Chapter 7 "Let's start over."...
***
The Blue Oasis Hotel is in the city center. Li Sheng arrived on time and waited in a seat in the lobby on the first floor, looking around. It was ten minutes past two o'clock.
He went to the front desk to ask if there were any guests with the surname Li. The receptionist smiled and said, "We can't disclose guests' privacy."
Li Sheng nodded apologetically, glancing anxiously at the clock in the hotel lobby. Without their contact information, perhaps agreeing to be Li Jiacong's best man was a mistake.
He pursed his dry lips, wondering whether he should leave, when suddenly a voice called out to him from behind: "You're here right on time."
Li Sheng turned his head and saw Li Jiacong. He was wearing a light brown jacket, very casual, but he wore silver-rimmed glasses that sat on his thin, straight nose, giving him a refined appearance. He was carrying several black suits in his arms.
Li Jiacong: "Come upstairs with me."
The two entered the narrow elevator. As soon as they entered, many people squeezed in behind them. Li Sheng backed away step by step until he finally leaned against Li Jiacong.
Even through the distance of those suits, Li Sheng could clearly feel the breath on his neck, making his hair stand on end. At the same time, he could smell a strong scent of smoke that even cologne couldn't mask, wafting from Li Jiacong.
The elevator finally reached their floor. Li Sheng quickly pushed through the crowd and squeezed down. There was a long corridor. He glanced to his right and was about to go over.
“This way,” Li Jiacong said, slowly walking over and pointing in the opposite direction.
Li Sheng frowned and turned back. Pushing open the door, he found himself in a room with a large floor-to-ceiling window, elegant yellow wallpaper, exquisite wall lamps, a blue velvet bed and sofa—everything exuded luxury. But the room was empty, and there were no wedding decorations whatsoever.
Li Sheng stopped in front of the sofa: "Where's Li Ai?"
Li Jiacong walked in, threw his suit on the bed, flipped his wrist, and glanced at his watch: "She hasn't come yet. The bride is very busy."
Li Sheng turned and walked towards the door: "Then I'll wait for her to come before I come in."
"Still haven't you gotten rid of your old habits?" Li Jiacong leisurely unscrewed a bottle of water in the room, took a gulp, cleared his throat, and said jokingly, "You can't enter the room without the host's invitation. Don't you think you look like a vampire in a movie? You're under a spell."
Li Sheng paused—yes, he had been trapped by that curse for too long, and it had become a habit.
Li Jiacong continued, "I opened the door and brought you in. Is that not enough? We're not breaking and entering."
Li Jiacong's tone was unsettling, as if leaving would make him a coward. Li Sheng took a deep breath and turned back.
"Let's pick out a groomsman's outfit and see if it fits."
Li Sheng grabbed a piece of clothing and went to the restroom to change.
Watching his retreating figure, Li Jiacong both laughed and exclaimed in surprise, "No way!"
Li Sheng frowned. After changing, he came out to find Li Jiazong already smoking a cigarette, sitting casually on the sofa, his gaze lingering on him without any attempt to hide it.
Li Sheng has a great physique, the shape of a clothes hanger, with an upright posture and a long, slender neck. The suit he wore looked like it was custom-made in a shop window. He was twirling the black tie in his fingers, but he wasn't tying it—he wasn't very good at it.
Li Jiacong, with a cigarette dangling from his lips, walked up to him and took the tie from his hand: "I'll help you."
As if in a fit of pique, Li Sheng didn't avoid him and stood in front of Li Jiacong. The two were the same height, with no difference whatsoever. Li Sheng could look Li Jiacong in the eye, looking up slightly to see his shallow eye sockets, and down to his perfectly proportioned cheekbones. If Li Jiacong looked up, he could also look directly into Li Sheng's eyes.
With his tie neatly tied, Li Sheng seemed like a different person. His impeccably tailored suit accentuated a wildness within him that seemed to be untamed even under formal attire.
