Chapter 108: Liberation in This World
"have."
Qi Yan didn't expect Shen Xiliu to ask this question. He stared at his expression that seemed to want to know but was afraid to know, and slowly said, "In my last life and this life, I have only loved you."
"Really...really?" Shen Xiliu never expected to hear these words from Qi Yan's mouth. He almost couldn't contain his excitement. He didn't dare to blink, afraid to miss any glimmer of hope. Then he heard Qi Yan continue to speak.
"In my previous life, Jiang Yuqing and I were just acting. I explained this matter once after you got drunk. His child is not mine, but Gu Yanxing's."
There were too many misunderstandings in the previous life, and Qi Yan should have explained them long ago, but he never told Shen Xiliu until his death. I thought he would know one day, but now it seems that Shen Xiliu will not know until his death that he has no relationship with Jiang Yuqing.
"Including what I said to you by the river before, it can be considered fake." It's fake, but it's also true. After all, he has dreamed of Shen Xiliu too many times, from adolescence to now, and every time they did unspeakable things. It's hard for Qi Yan not to have some feelings for the person in the dream.
But it’s better not to say such things out loud.
It's a bit embarrassing.
Although Qi Yan now knows that it is the memory of his past life, it is difficult to describe what he thought he did to a certain omega/Chen Xiliu in a dream.
It is impossible to describe the feeling at the moment. Shen Xiliu was completely shocked by the information. He even cried and did not want to close his eyes.
It turned out that the person he had been jealous of from past life to this life actually had nothing to do with Qi Yan. Moreover, Qi Yan has only loved me, both in his previous life and in this life. This was something that Chen Xiliu had never dared to think about. He thought that he would live in jealousy in both his previous life and this life, with jealousy eating away at his heart day and night. However, he did not expect that there was no need for him to be jealous at all.
"Also, there are some things that I have explained to you in my previous life..." Qi Yan reached out to wipe his tears. The tears seeped into his fingertips, reminding him that when they last met in their previous life, Chen Xiliu was also crying. He also remembered that once in his previous life, after getting drunk, Shen Xiliu ran to his house and questioned him about those things, so he explained them all over again, including the love letters and those fake partners in his previous life.
Shen Xiliu listened carefully to every word of Qi Yan. The more he listened, the wider his eyes became. Anticipation burned in his eyes. He couldn't help but clench his hands, his knuckles turning white. His expression was one of indescribable joy and disbelief, and even the excitement was surging in his heart.
"So, so many things happened after I got drunk?" Shen Xiliu murmured in a low voice, somewhat unable to believe that Qi Yan would say so many true words after he got drunk, but he couldn't remember anything.
He wanted to ask Qi Yan why he didn't say it when he was awake, but the words were stuck in his throat. Qi Yan just said that he said it because he asked. And the reason why Qi Yan said that was probably because he was sure that he couldn't remember it, so he said it without any psychological barriers.
It's easy to speak the truth after drinking, Qi Yan likes frank people.
But in his previous life, he would only speak out the problems in his heart when he was drunk and no longer controlled by his self-righteous rationality.
So...did they kiss drunkenly in their previous life?
Chen Xiliu suddenly began to speculate about this matter uncontrollably. In his previous life, he had been drunk several times, and each time he was with Qi Yan, and the next day...
Many things were not as bad as he imagined. Qi Yan was willing to explain the problem after he was drunk, so had she ever kissed him after he was drunk?
There are more and more questions in my heart, and I will continue with the next game.
After these two questions, Shen Xiliu's uneasiness had been almost cleared away, and his rationality was gradually returning. There was no need for him to be so nervous, no need to be afraid that Qi Yan would leave him alone again.
The misunderstanding from their "first encounter" was resolved. After Qi Yan left this morning, he did not forget to ask Xia Yunqie to comfort him. After returning, the first thing he did was to look for him, cover him with a blanket, put on slippers, and even showed no aversion to his room. Now he was even willing to use games to relax him and explain the past misunderstandings to him...
All signs indicate that Qi Yan has no intention of ending this relationship just like that.
I feel relieved.
This time, it was Qi Yan's turn to draw cards. Shen Xiliu observed his expression. Qi Yan really didn't care about winning or losing, nor did he care what cards he drew, but there would be some subtle changes, and micro-expressions could not lie.
He couldn't observe anything just now, but after calming down, Chen Xiliu regained his previous judgment.
"Third question." Qi Yan raised his eyebrows slightly, looked at Shen Xiliu who had regained his composure, and said with a leisurely smile, "Ask, is there anything else you want to know?"
"Did we kiss in our previous life?" Shen Xiliu asked this question directly. Maybe it was just an insignificant matter, but he cared a lot!
I care about it so much that I will remember it for the rest of my life. After all, the person I like has never kissed me. Even though they have done everything except kissing me, it would seem ridiculous if I told others about it.
"We kissed." Qi Yan handed him the joker card. "We kissed after you got drunk for the first time, so I thought you liked me a little bit."
Unexpectedly, after waking up, Shen Xiliu didn't give him a single chance. He even said such words on purpose at the banquet, which irritated Qi Yan into vomiting.
“…”
The expression that had just cleared up after the rain was instantly covered by gloom again. Thinking of his behavior at that time, Shen Xiliu couldn't describe his feelings at the moment. If he hadn't always put on an arrogant attitude at that time, maybe they would never have come to that step in their previous life.
Shen Xiliu pursed his lips, took a deep breath, and lowered his head: "...I'm sorry, Qi Yan, I'm sorry, I owe you a lot of apologies." Although it's useless to say this now, he has to say it.
