Chapter 17
Li He fell asleep. Tonight was a quiet night, just as he had hoped before going to bed. He didn't dream about anyone, or even if he did, he had completely forgotten it when he woke up, so he felt that he didn't dream at night.
The morning rooster crowed fainter than usual. The howling wind from Longxi, carrying the yellow sand from the ground, first penetrated the warmth of the tent. Li He woke up, donned his armor, and went to learn bow and arrow shooting from an old veteran who had fought in many battles. It was his turn to be on duty again. He stood in his familiar spot, half-dazed, and by the light of the beacon fire, he would count the neatly stacked bricks of the city wall. He could never quite remember, and counting them one by one was just a way to while away the night.
The moon hung in the sky, waxing and waning. Red paper and lanterns were rarely seen in the city, except in a few wealthy homes. Li He would sometimes stare at the red decorations, a sign of the approaching New Year, something he had never seen before, so he would force himself to take a closer look.
Sometimes I would think of Jiang Erlai, and what I remember most were the last few words he said. He would think of them as different words every time and repeat them to me. Sometimes it was because I was unwilling to die here and wanted to go home to see my sister. Sometimes it was because I asked Li He to go home and see my sister whom I hadn't seen for two or three years if he could go home. Sometimes it was because I had other intentions, like he wanted to find a good family for my sister and watch her get married in glory.
Li He could only practice marching, archery, and other things more diligently. Ever since that day, after drinking the broth, his daily diet had become increasingly thinner. Previously, it was porridge mixed with dried grass, but now it was just a smattering of rice and large pieces of grass roots. The bitter, dry taste filled his mouth, but Li He was used to it, feeling that life had simply returned to its normal state.
When the Hu people attacked the city again, they would only come in small groups to harass the city every night. Li He would occasionally encounter them when he was on duty at night. He only needed to draw his bow and throw down boulders to withstand such attacks. He kept the scimitar on his waist. His right hand had learned not to hold the hilt tightly all the time. Sometimes the fully drawn bow looked like the moon hanging in the sky. He gradually returned to silence.
After that heavy snow, there were several more snowfalls, usually at night. When we woke up in the morning, we could basically only see the ice on the ground. The black mountains and the white sky were clearly distinguished, and in the distance, there was a biting wind blowing continuously.
Gradually, the porridge with grass roots could no longer be called porridge. The dark green water in the bowl was filled more and more each time, mostly from the thick snow piled under the city wall. The taste of sand and soil was unbearable. In the end, there was no rice left, only dry grass and vegetable water. It was bitter and astringent, but barely enough to fill my stomach.
They sat by the fire, their voices no longer viable, speculating that the city was running out of food. As they talked and thought, a rare silence fell over them. Li He returned to his corner, lay down, and stared at the ceiling of the tent. He no longer cared whether the moon was full or crescent, or whether the sky was cloudy or clear. He seemed to have been infected by the impatience that Jiang Er had entrusted to him, and he kept harboring a delusion that as long as this winter passed and next spring arrived, everything would be over. If he only had to survive this winter, he would be able to fulfill Jiang Er's instructions and embark on his own path.
His memory was a little fuzzy, and the way of writing the word "river" that he had remembered before was a little distorted. He only remembered those curved lines that looked like tributaries, so he stopped tracing it himself. He still couldn't remember how to write such a word, nor could he remember how Jiang Er taught him.
After a few days, they had all accepted a daily diet of vegetable water. A bitter feeling lingered in their mouths, and Li He was concerned about their evening conversations. He had overheard them while passing by the commander's tent. They said the imperial court had sent a military supervisor to Yumen Pass. The supervisor was a new official, and their exact identity was unclear. They were more concerned about what would happen next. It seemed the supervisor would reach Yumen Pass in two or three days, bringing with him provisions allocated by the imperial court. If they could just hold out for a few more days, they could finally enjoy rice porridge again, and maybe even a meal of oily meat soup.
