Chapter 054 Chapter 54
A cold, gloomy wind blew.
Thick fog filled the surroundings.
Xia Meng's gaze passed through the three Li Zhous and looked towards the village entrance.
I saw a slender figure walking out from behind the welcome sign at the entrance of the village.
If it’s not Lin Fei, then who is it?
The little girl slowly raised her hand and tucked the hair on her cheek behind her ear.
The teenage girl looked youthful and lively, but from the first time Xia Meng saw her, she could vaguely sense the fatigue and vicissitudes in her eyes.
At that time, she was still thinking, are children nowadays under so much pressure in studying?
Look what has been done to a young girl.
Now think about it, how can she be a young girl?
She is clearly a woman who has suffered a lot in life.
Why.
Lin Fei was wearing the little dress she wore to the wedding, with her straight short hair just reaching her chin, and she still looked youthful and lively.
She came out, tilted her head and asked, "How did you recognize me?"
Xia Meng stared at her.
"The owner of the mental image can possess anyone or any object in this world. But basically, they must stay within the core of the mental image."
"Obviously, this so-called core should be me—or rather, my current identity."
From the moment Xia Meng stepped out of the subway station, she became the heroine of this story.
Then the person closest to her is naturally the most likely owner of the mental picture.
So the first person Xia Meng suspected was Lin Fei, the girl she met on the minibus.
Then there was the mother who cooked for her.
Xia Meng said calmly, "Now thinking carefully, every experience I've had here, all the information I've received, every plot twist I've encountered, has had your involvement."
The role of Lin Fei is very crucial.
She always appears at the right time, provides all the necessary information at the right time, and guides and influences Xia Meng's every choice at the right time.
At the end, Xia Meng smiled.
"You must be feeling frustrated right now, right? I never seem to make the choices you want."
Lin Fei looked straight at Xia Meng with a complicated look in her eyes.
"Indeed, I don't understand why you would choose this."
That youthful and lively state gradually faded from her.
At this moment, she looked like an ordinary woman in her thirties.
Xia Meng raised her foot and slowly walked towards Lin Fei.
After three days, the three people silently turned into three wisps of smoke and dissipated into the air.
Xia Meng nodded.
She could understand Lin Fei's confusion.
She said slowly, "Yes, if it were you, you would hold Lu Yuting's hand on the night of Chinese Valentine's Day, spend a romantic night with him, and then at dawn the next day, accept the blessing of this sea of flowers and happily step into the wedding scene with him—"
Xia Meng put her hands behind her back, walked to Lin Fei, circled around her, and then stopped.
Xia Meng looked at Lin Fei's profile.
She suddenly asked pointedly, "Those tests you gave me were actually choices you've faced before, right? You wanted to see what choices others would make if they were in the same situation as you, right?"
Lin Fei froze.
That’s right, Xia Meng guessed very accurately.
Xia Meng continued slowly: "Let me guess again why you chose me..."
She put her hands behind her back and continued walking. "The change in your mental picture started in the subway car. This means that when you met me, we were both in that car at the same time. It was you who saw me, or rather, you saw me and Li Zhou, that triggered your already unstable mental state, and that's why your mental picture became abnormal."
The mental picture is the presentation of human consciousness and subconsciousness.
The spiritual picture after alienation is more like a mixture of Lin Fei's consciousness and subconsciousness.
Xia Meng looked back at the endless sea of sunflowers, and at the church looming at the end of the sea of flowers...
Every detail here is actually Lin Fei's suppressed consciousness and subconsciousness. They are not recognized and accepted by Lin Fei himself, so they can only be presented in this weird and morbid form.
Xia Meng could empathize with her to some extent.
Lin Fei wanted to gain some kind of recognition through Xia Meng's repeated choices.
It seemed that as long as Xia Meng made the same choice as her, she would feel at ease.
But Xia Meng's choices every time went against her.
This made Lin Fei even more anxious.
The alienation of the spiritual landscape is also becoming more and more serious.
Very typical symptoms of schizophrenia.
So pitiful.
Xia Meng thought.
She stood in front of Lin Fei.
She raised her hand and gently stroked the little girl's cheek, rubbing Lin Fei's face with the tip of her thumb.
