Secret Diary
Lin Weixi carefully hid the dark blue notebook in the innermost layer of her schoolbag, with the zipper tightly closed. Every time she opened her schoolbag to take something out, her fingertips would inadvertently touch the stiff cover, and a subtle ripple would appear in her heart.
In Friday's math class, the teacher explained a complex function problem. Lin Weixi frowned slightly, trying to follow the teacher's train of thought. From the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Chen Wang next to her. He was looking down at the draft paper, calculating quickly, his pen moving smoothly.
"The key to this problem is finding the axis of symmetry." The math teacher tapped the blackboard. "Chen Wang, come up and demonstrate your solution."
Chen Wang stood up and walked towards the podium. He picked up the chalk and neatly wrote down the steps to solve the problem on the blackboard. Lin Weixi watched his back, noticing that his shoulders leaned forward slightly as he wrote, and the chalk rubbed against the blackboard, making a regular sound.
"This requires a categorized discussion." He turned to face the class, his voice clear. At that moment, sunlight streamed through the window onto him, casting a faint halo over him.
Lin Weixi quickly lowered her head, pretending to organize her notes, but her heartbeat involuntarily quickened.
The bell rang, and Chen Wang returned to his seat, dusting the chalk dust off his pants. The girl in the front row turned to ask him a question, and he patiently answered it, his finger tapping on the key points on the test paper.
Lin Weixi quietly put away her textbook, and a thought came to her mind: she needed to find a place to record these tiny moments. Otherwise, she was afraid that these precious fragments would slowly become blurred over time.
During lunch break, she went alone to the small stationery store at the back door of the school. The store was very quiet, with only the owner dozing behind the counter. Lin Weixi wandered in front of the shelves for a long time, and finally chose a dark green hardcover notebook with a soft leather cover and a small brass lock on the side.
"You want this?" the proprietress asked sleepily.
Lin Weixi nodded and paid the money. When she put the notebook into her schoolbag, she felt like she was hiding a sweet secret.
Returning home, she locked the door before carefully taking out her newly bought notebook. The key clicked softly as it entered the lock. She flipped open the blank pages and hesitated for a moment, pen in hand.
"October X, sunny." She wrote down the date, the pen pausing on the paper.
How should she begin? She pondered, her pen unconsciously circling the paper. Finally, she decided to start with the simplest record.
"In math class today, he was called up to solve a problem. He was wearing that dark blue sweater and was very focused when he was writing."
Having written this, she stopped writing and carefully recalled more details.
"We were assigned to the same group for the physics group discussion this afternoon. He used to gesture with his right hand when he spoke, and his fingers were very slender."
The pen tip rustled on the paper as she was completely immersed in her memories.
"We met in the corridor after school, and he smiled at me. He probably remembered to borrow my notebook."
After writing this sentence, she gently crossed out the word "maybe." She didn't need so much uncertainty; in her diary, she could allow herself to retain this certainty.
It was getting dark outside the window. She turned on the desk lamp and continued writing:
"Sometimes I feel like we are from two different worlds. He is in the sun, and I am in the shadow. But even if we just watch from afar, it feels good."
She paused, realizing she had written too much. But wasn't this diary meant to record these feelings that couldn't be expressed to anyone?
She continued, "Chen Siyu asked me again today why I was always looking at Chen Wang. I lied to her and said I was looking at the blackboard. I hope she didn't notice I was lying."
After writing the last sentence, she gently closed the diary, locked it, and carefully placed it in the bottom drawer of her desk, covering it with a few old textbooks.
The next day was Saturday, and she woke up early. She opened the curtains and saw the bright sunshine. She opened her diary and added a few more words:
"When I woke up this morning, the first thing I thought about was the blue sweater he wore on Friday. I don't have to go to school today, so I won't see him. I feel a little sad, but also relieved because I don't have to be so cautious."
On weekends, she would occasionally open her diary and write down a few random thoughts. Sometimes she'd hear a song whose lyrics resonated with her mood, or sometimes she'd see a boy passing by the window whose back looked a bit like his.
When Monday arrived, she found herself observing everything around her more closely. Chen Wang exchanged a few extra words with a certain girl, seemed in a good mood, or looked a little tired. Every detail became material for her to meticulously record after locking the door at night.
"Today he accidentally scraped his elbow while playing basketball, and the PE teacher treated it for him. During this afternoon class, he occasionally touched the bandage lightly, frowning slightly. I hope it's nothing serious."
She put down her pen at this point, thinking back to the slight tightening in her heart when she saw his wound that day. She carefully described in her diary the feeling of wanting to show concern but not being able to rush forward.
As time went by, the contents of the diary grew richer. It contained not only observations about Chen Wang, but also her own emotional ups and downs. Happiness, bitterness, anticipation, disappointment... all the emotions she'd felt because of him found a place to rest here.
One night, she flipped through her old diary and was surprised to find that she had written a thick stack of it. Details that might have been forgotten with time were firmly captured in words.
She wrote on a new page: "Sometimes I wonder what he would think if he knew the existence of this diary one day? He would probably think I was weird. But this is my secret, a one-man show."
After writing this, she gently stroked the cover of the diary. This small lock guarded her thoughts and also protected her simple yet persistent love.
A week before the midterm exam, Chen Wang seemed particularly busy. In addition to his regular classes, he also had to attend basketball training. Lin Weixi wrote in her diary: "He seems very tired recently. Today, he fell asleep on the table during the break. The sunlight shone on his hair, which was as soft as the fur of a small animal. I pretended to pick up a pen and secretly glanced at him several times."
The next day, she deliberately brought an extra carton of milk and quietly placed it on his desk when he was not around. When he came back and picked up the milk in surprise, she pretended to be concentrating on reading, her heart pounding.
Later, he passed her a note in class: "Thank you for the milk." Those five simple words made her feel happy all day long. That night, she wrote in her diary, every word filled with unconcealed joy.
As time went by, writing in her diary became the moment she looked forward to most each day. Locking the door and turning on the desk lamp, she would sort out her feelings of the day in the quiet of the night, pouring out the words she dared not say out loud to the mute pages.
This dark green diary became her most secret and loyal companion throughout her youth, carrying a girl's purest and most persistent thoughts. Hidden within those densely packed handwriting were all her sixteen-year-old joys, sorrows, anger, and happiness, as well as that of the boy in school uniform who would draw small illustrations in his notebooks.
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