Li Jiacong stubbed out his cigarette, but then eagerly lit another, as if wanting to admire the person in front of him through the artificial fog. Seeing him light a second one, Li Sheng couldn't help but say, "You smoke too often."
"Yeah, I'll beat you to death."
Li Sheng frowned.
Li Jiacong said with a playful tone, "You care about me?"
Li Sheng stepped aside and glanced at Li Jiacong. Last time he came, he wasn't wearing glasses, but this time he was wearing them in a rather odd way. Li Sheng asked, "What do you do for a living?"
"Me? Teacher! University? Am I really not suited for this?"
Li Sheng looked at him and said, "It's pretty good." It fits the perfect life that Li Jiacong had been given.
"Good?" Li Jiacong smiled. "What's good about it?"
A hint of displeasure flashed across Li Sheng's face, and he said coldly, "Fortunately, I don't have to beg for survival."
It seemed that Li Jiacong's sarcasm had changed Li Sheng's expression, but as soon as he spoke, Li Jiacong's expression shifted, instantly piercing through his facade. The teasing, the mockery, the discordant tension all vanished, and he gripped the edge of his tie, saying suddenly and softly, "Is that so? I, too, have begged to survive."
Li Sheng was slightly taken aback.
Li Jiacong seemed to be recalling something, his lips moved slightly: "I've been looking for you, for a really long time... I've been begging everyone for your whereabouts."
Li Sheng didn't know that in the year after they separated, Li Jiacong didn't finish high school, and his life didn't really take a smooth path. Li Jiacong was immersed in a state of confusion, and for nearly four years, he was trying to get out of the fog of the day they parted.
When he was lucid, he would use the excuse of visiting his grandparents to go back to his hometown. Every time, he would go to Li Sheng's yard to look around and ask the neighbors. He tried to please everyone who could help him, and even begged the villagers to install surveillance cameras at the entrance. He was close to madness.
It wasn't until the old woman at the village store said she had seen Li Sheng on the mountain that Li Jiacong received the most accurate and timely information he had ever received. So that very day, he searched all over the barren mountains in the village, trying to find any trace of Li Sheng's presence, to prove that it wasn't all an illusion.
Finally, he found a new grave on the mountain. The name on the grave was Li Sheng's mother, and there was a bouquet of flowers beside it. He had finally found his clue; this person still existed, and it wasn't a hallucination.
Li Jiacong asked the person in front of him, "You clearly knew that I was looking for you, so why did you hide? Why did you make sure I couldn't find you?"
“I didn’t hide anything.” Li Sheng looked directly into Li Jiazong’s eyes behind his thin glasses and called his name back. “Li Jiazong, even if you find me, what can you do?”
Li Jiacong stared blankly at him, his hands trembling unconsciously. What could he do? He had finally found him.
His mouth was dry from the smoke, and after a moment of hesitation, he said with difficulty, "Let's start over."
Without any preamble, he blurted it out, the words lingering in mid-air, absurd and embarrassing. It's laughable, isn't it? You have no idea what kind of life this person is living now, a relationship from over a decade ago now about to start over. But they are no longer teenagers.
But Li Jiacong couldn't control himself. He wanted to love Li Sheng, and only this person. He wanted to love him properly and make up for the past, for that fool who rarely considered Li Sheng's feelings and who had been so heartless to him.
After a long silence, Li Sheng turned his head away, his voice cold and hard: "Don't you think it's been too long?"
Li Jiacong wanted to say "soon", but Li Sheng interrupted him, saying, "I don't need your sympathy, nor do I need your guilt."
Li Jiacong's hands and feet turned ice-cold with nervousness. Hearing this, his heart ached as if it were being torn apart. He wasn't expressing sympathy, but the guilt was real; it did indeed feel like a form of sympathy. In front of Li Sheng, it was more of a self-comforting, self-performation. Now Li Sheng was telling him that he didn't need it.
