Chapter 13
The wind from Longxi blew yellow sand everywhere. Li He looked up at the place they were heading towards. The loess wall faded from view. It seemed not as majestic as he had imagined, but it looked inaccessible. The words "Yumen Pass" gradually became clearer on the stone tablet. This was where they were about to enter. A pass once prosperous in hearsay, an image constantly imagined in his mind, a place that might soon bring more death.
He helped Jiang Erlai up, and they stood up from beneath the dead tree and continued their journey. Amidst the desolate wasteland, smoke of war would eventually rise, and even in Longxi, a city filled with dead bodies, a city would finally stand. He felt a sense of relief during the long journey, perhaps because of the sight of the scattered caravans coming and going, or perhaps because they could finally stop and rest in their tents for a night.
Li He thought that once he rejoined the formation, there would always be someone to instruct them on what they needed to do each day, whether it was defending the city, keeping watch, or fighting. By accepting their future arrangements, he could hide away from fear in the routine of life. Even if it was just a delaying tactic, he didn't want to sit around until late at night, when he had to sleep.
He could hide among them, maintaining his usual silence. No one would ask where he came from, and he would only need to tell them that he had fled all the way to Yumen Pass after being defeated in battle. He would not have to recount the night raids by the Hu people, nor would he have to dwell on the separation of life and death after the three bells rang out, nor would he have to sigh over the full, bright moon that night.
He gave the remaining herbs to Jiang Er and walked towards Yumen. They were getting closer to the winding city wall. They could see the soldiers stationed there and the smoke rising into the sky. The setting sun was approaching the city wall and was about to disappear before their eyes.
Jiang Er's wounds, from within, began to heal. He led the silent Li He into the pass, accepting interrogation and investigation. After two or three years of wandering around, Jiang Er had become accustomed to such conversations. True to his outspoken nature, he cursed the barbarians who had caused them such trouble along the way, blending effortlessly into the crowd.
Li He stared at the bricks of the city wall, where the loess solidified into neatly stacked blocks. This was his first time in such a city. He suddenly felt that coming to Yumen was the right choice. Such a solid city wall would not be looted by the Hu people, and such a tight defense would not be easily defeated by a temporary defeat.
Jiang Er had explained to them that Li He was a fellow villager he had stumbled upon by chance, and that he had become somewhat silent due to the trauma of his first defeat and the wound on his shoulder. They, in turn, reduced their gazes and continued their conversation with Jiang Er. Li He stood in a corner, reaching out to touch the scratched wall. He could see the freshly applied yellow earth beside it, a color distinct from his own. He caught the fallen gravel in his palm, then let it blow to the ground in the wind.
He couldn't find the words to describe the feeling at that moment. This couldn't be peace. He knew full well that the peace bestowed by fate was merely a fig leaf, a deception. If it were peace, he would have to accept the even more intense pain and fear that was about to come. Li He covered his heaving chest with his hands, trying to escape from describing the fear.
Perhaps this was a novelty. He had reached a place he had never been before, and he knew that a city suitable for human habitation would rise in the wasteland of Longxi, that there were such passes guarded day and night, and that he would have a place to stay for a long time.
Li He began to lament the fact that the city, built from yellow sand, lacked a flowing river. He then went with Jiang Er, who had just finished his conversation, to collect porridge and be assigned to the same unit. The porridge here was made with unpolished rice, making it thicker than vegetable water. He knew where the grain collected by the grain envoys had gone. Li He finished his rare bowl of porridge and waited for Jiang Er to wolf it down before his comrades gave him an extra spoonful of rice.
The days of sleeping in the open air seemed to be soothed by this bowl of hot porridge; the feeling of fullness had become a novel pleasure. Li He sat down and re-wrapped his tattered armor, now genuinely dazed. The days and nights of travel to Yumen Pass seemed to have vanished. He felt his bones begin to mend, no longer chilled by the raging north wind.
He slid his hand inch by inch along the curved sword still hanging from his waist. He thought, "Yumen Pass isn't that far from them." Why did they head east? What if the villagers had headed west, even further west, during that time? Li He didn't know where the barbarians who had looted the village ultimately went, west or east. He was just imagining it, but fate wouldn't let him do what he wanted.
