Chapter 56 I hate you so much.
It was late at night when Huiyin returned to the Pei residence. A light drizzle was falling, and the Linshui Pavilion was lit up in the quiet night, illuminating her way home.
She pushed open the door and entered the courtyard. Yan Niang and the others were already resting, but the courtyard was brightly lit. Pei Yu and the others were in the main room on the first floor. The light shone on his profile, making it look as sharp as a knife.
With just one glance, Huiyin sensed his bad mood. She went into the room and asked, "Were you waiting for me?"
Pei Yu turned his head, his eyes clear and bright, and softly replied, "How is the palace?"
As Huiyin recalled that resolute figure from Suiyang, a mix of emotions welled up within her. She shook her head and said, "His Highness refused the Empress's request to marry in her place; she agreed to the marriage alliance."
Upon hearing this, Pei Yu calmly shifted his gaze, his face expressionless.
Huiyin walked over, squatted down beside him, unfolded his clenched hand, smoothed it down little by little, and intertwined her fingers with his.
"Her Majesty the Empress and I tried to persuade her a lot, but Her Highness said it was her duty as a princess and she had no regrets."
Pei Yu's hand twitched slightly, his voice low and deep, "Using women to buy temporary peace is truly..."
Huiyin felt a pang of sadness seeing his somber expression. She stepped forward and gently embraced him, softly comforting him, "The country is beset by internal and external troubles, and this is a last resort. Don't take it to heart."
"Your Highness is a man of resolute character; you will surely escape danger and be safe even if you go to the Xiongnu."
Pei Yu moved his eyes, released Huiyin's hand, and said calmly, "Suiyang is not your biological sister and has no blood relation with you. Naturally, you don't care about her life or death."
Huiyin looked up in disbelief at Pei Yu's cold expression and said angrily, "Although Suiyang is not my biological sister, I still care about her. I did my best today. I know you are sad and wanted to say something to comfort you. Why did you hurt me like this?"
Pei Yu silently stared at Huiyin, his face tense. After a long while, he was the first to look away and leave.
"There have been some matters in the camp recently, so I won't be returning for a while."
"Pei Yu!"
Huiyin watched his departing figure, her heart filled with turmoil.
Pei Yu kept his word and did not return to his residence for ten consecutive days, nor did he send Huiyin a single word. The marriage alliance with Suiyang had been finalized, and the Grand Herald was busily preparing for the princess's wedding ceremony.
During these ten days, Pei Yu seemed to be determined to fight to the death, and ordered people to impeach the Zheng family and the Prince of Wu for several days in a row, which also involved Consort Zheng in the palace.
Huiyin stayed in the Pei residence, listening to Madam Pei's complaints about his impulsive actions and how he offended people everywhere. She listened quietly without responding, knowing full well that he was holding back a lot of anger, which made him extremely uncomfortable.
His Majesty felt guilty towards Suiyang and the Empress, and also knew that the Zheng family had manipulated the marriage alliance. In order to appease Pei Yu, he tacitly approved of his actions, which resulted in the loss of many of the Zheng family's supporters.
Hearing this news from He Jiaying, Huiyin felt even more depressed. She felt that her current relationship with Pei Yu was too strange.
She didn't want to argue with Pei Yu, much less engage in a cold war with him. Some issues needed to be laid out clearly and explicitly. But Pei Yu was avoiding her, refusing to see her.
Huiyin thought that Pei Yu was angry because she was too cold to Pei Yu’s relatives and friends. So these days, she changed her usual personality and went to Madam Pei’s residence every day to talk to her and help with the trivial matters in the mansion.
Every day, she would send food and clothing to Pei Yu and ask him when he would return home. Pei Yu did reply, but his attitude was indifferent, saying that he was busy with official duties and would not be returning for the time being.
Some time ago, Madam Guo sent a matchmaker to propose marriage. The marriage between He Jiaying and Guo Lian has been arranged, but the current atmosphere in Chang'an is tense, so it has not been revealed.
Their wedding date is set for next summer. Madam Pei's illness has improved considerably these days. After her serious illness, she has come to terms with things and no longer cares about anything. Her health has also gradually improved.
Huiyin, at Pei Yan's request, went to see Madam Pei and personally explained the matter of Shangguan Su to her. She also arranged for the two to meet privately.