There was a hint of sympathy in Xia Meng's eyes.
"These choices keep repeating in your mental picture. Lin Fei, do you regret it? Do you regret every choice you've made?"
"Do you regret choosing your lover over your instinct?"
Psychoanalysis is the most important and critical step in the process of a psychiatrist seeing a patient.
Freud, who founded psychoanalysis, believed that the subconscious is human instinct and repressed desires.
Then Xia Meng has reason to believe that the distortion of this mental picture stems from the conflict between Lin Fei's instincts and repressed desires.
——The conflict between lover and whistle-blowing nature.
It is a conflict between reason and physical instinct.
Xia Meng looked at her lovingly: "When you saw Li Zhou and I in the carriage, did you want to know what I would choose if I had to make a choice?"
"Do you want me to tell you whether to choose Li Zhou or Lu Yuting?"
"You want me to make the right choice for you?"
Xia Meng's fingertips gently stroked Lin Fei's forehead and hooked the flying hair behind her ear.
At this moment, Lin Fei in front of her looked like a wandering and helpless little animal.
There was panic and helplessness in his eyes.
Like a dandelion with no landing point, it can only float continuously in the wind.
Psychoanalysis has a very core basic theory, which is -
“Symptoms are for survival.”
All the abnormalities are because she needs this as a support.
Only in this way can she continue to support herself and live.
From this we can see that the Fregeli delusion syndrome centered on Lu Yuting may not be true.
This was simply the result of Lin Fei distorting and rationalizing reality in order to keep his spirit alive.
…
Wang Xiangyi often says that the world seen by normal people and mental patients is different.
Xia Meng felt that it was not just normal people and mental patients.
Everyone in this world sees the world differently.
Just like in Lin Fei's eyes, she and Li Zhou are a pair of lovers.
In her own eyes, not necessarily.
The different heights and angles at which each person stands determine that they will see the world differently.
therefore--
Is there any choice that is necessarily right or wrong?
Xia Meng took a step forward and raised her hand to hold Lin Fei in her arms.
She patted Lin Fei's shoulder gently and said softly, "Your choice has never been wrong. It's just that nothing in this world is unchanging. Time changes, and people change too. If you wanted to choose then, you chose it. If you don't want to choose now, you can just stop and turn around."
Lin Fei lowered her head.
Thoughtful.
After a long while, she suddenly asked in Xia Meng's arms: "Then...what will you choose?"
Xia Meng sighed softly.
She is still obsessed with it.
She loosened her arms and looked at Lin Fei.
never mind.
People's obsessions cannot be changed overnight or with just a few words.
But since she asked...
Xia Meng thought about it seriously, tilted her head and replied: "If you ask me, I won't choose either one."
Lin Fei was startled.
Xia Meng smiled and said, "The world is so big and life is so long. It's so boring to focus all your attention on men."
Whether it is rational liking or instinctive liking.
Is this important?
If you don't think it's important, it's not that important.
Things on the subjective level are just idealism.
Lin Fei widened her eyes.
Xia Meng lowered her head and looked at her hands.
The guide's spiritual power was finally successfully condensed.
From the moment she realized she had become a sentinel, she had been trying to gather the guide's spiritual power.
Unfortunately, this world always suppresses her mentally.
Until this moment, she felt that Lin Fei's will was shaken by her. She seized the flaw in this moment and finally succeeded in condensing her mental power.
The spiritual power turned into wind, blowing past them and into the distance.
Blow away the thick fog that is weighing down the sea of flowers.
The spiritual power turned into sunlight, penetrated the clouds and fell on the sea of sunflowers.
The round flower discs raised their heads in the sunlight.
The sunflowers shook their golden petals.
The flowers bloomed vigorously.
Xia Meng turned her head, raised her eyebrows and smiled at Lin Fei: "The sun and this sea of flowers are still the best match."
Lin Fei didn't know what she was thinking about, and tears gradually welled up in her eyes.
"Thank you," she said softly. "And I'm sorry."
I'm sorry for dragging you into this.
As the words fell, the church bells in the distance rang for the last time.
Then it turned into fine dust and dissipated in the sunlight.
And where the church was originally located, a beam of light that did not belong to this world was lighting up from the ground.
It's a door.
