Chapter 33
The chaotic hours on Saturday felt like a shaky, blurry shot in a movie; looking back, it all seemed unreal and dizzying.
All the events that happened that day led Cheng Xun to make several immature choices.
That night, on the way to the hospital, Cheng Rongken sat silently in the driver's seat. His face was pale, and his heaving chest could not hide the anger surging in his heart.
Sitting to the side, Zhang Yuyun almost opened her mouth, frowned and turned to look at the back seat, while Cheng Xun turned his head to look out the window as if nothing had happened, his expression indifferent. Looking at him like this, Zhang Yuyun sighed helplessly.
After Cheng Xun's wounds were treated and his left hand was put in a cast, he followed Cheng Rongken and Zhang Yuyun out of the hospital.
Cheng Xun looked up and saw Zhang Yuyun holding Cheng Rongken's arm, whispering something, seemingly trying to soothe him. He realized Cheng Rongken was quite upset with him. Cheng Xun smiled slightly, but the movement aggravated the wound near his mouth, so he raised his right hand to touch it.
Back home, they went inside first. Cheng Xun slowly walked to the door, and with a bang, the door was slammed shut from the inside. The gust of wind hit his face, and Cheng Xun's eyes widened in surprise. After realizing what had happened, he couldn't help but find it amusing.
Cheng Xun unlocked the electronic lock as if nothing had happened. He glimpsed Cheng Rongken slamming his car keys on the coffee table, standing next to the sofa and forcefully tugging at his suit and tie. He ignored him and walked straight toward his bedroom.
"Don't you feel any guilt towards us at all?" A suppressed voice came from behind, and Cheng Xun paused.
“You’re fifteen or sixteen years old, can’t you be more sensible? Why do you have to provoke those shady characters and fight them? Do you think you’re so tough?! Don’t you know your own limitations? In the end, I’ll be the one cleaning up your mess. Tonight you only broke your hand, but who knows when someone might die.” Cheng Rongken gritted his teeth, his face contorted. He paused, then said in a vicious, unrestrained tone, “If you continue to be so reckless, you can expect to be beaten to death in an alleyway one day, your body only discovered after it has rotted.”
What happened tonight not only angered him, but also embarrassed him, making him feel utterly ashamed. He couldn't believe he had such a good-for-nothing son. In his intense anger, Cheng Rongken almost couldn't resist raising his hand to slap him a few times to vent his frustration.
But as soon as he said it, his expression clearly froze, and he belatedly regretted his last words for a moment.
Only when the voices behind him stopped did Cheng Xun turn around expressionlessly. When he looked at Cheng Rongken, Cheng Rongken frowned slightly, with a somewhat restrained expression.
The hand in the cast throbbed with a dull ache, but what truly caused the pain was the sharp, blade-like words that pierced my heart.
"Provoke them? You'll end up dying in an alleyway one day." Cheng Xun repeated these words in a low voice, raising his downcast gaze.
"Based on a few words of sophistry from others, you concluded that I started the fight. Did you even know what happened? Did you ask me anything from beginning to end?" Cheng Xun's face was almost cold. Standing in front of Cheng Rongken, he was half a head taller than him. His gaze fell down to meet Cheng Rongken's eyes, which were filled with reproach and resentment. In this posture, it looked as if he was looking down at Cheng Rongken.
Cheng Rongken was at the police station at the time. He felt ashamed that his son had gotten into a fight and was eager to settle things. He had no patience to listen to the details of the incident. The other party insisted that Cheng Xun had been drinking and started the fight. Even though Cheng Xun's friend argued and denied it, Cheng Rongken was furious and did not suspect anything. Having such a troublesome son made him feel extremely frustrated, so he only wanted to end everything.
The living room fell into an eerie silence for a moment. Cheng Rongken's pupils trembled, and then he heard Cheng Xun say sarcastically, "Clean up my mess? Don't make it sound so nice. You think your way of solving problems is appropriate? Ha, it's just that your face is more important than anything else. Whether the matter is clear or not doesn't matter. As long as the spread is minimized, it's all about saving face."
After entering the house, Zhang Yuyun quietly opened Cheng Ying's door. Seeing that Cheng Ying was sleeping peacefully alone, she felt relieved. Just as she slowly closed the door, she heard arguing.
Hearing Cheng Xun's outrageous words, she turned pale with fright. She hurriedly went over and pulled his uninjured arm, scolding him in a low voice, "You can't talk to your father like that. We've been so worried about you tonight, not so you could turn around and blame us for not handling things well. No matter what, you got into a fight, didn't you? Regardless of what happened, you did something wrong."
Just as Cheng Xun looked down at Zhang Yuyun, "slap!" Cheng Rongken, who was trembling with anger, slapped him across the cheek.
Cheng Rongken then swung his arm and slapped her again, his tone almost frantic: "I fucking gave birth to a heartless bastard. Have I been too nice to you? Does that give you the guts to criticize me? Giving birth to you was the biggest mistake of my life. Look at your brother Cheng Ting and sister Cheng Ying, neither of them causes me as much trouble or annoys me as you. When your phone was confiscated by the teacher in junior high, I just assumed you were going through a rebellious phase. This time, I really can't take it anymore. If I keep tolerating it, the mess you make will only get bigger and bigger, and you'll fucking drive me crazy."
A burning pain shot through his cheek. On the second kick, Cheng Xun staggered backward, clearly angered by Cheng Rongken. Cheng Xun was slammed against the wall by his raised foot, his left arm striking the wall as his body slammed into it. The pain caused Cheng Xun to let out a soft groan.