Although Madam Pei still disliked Shangguan Su's background, seeing that she was polite and gentle, and that her youngest son liked her very much, she didn't say anything to stop the two from being together.
Huiyin looked at Pei Yan's barely suppressed smile; his eyes were completely fixed on Shangguan Su beside him, making her feel embarrassed and causing her to lower her head shyly. She suddenly remembered that, at some point, someone had also looked at her with that same gaze.
Madam Pei couldn't stand Pei Yu's infatuated look and waved him away repeatedly.
Huiyin returned to Linshui Pavilion alone. That night, she lay in bed, gazing at the moonlight, her heart filled with loneliness. Pei Yu had not returned for half a month. Now that the important matters were settled, he had nothing to do. He was avoiding her, not wanting to see her.
Huiyin felt a tightness in her chest, which disturbed her sleep, so she got up and went to the window, staring blankly at the courtyard.
The early autumn night was a bit chilly. Huiyin wrapped her coat around herself and rested her head on her hand, lost in thought. Pei Yu was still angry. She sighed helplessly; in truth, her attitude that day had also been somewhat unpleasant.
Pei Yu was heartbroken about the marriage alliance with Suiyang, so it was understandable that she was a bit short-tempered. She should have been more gentle.
She missed him terribly. When two people live together, someone always has to give in first.
Huiyin made up her mind and no longer hesitated. She had made up her mind that she would tell Pei Yu everything.
Pei Yu's unresolved issue lies in the matter she kept from him. Huiyin had previously been afraid to tell him, fearing that Pei Yu would prevent her from taking revenge and protecting the Su family.
On the night Pingrong died, he said that the Su family couldn't be harmed. This inevitably left a mark of unease on Huiyin. But when she remembered how Pei Yu had helped her kill Pingrong without hesitation, she suddenly didn't want to hide it anymore.
Pei Yu simply didn't know; he was only confused because he suspected Xiao Fen'er was behind his decision to kill Su You. If he knew the Su family were his father's killers, perhaps he would change his mind.
She didn't ask Pei Yu to help her take revenge, nor did she ask him to stand on her side. She only hoped that he would remain neutral, neither helping her nor helping the Su family.
Huiyin picked up her pen and wrote a letter, inviting Pei Yu to return to the manor for a meeting. She wanted to confess to Pei Yu in person. She no longer wanted to deceive Pei Yu, nor did she want to steal his token to enter Tianlu Library under the pretext of the Mid-Autumn Festival banquet. She did not want to reach the point of breaking up with Pei Yu.
She wanted to tell Pei Yu everything about her past and secrets, so that Pei Yu could personally take her to the Tianlu Library to overturn her father's case.
It was at this moment that Huiyin clearly realized that she had a strong desire in her heart: she wanted to spend her life with Pei Yu.
There's no doubt that she likes Pei Yu.
After writing the letter, Huiyin tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. She stayed awake all night until dawn. Just as the sky was beginning to lighten, she got up energetically and instructed Aheng to take her letter and invite Pei Yu back to the mansion.
Like a bride on her wedding day, she waited anxiously for Pei Yu to return home. While waiting, she called Yan Niang upstairs to dress up properly and waited for Pei Yu on the first floor.
But she didn't get to see Pei Yu. Aheng told her, "The soldiers at the garrison said that last night the young general received an urgent letter from Qingzhou, and at dawn he led the Imperial Guards out of the city to Qingzhou."
Huiyin looked disappointed: "Did they say when they would return?"
With only seven days until the Mid-Autumn Festival banquet, she must confess to Pei Yu before the festival.
Ah Heng: "It will take about four or five days."
Huiyin nodded dejectedly. "I understand. You may leave now."
She sat in the hall, the delicacies in front of her long since cooled. Huiyin had deliberately asked someone to make some of Pei Yu's favorite dishes, thinking that they would have a meal together when he returned. Unexpectedly, he had left the city and gone to Qingzhou.
She wasn't really in the mood to have it reheated, so she simply ate the cold rice and dishes.
What urgent matter could be so pressing in Qingzhou at this critical juncture? Pei Yu hasn't even sent back a message about leaving the capital.
The food had cooled down and become a bit greasy. Huiyin felt nauseous after taking a couple of bites, so she simply took a piece of quinoa pancake and slowly ate it.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yan Niang sitting outside, holding a piece of smoky-colored fabric in her hand, as if she were making a handkerchief for her.