It turns out the door is hidden there.
Xia Meng breathed a sigh of relief.
She didn't hesitate and walked over there.
At the same time, he waved at Lin Fei without turning his head: "You're welcome, I forgive you."
The sun is gentle.
The sky is blue.
A gentle breeze blows.
The golden sunflowers sway.
As the Guide's mental strength returned, the Sentinel's power disappeared from her.
Xia Meng walked forward with her hands behind her back.
As he walked, the scattered spots of light in front gathered together and condensed into the shape of Li Zhou.
Xia Meng glanced at him without stopping.
She didn't bother to figure out whether this Li Zhou was real or fake, and just walked past him casually.
Li Zhou didn't seem to expect that Xia Meng would just walk past him without even saying hello.
He turned around in disbelief and chased after him.
Li Zhou: "Don't you even want to confirm whether I'm real?"
Xia Meng put her hands behind her back: "Is it important?"
Li Zhou: "Huh...? Not important?"
Xia Meng smiled but didn't answer. After a long while, she asked, "Which of those three people just now was you?"
Li Zhou was silent for a moment, then whispered, "All three are me."
Xia Meng nodded in understanding.
No wonder.
No wonder they look so similar, even she can't tell them apart.
Li Zhou followed her closely. After a while, he asked, not giving up, "So... is it true that you said you wouldn't choose either?"
Xia Meng gave him a funny look and said, "I was just fooling Lin Fei. How come you were fooled too?"
Li Zhou: “…”
Xia Meng: "Besides, does it matter whether it's true or not?"
Li Zhou was stunned by the question.
Li Zhou stopped.
Xia Meng walked forward with her hands behind her back.
Without even turning her head, she said leisurely, "Whether to choose or not is mutual. If you haven't met the person you want to be with, then don't choose. If you meet someone, then choose them. What's there to be entangled about?"
Her voice sounded free and unrestrained.
Like a gust of wind, it drifted away leisurely.
Li Zhou blinked lightly, came back to his senses, and trotted to catch up.
The two figures in the sea of flowers quickly overlapped, and then walked forward shoulder to shoulder, taking the same steps.
…
The two walked out of Lin Fei's world through the "door".
There is light flowing before my eyes.
When they came to their senses, they found themselves back in the subway.
The subway is still running.
It was only about five or six stops away from the point where they had entered the mental image before.
In other words, less than half an hour had passed in reality.
The carriage was still crowded.
Xia Meng looked up and exchanged glances with Li Zhou, then they both turned their heads to look around.
The people around looked normal, as if they had no idea what had just happened.
It was as if he had not been drawn into the mental picture.
Lin Fei seemed to have come specifically for them.
Xia Meng sighed bitterly.
Thinking happily in the midst of suffering:
He is a very well-educated psychopath who knows not to implicate innocent people...
etc!
Then isn't she, a worker who has to work overtime after work, innocent?
"Found it." Li Zhou suddenly raised his chin towards a place not far away.
Xia Meng followed his gaze and saw Lin Fei huddled in the corner with traces of tears on her face.
Xia Meng sighed softly, stood up straight, and prepared to walk towards her.
Li Zhou held her back and said, "Why don't we just leave it to the people in the Black Tower?"
Xia Meng: "It's okay, her condition is actually not dangerous."
Typical patients with Fregelian delusion may be at risk of self-harm or harming others, but Lin Fei's case is different.
Her schizophrenia largely comes from her own strong emotions, such as regret, dissatisfaction with real life, or despair.
Xia Meng guessed that something might have gone wrong in her and Lu Yuting's marriage.
As a result, Lin Fei began to regret his choice in the past and deny himself at the same time because of despair.
It is under strong repression that mental state becomes problematic.
This condition is actually curable.
Since we can lend a hand, of course we should lend a hand.
"Also, her symptoms were identified through psychoanalysis, which was just the beginning of her psychotherapy."
"Unless she is cured, the distortion in her mental picture will remain."
Xia Meng walked over.
Lin Fei really looked exactly like the girl Lin Fei in the mental image.
But she looked much more haggard and worn than when she was a teenager, with dark shadows under her eyes.
Xia Meng smiled at her and said nothing.
