Chapter 69 Don't comfort me, just give up on me and let me continue to fall.
Fu Hanchuan walked out of the door, walked step by step to his side, bent down and squatted down, his voice softening: "Sweetie, are you hungry? Do you want to eat something outside and go home, or do you want us to go home together and have Auntie cook?"
Wen Yanyu looked up at the man and subconsciously tried to reach out to take his hand, but her hands had been trembling for too long and she didn't have the strength to lift them.
Fu Hanchuan noticed this and immediately reached out to grasp his hand, one hand going under his knee and the other over his waist to hold him under his shoulder, lifting him up steadily in a princess carry.
The person in my arms was very light, so light that even an adult with some strength could easily lift him up without any effort, let alone someone who exercises regularly.
Fu Hanchuan lowered his eyes, concealing the worry in them.
"Do you want to go home or eat out?" Fu Hanchuan lowered his head slightly and asked again in the boy's ear.
Wen Yanyu buried her head in the man's shoulder and neck, her voice soft and sleepy: "I want to go home with you."
"Okay, let's go home, let's go home."
The understated black Cayenne splashed water from the roadside, leaving ripples on the wet ground.
Soothing instrumental music was playing inside the car.
Wen Yanyu lowered her eyes, stared blankly for a moment, and then suddenly said softly, "I'm sorry, I've caused you so much trouble..."
His voice was very soft.
Fu Hanchuan's eyes darkened slightly, and he hugged him even tighter.
"You've never been a problem for me."
Fine raindrops fell on the car window.
Even though the hospital wasn't far from home, Wen Yanyu still unconsciously leaned into the arms of the person next to her and slowly closed her eyes.
I'm so sleepy.
It was also very tiring.
My brain tries hard to work, but each time it feels like it's shrouded in fog, unable to move at all.
Ever since he found out Jun Changmo's identity online, he has been gripped by panic and anxiety.
The moment he closes his eyes, the voices from his memories surge like a tidal wave, constantly ringing in his ears, endlessly engulfing him.
That scream was a culmination of his countless deaths, countless moments of pain and despair.
The only thing that could put his mind at ease was that he hadn't run away yet.
Only when he falls asleep each night does the system come to his side, telling him that Fu Hanchuan is safe and that he himself is safe.
They will take care of Jun Changmo.
And Siye, Loshville, Qiuqiu... everyone is still here, they're just not in this world anymore, but they still remember you.
Wen Yanyu, we will protect you.
You must stay by Fu Hanchuan's side, stay by his side.
Only in that way can you protect yourself.
Protect Fu Hanchuan.
Don't be afraid, don't run away, don't scream, cover your mouth, don't scream, don't be afraid.
For several days, Fu Hanchuan went to various hospitals for medical checkups, though he didn't say anything.
But after each examination, Fu Hanchuan's dark complexion and sudden change in attitude were striking.
Although he didn't know exactly how many injuries he brought back, the long-term pain made him realize that the test results were probably not very optimistic.
Fu Hanchuan used to be fierce towards him occasionally, but these past few days he has been very careful and gentle.
Maybe it's just being cheap.
When someone you like is considerate and attentive to you, a normal person should be happy.
But he didn't feel happy; instead, he felt a suffocating sense of guilt and bitterness.
He was Fu Hanchuan's important friend, and could only be a friend. He had made a mistake, an irreversible mistake, and he could accept that Fu Hanchuan disliked and hated him.
But Fu Hanchuan couldn't abandon him, couldn't let him go.
Therefore, suppress all emotions.
Even if he hurts me, I will still love him out of a sense of responsibility and an unyielding affection.
Setting aside pride and ego, she showed care and concern...
The thought of this overwhelmed him with guilt and self-loathing.
Seeing Fu Hanchuan treating him so carefully and running around for him, he instinctively wanted to escape and wanted to cry.
I blame myself for causing so much trouble, and for not getting better.
He doesn’t know when it started, but living has become a painful thing for him. When he’s busy, it’s okay, but as soon as he has free time, he unconsciously wants to be free and relieved.
But when I think about what Fu Hanchuan has done, and when I think about how sad Fu Hanchuan would be if I were really gone one day, I am also afraid of what Fu Hanchuan would do when the day comes.
Wen Yanyu, Fu Hanchuan hates you. You've already hurt him badly enough. How could you be so greedy?
Wen Yanyu, you will never see your parents and sister again. You have no family. You are destined to be cannon fodder for the ruined plot. You should get rid of it as soon as possible.
Wen Yanyu, you are very important to Fu Hanchuan. You can't die. Even though he hates you, you are still very important to him. You can't die. You have to hold on until the story ends. You have to hold on until Fu Hanchuan finds the next important person, the next person who can accompany Fu Hanchuan for the rest of his life.