Li He fell asleep amidst the bustle. He believed what they had heard. Even though he had grown accustomed to eating only vegetables and water, he still yearned for the arrival of food and fodder, the chance to drink hot porridge again during the New Year's holiday, and to enjoy a few more moments of warmth in the tent. He was also somewhat hazy about the present day, unable to remember the exact time, only the day and night. He also had no idea whether the moon would be waxing or waning these past few days.
Arriving before the food and fodder were the Hu people, preparing for another assault. This time, the horns blew in the daylight, the sun just peeked over the distant mountaintops, the ice still slippery on the ground. Li He stood on the city wall, bow in hand. He had already learned how to shoot, and because of his size, he was assigned to the tower. His arrows, coated in oil, rolled in the nearby fire, and then, with a full swing, he launched them at the Hu people climbing the rope ladder. From high above, he could faintly hear the heavy thud of bodies hitting the ground, but he didn't bother to dwell on it.
He simply continued drawing his bow, releasing arrows, and applying oil. This time, the barbarians seemed to be more numerous than before. Gradually, his arrows were all used up. Li He followed them, fetching the boulders piled at their feet and pushing them down from the wall, smashing down the barbarians who were constantly climbing up. He seemed to be further away from the battlefield, unable to make out the details of the chaos. The drums continued to beat rapidly, the horns blew continuously, and his movements intensified.
Gradually, the stones at their feet were thrown away without knowing when. Li He took off the knife at his waist and slashed at the Hu people preparing to climb the wall. The rope ladder was shaking violently, and sometimes he could use his knife to cut the iron hooks and ropes climbing on the wall in time.
Li He was a little confused. He remembered that there hadn't been so many Hu people before, but now the enemies rushing towards him were even more numerous. He parried a Hu person who jumped onto the wall, and the scimitar swung across his neck, and a large amount of hot blood splattered on his face. Li He reached out and wiped his eyes, then continued to guard a section of the wall.
He repeatedly cut through the ropes that held him up, and repeatedly struck down the Hu people who were about to leap. He replenished his arrows, but this time, he had no time to oil them, so he could only rely on his accuracy to shoot down the rising Hu people. Li He kept firing arrows, his fingers bleeding from the grinding, and the wind from the height chilled him, leaving his hands feeling stiff.
There seemed to be fewer and fewer Hu people climbing up, giving him enough time to chop down the rope ladders, Li He thought. But he also felt a vague sense of unease. The horns were blowing extremely high and the drums were beating harder than usual. He didn't know what these signals meant.
He simply repeated these actions, risking his life and body to block the barbarians who were trying to break through the city. But soon, he knew what it meant—the heavy thuds of battering rams continued to rang out, a sound he could hear even from his perch on the city wall. The shouts from below were all words he couldn't understand, occasionally mingled with the beat of their own drums.
There was a resounding crash as the city gate opposite was smashed open by a massive log carried by the Hu people. "The city gate is broken—" the soldier who had brought the news ran along the wall, his voice hoarse as he shouted, "We must defend it, defend Yumen." Li He clenched his knife and followed them down. The Hu people no longer needed to climb up, so he threw away the useless bow he was carrying and hurried down the steps.
Joining the chaos below, a huge log was thrown at the center of the city gate. The swarming Hu people rushed forward with loud shouts. Li He drew his sword and slashed at their waists, chopping off their heads. He was distracted for a moment, thinking that he could not escape the predicament of the battlefield. Everywhere were people, and there were also dead bodies lying on the ground. The living and the dead mixed together, heading straight into the city. But he couldn't let them go, and he couldn't let himself be afraid of death. He allowed the Hu people to open a new wound on his waist and abdomen. Li He maintained his habitual silence. The Han people's voices faded, and only the occasional shouts indicated that the melee was not over yet.
They tried to encourage each other again, saying, "Hold on this time. The military supervisor will arrive tomorrow with rations—that's this year's new grain," mixed with reminders that the city must not be breached. For the first time, Li He reacted to the noise he loathed, clasping his knife with both hands to block the incoming blades. He no longer felt the chill of the Longxi winter, nor did he know whether the blood coursing through his bones was cold or warm. All he could vaguely sense was the blood flowing from his belly onto the sandy ground within the city.
