Chapter 104 Rebirth in the Present World
The confused memories overlapped, constantly impacting his self-consciousness, and his emotions were constantly being pulled, making it difficult for Qi Yan to control himself, and he hurriedly comforted Chen Xiliu. He left the house and ran into his grandfather who was returning from morning exercise downstairs, which made Qi Yan stunned for a while.
"Why do you look so weird?" Grandpa stared at him seriously. He hadn't seen Qi Yan so flustered in a long time.
Qi Yan came back to his senses: "Grandpa, I have something else to do, so I'll leave first."
The moment he saw his grandfather, Qi Yan actually felt as if he was in another world. The memories of his previous life were so shocking that they made him feel disconnected. Although he had lived with the old man for a long time, Qi Yan felt it was so absurd and unreal when he thought that the old man had died in a car accident many years ago in his previous life.
After sending messages to his mentor and Shen Yunshu, Qi Yan randomly found a hotel on the side of the road and slowly sorted out his confused memories.
My memories started to be fragmented when I was about six years old. Something that I could never forget in my previous life had a different result in this life.
He no longer trusted Yi Hongli as much as he did in his previous life, nor did he abandon his mother like he did in his previous life, not recognizing her when she came to look for him, leaving her alone to be driven crazy by Yi Hongli...
Qi Yan was lying on the bed in the hotel. Actually, in this life, although some things could be changed in time, some things could not be changed.
Even after recovering his memories of his past life, those strange yet familiar memories continued to impact his self-awareness, making it difficult for him to distinguish between reality and falsehood when he was young.
As a result, the self-consciousness rejected the memories of the previous life, and the whole person seemed to fall into the serious illness stage before death in the previous life, which brought a lot of pain and depression to the young Qi Yan. If Ms. Xia had not been with him all that time, Qi Yan didn't know what he would have become. Perhaps he would have ended up in the same dead end as in his previous life.
So, when did the memory, which had been restored long ago, disappear?
Qi Yan knew that the time of his rebirth was very early.
Instead of recovering slowly after the age of eighteen.
In fact, he was reborn at the age of six, but his six-year-old self-consciousness at that time could not resist the shocking memories of his previous life.
Every time he thought about how he would become a madman in the future and end up in such a miserable state, and that no one around him would have a good ending, Qi Yan was tortured all day long. Until one day, when you forget all your memories and start over, you can have a better ending.
Rebirth at the right time might be a good thing.
But when self-awareness is not yet fully developed, for a terminally ill person, rebirth will instead make him fall into self-loathing and embark on the path of destruction ahead of time.
…
At the same time, Shen Xiliu was also thinking about these things.
Why did God allow him to be reborn, but let Qi Yan be reborn earlier than him?
Chen Xiliu couldn't describe the excitement he felt when he was reborn. He came back very early, so early that nothing had happened - he hadn't even met Qi Yan for the first time.
Having a large amount of past life memories instilled into his childhood body was indeed very painful and torturous, but Shen Xiliu had long been accustomed to it and didn't care. This was what he had to endure, and he was still obsessed with Qi Yan no matter what.
So when Shen Xiliu knew that he was reborn and was before everything happened, he felt extremely fortunate, thinking that God had finally opened his eyes and was willing to give him such an opportunity.
If he could start all over again, he could protect Qi Yan, change his fate, and save him from all his difficulties. This time they would definitely have a better ending!
However, this was all Shen Xiliu's imagination. He thought he would be able to grow up with Qi Yan this time, but Qi Yan had already been reborn a year ago.
Qi Yan didn't need his help. He had already broken off ties with the Yi family and left with Xia Yunqie. Now he was even tortured by the memories of his past life all day long. Even when Xia Yunqie took him to see a doctor, the psychologist suggested that the child had schizophrenia.
The moment Shen Xiliu knew about it, he felt extremely panicked and had to immediately give up his original plan.
He knew that even if Qi Yan had said those words of comfort to him before he died, he might not have truly forgiven him, so it would be better for him to pretend that he knew nothing and continue to approach Qi Yan with the identity he had in this life.
Chen Xiliu had already memorized the time of their first meeting in the previous life.
