Chapter 69 Two months of self-deception couldn't outweigh...
Suiyang lived in a room directly south of the gate tower. This room was a temporary lodging for the princess, and it wasn't very big. Huiyin was led into the room by a palace maid, and the warmth that hit her made her sneeze.
A palace maid stepped forward to help her remove her cloak and shoes, and led her towards the inner room. Huiyin noticed that all the palace maids serving in this room were unfamiliar faces; she didn't see any of the maids who had served Suiyang before.
Only the stern-faced old woman remained, nodding at her as always.
Huiyin politely returned the gift.
She followed the maid into the inner room and saw Suiyang standing by the bed in a pale yellow nightgown, his hair draped behind him, his eyes gentle, looking as if he had just woken up.
She stepped forward and bowed, "Your Highness, have I disturbed your rest?"
"No," Suiyang smiled for the first time in many days when she saw Huiyin. She pulled Huiyin to sit on the edge of the bed and said with a smile, just like before, "I've been waiting for my elder sister for a long time."
Huiyin felt a pang of sadness seeing her smile. She held Suiyang's hand tightly, not daring to speak.
Suiyang leaned on Huiyin's shoulder, inhaling her fragrance, and said happily, "I'm so happy that you came to see me, elder sister."
Huiyin held back her tears, took out a jade jar from her sleeve, and handed it to Suiyang, saying, "This is a gift for you."
Suiyang opened the jade jar, inside was a handful of fresh muddy water, with a slight earthy smell.
She clutched the jade jar tightly, tears welling in her eyes: "I love it so much, thank you."
If one day she can never return to the Southern Dynasty and can only be buried on the grassland, having this handful of her homeland by her side would be some comfort.
"Sister, would you like to sleep with me tonight? I have a lot to tell you."
Huiyin agreed. That day, neither she nor Suiyang left their room; they huddled together, whispering and chatting.
Huiyin asked Suiyang why all the maids around him were unfamiliar faces. Suiyang lay on the bed with his head up, wrapped in the quilt, and said, "I had no choice when I went to the Xiongnu, but I think they should have a choice. I won't force them."
"And then?" Huiyin asked.
Sui Yang tried to appear indifferent and said with a smile, "It's only natural that they are unwilling. I will have the Empress Dowager order the search within the palace for those who are willing to go with me to the Xiongnu, and make amends to the few who are willing."
Huiyin patted her head, offering silent comfort.
Suiyang was still very curious about the inside story between Huiyin and Pei Yu. She blinked and asked Huiyin, her eyes full of curiosity. Huiyin also wanted to confide in her, so she told her everything that had happened between her and Pei Yu.
By the end, it was late at night. Apart from the light still on at the Hangu Pass sentry post, only their place remained lit. Suiyang lay on the soft pillow, her face flushed from crying, her nose twitching – she looked utterly pitiful.
Huiyin looked helpless, took a handkerchief and wiped away her tears, asking, "I didn't even cry, why are you crying like this?"
With tears welling up in his eyes, Suiyang held Huiyin tightly, wiping his snot and tears all over Huiyin's collar, and sobbed, "I don't know, I just feel so sad, an indescribable sadness in my heart."
"Don't cry," Huiyin gently patted her shoulder and whispered, "Go to sleep, we have to leave the pass first thing tomorrow morning."
Suiyang nodded obediently, clutching the blanket, and lay quietly on the bed watching Huiyin go downstairs to turn off the lights. Neither of them could sleep, each lost in their own thoughts.
Huiyin felt a little embarrassed about the slap she received earlier that day. Pei Yu had kindly helped her fix her hair to avoid being impolite, but she had slapped him without even asking what happened. It was really too much.
She slowly closed her eyes, thinking about apologizing before leaving tomorrow. Then she thought it wasn't necessary, since they wouldn't see each other again anyway.
The charcoal brazier in the room was burning brightly, and Huiyin even felt the heat for the first time in a long time. She quietly stretched one leg out of the quilt to relieve the heat, and just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard Suiyang's voice.
"Sister, will you and your cousin make up?"
Huiyin opened her eyes, her drowsy consciousness suddenly clearing. She had asked herself this question many times these days, and the answer was always, "No."