Various emotions and events intertwined, creating a tangled web of contradictions, like a spinning ball of knives, wildly rotating within the body, tearing at the flesh and blood again and again, causing excruciating pain.
Wen Yanyu's eyelashes trembled slightly as she nestled into the man's arms, repeatedly apologizing in her heart.
My body and mind felt as heavy as if they were filled with lead.
His heart was telling him to cry, and his doctor told him, Wen Yanyu, you should cry.
But my eyes were dry and sore, and it seemed that all my tears had been shed along with the pain and despair, and nothing could come out.
Something was buzzing incessantly in my ears.
The cold raindrops kept hitting the windowpane, and hitting my heart, pattering incessantly.
He heard it...
The rain is crying for him...
——————
Only a small nightlight was on in the bedroom, casting a warm, dim glow throughout the room.
Wen Yanyu nestled in the center of the large bed, surrounded by several soft, cozy plush blankets bathed in the soft glow of the lamplight.
Fu Hanchuan leaned against the headboard, his eyes revealing no emotion, staring blankly at the diagnostic report in his hand.
The patient suffers from severe auditory hallucinations, possibly accompanied by mild visual hallucinations, moderate paranoia, a certain degree of self-destructive tendency, moderate sleep disturbances, slowed thinking, and a certain degree of cognitive confusion.
The patient was diagnosed with severe depressive tendencies, relatively severe post-traumatic stress disorder, mild schizophrenia, and relatively severe somatization reactions. It was recommended that the patient not be left alone.
Fu Hanchuan folded the report, slowly tearing it into pieces and throwing it into the trash can by his bedside.
Memories flash back to daytime.
Tao Qingyue sat at her desk and, taking a break while prescribing medicine, said to him, "There are many reasons that could cause this situation."
"Although he was very guarded and unwilling to reveal much information to me, I suspect that he had suffered long-term psychological abuse in the past, and may even have suffered life-threatening physical abuse, which gradually led to his current state. This condition can be alleviated through medication and the support of family, friends and loved ones."
"But as family members, we still need to be mentally prepared. The psychological damage itself is very difficult to reverse. It's like a broken mirror. Although it can be glued back together, the cracks are hard to completely repair. Therefore, the treatment of mental illnesses is usually a long-term battle or even a lifetime."
“A healthy person’s heart is an oasis, but his inner world is a wasteland after being burned by fire many times. The green plants that could support a person’s life have been burned to death by the fire, and his spirit naturally collapses. We can plant new seeds on this plain, but it takes a lot of love and energy to restore it to its original state, and it is almost impossible to do so.”
"As for his current situation, you can think of him as an injured rabbit. Rabbits don't cry out when they're in pain, so it's hard for us to notice that the rabbit is injured. Relatively speaking, this situation is actually more serious than crying and screaming."
"But you should know one thing: being able to endure pain does not mean that it does not hurt."
"If he can still call out, it means his body is still trying to call for help. But if he can't even call out anymore, the first possibility is that he has tried to call for help many times but has not received a response. Over time, he has become afraid to make a sound. The second possibility is that he has lost the will to call for help."
"Of course, there is also a third possibility: a combination of the two."
“During the two days I’ve been communicating with him, I’ve noticed that he has a strong sense of guilt and unworthiness towards everyone.” Tao Qingyue said as she prepared the prescription medicine, glancing at him sideways.
“Although I don’t know many things, I know that he values you very much and feels a lot of guilt and remorse towards you. This is both a bad thing and a good thing.”
"He would want to end everything because of the guilt and remorse he feels for you, and he would also live on for you because of that guilt. Although both are painful, there is always hope in living."
The warm light of dusk outside the window was obscured by rain and mist.
The woman's helpless yet poignant voice still echoed in my ears.
"To be honest, he was the most seriously ill patient I have ever encountered, both physically and mentally. Several patients who were in much better condition than him are no longer with us."
"He is a very strong, very strong child, so strong that he even makes me feel a little...heartbroken."
The sound of rain outside the window grew louder and louder.
My mood became heavy and depressed with the rain and fog.
Fu Hanchuan was in a daze for a while. He subconsciously reached for a cigarette from the bedside table. His hand had already reached out, but he paused and withdrew his hand just as he touched the edge of the table.
Fu Hanchuan turned around and lay down.
Wen Yanyu breathed evenly, nestled in the quilt, surrounded by dolls for company. Two strands of her bangs drooped down her sides, like soft rabbit ears.
Fu Hanchuan slowly approached and gently pulled the sleeping rabbit into his arms.
In that fleeting moment when heartbeats intertwine, it's impossible to tell who is whose support.
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