He was thinking in panic that Qi Yan, such a gentle person, would never abandon him. Moreover, this time the other party had his memory, so even if he didn't love him, he shouldn't watch him die on the road, right?
Shen Xiliu didn't dare to disrupt his life, and tried hard to think of a solution calmly.
This time, he planned to continue doing what he had done before and leave home with his guide dog. However, the leash got loose halfway and he mistakenly walked into the middle of the road. He was afraid to walk around because he couldn't see.
However, as time went by, the traffic did not frighten Shen Xiliu, but brought him a chill deep into his bones.
Chen Xiliu was still full of hope and joy at the beginning, but as the time he had been counting silently in his heart passed by bit by bit, nothing happened at the time when they were supposed to meet. He still stood alone in the middle of the traffic, listening to the cars whizzing past. The time he had been counting silently became his death warrant, the countdown of his life.
“…”
Shen Xiliu, standing in the middle of the traffic, gradually became silent. He felt teased and unwilling to be accepted by fate, with bitter despair spreading in his heart. The reunion that he thought he could look forward to had turned into dead silence and sorrow. The pain that followed him like a shadow devoured his soul inch by inch.
Qi Yan really hated him, and even after being reborn, he had not forgotten the source of this hatred. He would rather he die here than have anything to do with him anymore. If that's the case, why not just die like this?
Since I've already died once, why not just die here instead of struggling in pain again?
As long as he died, Qi Yan would no longer encounter any painful things; as long as he died, the source of Qi Yan's pain would disappear; as long as he died, Qi Yan would no longer be entangled by a madman like him in this life...
At that moment, Shen Xiliu really intended to die.
Unfortunately, Shen Xiliu failed to die. The traffic police pulled him back and sent him home.
Under his uncle's questioning, he told the whole truth in despair. His uncle didn't believe in such a ridiculous thing as rebirth at first, but after listening to what he said, he believed him.
"I think not only is he mentally ill, but you are not normal either." The head of the Shen family is a very active person. He has investigated everything about Qi Yan, the Yi family, and the Xia family. "Don't act like you are dying. This is obviously a good opportunity for you."
The head of the Shen family helped him re-wrap the bandage. Shen Xiliu's eyes were still dark: "Don't think about death all day long. Looking at your useless appearance, it's really hard for me to believe that you lived to an age older than me in your previous life."
"Maybe. I stayed at the moment he died." Shen Xiliu was very calm. The moment Qi Yan died, he also died. Later, he was just a walking corpse, and no amount of experience or growth could change his time.
Because he stayed in that winter forever.
"No future." said the head of the Shen family.
I don’t know if it’s affected by his physical age, but Patriarch Shen feels that Shen Xiliu is still that paranoid and indifferent child.
"Use your brain more. Nothing has happened in this life yet. You have plenty of opportunities." He nodded Shen Xiliu's head, propped up his face and smiled, "Start over, idiot."
Opportunities are artificially created. Even if they are not accessible now, Shen Xiliu can create countless opportunities to make up for everything he once desired. He can now help Qi Yan get back everything he had lost and give him a brand new life.
All subsequent developments proved that Shen Xiliu's plan was successful. He did make Qi Yan's life easier and helped him find his lost family...
But now, everything seems to have returned to the starting point.
"Huahua!" Shen Xiliu opened the curtains of the balcony, and the dazzling sunlight fell on him. A small amount of snow fell last night, but it has now disappeared. He stood barefoot in front of the French window, looking ahead with empty eyes.
Fear was still spreading wildly in his heart. Qi Yan's words before he left echoed in his mind. He couldn't describe his feelings. He was afraid that after Qi Yan thought it through, would she break up with him?
Qi Yan might like him, but when he remembers everything he did in his previous life, will he still like him as much as he does now? Will she look at him with disgust?
Chen Xiliu was so frightened just thinking about the possibility that they might return to the way they were before that he was trembling all over and wanted to just jump off the balcony.
After all, Qi Yan, who had the memories of his previous life, hated him so much that he was not willing to save him at all. Shen Xiliu was too scared, his emotions were constantly being pulled, Qi Yan's departure prolonged the timeline of his trial, and the heartbeat in his chest was deafening.
"Qi Yan..."
