Chapter 83 Past Life Embarrassment and Love Poems
"Three hundred dollars."
As soon as Qi Yan opened his mouth, Shen Xiliu was stunned. He didn't even react. What three hundred yuan?
In his opinion, these three hundred yuan were not enough to bribe Qi Yan to be her boyfriend; it was too cheap. At least Shen Xiliu had never spent so little money in his life. Even during the month when his card was frozen and he had to live in a small house, he didn't live so miserably.
Qi Yan didn't dare look at him. He lowered his eyelids and took a deep breath. A hint of embarrassment flashed across his eyes, but it quickly disappeared. He continued calmly, "Add breakfast every day."
That was the past that Qi Yan least wanted to recall. I originally thought that I had gotten over it, but when I really started to speak out, I realized that I had not gotten over it at all. It is still so heavy that I don't want to talk about those things.
It was so embarrassing, especially saying it to Shen Xiliu. But if the other party is willing to listen, he will not keep silent, even if talking about the past will hurt his self-esteem.
"The environment of that school is not very good. She had just transferred here and was often harassed by some people. I helped her once. Later, in order to stop being harassed again, she paid me 300 yuan and asked me to bring breakfast to her during the relationship to make me her boyfriend..."
However, the reality is that Shen Xiliu lives a poor life that he dare not even imagine. After graduating from junior high school and going through a rebellious period, Qi Yan barely got into a high school. Although the conditions were not good, he still wanted to prove himself and wanted to become a doctor. He was unwilling to bow to Yi Hongli, and did not want to trouble his sick mother.
Fortunately, after Brother Xu found out, he paid his tuition and wanted to give him living expenses, but Qi Yan refused to accept them. Brother Xu was very good to him. Not only did he take him in, but he also gave him the opportunity to work and earn money. He still had some money in his hands. Qi Yan originally thought that there should be no problem.
As if it weren’t bad enough, at the beginning of the second year of high school, the new school leader suddenly made a reform, forcing all students to live on campus, and the class had to pay for supplementary lessons, accommodation, water, class fees, etc.
Qi Yan, who had no time to make money, immediately became stretched to the limit. Adolescents always have to save face, not to mention that Qi Yan looked cold and gloomy at that time, with a sharp and irritable personality. He didn't want to ask others for help at all, so he almost couldn't pay the fees.
Fortunately, the girl came to him for help.
Now that Qi Yan thought about it, he felt that there was a high possibility that the girl had discovered his financial difficulties and that was why she asked him for help.
"Actually, if you think about it carefully, her behavior is no different from yours before. We just get what we need."
Noticing the astonishment on Shen Xiliu's face, Qi Yan guessed that he had never thought in his life that for three hundred yuan and breakfast during the relationship, he could ask him to be his fake boyfriend and bodyguard.
When people are in trouble, they always want to find something to do.
Qi Yan took off his shoes, took out slippers from the shoe cabinet, took a pair of unworn slippers for Shen Xiliu and put them on the ground, then walked into the house, continuing to explain as he walked.
Shen Xiliu pursed his lips with a complicated expression, put on slippers, and followed Qi Yan into the living room.
"Other people were pretty much the same. I wasn't interested in dating at that time. Everything was easy if I had money."
Qi Yan took out the milk from the refrigerator and poured it into a cup. After heating it up, he handed it to Shen Xiliu and tried to speak about the past in a relaxed tone.
The second customer was a little bit special. He mainly wanted him to help with his studies, but he was too shameless to let anyone know that he was studying hard, so he pretended to be in a relationship with Qi Yan. Although he seems to be neglecting his studies, he actually maintains the persona of "I didn't intend to study hard, but I made progress by just taking the test" after every exam.
However, it was after the college entrance examination that Qi Yan failed the exam due to Song Yili's obstruction and was unable to take part in one of the exams. The other party somehow knew that he had given up his plan to repeat the year, and came to confess his love to him, hoping that he could continue to repeat the year and take the college entrance examination. Only then did Qi Yan realize that the other party liked him.