Huiyin paused in her bite of the pancake, as if she had never done anything for Pei Yu before. In the past, all of her father's clothes were hand-sewn by her mother, complete from the inside out.
Huiyin, munching on a pancake, drifted off into her own thoughts. Her needlework was passable, neither particularly good nor bad. Embroidering a sachet was too simple; she'd rather embroider a belt.
A belt is a personal item worn close to the body, wrapped around the waist. When a woman gives it to a man, it expresses her affection. If the man accepts the gift, it means he accepts the woman's feelings and her commitment.
Not wanting others to know her secret thoughts, she ran upstairs and rummaged through the wardrobe. Among the fabrics that Madam Pei had sent over a few days ago, there was a piece of black and gold brocade that suited Pei Yu very well.
She sent the fabric to be made into a suit, and the leftover scraps were just right for cutting into belts.
She personally drew several patterns, chose the one she was most satisfied with, and started sewing on the belt according to the pattern, while listening carefully to prevent Yan Niang from suddenly coming upstairs.
At her pace, it would take at least six or seven days to make a belt. Pei Yu would return in five days at most, so Huiyin could only speed up the process. She even pretended to Yan Niang at night that she was going to read, but in reality, she was secretly making belts.
Working late into the night to finish belts, she was exhausted and tired, and the lighting was poor. In just one night, she had three needle marks on her fingers.
When Yan Niang asked, Hui Yin simply pretended not to know.
On the fifth day after Pei Yu left the capital, He Jiaying suddenly rushed to Linshui Pavilion, out of breath and covered in sweat in the early autumn air.
Huiyin poured a cup of tea and handed it to him, amused, "What's the matter that's so urgent? You're panting like that."
He Jiaying took the tea and drank it all in one gulp, choking a few times in the process. She patted her chest frantically to catch her breath, then her eyes widened in anger as she shouted, "Something terrible has happened! Do you know my cousin went to Qingzhou!"
Huiyin poured her another cup of tea and nodded upon hearing this, "I know, he went to Qingzhou on business."
He Jiaying took the teacup and slammed it down on the table. Seeing Huiyin's oblivious expression, she couldn't help but ask, "Then do you know who's in Qingzhou!"
Huiyin's smile faltered. Qingzhou, yes, Liu Tan had married the eldest son of the Dong family of Qingzhou. Huiyin's heart suddenly pounded. She sat down, leaning on the table, her eyes filled with panic. She hastily flipped through a few bamboo scrolls, trying to suppress her unease.
She said with a bitter expression, "I...know."
He Jiaying placed her hands on the table, her face full of disappointment. "Since you knew all this, why did you still send your cousin to Qingzhou? Do you know that he went to Qingzhou to pick up Liu Tan? He brought Liu Tan back to Chang'an and even escorted her all the way back to the Liu residence!"
Huiyin sat there quietly, as if a string inside her had snapped, leaving her momentarily speechless and her mind blank.
She recognized every single word He Jiaying spoke, but she couldn't understand the sentences they formed. Pei Yu went to Qingzhou on business, not to pick up Liu Tan.
Yes, that must be it. He went to Qingzhou on business, but... what business was it? Huiyin felt a pang of sadness; she didn't know.
After a long while, Huiyin heard herself unconsciously reply, "Perhaps there's more to it than meets the eye."
"What other inside story could there be? Even if there were, would he have personally escorted her back to the Liu residence, making it known to everyone? Now everyone's talking about whether the Pei and Liu families are about to have a happy ending, and whether the two of them are rekindling their romance!"
He Jiaying walked back and forth, supporting her waist with one hand, pointing with one finger, and then collapsed out with a series of loud thuds.
Huiyin's fingertips turned white as she gripped the bamboo slip tightly. Her carefully maintained nails split, and a piercing pain shot straight into her chest.
He Jiaying didn't hear her voice for a while, so she turned around and urged, "Say something!"
Huiyin's face turned pale, and she gave a bitter smile: "What can I say? He went to Qingzhou without even informing me."
He Jiaying stopped speaking abruptly, only then noticing that Huiyin's face was shockingly pale. She quickly became annoyed, "I only heard the rumors outside, I don't know the truth. Maybe there's more to the story, don't worry."