Li Jiacong was almost in a state of confusion. He had rehearsed in his mind countless times the words he wanted to say to Li Jiacong: "I'm sorry" and "Let's start over." But Li Sheng casually proved that it was all so hypocritical—what did he need, so what was there for him to give?
He stood there, stunned. Li Sheng picked up the room key that Li Jiacong had thrown on the sofa, rubbed it open—there were two—and said, "Is Xiao Ai over there?"
Li Jiacong nodded blankly. Li Sheng looked at the room number on the room card, then opened the door and went out. Li Jiacong controlled himself and started walking, not wanting to lose him. He carried the clothes and followed slowly.
Li Sheng knocked on the door of the next room, and someone quickly opened it. The room was full of people, but the bride stood out in the crowd.
Li Ai stood on the bed with long hair, decorating the walls. She was wearing a well-fitting cheongsam, and Li Sheng recognized her childhood appearance on her face.
Li Ai was overjoyed. She jumped off the bed and hugged Li Sheng tightly: "Brother Sheng!"
Li Sheng's hand hovered in the air, not touching her: "You've become so beautiful, bride."
Li Ai hugged him, tears suddenly welling up in her eyes: "I missed you so much! Sheng-ge! How come I haven't seen you for so long!"
Li Sheng smiled but didn't say anything.
Li Jiacong stood outside the door and saw Li Sheng and Li Ai embracing, a scene reminiscent of the past.
Li Ai carefully wiped away her tears with the back of her fingers: "The last time I saw you was several years ago. I only had a quick look at you and didn't even have time to get your contact information. I can never find you."
Li Sheng: "Happy wedding."
Li Ai burst into laughter through her tears, pointing to an unassuming man: "This is my husband! Li Sheng, the older brother I told you about when I was little, the one who was always the best to me!"
“Oh right! And that one,” she pointed to Li Jiacong by the door, “that’s my second best brother.”
Li Ai's husband had met Li Jiacong before and greeted him, "Brother Cong!"
Li Jiacong's smile was never friendly, and he couldn't smile now either.
Li Ai's best friend laughed and said, "I can tell you two look alike. Your two older brothers look alike too."
Li Ai was taken aback for a moment: "Does it look like it?"
“We all have the surname Li!” Li Ai said cheerfully.
After a brief warm-up, everyone continued with the preparations. Li Ai took charge, handing Li Sheng over to her fiancé to help inflat the balloons. Li Ai's fiancé chatted with him politely, saying, "I don't have enough friends, I can't get enough people together, thank you for your help, brother."
Li Sheng shook his head.
After things were mostly set up, Li Ai's husband gave instructions about the wedding arrangements: "You'll be staying at my place tonight. The wedding procession will start very early; we'll be going to the hotel for a rehearsal later. Is everyone here? Cong-ge—over here!"
Li Sheng was stunned for a moment, then turned around and saw Li Jiacong, who had changed into the same clothes as him, saying, "Let's go."
***2002
Li Sheng wasn't busy today; he had nothing to do after applying fertilizer to the corn.
When fertilizing, Li Jiacong tried to help, but Li Sheng politely declined, saying he was afraid Li Jiacong would get heatstroke. It is estimated that in Li Sheng's eyes, Li Jiacong was not much different from a cripple.
After realizing he couldn't leave, Li Jiacong became completely obedient. He wasn't one to make things difficult for himself, so he asked Li Sheng, "Are there any places to have fun around here?"
Li Sheng straightened up, looked behind the mountain, and asked him, "There's a pond there, want to catch some fish?"
Behind the small hill on the earth, in that desolate field of grass, waist-high, lay a pool of water, where tadpoles and dragonflies gathered. The water was unusually clear, and the moss at the bottom could be seen.
Li Jiacong stood by the river, kicked off his shoes and socks, and stepped into the water. Without rolling up his pants, the water went right up to his thighs. The fishing net was homemade, a large piece of screen cloth. He and Li Sheng each held two corners as they chased fish in the river.
Li Jiacong: "Over there!"
Li Sheng: "Where?"