But Qi Yan didn't tell Shen Xiliu this, and skipped it before continuing: "After the college entrance examination, I went to Brother Xu's bar to continue working."
Qi Yan sat next to Shen Xiliu and wanted to light a cigarette. But after taking it out, he glanced at Shen Xiliu who was drinking milk, threw it on the table without smoking, but just fiddled with the lighter with a click, watching the faint blue flame jump up.
After failing the college entrance examination, Qi Yan knew that it was useless to continue repeating the year. Song Yili would not allow him to endanger Yi Yang's existence, so he simply gave up the college entrance examination and looked for another way.
Not long after he gave up, the people who had been monitoring him left one by one. Yi Hongli even found someone to express his disappointment at his "degeneration", and almost made Qi vomit out of disgust.
"The subsequent 'ex' roles were also introduced by a friend. It was a business similar to real-life acting and I could make quite a bit of money in a month. I was very short of money at the time, so I took them." In fact, there were ways to earn more at the time, as long as you were willing to sell your body. But Qi Yan was not interested in these things, nor was he that poor, so he stopped there.
It is somewhat difficult to tell others about such things. After the situation at home improved a lot, Qi Yan decisively stopped answering the calls and did not discuss such things with anyone.
To Qi Yan, those people were never former lovers or exes, but just ordinary guests.
"The investigation data is indeed correct. Although I don't agree with it, from a third-party perspective, they are indeed considered 'ex-boyfriends'. It's up to you whether you believe it or not."
After Qi Yan finished speaking, he realized belatedly that this sentence was even worse than the scumbag quotes that Shen Xiliu had just said.
This is no less than telling others: Although I have nine exes, I have been hanging out in bars since I became an adult, and even indulge in eating, drinking, gambling and having fun, I am an alpha who abides by male ethics and is clean.
I guess a lot of people will sneer at this, thinking that this is a scumbag’s way of making excuses.
If he was Shen Xiliu, he would also feel that he was quibbling, and he also mentioned so many embarrassing things in the past. He didn't know what the other party would think...
As if waiting for the other party to judge him, Qi Yan played with his lighter in annoyance.
Qi Yan thought his past was too bad and didn't want to talk about it in detail. When he was a child, he lived in a terrible place with his mother who was kicked out of the house, and he had to worry about his life and the people around him every day. Later, he finally got in touch with his mother's biological parents and was finally about to be taken in by his new family, but they had a car accident on the way there.
Of the four relatives, only the grandmother who was sitting in the back seat and protected by the grandfather survived.
They had not originally planned to come all together, but because of Qi Yan's phone call, four people came and three left.
So Qi Yan always thought it was normal for Qi Ge to hate him. Although grandma survived, the damage caused by the car accident was too great and she passed away a few years later. Qi Yan was worried that his presence would make his mother sick, so he left alone.
For Qi Yan, too many bad things happened in his early years and he was too unlucky. Being away from his family was actually a kind of protection for them.
Even though he didn't explain in detail, Shen Xiliu was not completely ignorant. I didn’t care about it in the past and didn’t think about it, but now, as Qi Yan spoke, everything seemed to materialize before my eyes.
What was Qi Yan like as a teenager?
I used to think that I was no different from now, I was good at sweet talk and could easily please someone. But what Qi Yan revealed in his words was completely different.
The boy who has lived under surveillance for so many years is as cold, extreme and violent as a trapped beast. He rushes forward madly but cannot escape the clutches of Yi Hongli and Song Yili. He got into a lot of trouble when he was in junior high school, but in the end he was left with nothing but powerlessness. Finding that violence couldn't free him, he chose to try another way, but ended up failing the college entrance examination.
Qi Yan's current personality is closely related to his past. No one is born with a good temper. He is good at observing people's words and expressions and creating a relaxed and comfortable environment for people to get along with. It is everything in the past that has shaped him into who he is today.
“…”
After hearing Qi Yan's words, Shen Xiliu's mind went blank. He felt distressed and felt extremely heavy.
