Self-narration
I seem to have been different from others since birth. My father disliked me, and I know it was because I caused my mother's death.
My mother died because of me. My father loved my mother deeply, and seeing me would remind him of her.
Fortunately, I had my father's good friend, Uncle Qing, who was very kind to me.
When I was young and came into contact with matters of love and relationships, I asked Uncle Qing if his feelings for his father were the same as his father's feelings for his mother.
Uncle Qing simply bent down, patted my head, and said, "There are tall trees in the south, but one cannot rest there."
I know that's a line from the Book of Songs. The next line is "There is a wandering maiden in Han, whom I cannot pursue."
Uncle Qing has been very, very good to me, so I don't want to disappoint him.
My father resented me and hated me.
I know all of this, and Uncle Qing's affection for his father stems from his love for his son.
The first argument between Uncle Qing and my father was because of me. My father wanted to inject me with a drug, saying that I would be a good test subject.
Uncle Qing had his first big argument with his father, and the two parted on bad terms.
Unwilling to see Uncle Qing and his father like this, he took the initiative to find his father and agreed to the matter.
Father smiled
I tugged at my father's sleeve, just like I'd seen other children tugged at their fathers' sleeves at home.
The child looked longingly at his father, who looked at his child with a smile.
What is commonplace for them is something I could never experience in my entire youth.
The syringe was thick, and the needle tip was cold. When it touched my arm, I couldn't help but shiver and didn't want to continue.
But seeing my father, I held back.
I want to see my father smile at me, and I also want to know what my mother is like.
I know that my mother loved my father very much, and I was the one who broke up this couple who were meant to be together.
The icy liquid flowed through my body, like falling into an ice cave or being baked by raging flames.
I felt terrible and couldn't help but struggle.
My father ordered my limbs to be bound and told the lab technicians to inject me regularly and record the data.
"Don't go... Father..." My vision was blurry. I wanted to call out to my father, to tell him that Xi'er was in pain, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.
This is the first time.
I don't remember how long I stayed in that tiny room, on that tiny bed.
All I know is that when I regained consciousness, Uncle Qing was there watching over me, and he had prepared my favorite lotus flower pastries and osmanthus sugar.
Uncle Qing was very worried about me. I didn't want him to worry, so I told him that I wasn't in pain and that I was a little sun!
My father came in at that moment, and I was very happy.
Is my father worried about me?
But then I saw my father's gaze fall on the lotus-shaped pastries beside him. He seemed a little angry, and I was at a loss for what to do. But he didn't do anything. He just said to me, "There's a banquet at home tomorrow night. Prepare well." He picked up the plate of lotus-shaped pastries and left.
At the time, I didn't know what my father meant. I just thought that he was willing to take me to the banquet, and I was really happy.
I excitedly shared with Uncle Qing that although it was very painful, it was not unbearable if it could make my father like me.
Uncle Qing looked rather grim. When I asked him something, he simply fed me a piece of osmanthus candy. I didn't understand the meaning behind the look in his eyes at the time.
Now I know.
In my father's heart, I am not worthy of having any connection with my mother, not even a plate of pastries.
He couldn't bear to touch that plate of pastries, yet he could watch helplessly as I suffered from the drugs, becoming barely recognizable as a human.
Then, I was not able to see my father until I attended a banquet.
My father took my hand and introduced me to everyone.
I was really, really happy at that moment.
My father's hands are big and warm.
I wonder if my father's embrace is warmer than this cloak?
My father went to talk to someone, and there were many children of similar age to me attending the banquet.
I want to make friends with them and chat with them.
They rejected me.
They surrounded Xu Tangge and had a great time.
And I, standing alone to the side, felt completely lost.
At that moment, a dark blue figure entered my world.
It's Bo Xiu.
My classmates all know that I like three colors the most.
Little did I know, I only liked dark blue because Bo Xiu often wore it.
The favoritism I didn't receive from my father, I received from Peter.
Later, he entered the academy.
I saw a young man as radiant as the sun; he was my senior sister and also the eldest son of the Gu family.
I don't know why, but sometimes my eyes are always on her, even though I know clearly that I don't like her.
I aspire to be like her, but I will not fall in love with her.
I've always liked this Berthy, who is my favorite.
I like those prayer beads because the twelve beads on them were obtained for me by my master and classmates.
Their names were engraved on each one.
Bo Xiu's is the one I love to touch the most; I don't know how many times I've touched the character "谦" on it.
But I dare not, nor am I worthy.
I found out about my father's involvement with the Fuyun Island Medical Alliance. Uncle Qing was also involved, and he even knew about Zi Yan and Master Shen's trip to Western Europe!
Uncle Qing had Arnor get a test subject from the Medical Alliance, whose physical data was almost exactly the same as mine!
I know Uncle Qing wants to cure me.
It seems that his feelings for me have long since transcended the mere fact that he loves me.
Perseus is a good man; his spouse shouldn't be someone like me.
Uncle Qing is also a good person, and he shouldn't bear the blame because of my father and me.
He was a kind-hearted man, and despite the pressure from powerful families, he did countless things for the common people.
I know Ziyan's nature very well; she is inherently bloodthirsty. My Buddhist prayer beads are my friends, praying for my safety, while Ziyan's prayer beads are my master's way of suppressing her bloodthirsty nature.
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