"Yeah." Qi Yan nodded and said calmly, "I know, I accept it, and I have forgiven you a long time ago."
Some things, when I think about them now, really do seem like a lifetime ago. Really a lifetime ago, and all the love, hate, and vengeance seem to have faded.
For Qi Yan, as long as everyone around him is alive and his body is fine, there is nothing unforgivable. There is no need to carry over the hatred from the previous life into this life where nothing has happened.
"As for the second kiss," Qi Yan continued, "it was the last time you got drunk next to me."
That was when Qi Yan was imprisoned on that small island. He wanted to escape, so he could only take advantage of the drunk Shen Xiliu. In his drunken state, he was quite obedient, so he was easily tricked and coaxed into taking the key.
[Qi Yan, since you like me... why don’t you kiss me? 】
Shen Xiliu has been very concerned about this matter since then, and he whispered all his conspiracies to Qi Yan, which indeed matched Qi Yan's suspicion, and tried to use the child to tie Qi Yan down.
Shen Xiliu was not easy to deal with when he was sober, but Shen Xiliu at that time was very easy to deal with, and... there was something about him that made Qi Yan unable to look away.
So I did everything many times.
Thinking about it now, it was actually pretty crazy back then, but fortunately I’m no longer affected by the disease.
Qi Yan thought about what Dr. Zhai said. After sorting out his memories, the question that Qi Yan cared about most was whether he would hurt the people around him.
The illness in his previous life was so serious that it affected his mental health. Would it be carried over to this life? After all, he had done many horrible things before his memory was restored, whether it was destroying furniture, beating up his cousin, or even saying those words to Shen Xiliu when his memory was confused before...
[Don't worry. You were affected by the memory fragments at that time, and you hadn't rested for too long, which led to mental weakness. That's why that happened. Doctor Zhai comforted him gently, "As long as he organizes his memory, gets more rest, and deals with his emotions in time, the condition will not get worse." 】
Qi Yan was previously affected by memory fragments, largely because the confusion in his memories caused mental exhaustion, psychological sensitivity, and physical fatigue. When his memory is completely restored, as long as his self-awareness is clear, these things will not happen again.
Qi Yan's answers were never limited to just one or two sentences, he would explain everything in detail and completely resolve the doubts in Shen Xiliu's heart.
After three questions in a row, Chen Xiliu got the best answers.
Obviously he should be happy, but looking at the face of Qi Yan who was sitting opposite him and thinking about what he had done in his previous life, Shen Xiliu couldn't smile.
"Qi Yan, can you please not..." Be so nice to me.
He always felt that if the road had not been cut off in the previous life, Qi Yan might have been able to let go of everything.
Back when they were on the island, Qi Yan could have been even more heartless, but he was still willing to stay for him and comfort his spirit. Obviously, he was the murderer who harmed Qi Yan to that extent. Shouldn't he be the person Qi Yan hates the most?
In the end, Qi Yan took all the responsibility alone. Afraid that he would know that his gland had been damaged, he even lied and said that he had a vasectomy. Even at the last moment of her life, she chose to forgive him and let him go home...
Even in this life, he chose to ask people to save him when he was young, and he is willing to comfort him now.
Shen Xiliu suddenly found that he had no problems.
Qi Yan, there is no need to answer any of his questions.
Whenever he saw Qi Yan, his heart was extremely calm, because he clearly realized that Qi Yan liked him... just as much as he liked Qi Yan, so Qi Yan had the patience to treat him like this.
Compared to his own twisted and morbid love, Qi Yan knows better how to love someone.
"It's finally my turn." Qi Yan accurately pulled out the Ace of Hearts from the silent Shen Xiliu's hand.
“The question I’m going to ask next may not be so nice.” Qi Yan shook the red heart A in his hand, reminding Shen Xiliu, his expression became solemn, and there was a hint of depression in his eyes.
Maybe this is a question that should not be asked, but it is one that cannot be avoided.
Shen Xiliu stared at the joker card in his hand, then looked at his face: "Ask whatever you ask, I will answer truthfully."
"Yeah." Qi Yan liked Shen Xiliu's honesty very much. He smiled and nodded. He didn't speak immediately, but observed his expression. After a long while, his smile gradually faded. He hesitated and asked in a low voice, "In your previous life, how did you die? Or, how old were you?"
Chen Xiliu didn't look like he was in his forties or fifties. He probably didn't listen to his father's instructions before he died to get over the pain, be nicer to himself, and not dwell on the past. He was still as paranoid as he was then.
“…”
Upon hearing this question, Shen Xiliu's breathing suddenly stagnated, and even his body tensed up uncontrollably. If it were in the past, he would have said it without hesitation, just to make Qi Yan feel more sorry for him, to increase his bargaining chips to retain Qi Yan, and to let Qi Yan know that if he lost him, he would have no way out.
But now, Shen Xiliu was somewhat silent.
Qi Yan stared at him, waiting for an answer, but Shen Xiliu didn't dare to say it.
But he had just promised Qi Yan that no matter what question he asked, he would answer truthfully.
Shen Xiliu spoke in a somewhat dry voice, and it was extremely difficult to say: "I'm sorry, I... committed suicide."
I'm sorry, I promised you, but I didn't live well.
But there is no way. Qi Yan is dead. How can he continue to live with peace of mind? Shen Xiliu waited for a long time, until the right time, before he could finally choose to atone for his sins with death.
Now that he thought about it, those were all his self-righteous thoughts. Qi Yan didn't need him to die to atone for his sins.
The so-called atonement by death is nothing more than consolation and relief for oneself.
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