He wanted to calm down but found it difficult to do so, so he could only try his best not to look at Qi Yan, as if he knew that the other party was also anxious and wanted to avoid putting pressure on him with his eyes. This caused him to not even dare to breathe, for fear of revealing his repressed emotions.
For many things, it is impossible to realize the real situation just by looking at the information. It was not until he heard Qi Yan's own words that Shen Xiliu realized that Qi Yan's past was not as easy as he said.
Chen Xiliu was used to a life of luxury and had never seen what kind of life Qi Yan led in the past, nor did he expect that he would pretend to be someone's boyfriend for a mere three hundred yuan and breakfast.
At this moment, just listening to Qi Yan's indifferent tone, Shen Xiliu felt a fatal sense of suffocation. Complex emotions such as anxiety, heartache, sadness, hatred, self-blame, worry, etc. fill my heart, as if shrouded in a haze.
Shen Xiliu doesn't care what kind of life the person he doesn't care about lives.
But it’s different when that person is someone he likes.
Even though he knew that everything was an illusion, Shen Xiliu still wished he could go back to the past and change Qi Yan's fate. It would have been better if I could have met Qi Yan earlier.
If he had known him earlier, he could have stopped everything Yi Hongli did, he could have prevented Qi Yan from getting hurt, he could have created a better living environment for Qi Yan, he could have changed Qi Yan's life...
Qi Yan shouldn't have lived under surveillance since childhood, grown up in pain, and struggled for a living at a young age.
He should have had a better life, but everything was ruined by the Yi family.
Now that Song Yili, the main culprit, is dead, and Yi Hongli, another main culprit, has been sent to prison, it is not Shen Xiliu's turn to do anything, and Qi Yan's revenge is over.
“…I’m sorry.” Shen Xiliu was a little at a loss, and said, “I misunderstood you on this point.”
Qi Yan was stunned for a moment, and his eyes moved to the person beside him. Chen Xiliu's cheeks were not as red as before, and the three teardrop moles under his left eye were very dazzling. His long eyelashes drooped, covering his sharp and strong eyes, and there was a faint light of water emerging.
"It's not a misunderstanding. To a certain extent, it's better if you don't trust me easily." Qi Yan looked away, with intense and complex emotions surging under his calm appearance.
Shen Xiliu did a good job. Instead of trusting his mouth that was good at sweet talk and flattering people and being easily fooled like he was now, it was better to trust the information that his subordinates had worked hard to find out.
"I said, this time as long as you say it, I will believe you." Shen Xiliu turned to look at him, bit his pale lower lip, stared at Qi Yan, took a deep breath and said again, "I only believe you!"
No matter what bad things the information said Qi Yan had done, he would choose to trust Qi Yan's reasons. In that situation, no matter what Qi Yan did, he must have his own reasons.
“…”
Qi Yan unconsciously clenched the lighter in his hand. Shen Xiliu approached him: "There is one more thing you have to tell me."
He kept taking deep breaths. It was obvious that the next question would be more difficult to answer than the "nine exes." A nervous expression appeared on his pretty face, and his eyes were fixed on him. Instead of his usual strong and cold expression, there was a subtle fear in his eyes.
Qi Yan only glanced at it once, then looked away as if he was not used to it. He leaned back slightly and leaned against the armrest of the sofa: "You say."
“Don’t be so far away from me!” It was obviously just a small movement, but Shen Xiliu noticed it. He reached forward and grabbed Qi Yan’s clothes, almost sticking his whole body to him, with an expression that looked like he was about to cry.
Qi Yan reached out and held his hand, sighing helplessly: "I'm not too far away from you, isn't this very close? Tell me, what do you want to ask?"
Shen Xiliu pursed his lips, trying to control his emotions, but still let them out: "I'm so drunk, so drunk, and so beautiful..."①
"It's written on it. Do you like him that much?"
Although Shen Xiliu didn't want to have any contact with Qi Yan because of the "nine exes" and denied his love for him, the most infuriating thing was his first love whom he could never forget.