She will not reconcile with Pei Yu. Some feelings are best kept buried in the heart, so that when they reminisce, they will always remember each other as the best versions of themselves.
She never wanted to go back to the past. She was hysterical, her emotions and reason completely tied to one man, and she lost her last shred of self-respect.
I don't want to argue with Pei Yu anymore, stabbing each other in the back over what the other cares about most.
What she hopes for most now is for the two of them to become like strangers, not to interfere with each other, and ideally never to see each other again.
"Don't you like him anymore?" Sui Yang turned over and rested his head on his arm.
Huiyin thought for a moment and said thoughtfully, "I still like him, but in this world, liking someone doesn't mean you have to be together. There are many things that are more important than liking someone."
Sui Yang couldn't help but think of herself and Wang Zishao; they were the most typical example of someone who loved someone but couldn't be together. She felt like crying again. After deciding on the marriage alliance, she had Huiyin deliver a message to Wang Zishao, and the two didn't even get to see each other one last time.
Will Prince Shao hate her for insisting on a marriage alliance with the Xiongnu? But she truly couldn't bring herself to sacrifice someone else's life and return to her former happiness and carefree existence.
Suiyang suddenly fell silent, crying without a sound. Huiyin turned to look at her and noticed that she was biting the blanket and sobbing incessantly, tears streaming down her face.
Huiyin didn't try to stop her from crying anymore. Sometimes, a good cry is better than anything else. It's better than bottling everything up inside and getting sick. Like today, she had talked with Suiyang for a long time and clearly felt much more relaxed.
After crying for a while, Suiyang's eyes were filled with tears. She said sadly, "Sister, I really regret it. I regret not being able to see him one more time and not being able to say goodbye to him properly."
After Suiyang finished crying, he fell into a deep sleep, leaving only Huiyin with her eyes open. She stared at the gauze curtain above her head, thinking about Suiyang's words just now, and sighed in her heart, "We have to let the two of them see each other one more time."
After passing Hangu Pass, the marriage procession would travel all the way to Dai County, a long journey that would take about half a month to reach.
If we were to ride back to Chang'an at Hangu Pass at this moment to send a message to Prince Shao, and have him rush over, we might actually be able to arrange a meeting between the two in Dai County.
Huiyin slowly sat up and gazed at Suiyang in the dim light. Tears still lingered on her face, her complexion was fair, and her cheeks still had a bit of natural softness, making her look like a little girl who hadn't grown up yet.
Yes, she's only sixteen years old this year, and she's about to leave her hometown for a completely unfamiliar place to marry a man old enough to be her father.
Huiyin quietly got out of bed and put on her clothes. She was worried that her movements would wake Suiyang, so she just put on her cloak and went out.
The palace maid on night watch saw her about to get up and ask what was wrong, but Huiyin gently waved her hand and lit a lantern. "I'm going out for a bit. You take good care of His Highness."
A palace maid asked softly, "When will you return?"
Huiyin carried the lantern outside. The cold wind of the night made her head ache. Her voice came through the wind, "You can rest. You don't need to wait for me."
It was a freezing winter night, bitterly cold, but thankfully her cloak was large and thick, completely covering her body and keeping her completely dry. However, she had left in such a hurry that she had forgotten to bring her scarf, and now, with the cold wind blowing, Huiyin couldn't help but shiver a few times. She hunched her shoulders and walked toward the sentry post, only then realizing the painstaking effort Yan Niang had put into wrapping her up like a ball every day.
The soldiers on night watch had already spotted Huiyin's whereabouts. The three of them were now huddled together, whispering and speculating about why Huiyin had gone out in the middle of the night and whether she was going to find the young general.
It wasn't that they were overly curious. His Majesty and the Empress felt sorry for the princess's marriage to a distant place. The army escorting the princess for this marriage was entirely composed of Pei Yu's confidants. They wanted the princess to have familiar people accompany her on the journey so she wouldn't be afraid. Once they reached Dai County, they would switch to other people to escort her out of the pass.
This group of people already knew about the affair between Pei Yu and Huiyin; who wouldn't be curious about their boss's gossip?
The tallest one said with certainty, "I bet she's going to see the young general."
The other two rolled their eyes at him and said in unison, "Do you even need to tell me? Why would you come looking for the young general instead of him?"