She casually took out a piece of cardboard from her pocket and wrote down her name, department and work phone number on it.
Then, as she handed the paper over, she reached out and patted her shoulder, saying softly, "I work in the psychiatric department of the Black Tower. You can make an appointment with me when I open on Monday. It's okay, I can help you."
Just a few words.
Full of intimacy and security.
Lin Fei stared blankly at the paper in her hand and nodded slightly.
…
The subway has arrived.
Many people get off at this stop.
Lin Fei also got off the car.
Many people left the carriage at once, and it seemed empty.
Xia Meng and Li Zhou returned to their usual positions.
At the door of the carriage, the two men leaned against the side panels facing each other.
There was no eye contact at all.
Xia Meng tilted her head to look out the window, while Li Zhou lowered his head to look at his feet.
The two of them were distracted at the same time.
There seems to be a large event taking place in the square in the distance.
There are hundreds of drones performing in the night sky, arranging them to look like fireworks, which is lifelike.
As Xia Meng watched, she couldn't help but recall the scene in her mental image where Li Zhou pulled her into his arms.
The fireworks display at that time was really beautiful.
She thought.
That embrace under the fireworks is also quite...
It made her heart beat faster.
She admitted that Li Zhou was the most special man she had ever met.
Good looks come second.
The most important point is that she always feels involuntarily attracted to him.
She couldn't help but think of him.
When I see others, I can't help but compare them with him.
She couldn't help but wonder what this feeling was.
Displacement effect?
Suspension bridge effect?
She looked at him quietly.
But she found that he had been secretly glancing at her at some point.
Their eyes met unexpectedly.
It was like two guilty thieves who were caught red-handed by each other.
The two of them quickly looked away at the same time.
Two seconds later, he involuntarily looked away from the other person.
They caught each other red-handed again.
Li Zhou coughed lightly, feeling somewhat guilty.
Xia Meng was more calm and took the initiative to ask, "What are you thinking about?"
The subway enters the station and arrives at Yong'an Station.
Li Zhou raised his hand to rub his nose, then quickly stood up and changed the subject: "Let's get off the car first."
After saying that, he got out of the car on his own.
Xia Meng looked at his back with some amusement.
This person is too clean and too transparent.
All emotions seemed to be clearly visible.
She suddenly remembered that when she was in school, a few classmates got together to chat and happened to talk about what kind of partner they wanted to find in the future.
Some people say that people always have a sense of compensation.
In simple terms, the more you lack something, the more you want to make up for it.
The need to find a partner can actually reflect the mechanism of this compensatory psychology.
For example, some people who are not good-looking may prefer people with good looks.
For example, if someone is not good at studying, they are more likely to admire those who are good at studying.
For example, some people who are introverted are easily attracted to extroverts.
Whether these two people are suitable for each other is not the point for now.
At least from a psychological point of view, it is quite possible that people are influenced by the compensatory psychology when choosing a spouse.
At that time, Xia Meng was also pulled into this topic by her friends.
A friend asked her by name.
Xia Meng laughed casually at the time and said, "If that's the case, we might be better off looking for someone with a very normal mental state, someone whose psychology is clean and clear, someone we can see clearly at a glance."
After all, at work, we encounter all kinds of mental disorders and difficult and complicated problems.
In life, we probably hope that our other half will be simple and clear.
At this moment, Xia Meng recalled her youthful and frivolous theories and couldn't help laughing.
So, what is this now?
A prophecy comes true?
Li Zhou is indeed a clear-minded person.
But at the same time, he is also the most confusing.
Before getting to know him, everyone around him was always very secretive when talking about him.
They worshipped him but also feared him.
While relying on and trusting him, we are also wary of and suspicious of him.
It is true that S-class Sentinels are indeed high and mighty, and indeed unfathomable.
But Xia Meng felt that it was also related to the mysterious aura that always lingered around him.
That mysterious engraving guide...
Xia Meng knew that the greatest mystery about him lay in the engraved guide, whose existence was unknown.
Until we figure out the engraving guide, everything else is meaningless.
Xia Meng sighed softly.
It feels a bit difficult.
After the two of them came out of the subway station, they walked one after the other.
Hearing her sigh, Li Zhou stopped and turned to look at her.