Qi Yan, despite his love for someone else, went to bed with him every day and made love with him, and even said so many shameless words!
Qi Yan listened to him recite a long string of French that he couldn't understand, and rubbed his brows with his hand: "Um... can you speak Chinese? I don't understand."
It sounds a little familiar, but I don't remember anything.
Shen Xiliu: “…”
He seemed to have reacted a little, his expression was stiff for a moment, he translated the original sentence first, and then said slowly: "Love letter, the day after the Chinese Valentine's Day, this is the love poem engraved on the box..."
That day, Qi Yan had just taken the things back and saw a thick layer of dust on them. Thinking of cleaning them up, he took out all the envelopes in the living room and placed them on the table. He wiped them carefully, and then sorted out the envelopes with messy writing on them, and put them away one by one according to time.
Halfway through, Shen Xiliu came back, and Qi Yan stood up and wanted to explain to him what happened yesterday. As a result, Shen Xiliu only glanced at him, and his already bad mood became even worse, his face instantly turned cold, and he turned and left.
At that time, Qi Yan had no idea why he was angry.
There was no Chinese characters on the box, and there was only the time on the envelope, unlike a confession letter which would have a love heart. He stood there thinking and did not consider irrelevant things.
Especially since Shen Xiliu only took a glance, what could he see?
Now when this matter was mentioned again, Qi Yan actually felt it was ridiculous and couldn't help but interrupt Shen Xiliu: "Did you see what was written on the box? And you recognized it?"
"Do you think I'm blind?" Shen Xiliu asked. It was just French, how could he not recognize it?
Qi Yan: "How good is your vision?"
Why did I see the love poem engraved on the box at first glance? It was translated accurately. Even if it was not French but Chinese, it would be difficult for Qi Yan to recognize it at a glance.
Shen Xiliu frowned: “2.1.”
Quite excellent.
Qi Yan: “…”
Everything seemed to be clear. He didn't know how to express his current mood. It was a bit complicated. He wanted to laugh but couldn't.
"Ha." Qi Yan raised his hand to cover his eyes, his bony fingers hiding the complex pupils. He leaned back slightly against the armrest of the sofa and sneered.
After a while, he slowly put down his hand, staring at Chen Xiliu who was showing jealousy, and said helplessly, "Chen Xiliu, you are the idiot!"
"Why is my eyesight so good? I have nothing better to do than write a box of love letters! It's not like I don't have a mouth. Can't I just say it to his face? If I liked Jiang Yuqing, I would have gone abroad to find him long ago. I wouldn't be like someone who dares not send letters until he dies." Qi Yan said very straightforwardly, "I didn't write those. I'm not that romantic. I just saved them for someone else. Now I've returned them. Do you have any questions?"
Hearing these words, Shen Xiliu was completely stunned and couldn't believe it. But he reacted immediately, his eyes almost red, and he hurriedly pulled Qi Yan's clothes and asked, "What about the relationship? Is it fake too? You are not dating Jiang Yuqing, right?"
Shen Xiliu asked quickly and nervously, tears almost falling, and her beautiful eyes were covered with a layer of hazy mist. So he doesn't need to be jealous of anyone, nor does he need to envy anyone. Qi Yan has only belonged to him from beginning to end. Is there no one closer to him than them?
“Yeah.” Qi Yan looked at him, knowing that Shen Xiliu would forget all of this tomorrow, so he nodded calmly, “It’s all fake, just a stopgap measure. I’m not dating him, he has someone he likes, and we’re just acting to deal with Grandpa Jiang.”
“…”
Tears suddenly rolled down, and her eyelashes were wet. Shen Xiliu held back for a long time, but finally couldn't hold it back and burst into tears in front of Qi Yan.
Because her self-esteem wouldn't allow it, and she didn't want him to see it, Shen Xiliu could only lower her head, trying to hide her tears and taking deep breaths.
"Chen Xiliu, come closer." Qi Yan did not let go of his hand and motioned him to come over.