Huiyin walked to the sentry post, completely unaware of the three people's discussion. She had come to ask for directions; she didn't know where Pei Yu lived.
For some reason, when the soldier heard that she was inquiring about Pei Yu's residence, the corners of his mouth immediately curled up, and he even turned around and winked at the two people behind him.
Huiyin was a little puzzled and was about to ask when the soldier's expression returned to normal. He looked at her seriously and said loudly, "I will take you there."
Huiyin blinked. Why were all of Pei Yu's soldiers so strange?
The soldier led her all the way to the foot of the Hangu Pass city wall. Near the pass, many military tents were stationed. In this weather, even many people living indoors with charcoal braziers couldn't bear it, let alone those in tents pitched in the open.
Huiyin voiced her doubts, and the soldier leading the way pointed to the tents and explained to her, "There aren't many places to stay at Hangu Pass. They're mainly reserved for Her Highness the Princess and the civil officials from the Court of State Ceremonial. Soldiers have to camp in tents. When the young general is leading troops outside, he never indulges in pleasure. He eats and lives with us."
As they spoke, the two arrived at the main tent in the center. The soldier stopped and respectfully said to Huiyin, "Lady, I must return to my post. Please go in."
Huiyin curtsied and thanked him. After the man left, she looked around. It was already late at night, and the soldiers in the army had all gone to bed. Although the tent in front of her was lit, she couldn't just barge into this important military camp. There was no one guarding the entrance, and she couldn't find anyone to announce her arrival.
She walked to the tent entrance and called out, "Pei Yu, Pei Yu."
No one answered. Huiyin's ears were red from the cold wind, and her feet ached terribly; she wished she could soak them in hot water to soothe them. After hesitating for a moment, she lifted the curtain and went inside. The tent was better than the outside, as it kept out the cold wind.
She looked around. The tent was simple, with a mountain topography map in the center, a lacquered wooden table and a grass cushion in front of it, and a narrow, hard bed on the left, which was empty. Apart from that, there was nothing else in the tent.
The simple style was exactly the same as his office in the Court of Justice. Seeing that there was no one in the tent, Huiyin decided to go out and ask someone.
Before she could turn around, she was dragged and pulled into a warm embrace. Her hands were tied behind her back, rendering her unable to move, and a strong arm was pressing against her chest, making her gasp for breath.
His hot breath sprayed against Huiyin's neck, and she heard Pei Yu's cold voice question, "Who are you, and why have you trespassed into my tent?"
Huiyin turned around with difficulty, her voice tinged with anger, "It's me, Song Huiyin."
Pei Yu raised an eyebrow slightly, slowly released Huiyin, and said innocently, "I didn't know it was you. I didn't hurt you, did I?"
Huiyin shook her head. Although Pei Yu had restrained her, he hadn't used much force and hadn't hurt her.
"What are you doing here so late?" Pei Yu asked as he walked, removing his armor. He sat on the bed with an air of authority, looking down at Huiyin as he unfastened his sleeves.
Huiyin stepped forward and explained, "Today I had a conversation with Her Highness the Princess..."
She had only spoken half a sentence when she saw Pei Yu frown, stand up, and lead her to him. He looked down at her and asked coldly, "You didn't bring a scarf when you went out. Did you get chilled the whole way here?"
Huiyin couldn't help but raise her hand to touch her ear, which was icy cold. Embarrassed, she lowered her hand and stubbornly said, "It's not that cold."
Pei Yu stared coldly for a moment, then suddenly strode out of the tent. Before Huiyin could react, she saw him carrying a basin of steaming hot water, with a clean white cloth draped over the wooden basin.
She stared blankly at Pei Yu's figure, not understanding what he was doing.
Pei Yu soaked and wrung out the handkerchief, his brows still furrowed, and walked toward Huiyin, holding the handkerchief.
Huiyin retreated repeatedly, asking in terror, "What are you doing?"
"Your ears are about to freeze off, what are you going to do?" Pei Yu glanced at her, pressed her down to stop her from moving, and covered Huiyin's ears, which were red from the cold, with a handkerchief, gently massaging and kneading them.