Li Jiacong lunged forward, but Li Sheng went in the opposite direction. The net slipped from Li Sheng's hand and was instead held in Li Jiacong's hand, turning into a flag. The fish were frightened away and disappeared without a trace.
Li Jiacong: "What kind of look is that?"
Li Sheng: "How about I rush over and you scoop it up?"
Li Jiacong shook his head: "I can't hold onto this net by myself—don't let go."
Li Sheng nodded.
They waited for the water to calm down, then stood like telephone poles, using earthworms they had caught, tied to the grass, as bait. The fish in the pond seemed to be sentient; they were quickly devoured by the earthworms, and before Li Jiacong could even react, the fish had swum away.
Without fish food, the two of them had to go ashore to dig for earthworms and worms. After a few trips, Li Jiacong sighed, "So we've come here to feed the fish, haven't we?"
Li Sheng couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Li Jiacong said, "Let's try one last time."
Li Sheng nodded.
Finally, a cunning fish swam between Li Jiacong's legs. Li Jiacong pointed at it, and Li Sheng hesitated. Li Jiacong whispered, "Catch it!"
Li Sheng lunged towards Li Jiazong with the net. The splash was so big that the fish turned and swam back. Li Jiazong crouched down with his legs together to cut off the fish's escape route, but he lost his balance and leaned forward, bumping head-on with Li Sheng.
He instinctively grabbed Li Sheng's shoulder, pulling him down into the water. Once submerged, he couldn't hold onto anything.
Li Jiacong was a non-swimmer and struggled in the water, choking on his own saliva. He then felt a pair of hands pull him up, and he touched the ground, quickly stood up, and began to cough.
Li Sheng dragged him back to shore. He sat on the bank while Li Sheng stood in the water.
"I took a huge gulp." Li Jiacong spat a few times, "It's like fish bathwater."
Li Sheng wanted to laugh, but then said very seriously, "Can you please not have any accidents?"
Li Jiacong: "You think I'm stupid?"
Li Sheng looked at him.
“Li Sheng! We’re in the same boat!” Li Jiacong questioned him.
Li Sheng laughed, and that laugh revealed the heroic spirit between his brows. He knew that Li Jiacong was talking about that time at the church entrance, when he fell into the crack in the ground in such an embarrassing way, and he was also very stupid.
After laughing, Li Sheng recalled the events in a low voice: "At that time, I suddenly couldn't see anything. After my grandfather passed away, for a long time, I didn't know what to do."
Li Jiacong knew this feeling was called "losing a sense of security." The world was vast, and no one seemed connected to him; it sounded incredibly lonely and desolate. He squeezed Li Sheng's shoulder and offered a terrible suggestion: "Why don't you get married too?"
The smile on Li Sheng's face vanished, and he slowly climbed ashore, saying, "Never mind."
"Why?" Li Jiacong thought his idea was pretty good. If he had no family, he could start a new family and live with them. That would give him a sense of security.
As he took off his shirt, intending to explain his ideas in detail, he noticed Li Sheng with his back turned, skipping stones on the water. Almost at the same time he took off his shirt, Li Sheng turned around.
Li Jiacong: "Aren't you going to take it off and wring out the water?"
Li Sheng: "No, thank you."
Li Jiacong raised an eyebrow: "Shall we go?"
Li Sheng hummed in response, but didn't look at him. He walked back without deliberately shifting his gaze.
Li Jiacong felt strange. He looked at his flat chest again; he really didn't seem to have anything to hide. A subtle, odd feeling swept over him. He sensed that Li Sheng seemed to be hiding something. Li Jiacong walked to his side and said, "Li Sheng."
Li Sheng looked ahead: "Hmm?"
Just as Li Jiacong was about to ask a question, a group of children ran over from the opposite direction, including Li Ai, who ran past like the wind with a group of wild children.
Holding slingshots, they ran towards the edge of the grassy field, shouting, "Come on! Shoot down a hornet's nest!"
A note from the author:
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You can't fight like that!
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