Chapter 76 Sweet as Honey Copper Pot Hot Pot Restaurant. Hua Songxu holds the bowl…
A hot pot restaurant.
Hua Songxu handed the bowl to Xu Tingyun, saying, "Less sesame paste, more chili."
"I know." Xu Tingyun got up naturally, made the condiment at the nearby station, and came back with a portion of oranges in her hand. "Didn't you say you wanted to eat oranges yesterday? Eat these first, and buy some more when you get home."
The intimacy between the two was evident in their every gesture.
Liu Xi and Chen Zhan sat opposite each other, their mouths tightly shut, not daring to breathe.
Hua Songxu took two pieces and placed the plate in the middle of the table. "You all eat too."
"No need, no need."
"You eat, you eat."
Hua Songxu gave Xu Tingyun a big question mark with his eyes.
Xu Tingyun tapped the table and said speechlessly, "You two, be normal."
"We're still emotionally isolated after the trauma we suffered." Chen Zhan tilted his head back and gulped down a whole cup of tea, then nodded to Hua Songxu, "Sorry, please excuse my poor performance."
Hua Songxu couldn't help but laugh and shook his head.
Thinly sliced fatty beef is rolled in a bowl full of sesame paste, chili oil, and cilantro, melting in your mouth and bursting with aroma. Eating together easily bridges the gap between people; halfway through the meal, the initial awkwardness has dissipated.
When asked about his recent situation, Liu Xi lamented, "You're always traveling and having fun, you have no idea what kind of life we're living! Our record is 18 consecutive days without a break!"
Xu Tingyun shrugged. "Who told you to go straight into investment banking right after graduation?"
“This is how it is for financial workers, and it’s the same for construction workers,” Chen Zhan said. “I still miss my university and graduate school days, when there weren’t so many worries.”
Hua Songxu paused in his chopsticks-holding motion, but quickly resumed his normal expression. Xu Tingyun, however, noticed. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." She smiled. "It's just that I almost became a construction worker myself."
Chen Zhan asked in surprise, "Same major? May I ask, what does 'almost' mean?"
Just as Xu Tingyun was about to come to her rescue, Hua Songxu pressed her hand down under the table, saying, "Because I dropped out of college in my first year, my educational background is only high school graduation."
Xu Tingyun is a PhD from Peking University, and his two friends are no less accomplished, both holding master's degrees from top-tier universities. Therefore, when the words "high school graduate" were uttered, both of them went blank.
After a brief silence, Chen Zhan put down his chopsticks and said solemnly, "That's so decisive, Sister Xu."
Liu Xi exclaimed, "I have truly done something that others only dare to dream of!"
"I think I understand now why Xu Tingyun is willing to become a toxic fan!"
Hua Songxu was actually a little nervous. She wanted to leave a good impression on Xu Tingyun's childhood friends, but the most important thing was to be sincere, so she told them the truth. Unexpectedly, they didn't look at her strangely at all, or think that she was not a good match for Xu Tingyun because of her low education level.
She breathed a sigh of relief imperceptibly and said calmly, "You can just call me Ah Xu."
After all, she was several years older. Chen Zhan thought for a moment and said, "Xu Tingyun's birthday is in October, earlier than ours, so it's more appropriate to call her sister-in-law."
Liu Xi thought about it and agreed, then looked at Xu Tingyun with disdain, "You're just getting a good deal, kid. You're only getting this because of your sister-in-law."
sister in law.
Xu Tingyun was secretly pleased, wanting to laugh but afraid of being too obvious. Little did she know that the twitching at the corners of her mouth was even more noticeable when she couldn't suppress her laughter.
Hua Songxu poked at the table again, but this time he grabbed Hua Songxu's hand.
Chen Zhan joked, "Look at how worthless you are."
"Yeah, I'm worthless," Xu Tingyun said frankly.
The two men aimed their long lenses and cameras at Xu Tingyun, and no one noticed that Hua Songxu's ears and cheeks were slightly red under his loose hair.