Huiyin frowned, suppressing the bitterness in her chest, and shook her head with difficulty, "I'll wait for him to come back and ask him myself. There are many conflicting opinions about the rumors, and I don't believe them."
"Yes, yes, yes." He Jiaying nodded repeatedly, cautiously. "Then I'll go and find out when my cousin will be back?"
Huiyin didn't speak. After He Jiaying left, she closed her eyes to comfort herself, thinking that there must be a misunderstanding. Pei Yu had said before that if she heard something, she should ask him herself and not jump to conclusions.
She finally calmed herself down and focused her attention on the belt in her hand; she was almost finished.
Huiyin picked up the needle and continued embroidering, but no matter what she did, she couldn't concentrate. After a few stitches, her fingers were pricked twice, and blood soaked her belt. Fortunately, it was made of black fabric, so it wasn't visible on the outside.
After she absentmindedly finished embroidering the belt, Pei Yu finally returned to the manor. Huiyin stared at the familiar figure slowly walking towards her at the courtyard gate, tears welling up in her eyes involuntarily.
She hadn't seen him for only half a month, but now it felt like a lifetime had passed, as if he had been gone for a very, very long time.
She tilted her head back, blinked, forced back her tears, and smiled at Pei Yu, "You're back."
Pei Yu looked tired, with dark circles under his eyes, and appeared travel-worn. He gave a faint reply and walked straight into the house, pinching his brow and saying in a hoarse voice, "I'll take a nap first."
Huiyin followed behind him and couldn't help but ask, "Why didn't you tell me you were going to Qingzhou?"
Pei Yu casually replied as he unfastened his wristband with one hand, "It happened so suddenly, I didn't have time."
Huiyin felt inexplicably wronged, her voice trembling with tears, "You really went to bring Liu Tan back to the capital? Was her the main reason you went to Qingzhou?"
Pei Yu turned around, frowning. "Yes."
This single character has no other interpretation.
Panic gripped Huiyin's heart. She could clearly feel herself losing control of her emotions, feeling an uncontrollable anger, and the constant surge of jealousy made her feel anxious and terrified.
Outside, Aheng was calling out that the water in the bathhouse was ready. Upon hearing this, Pei Yu stepped out the door and brushed past Huiyin.
Huiyin tried hard to suppress the pain in her heart, grabbed him, and looked up at him, asking, "Didn't you say you didn't like her?"
Pei Yu lowered his head, his brows furrowing. "I do dislike her, but what does that have to do with me going to Qingzhou to pick her up?"
Huiyin, unable to bear it any longer, angrily retorted, "How can it be irrelevant? If you dislike her, why did you personally go to Qingzhou to bring her back to the capital, and even personally escort her back to your residence, causing all sorts of rumors!"
Pei Yu looked helpless. "There were reasons why I went to Qingzhou to pick her up. As for the rumors, you yourself said they're just rumors. What can I do about what people say outside?"
Huiyin let go of his hand, looked up at him, tears welling up in her beautiful eyes, "What's the inside story? Tell me, I'll believe you if you tell me."
Pei Yu frowned. "It's a serious matter, I can't say. I really have no feelings for her."
He looked a little impatient. "Can you please stop arguing with her?"
For the first time, Huiyin felt her tears slip out of control. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she couldn't stop them from flowing. She was trying so hard to hold them back, but she still couldn't help it.
Tears welled up and blurred her vision. She could only see Pei Yu's blurry profile. He said something in a low voice, but Huiyin didn't hear it, and she didn't want to hear it anymore.
"You say you have no feelings for her, but everything you've done shows that you do. You went to Qingzhou without telling me, and you brought her back without telling me either. In your heart, I'm just a plaything, a plaything to please you, so you think there's no need to tell me these things. Even if I'm angry after finding out, you can just coax me a bit and I won't mind anymore, because you know I can't live without you now, right?"
"In the past, rumors about you and Liu Tan were rampant, but since it happened a long time ago, I didn't hold it against you. But now, why do you always have to be associated with her? Why does everyone say that you two are a perfect match and that I'm the one who broke up the relationship? Not only do you clarify the rumors, you also make them even worse."
Huiyin felt as if she had become one of those women in storybooks, tormented by love. She questioned them one after another, expressing her grievances, "You told me that you had no feelings for Liu Tan, and you also said... you would never betray me. You keep saying you love me, but do you treat me as an equal?"