The warmth and tingling sensation on her ears traveled all the way to her heart, making Huiyin's body feel weak and her heart beat extremely fast. She looked at Pei Yu's serious profile and felt a lump in her throat.
Pei Yu quickly switched to covering his other ear, then looked down at Huiyin, asking, "Where else is it cold?"
Huiyin's breath suddenly tightened. For the first time, she felt that Pei Yu's eyes were captivating. Beneath his long eyelashes were a pair of dark, inky eyes, deep and alluring, like a piece of black jade drawing people closer.
She whispered, "My feet are cold."
Pei Yu released Huiyin, carried the basin of hot water to the window, knelt on one knee, and patted the side of the bed, "Come here."
Huiyin took two steps out and was startled to realize that the atmosphere between the two of them tonight was really not right. Covering her ears was already crossing the line, how could she soak her feet in front of him?
She stopped in her tracks, her feet so cold and numb she could barely feel them, but she still managed to refuse, "No need, I just want to say a few words and then I'll leave."
"Her Highness wishes to see me one last time before she goes to the Xiongnu..."
Huiyin's voice stopped abruptly as Pei Yu held her in his arms, her feet dangling off the ground.
"What are you doing, Pei Yu!"
"Let me go!"
"Pei Yu!"
Pei Yu placed Huiyin on the bed, reached out and grabbed her feet to take off her shoes. Even through her shoes and socks, he could feel the coldness of her soles, as if he were holding a piece of ice in his hand.
Huiyin was pinned to the bed by him with one hand, and one of her feet was held in his hand. She struggled wildly, rubbing off the ribbon tied to the collar of her cloak, revealing her white inner garment.
"Don't move!" Pei Yu said sharply, his gaze fixed intently on Huiyin. "You came out wearing only your undergarments?"
Huiyin grabbed her slipping cloak, clutched her chest, and struggled to pull her foot back, angrily saying, "What's it to you? Let go of me!"
Unaware of what was happening, Pei Yu untied Huiyin's silk stockings, his burning palm touching Huiyin's cold bare feet. He first tested the water temperature with his hand before slowly holding Huiyin's small feet and placing them in the hot water to soak.
Huiyin was suddenly aroused by the hot water, and the numb soles of her feet began to warm up, making her reluctant to pull them out of the warm water. She stopped struggling and let Pei Yu remove the shoes and socks from her other foot and soak it in the water.
Pei Yu knelt on one knee beside Huiyin. He had removed his armor and was only wearing a black robe. His long eyelashes were lowered, and he held a pair of fair feet in the basin and slowly kneaded them.
Huiyin looked down at the scene, her heart filled with mixed feelings. She had never imagined that one day, Pei Yu would kneel beside her and warmly wash her feet.
Warm palms gently massaged the acupoints on the soles of her feet, replacing the cold pain in her lower body with a warm feeling, and even causing a light sweat to break out on her back.
Huiyin could feel the fingers slowly climbing up her calves. The thick fingertips inadvertently brushed against her calves, startling her so much that she reflexively kicked out. The copper basin clattered and rolled twice on the ground before landing firmly on the water-stained floor.
Huiyin turned her head away guiltily, and by sheer coincidence, the basin of water splashed onto Pei Yu, leaving large, obvious water stains on his thin clothes.
Her feet were frozen in mid-air. A cold wind blew by, and the water droplets clinging to her feet instantly turned cold, causing her previously warm soles to grow cold as well.
Just as she was about to pull her foot back, Pei Yu reached out and grabbed it, took a white cloth from the side, gently dried it, and then put it on the bed and covered it with a quilt.
After doing all this, Pei Yu picked up the copper basin and put it aside. He got up and went to the table to change his clothes. He took off his shirt in a very casual manner, revealing his broad, narrow back, without caring at all that there was someone on the bed behind him.
Huiyin glanced at him, then turned around with the blanket in her arms and said calmly, "I came to see you because it is important. His Highness wants to see Prince Shao before going to the Xiongnu. I have calculated the distance, and if we send someone to Chang'an to deliver the message now, we may still be able to make it in time."
Pei Yu picked up a clean undergarment and put it on, replying in a low voice, "I understand. I will send scouts back to Chang'an tonight."