She felt rather shy being called "sister-in-law," she thought.
The three boys, who hadn't seen each other for a long time, got together and chatted quite enthusiastically. At one point, Hua Songxu took his cigarette case outside for a smoke, and Chen Zhan followed him after he found a smoking spot.
"Sister-in-law," he said with a smile.
Hua Songxu paused slightly as he reached for his lighter. "Do you smoke too?"
“Yes.” Chen Zhan lit a cigarette and walked around to the other side of the trash can.
The shop was quite hidden in a hutong, but at this moment, people were coming and going in front of it, and every now and then an old man would ride by on his bicycle. The spring sunshine was warm and sunny, and a few trees whose names I didn't know cast shadows over the brick wall in front of the two of them.
“Xu Tingyun has changed a lot in the past two years,” Chen Zhan said.
After finishing one cigarette, Hua Songxu guessed that Chen Zhan had more to say, so he lit another one and held it between his fingers, giving him plenty of time.
“Two years ago, he suddenly wanted to become a mountain photographer. We were all against it, always afraid that he would go and never come back.”
Hua Songxu frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Eight years—it's been nine years now—he went cycling the Sichuan-Tibet Highway, actually planning to do it for Brother Zhaoyu before committing suicide." Chen Zhan pressed his thumb to his brow. "If he hadn't met you, I'm afraid..."
Hua Songxu flicked his wrist, and the ash landed precisely on a scattered oval-shaped tender leaf on the ground, turning the new green into gray-black.
“Xu Tingyun has always had good grades, a natural talent. But he was never an outstanding student, nor was he an easy-going child. His mischievousness was worlds apart from Zhaoyu’s. His aunt and uncle were heartbroken,” Chen Zhan said. “At seventeen or eighteen, he finally grew up and became more sensible, but then this happened. It’s like wanting to care for your parents but finding them gone. For him, his life has always been about receiving sacrifices from his parents and brother, so he feels even more guilty and finds it harder to accept.”
“Overnight, the once vibrant Xu Tingyun was gone. During the days of vigil and funeral, he remained remarkably calm, not shedding a single tear… yet his eyes were swollen every day. After the funeral, he disappeared, only returning to Beijing three months later.”
It was a Friday afternoon. Chen Zhan still remembers that dark clouds looming over the city, and a line of bright red taillights already lit up on the road in front of the company.
Just as he was about to walk towards the subway entrance, he heard a hoarse voice behind him call out, "Ah Zhan."
Chen Zhan was stunned for a long time before he confirmed that the person in front of him was indeed Xu Tingyun.
He had become much darker and thinner, almost unrecognizable. Riding on a dusty mountain bike, his dark eyes beneath his helmet reflected the light and shadow, yet remained empty and blank.
Xu Tingyun asked A-Zhan if he could accompany him to the hospital.
Chen Zhan immediately agreed, "Sure, why bother failing any subject?"
"I'd like to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to check if I have depression."
Chen Zhan felt a tightness in his chest. He took a deep breath and then exhaled deeply. "The psychologist said that although this situation could easily lead to depression, he doesn't have depression. His desire to commit suicide is not simply because he can't accept it psychologically or emotionally, but more of a result of rational thinking."
Hua Songxu's pupils contracted slightly, his voice trembling strangely as he struggled to believe it. "Rational thinking? How can this be rational thinking?"
"He believed that as long as he lived, he would continue to suffer this pain. No matter how hard he tried to live, he could never repay his parents' kindness in raising him or his brothers' affection, so any effort was in vain. Knowing it was futile, he figured it was better not to do it at all... That's what he thought."
Even after the meal ended and he said goodbye to the two, Hua Songxu was still in a daze.
"Ah Xu?"
Hua Songxu shuddered. "Huh?"
Xu Tingyun frowned at her. "What's wrong?"
"It's okay." Hua Songxu took his arm. "The car is over there, let's go home."
"There's a fruit supermarket just outside the alley, let's go check it out."
Hua Songxu shook his head. "I want to go home."
