"You won't tell me?" she asked slowly, with hidden pain in her eyes.
So Yin Feng felt a little pain in his heart, and a little bit of grievance. He pressed the back of her head, bringing her face closer to his, and said in a hoarse voice, "Do you really want to know?"
"certainly."
Yin Feng let her lean on his arms and said, "There are some things we can't turn back from once we say them, and someone will have to pay the price. Do you understand?"
You Mingxu was silent for a few seconds, then said, "If I want to listen, I can afford it."
Yin Feng opened his five fingers and pressed her face. This posture made her feel a little uncomfortable, but he insisted.
He said, "Do you know what I was thinking before I passed out when I was on the top of the mountain with Gu Tiancheng for the last time as You Yingjun?"
"What?"
"I think, as long as I can continue to be with you, I am willing to exchange everything. I am afraid that I will forget you, and I am also afraid that you will no longer love me after waking up. That was the most frightening time in my life, more frightening than the days in Guizhou. That feeling of powerlessness turned out to be like a knife, deeply engraved in my heart."
You Mingxu was shocked. She didn’t know…
"I remember everything now." Yin Feng said, "I remember the first time I saw you, I loved you so much. I remember how cautious I was every day, trying to please you. When you were happy, I was very happy; when you were unhappy, I was uneasy. If you showed even a little bit of care for me, I would be so happy that I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night. You kissed me, then kicked me away, and lied to me that it was just a reward. I...haha, even though I knew you looked down on me, I still tried my best to get your 'reward' again..."
You Mingxu felt bitter in his heart, and couldn't hold back his face, so he whispered, "Why, are you trying to bring up old issues?"
"We'll settle the old scores later." He said, "I want you to know that there was a person who wasn't really that stupid. He just loved you very humbly. You Mingxu, do you know how I feel when I think of everything? It turns out that from so early on, I have already given you my true heart without hesitation. Whether you trample on it, discard it, or cherish it, I am happy with it."
You Mingxu never expected to hear him say such words. With Yin Feng's pride, he would admit these things. Her eyes turned red unconsciously... He said he wouldn't bring up the past, but if this isn't an old grudge, then what is it? !
Who would have thought that he would be silent for a while, and then said in a sarcastic tone: "I have heard of such feelings, but I have never believed in them, nor have I seen them. How could I have thought that it would happen to me."
You Mingxu felt a little bitter, but he also wanted to smile in gloating. He said, "It sounds nice, are you trying to fool me? Who would believe it?"
"Don't you believe it?" Yin Feng said, "Of course you don't believe it. Because you will never love me as much as I love you."
You Mingxu said: "Keep talking."
He grabbed her hand and said, "I'm lying? If I tell even a single lie, I'll be killed by the Punisher when I leave tomorrow."
You Mingxu: “…”
He added: "You don't believe it because you are not paranoid."
You Mingxu felt his heart tremble.
"And you?" she asked.
Yin Feng smiled and said, "I haven't wanted to tell you these days. I don't want you to know that I have recovered my memory, because I don't know how to control such a feeling. But fortunately, during this period of time, I have gradually adapted and accepted it. Do you have to force me to say it? You Mingxu, don't think about turning back from now on."
You Mingxu said: "Why can't I turn back?"
Yin Feng hugged her gently and said, "Do you know what I have been thinking about when I looked at you and thought of you during this period of time? I like you so much. Now when I close my eyes, I can still feel the pain and helplessness on the top of the mountain that day. So if one day you like another man, I will kill him. If one day you plan to leave me, I will do everything I can to lock you up. And if one day you die before me, what can I do? I think suicide is not terrible. Life is impermanent, and so is the human heart. Only in this way can I guarantee that I will get you completely."
You Mingxu was speechless. His words were calm and frantic, but she knew that behind his quiet and steady appearance, there lived a stubborn and lonely soul.
"Don't be like that," she said.
"It's already like this." He said, "Ah Xu, are you afraid? Do you want to back off? You've been hoping that I would remember, but in the past, I didn't understand what such a relationship meant, and I plunged headfirst into it. Now that I remember, I won't be like You Yingjun, who doesn't ask for anything in return. I am such a person, selfish, paranoid, and perhaps childish. I once said that from now on you are my desire. It turns out that it's more than that! When I fell into the abyss, you were my only light. It was you who pulled me out of the darkness. I've tasted your warmth and brightness, how could I let go again? You must always be with me, and only with me."
As soon as he finished speaking, he seemed to become impulsive and turned over, pressing her under him.
You Mingxu held his face with both hands and said, "Why are you crazy? Calm down. Listen to me, I'm not afraid at all, because I already know what kind of person you are. That You Yingjun is the real you. You are not selfish, nor naive. You are a very good person, kind, upright, brave, and you stick to your beliefs so hard. Many people can't compare to you. You just use a lot of things to block and protect yourself.
Afeng, there is still a long way to go. I didn't mean to leave you. I want to live a good life with you. Life is lived by people. I know you are paranoid, but who in this world doesn't have some mental problems? How big of a deal? No one will leave, no one will betray, and no one will die. As long as you are serious about me, I will do my best to stay by your side. Just like... when you were still handsome, you stayed with me no matter why, okay? ”
Yin Feng lowered his head so as not to let You Mingxu see his expression clearly. Perhaps for a man like him, it is difficult to express his feelings in this way.
You Mingxu looked at him and his heart softened. He said, "What do you want? I'll give you whatever you want." He paused and said, "Yin Feng, I'm yours from now on. I'll do whatever you want."
He slowly lowered his head into her shoulder and said, "So, it wasn't love, it wasn't dependence, it wasn't anything else. I can't change anyone else, no one else in this world can. You Mingxu, I only love you and adore you. I am willing to die for you, as long as you love me. As long as you love me forever and ever."
You Mingxu's tears suddenly fell, and he choked up and said, "Okay."
You Mingxu felt as if there was a decadent and gentle aura emanating from him, slowly engulfing her. She thought, it turned out that he was right. After they had laid their hearts out to each other, they actually felt like there was no way back and that they could only be shattered together and fall into the abyss.
But she was willing, always willing to accompany him.
Later he said, "Ash, stay with me."
"Are you really okay today?"
He said hoarsely, "Sure. I am a paranoid person and have been waiting for your comfort for a long, long time."
…
(Pull the light)
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