He dressed, sat down at the table and looked through the bamboo slips, then turned to Huiyin and said, "You can rest here tonight and go back tomorrow."
Huiyin lowered her eyes, her fingertips tugging at the bedding. After a moment of thought, she bent down to reach for the shoes and socks placed to the side. "No, Your Highness will be leaving the pass tomorrow, and I will also set off back to Jingzhou."
She didn't want to be with Pei Yu for even a moment longer. She couldn't quite understand Pei Yu now, especially since they had already made it clear when they parted ways in Jingzhou that they would go their separate ways. Pei Yu's actions today were really overstepping his bounds.
Huiyin bent down to put on her shoes when Pei Yu suddenly asked her, "Are you avoiding me?"
She paused, looked up at Pei Yu behind the table. There was only a lamp lit beside the bed in the tent, and the light at the table was dim. Half of Pei Yu's profile was hidden in the darkness, but he was clearly visible. Only his tightly pursed lips revealed his unwavering mood at this moment.
Huiyin put on her shoes, stood up, and straightened her cloak with her back to her. "No."
She stepped out of the tent and heard Pei Yu say behind her, "If what happened earlier offended you, I apologize. His Highness has been thinking of you ever since he left Chang'an. Would you be willing to accompany the wedding procession to Dai County? I will then send someone to escort you back to Jingzhou."
Huiyin didn't turn around; she only left behind the words, "No."
Pei Yu sat alone in the tent, watching Huiyin leave without looking back. The cold wind howled into the tent, making him feel stiff all over.
This feeling was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. It was unlike any other night, when he led a group of men to ambush on the grassland. The falling snow buried them in a thick layer. They lay in ambush until late at night, their bodies already frozen stiff, unable even to hold their longswords, yet their hearts remained burning hot.
He didn't want to, but when he saw Huiyin looking at him with tears streaming down her face in Wan County, his heart felt like it was filled with lead. He dared not say a word, afraid that if he said a word, his tears would fall uncontrollably.
He let go of her hand, deliberately avoiding inquiring about her, constantly deceiving himself that he no longer loved her. But these two months of deception couldn't compare to seeing her once. Just seeing her made him want to get close to her, even without saying a word, just looking at her was enough.
Now, she won't even give him that chance.
Huiyin stepped out of the tent and found that it had started snowing again. After only a few steps, her head was covered in a blanket of white. The snowflakes melted and soaked her hair. Huiyin raised her hand to touch her cold hair, wrapped her cloak tighter, and tucked her head into the soft mink fur to face the wind.
She has nothing much to do these days. With the end of the year approaching, returning to Jingzhou would simply mean spending the days with Yan Niang in the small courtyard, or going to the Yan family for a couple of days of fun.
She also really wanted to accompany Suiyang on this final journey and witness her marriage. If it weren't for Pei Yu, she definitely would have gone.
"Song Huiyin".
Huiyin turned around and saw large snowflakes falling in front of her. In the dark, snowy night, a person was walking towards her. She would never forget the outline and figure of that person for the rest of her life. Reason told Huiyin that she could not continue to entangle with him. She should leave immediately and never turn back no matter how much he called.
She didn't move, standing still and quietly waiting for Pei Yu to approach, as the soft snowflakes fell all over her.
Pei Yu's eyes were red. He hadn't even put on his coat before rushing out. His breath, like white smoke, enveloped his face, making it difficult to see his features.
He looked down at Huiyin, his gaze lingering with affection. "I promise I will never bother you again. I will avoid you from now on and will not cause you any more trouble. Can you stay?"
A snowflake landed on Huiyin's eyelashes, melting into water in the blink of an eye and wetting her lashes. She lowered her head and didn't reply.
Pei Yu felt a lump in his throat and continued, "I didn't mean anything by it. I just want Your Highness to have a happier life for the rest of your days. If you don't want to see me, I'll stay far away."
His voice was hoarse as he spoke his last words, as if he were pleading.
"I understand, I'll consider it." Huiyin interrupted him, a chill running through her body. She crossed her arms and asked, "Is there anything else?"
Pei Yu took a step back and shook his head. "I'll take you back."
Huiyin: "No need, it's just a few steps."
Without hesitation, she turned and left, the snow on her body slowly falling off.
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