Xu Tingyun didn't ask any questions, thoughtfully pulled down the sunshade for her, and drove home steadily.
After parking the car, Xu Tingyun went around to the passenger side first, opened the door, unbuckled her seatbelt, looked down at her, and said affirmatively, "What did Chen Zhan say to you?"
Hua Songxu turned around and buried his face in Xu Tingyun's chest, "Tell me you used to have a dozen girlfriends, changing one every three days."
“You know best whether I’ve ever had a girlfriend or not.” Xu Tingyun patted her head. “He said those things are in the past, don’t take them to heart. I have things I want to do now, people I want to love, and I’m happy every day.”
Chen Zhan said that Xu Tingyun had been adjusting for a long time, maintaining exercise, a good sleep schedule, and ensuring three meals a day, while also keeping a close eye on A Xu's activities. His childhood friends saw this and thought he was just bewitched, insisting on paying attention to an unknown woman who was into mountaineering, but seeing that he was gradually improving, they didn't say much.
Six years passed in this way, and then one day, Xu Tingyun left Beijing with her camera and headed to the mountains and countryside.
“Xu Tingyun,” Hua Songxu said sullenly.
"Mm," Xu Tingyun replied.
She said out of the blue, "I'm just an ordinary person, someone with many flaws and shortcomings."
Xu Tingyun immediately understood the implication: "We are all ordinary people. But you are unique in my eyes."
Hua Songxu's hand on Xu Tingyun's lower back tightened. "If I weren't Ah Xu, would you still like me?"
While Chen Zhan and Hua Songxu went out for a smoke, Liu Xi asked a similar question.
He was quite worried. "I think she's a good person, and I can sense that you're very happy. But Tingyun, do you really like her, or is it just because of her idol status? It may be a bit presumptuous of me to ask this, but I just hope that you find the right person and don't get hurt in relationships."
Xu Tingyun never expected to be asked such a question. She felt somewhat helpless, but her tone was firm: "When I fell in love with her, I didn't even know her name."
He chuckled softly, "Then guess when I first had these thoughts?"
Hua Songxu thought for a long time, then shook his head as he buried his face in his chest, completely clueless.
“At the gas station, you reminded me of Ah Xu, so I wanted to help you. I didn’t expect that when you were being followed, you not only didn’t dodge, but also grabbed a stick and questioned me aggressively. When you walked towards me against the headlights, I thought this girl was so cool,” Xu Tingyun said gently. “Later, when you asked me for a favor, you tried to be friendly but your face was sour, which I found amusing. When we met the hypothermic hiker, I found that you were cold on the outside but warm on the inside, which made me even more amused.”
Hua Songxu pinched his lower back.
"Hiss—" Xu Tingyun grinned exaggeratedly and continued, "If I had to say what made my heart flutter, it would be the moment after we finished eating the yak hot pot for the first time, when you stood on the steps looking up at the snow and a snowflake happened to land on your eyelash. But if I had to say what made you fall in love, it would be the moment you sat on the stone steps in the snow smoking on the day you ate with that couple."
"Objectively speaking, you do have flaws, such as not being good at communication, or having a bad temper... But to me, these flaws are vivid and endearing." Xu Tingyun helped her out of the car and held her in his arms. "Your status and aura are an unexpected delight for me, but they are not the reason why I fell in love with you in the first place."
“Even if you weren’t Ah-Xu, I would still like and love you. But since you are Ah-Xu, I will only love you even more willingly.”
Hua Songxu felt something slide across the corner of his eye. He raised his hand to touch it and realized that he had actually cried.
Xu Tingyun took out an envelope from the inside pocket of his coat. It was an envelope he had been carrying since September of last year, and it was also the envelope he had almost taken out when he stood in front of her to confess his love after crossing 30 kilometers of uninhabited mountainous terrain.
Xu Tingyun's mouth was a little dry from nervousness, so she pursed her lips and said, "I've been hesitating about when to give it to you."
Hua Songxu wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. "What is this?"
“My suicide note,” Xu Tingyun said.
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