The people who lived there seemed destined for death, unable to escape. He suddenly thought of himself, the one who had escaped. He had listened to Jiang Er's conversation. He knew that going west from Yumen would lead to the land of the Hu people. Nearby, the Hu people, awaiting reinforcements, were eyeing the city with eager eyes. Therefore, the village where he was taken away must be to the east. As long as he could follow the trail of the stream, finding such a village in Longxi wouldn't be a needle in a haystack.
He hesitated, yet he also reaccepted a glimmer of hope for survival. When he left Yumen Pass, he could find a flowing stream in the wasteland of Longxi, and follow it to the village he remembered, the home he often couldn't recall even when waking from his dreams. Lying down there, he might dream again of the ballad his mother sang, the one whose tune he couldn't remember.
Then, by the river, he would remember his wish to go south, and set out again on the road out of Longxi, out of this wasteland full of dead bodies, out of this battlefield full of fear.
He and Jiang Er entered the new tent and lay down in a corner. A basin of firewood was neatly stacked, and a fire was burning outside to illuminate the area. He looked up and saw the white roof of the tent, the wooden dowels, and the black stain from the thick smoke. Li He opened his eyes, but he could no longer see the round moon at night, nor the thick clouds that obscured it.
He closed his eyes obediently, telling himself he could just sleep. In the tent, there was no moonlight, no endless fear spreading to consume him. Li He fell asleep beside a warm fire, accepting the dream he had long forgotten.
In his dreams, there would be no more bunkers he couldn't escape from, no more old friends he couldn't see. He dreamed of the defeat in the dead of night, the crumbling of tents, and the Yumen Pass he had just seen today. Li He curled up, and in his dream, he stood on the city wall he had touched so often during the day. The beacon fires were within his reach, and he simply held his bow, pointing it directly at the Hu people below the city. As if no training was needed, he only needed to draw his bow and release his arrow, then watch the crowd of people fall. The ever-present thought was the ever-sparking fire and the yellow sand swirled by the wind.
He felt as if he were further away from the blood on the ground, as if none of this had anything to do with him. Thrown stones carried men down the ladders, flaming arrows seared cloth and the flesh of others. He stood on the city wall, watching everything below, hearing the crash of huge trees against the city gates. He felt that his dream self was too calm. It was as if he had cast aside the feigned tranquility and the real fear, simply standing there and completing his task as instructed.
After that, he remained silent as usual, and no one paid any special attention to such a person. He walked down the wall step by step, his eyes constantly scanning each brick made of loess under his feet, his uninjured body feeling particularly heavy. Li He took a step, then took the next step with difficulty, preparing to walk down the wall. But he seemed to have misjudged the height and distance of the wall, and the stairs in front of him continued to wind away from his sight. He could only walk step by step, not knowing when it would end.
Clearly, he couldn't endure such exhaustion in his dreams, so he obeyed his heart and turned to look. White snow, wrapped in yellow sand, drifted down in flakes. He couldn't make out the rising smoke of war, only the beating of drums below the city walls. In his dream, he saw the first snow of the year in Longxi, covering the bloodstains of his journey and obscuring the long road ahead. He stood atop the city wall, unable to see the sky covering the earth above, unable to see the corpses strewn on the ground below, unable to see the way back down to the city in front of him, and unable to see the beacon fires burning on the city walls behind him. He stood there, watching the snow fall to the ground before him, then watching the snow pile up, one flake at a time, drowning out the entire dream.
Li He awoke to the sound of roosters crowing. All he remembered from his dream was a heavy snowfall, deep enough to drown him—perhaps the kind they say signifies a good harvest. He went out with them for training, carrying his scimitar and armor. This was his first time practicing troop formations and battlefield skills. They would defend or charge according to the sound of the drums, and he would follow them, distinguishing the different tones.
They gave him a shield and taught him how to use the sword and shield to form different formations to cooperate with the general's command.
Li He constantly tires from the relentless training, rarely able to focus solely on the present. For him, this is truly a good way to forget, a way to forget the past and dreams. During training, no one is surprised by his silence; they simply let him follow along, practicing everything he needs to learn.
Li He spent the first two days of his arrival at Yumen Pass like this. Afterwards, he and Jiang Er were assigned to the night watch and patrol formation to guard this city, a city where the lights of each house were not turned off even at night.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