He finally closed his eyes, letting himself collapse backwards. The barbarians straddled him, unconcerned about his life or death. They rode their warhorses straight into the city. Li He reached out to pick up the scimitar he had lost, but the handle was still too far away. He could only watch with his eyes open as his hand, unable to lift it, inched forward, inch by inch. He no longer cared whether the person lying beside him was alive or dead.
He thought of Jiang Er's promise, that he should have been more cautious and fearful of death. Unfortunately, he hadn't fully learned that lesson yet, and fate wasn't on his side. He thought of Jiang Er's home, which must be very far from Yumen, far beyond his reach. He didn't even have the strength to walk out of Yumen, or even crawl out. He didn't want to see the city he'd defended for almost two months destroyed by the swords of the barbarians, but it wasn't a choice he had.
Li He thought blankly, this was the fate he'd chosen, and he could only accept it. He felt his intestines about to bleed out with the blood. He didn't know how many times he'd been stabbed, but the barbarian's scimitars and brute force were truly terrifying. He no longer bothered to cover his wounds. Li He thought of the dried herbs left behind by the old man and his companions, still tucked away in his arms. He reached out to undo his armor, wanting to smell the bitter aroma of the herbs once more. Since he couldn't lift the knife anymore, he wanted to take it out and examine it.
He didn't seem to have the peace he'd imagined before. As he lay on the ground, he wasn't thinking about seeing his mother, father, younger sister, and younger brother, nor was he thinking about his uncle and youngest son. He began to feel a little regretful. This regret now covered up the huge fear and the pain all over his body.
Li He felt his vision blur, savoring this profound regret for the last time. It seemed he couldn't think about what would happen next, for he hadn't even started on the road home, and he no longer had the strength to turn back. He couldn't recall the ballads his mother sang in his dreams, nor could he travel to the south where his mother had grown up. He couldn't remember how to write the word "river," nor could he find the village where the small river flowed and surrounded it. He didn't have the energy to follow the river's direction and see what the sea was like. He had also disobeyed Jiang Er's request, unable to help him visit his sister. He could only wish her in the north with Jiang Er, hoping that she would marry in glory, free from the fate they had endured.
He loosened his hand. Li He knew that he could no longer hold the jumping black fish in his dream, nor could he walk out of the bottomless sand pit in his dream. Today, there was no heavy snow in his dream that could cover the entire Longxi and Yumen, leaving him with only his eyes open looking at the sky.
He seemed to vaguely hear the sound of galloping horses, along with the gradually fading, then growing heavier, drumbeats on the city walls. Li He smiled, an expression he had rarely managed in recent years. He was finally able to focus on the military supervisors who had arrived this time. With Yumen Pass breached, he had no one to use the food and fodder he had brought.
He imagined the scene of defeat for the military supervisor, a man he had never met, and began to mock himself again. He couldn't close his eyes, completely different from what he had imagined. Li He felt that he was not a coward, and if he did, he would fail miserably. He could still vaguely see the sky above him. Today, it was filled with gray clouds, as if they were pressing down on him.
As Li He thought about this, he finally fell asleep and took his last breath.
In the cold of Longxi's winter, there was no sound of flowing rivers. Perhaps the sound of wheels and horses' hooves transporting grain and fodder would soon reach Yumen. Li He's blood flowed to the ground, and if it didn't freeze in the freezing temperature, it would eventually turn black, blending with the yellow sand, in the fierce northwest wind.
All the lights in Yumen were extinguished, the smoke from the city walls rose higher than usual, and the distant drumbeats gradually died down. The Hu horses trampled over the corpses scattered across the ground, leaving only the sound of war horses neighing and raising their necks. Li He had no chance to travel south or east. He remained silent, unable to close his eyes, staring at the sky of Longxi, staring at his own fate.
End of Volume 1.
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