Hearing these accusations, Pei Yu laughed self-deprecatingly, "And you, have you told me everything? You also said you love me, so why did you take contraceptives behind my back? What are you staying by my side for, what are you plotting? Do you dare to say?"
After he finished speaking, he turned and left.
As Huiyin watched his retreating figure, she finally understood everything about Pei Yu's strange behavior these past few days. It turned out he had known all along.
Pei Yu came back the night she came for her period.
"Why? Mother Fu, you're keeping this from me too." Huiyin sat on the ground with a blank look in her eyes, tightly clutching the belt she had embroidered over several sleepless nights.
Yan Niang knelt before Hui Yin, weeping, "It was this servant who acted on her own initiative. This servant did not want Madam to stay in the Pei residence, so she concealed this matter, thinking that she could use this matter to escape from the Pei residence."
"Punish me, it's all my fault."
"You made a mistake, but it wasn't entirely your fault."
Huiyin slowly unfurled the belt in her hand. She calmly picked up the scissors, cut the intact belt into shreds, and threw them into the ceramic lamp to burn. The air was filled with the smell of burning fabric.
"Take these next few days to pack your things properly; it's all coming to an end."
As Yan Niang watched Hui Yin's weary steps, tears streamed down her face.
Huiyin got up and walked into the inner room. She was a little tired. She hadn't slept well for the past few days because she was rushing to finish the belt. At this moment, her mind was a mess and she felt dizzy.
She lay on the soft bed and slept soundly, having a long-awaited dream. The scene in the dream was very familiar—the flower field on Ganquan Palace Mountain. In the dream, she and Pei Yu were playing in that flower field, and Pei Yu held her forehead, solemnly promising to marry her.
She saw herself looking at Pei Yu with affection in her eyes, shy and timid, her heart and soul filled with him.
In the blink of an eye, she was standing in the Pei family courtyard, dressed in a bright red wedding gown. The courtyard was decorated with lanterns and colorful streamers, and there was a constant flow of people coming and going. All around her were familiar guests, who were all congratulating Madam Pei on the birth of her wonderful daughter-in-law.
She saw Pei Yu dressed in a wedding gown, the vibrant color making him look exceptionally handsome. His features were exquisite, and a gentle smile graced his lips as he walked towards her.
Huiyin unconsciously took two steps forward, but brushed past Pei Yu. She turned her head in a daze and saw Pei Yu walk straight towards the bride in the hall, whose face was covered by a wedding fan, and take her hand to begin the wedding ceremony.
The two stood in the hall, receiving blessings from relatives and friends. She saw Pei Yu holding that person's hand, his eyes full of smiles.
Huiyin cried out anxiously, "Pei Yu, I'm here! You've married the wrong person!"
She called out three times before Pei Yu turned around, looking at her with an impatient expression, no different from the look of disgust he had given Li Yingyue in Ganquan Palace. He coldly ordered the people around him to throw her out.
The cold voice still echoed in my ears: "I didn't marry the wrong person."
Huiyin suddenly woke up and realized that her nasal cavity was uncomfortable, her forehead was in unbearable pain, and the hot air she exhaled felt like it was burning her.
I don't know why she would have this dream, Pei Yu has never said he would marry her.
Huiyin was delirious with fever, her body burning up. After an unknown amount of time, someone gently wiped her body, changed her into clean clothes, and softly coaxed her to take her medicine.
Her nose stung with tears, and she reached out to hug the person's neck, crying pitifully, "Mother Fu, I feel so bad."
The man carefully wiped away her tears; his fingertips were rough, not Yan Niang's.
Huiyin's tears flowed even more fiercely. She slowly opened her eyes, looked at the person in front of her with a hazy gaze, and said hatefully, "I hate you."
The person in front of her paused, gently placed her back on the bed, popped a candied fruit into her bitter mouth, and chuckled softly, "I love you."
"I don't love you, I hate you, I hate you to death."
"It's okay, I love you."
Huiyin closed her eyes, reached out to hug Pei Yu, and held him tightly, bursting into tears. She craved this embrace; as long as she was in this embrace, she was not afraid of anything.
She hugged Pei Yu tightly, bursting into tears, constantly telling herself that this was the last time.
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