Shen Xiliu opened the window with trembling hands, walked slowly to the balcony, touched the cold fence with his fingers, and looked down uncontrollably. Although he had no fear of heights, Shen Xiliu felt inexplicably dizzy, and even the blood in his body froze instantly. He felt like an abandoned soul, helpless and desperate, and the only way to get relief was to jump down.
There is a hard open ground below. If I jump down directly, I will die without any accident. But I don’t know how painful it will be?
Shen Xiliu thought numbly: In the previous life, Qi Yan chose to commit suicide by jumping off a building and died in front of him. No matter how much time has passed, Shen Xiliu could never forget that cruel scene.
If this time, he died in front of Qi Yan, could he gain a little mercy from him?
Also, if he jumps, will there be a second rebirth?
If there is, Shen Xiliu hopes that this time, Qi Yan will not be reborn again, just give him a chance to reform and let them love each other once...
"Ding Dong! Ding Dong!"
The doorbell suddenly rang, and Shen Xiliu was awakened to his senses. He looked back suddenly and walked back quickly subconsciously. Was it Qi Yan who came back?
But as soon as he reached the floor-to-ceiling window, Shen Xiliu realized that Qi Yan would not come back so soon. The cold outside the window invaded his body, and the excitement in his heart suddenly cooled down. He lowered his eyes, closed the window, and went to open the door.
The person knocking on the door was Qi Yan's mother, Xia Yunqie.
"Aunt Xia, is there something wrong?" Shen Xiliu tried to act gentle. This was Qi Yan's mother, and he couldn't do anything bad in front of her.
"Oh, Xiliu, you are really at home. I thought Xiaoyan was talking nonsense." Xia Yunqie smiled gently and pointed at the porridge in his hand. "Xiaoyan asked me to come here. He said that you are probably still at home and haven't had breakfast and lunch, so he asked me to bring you a bowl of porridge."
When Shen Xiliu heard this, her dull eyes suddenly brightened. Was it Qi Yan who asked her to come over? In an instant, his gloomy mood cleared up as if the rain had stopped, and he quickly invited Xia Yunqie to come in.
Xia Yunqie walked in and put the porridge and side dishes in the lunch box on the table. He accidentally glanced at Shen Xiliu's bare feet and advised softly: "How come you are the same as Qi Yan, not even wearing slippers? You should be careful even at home. It's easy to get sick..."
"Sorry, I forgot just now." Shen Xiliu was a little embarrassed. Under the gaze of his elders, he quickly put on his slippers, asked her what she wanted to drink, and made a cup of tea for Xia Yunqie.
"Don't be so busy. I was asked to do this by someone. You can eat first." Xia Yunqie said with a smile. She looked very good-tempered. It seemed that a large part of Qi Yan's good character was inherited from her.
Shen Xiliu's feelings towards Xia Yunqie were actually very complicated. Qi Yan's mother had many similarities with his mother, but when he met her in his previous life, she was too seriously ill and did not leave much of a deep impression on Shen Xiliu.
Just thinking of Xia Yunqie's original appearance, Shen Xiliu couldn't help but think of his mother, so he helped her and Qi Yan during the initial period of the contract. The real Shen Xiliu really didn't like to meddle in other people's affairs, and that was his exception.
But later, Chen Xiliu figured out a lot of things. No matter how bad the situation was, Qi Yan never used force against him. Perhaps he was somewhat grateful for his help to Xia Yunqie.
As for whether or not he liked him, Shen Xiliu didn't dare to think about it. After all, he treated Qi Yan so badly that Qi Yan couldn't possibly like him. It was good enough that he didn't hate him...
"It tastes good, right? Xiao Yan said yours is quite light, so you didn't add any seasoning."
"Yeah, it's delicious, thank you Aunt Xia."
Looking at the gentle woman in front of him, Shen Xiliu always had hallucinations of his own mother, which made him unable to help but think, if... if his and Qi Yan's mother were the same person, it would be great.
In this case, he and Qi Yan would be blood-related relatives and brothers. They could be together from birth and inseparable until death. Qi Yan would never abandon him.
Even if he did a lot of bad things, with Qi Yan's patience towards his relatives, he would definitely tolerate and forgive him.
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