The streets are dimly lit.
It was getting late, and all the shops on the street, except for those selling late-night snacks, were closing one after another.
Li Zhou asked, "What's wrong with you?"
Xia Meng looked at him and suddenly asked, "Can I come to your place tonight?"
Li Zhou: “?”
Xia Meng took two steps forward and walked in front of him: "Or you can go to my place."
Li Zhou: “???”
Li Zhou was stunned.
What is she talking about?
Was this what she meant...what he thought she meant?
Is it so sudden?
In fact, it’s no wonder that he was confused, because Xia Meng’s expression at this moment looked so calm and composed.
It was so calm that it didn't seem like an invitation to him at all. It seemed more like he was trying to get him to work overtime together.
Yes.
Her expression even looked a bit bitter and resentful.
He looked as if he was going to the battlefield with a gun in hand.
No one would dare to think in that direction.
Li Zhou opened his mouth blankly and responded subconsciously: "...I can do anything."
Xia Meng didn't notice at all what ambiguous words she had just said.
She quickly made a decision: "Then come to my place. You might not even have the bed made."
Li Zhou: “???”
bed? ? ?
Is it really what he thought???
Wait…isn’t this inappropriate?
Are they that kind of...relationship?
Is Xia Meng...the type of person who can start anything as soon as she says so?
Li Zhou's thoughts were confused for a moment.
For a moment, he even unconsciously glanced at the 24-hour convenience store not far away.
He thought hesitantly: Hmm... should he go to the convenience store?
Seeing Xia Meng passing by him calmly, he subconsciously raised his hand and grabbed her wrist.
Xia Meng looked up blankly: "What's wrong?"
Li Zhou hesitated for a long time, thinking of a dozen ways to phrase it, and finally couldn't help asking, "You want me to go to your house... is it...?"
Only then did Xia Meng realize that she had been talking for a long time but had not mentioned the main point at all.
Wait, what did she just say?
Oh, she asked him if they could go to his house... and said they could go to hers because his bed might not even be made...
Xia Meng: “……………………”
ah.
She blushed for a moment.
"No..." She coughed and quickly denied, "That's not what I meant. Don't think too much..."
God is my witness!
She really was trying to help him figure out the matter of the engraving guide!
Li Zhou glanced at her.
She told him not to think too much.
But now that it has come to this, it is impossible for him not to think about it.
Li Zhou asked cautiously, "What do you mean?"
To be honest, even if she didn't think much about it, he had been thinking about it all the way back...
All he could think about was the breeze, the bright moon, the sea of flowers and the fireworks last night.
He thought of her blushing as if she was drunk, her whole body hot as she nestled in his arms, light and well-behaved, her body incredibly soft.
She smelled fragrant.
Like the light and delicate fragrance that she usually carries.
The subtle touch always arouses all his senses in an instant.
Last night was a devastating test for all his senses, including his willpower.
The reaction was so strong that he no longer needed to doubt himself.
He knew that he loved her from heart to body.
There is no denying it.
Can't refute it.
Yet at the same time he felt that his mood was hopeless.
Xia Meng is too calm and too cold.
She always seemed like a detached bystander, observing curiously and examining indifferently everything happening around her.
Would she feel the same way about him?
Li Zhou didn't dare to hope for such a thing at all.
Impossible.
It's impossible.
As a result, just as he was thinking so disappointedly, Xia Meng asked him calmly if he wanted to go to her house the next second.
Li Zhou couldn't believe it, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel ecstatic.
He confirmed carefully, and then got an expected answer.
It turned out to be her slip of the tongue.
Li Zhou was filled with disappointment.
He lowered his eyes cautiously and asked, "What do you mean?"
Xia Meng paused and said slowly: "I want to talk to you about...your engraving guide."
Li Zhou was stunned.
Xia Meng said solemnly: "Don't you always want to find that person? I can help you."
But the issue of principle still remains.
Therefore, the prerequisite for helping him is that she needs to know why he insists on killing the engraving guide.
so--
Before she could find that person, she had to enter his mental picture.
Go and see for yourself what he really wants to do.
By the way... Xia Meng thought secretly.
By the way, let's also confirm what her feelings are towards him.
And whether he is attracted to her or just following his nature.
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