack at any time.
Or perhaps it was a weak emperor looking at a knight or general who was too powerful.
——I believe in his loyalty, but I can't help but feel intimidated by his fighting ability, worrying whether I really have the power to recruit him.
really……
Being tall is quite beneficial, at least it makes you look more imposing.
Lin Guantang came back to his senses, feeling both absurd and amused.
How to say it, he suddenly found that his courage had increased significantly, and he even had the idea of conquering Huo Shizhen. It was simply incredible. If people who knew him knew about it, they would probably think he was crazy.
Lin Guantang uttered a self-deprecating "Sigh" in his heart, his eyes fell on the silver hair entwined around his fingertips, then he moved his gaze to meet Huo Shizhen's, and then asked in a low voice:
"Will you really come to see me?"
After thinking for a while, Lin Guantang said:
"You really won't come to see me?"
This is a very contradictory statement, which will probably confuse people and make them unable to tell whether he wants to find it or not.
But this is the fact. Many times, thoughts are at the center of contradictions, which makes people extremely confused.
Lin Guantang felt that with Huo Shizhen's style, he would not bother to look for a runaway ant, but he also felt that with Huo Shizhen's style, he would probably not let go of a traitor who stabbed him in the back.
Huo Shizhen leaned back and lightly asked him the question:
"Then I have to ask you a question first. Do you ever want to stay away from me before my life comes to an end?"
Lin Guantang looked at him in surprise. He didn't expect that he would ask for a promise right now.
And it's such a long and heavy commitment.
Making a verbal promise to stay together forever is just a few words, but it is too difficult to do it, and no one will take it seriously.
Even if they are true lovers, any sweet words like "for a lifetime" are just the product of emotions. Just listen to them for fun at the moment. Only a fool would take them seriously.
But when Lin Guantang looked at Huo Shizhen's face, he couldn't say something like "Of course" in a light-hearted and joking manner.
A lifetime is so long, and the average life expectancy in the empire is only seventy or eighty years old. Rounding up from the age of twenty, I will die at the age of eighty, which means there are sixty years of light and shadow.
The new era has only been open for a hundred years, and the whole world has undergone earth-shaking changes, not to mention people's already changeable emotions?
but--
What if a person’s life span is less than thirty years? What if there are less than ten years left until the end of his life?
The box that Old Man Yuan gave to Lin Guantang contained materials about Huo Shizhen's youth.
Perhaps childhood would be more appropriate.
Ordinary people will only experience secondary differentiation at around the age of eighteen, and even earlier at the age of fifteen or sixteen, which is already rare. However, Huo Shizhen was born in a differentiated state.
Lin Guantang didn't know whether being separated at birth was a good thing or a bad thing, and whether it would make his relatives and friends happy or sad, but judging from the contents of the diagnosis sheets, one thing is certain: it must have been a very difficult time.
Huo Shizhen did not lie to him. The materials related to him were just some physical examination records and nutrient ratios.
But what he was not told was that almost all the physical examination records were marked with various physical and mental abnormalities, and there were also many notices of critical illness and near death. There were actually few records that were completely within the normal range.
As for nutritional supplements, Huo Shizhen did not like or get used to them. Instead, he had to prepare special substances and special food to balance the various disorders in his body.
At first, Lin Guantang didn't take the experimental results in the laboratory that showed the offspring of mutants would have a very short lifespan seriously. But after showing him this information, the more he thought about it, the more he felt that Huo Shizhen's lifespan might really stop before the age of 30.
And today, at this moment, Huo Shizhen said this, which seemed to imply that he also knew that his life span had entered the countdown -
It's difficult to keep a promise for sixty years, but if it's just ten years, it sounds pretty easy to accomplish, doesn't it?
But - it shouldn't be like this... It can't be like this!
Lin Guantang suddenly leaned over, put both hands on his shoulders, and asked hurriedly, almost subconsciously:
"So you'll... no, you'll live a long time, right?"
Lin Guantang stopped talking in time and did not finish the sentence "I will die before I turn 30". Without waiting for Huo Shizhen's answer, he denied it first.
Perhaps it was because he looked too nervous that Huo Shizhen felt that this question might really scare him to death, so after thinking about it, he decided to give an answer that could calm him down for the time being:
"I will not die until the empire no longer needs me. As for after that, that depends on—"
Huo Shizhen paused for a moment, then, as if to give Lin Guantang time to understand, he slowly and pointedly said:
"Is there anything left in this world that needs me to live?"
The so-called existence that needs him to survive, in this situation, is almost completely clear: "It depends on whether you need me to survive."
If interpreted this way -
Is it narcissism, self-righteousness, or thinking too much?
Lin Guantang asked himself this question over and over again in his mind, wondering if he had misunderstood, but at the same time he was completely immersed in a huge, almost panic-stricken shock.
He even understood it all, and thinking back to the previous question, he suddenly realized that no wonder it was said that as long as Lin Guantang wanted to, he could find it, instead of Huo Shizhen wanting to find it, he could find it. It turned out that if he didn't need it, it wouldn't matter if Huo Shizhen died.
He has no attachment to life or death. He lives because the empire needs him. If the empire doesn't need him, then it doesn't matter if he dies.
So are you willing, wanting, able to be the rope that keeps him clinging to life?
Lin Guantang felt his arms were numb and sore. He looked into Huo Shizhen's eyes without hiding his emotions, and then expressed his concerns:
"But I haven't figured out what my feelings for you are."
His arms were stretched straight, drooping somewhat weakly, and just resting loosely on Huo Shizhen's shoulders. His head was lowered, and his eyes were bewildered.
"It's undeniable that my feelings for you... are completely different from those for other people. I want to see you, I want to keep you, and I won't betray you. But I don't know if this is because I simply like you, or if I'm addicted to the various gifts and care you've given me."
"I can't tell whether it's you, your identity, or everything you've given me that I can't live without."
"My love for you is not pure. How can I respond to your feelings and give you my promise?"
He raised his eyes and looked straight at Huo Shizhen, feeling as if he was exposing his ugly scars to Huo Shizhen.
He recalled Huo Shizhen's original intention of establishing a foundation for him.
He didn't want the two brothers Chen Huan and Chen Le, especially Chen Huan, an adolescent who still had trouble distinguishing all emotions, to develop any self-righteous misunderstandings and give rise to unnecessary and troublesome emotions because of Lin Guantang's kind-hearted assistance.
That obviously implies disgust and disdain.
The two analogies made Lin Guantang wonder if he would also be despised by Huo Shizhen if he fell in love with him because of the care he received from him.
It also made him wonder whether Huo Shizhen's feelings for him were not based on personal love, but rather kind pity?
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