"..." Shen Xiliu held back her embarrassing cries, and just as she moved closer to Qi Yan, he suddenly and forcefully pulled her into his arms.
Qi Yan's right hand went around his waist, and with just a slight effort he lifted Shen Xiliu into his arms and sat him on his lap.
With his arms tightly around Shen Xiliu's waist, Qi Yan buried his face in his neck and took a deep breath: "If there are any misunderstandings, please tell me quickly. I will tell you everything that can be explained."
"...There is no misunderstanding." Shen Xiliu rested his chin on his shoulder and closed his eyes to hold back tears. "Qi Yan, you should have guessed it, right? I like you, so please, this is the last question. Just tell me whether you have ever liked me."
“…”
This question is difficult to answer. So what if you guessed it?
Qi Yan didn't dare to be so self-indulgent again. The result last time was too tragic and he didn't have the courage.
Even if he vaguely realized the reason why Shen Xiliu was willing to swallow his anger, he would ignore it. After all, he only wanted to use Shen Xiliu and had no plans for further development. Qi Yan had also asked some people and knew that under the influence of false marking, Shen Xiliu was likely to develop transference and mistakenly believe that he really liked him.
But Qi Yan never thought that Shen Xiliu would really like him. Even now, he still had some doubts...
People who have never received love will always worry about gains and losses, so Qi Yan always believes that people should not live too clear-headedly and should not try to figure out others. After all, human nature is complex and diverse. Someone who says he loves you one second may say he hates you the next.
Shen Xiliu was also such a person. They were still living in peace one second ago, and he even saw a glimmer of hope. But the next second, Shen Xiliu stomped him to the ground and told him not to be so self-righteous...
So don't think too much, this is just a deal, Shen Xiliu uses him as a substitute and medicine to treat his illness, and he is also using Shen Xiliu to achieve his goals.
As long as the transference caused by the false marking and the guilt of the hand injury are there, he can use Shen Xiliu to do what he wants, and that is enough.
Since returning to China, Qi Yan had been prepared to wait for Shen Xiliu to question him, but he never expected that before he could question him, he would run into the drunk Shen Xiliu.
The things that he was unwilling to face were now all exposed by the drunk Shen Xiliu.
Qi Yan could say a lot of trash to Shen Xiliu who treated him as a substitute, but he couldn't say anything bad to someone who simply liked him.
"...I like you." Qi Yan's eyes were a little empty and vague, and his soul seemed to be wandering outside his body. He murmured in a low voice and came back to his senses after a long while.
I once liked you, too.
I thought I wouldn't like you anymore, but it seems that I still feel moved by you at this moment.
But when you wake up, our relationship will return to the starting point.
After all, you only appear for a short time, and the real Chen Xiliu will never be as straightforward and frank as you are now, willing to listen to me and reveal his inner thoughts.
Qi Yan knew that Shen Xiliu could not control his emotions after getting drunk. He just became impulsive and frank under the influence of alcohol and was willing to say anything, but this attitude was not the real him.
The real Chen Xiliu should be arrogant and indifferent, calm and self-controlled, always controlling his emotions rationally, but Qi Yan and he cannot communicate normally, they have never been people from the same world.
For some reason, Qi Yan thought of the French love poem just now and remembered where he had heard it.
When I was abroad before, I heard Jiang Yuqing recite a poem by a French poet called "I Love You as I Love the Night Sky".
That is Jiang Yuqing's favorite poem.
Qi Yan didn't know how to appreciate poetry. He didn't have much romantic talent and didn't have any feelings about this poem. On the contrary, I was deeply impressed by a play that Jiang Yuqing and I watched together when we were playing a couple.
——[Our lover is just a random name, a bubble blown by fantasy. 】②
There are some things that Qi Yan only dares to say to people who are not sober, because he knows that the person will eventually forget everything, so he has the courage to say it.
Facing the sober Shen Xiliu, Qi Yan knew that he would never have the chance to say what he said tonight in his entire life.
Even if everything is fake, at least it is a chance to open your heart, right?
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