Zhang Yuyun stopped Cheng Rongken, who was about to grope her. Cheng Rongken, panting, glanced at her and stopped. He looked up and saw that Cheng Xun was in excruciating pain but still stubbornly endured it.
Cheng Rongken scoffed, "You need to be taught a lesson; you should feel the pain."
"Say less, it's too late, get some rest. We can talk about it tomorrow," Zhang Yuyun patted his shoulder and advised.
Cheng Rongken felt a little relieved, and his expression softened.
Cheng Xun's forehead was covered in sweat from the pain. He raised his head, as if he wanted to say something. Zhang Yuyun noticed this and, fearing that he would say something that would anger Cheng Rongken, pulled Cheng Rongken back to the bedroom first.
Cheng Xun watched their retreating figures in silence. Even though they were just heading towards the bedroom, he had the strange feeling that they were leaving him.
Cheng Xun realized that they never gave him a chance to correct his mistakes. It had always been like this since he was a child. As long as he deviated from the path they expected him to take, they would let him go.
Is it simply because he's not good enough? Is it simply because he's not as good as Cheng Ting? Is it simply because he's not the only option?
Cheng Xun then realized that, subconsciously, he still longed for their love and care, and still resented their unequal treatment.
Opening the dark bedroom door, Cheng Xun lay silently on his side on the bed. Perhaps it was the pain from his wound, or perhaps his mind was filled with chaotic thoughts, but he didn't fall asleep until dawn.
*
The next day was Sunday. Cheng Ying took a bite of her sandwich and asked Zhang Yuyun, who was sitting opposite her, with her words slightly slurred, "Mom, was Second Brother's matter resolved yesterday? I think I heard arguing in the middle of the night. I wonder if I was dreaming."
"There was no arguing." Zhang Yuyun's face darkened. She didn't want to talk about yesterday's events and only told Cheng Ying that everything had been resolved.
After dinner, Zhang Yuyun helped Cheng Ying with her homework for a while.
Cheng Xun didn't wake up until lunchtime. His left hand was in a cast, so it took him a while to wash up with one hand. He dawdled for a while before leaving the bedroom.
"Come and have lunch." Zhang Yuyun said to Cheng Xun indifferently as she walked to the table with her bowl and chopsticks without even looking up.
Cheng Xun took his own bowl and chopsticks and sat down at the table. After eating half a bowl of rice, he noticed an odd atmosphere. Zhang Yuyun seemed to be deliberately avoiding his gaze. When Cheng Xun looked up at her, she immediately lowered her eyes. She was unusually quiet at the table today, so much so that Cheng Ying also became quiet.
Cheng Xun paused for two seconds, silently twitched her lips, and then nonchalantly finished the rest of her rice in two or three bites.
Zhang Yuyun treated Cheng Xun like he was invisible all afternoon, not giving him a single word or glance.
Cheng Xun went to the living room to get a drink of water. He glanced at Zhang Yuyun's back, which was deliberately avoiding him. He thought that perhaps she was utterly disappointed in him. They were convinced that he had started the fight after drinking. Having a son who could fight like that was like having a time bomb next to them, who knew when it would explode and cause a whole bunch of trouble. No wonder they disliked him.
It wasn't until evening that Zhang Yuyun opened Cheng Xun's door.
"We wanted to let you know that your father and I told your teacher about your situation, and the teacher agreed to let you take a month off. Anyway, you haven't been paying attention in class or studying hard at school, and things will only get worse now, so it's better for you to stay home and rest."
Cheng Xun frowned in confusion. His injury wasn't really that serious. He should have been able to go back to school after resting at home for a week or two. Why would he need to take a month off? This would cause him to miss a lot of classes.
“There’s no need to take a month off.” Cheng Xun sat in his gaming chair and looked up at Zhang Yuyun standing by the door. Only then did he notice the impatient expression on her face.
“This was a decision made by your father and me. We’re not here to discuss this with you, but to inform you.” Zhang Yuyun’s tone turned cold: “You should calmly reflect on your actions during this time and admit that you made a mistake.”
Cheng Xun slowly came to understand the meaning behind it. He asked for a month off to stay at home, ostensibly to allow him to rest and reflect, but in reality, he didn't want outsiders to see his injuries and know that he had been in a fight, which would probably embarrass them.
Cheng Xun knew that no matter how he explained, she would see it as an excuse, as if he was cowardly and dared not admit that he had started the fight. So he sneered and stubbornly said, "I did nothing wrong last night."
Cheng Xun didn't turn on the bedroom light; only the computer screen emitted a dim blue glow. Zhang Yuyun couldn't see his expression in the dim light, but she could hear the unrepentant tone in his voice.
Zhang Yuyun patted her chest, which felt stuffy, and gasped, "Fine, fine, think what you want."
Zhang Yuyun couldn't say another word. She wanted to close the door and leave, but she needed to vent her anger, so she opened the door again, which had been closed only a crack.
Her voice drifted softly into the dimly lit bedroom: "From childhood to adulthood, I've always hoped that you could grow up in step with your brother and become a son like him—sensible, outstanding, and someone who puts my mind at ease in every way. So, I'll be dissatisfied if you don't meet his standards, but you always disappoint me. Perhaps I should have realized sooner that you're not as good as him, not as good as him in any way."
Cheng Xun thought he was immune to these words and didn't care anymore, but when she heard them again, her heart still ached sharply.
He seemed to be pulled back to the past, to when he was in first grade and Cheng Ting was in fourth grade. His parents held up two end-of-term report cards for comparison. Compared to Cheng Ting’s near-perfect scores in every subject, his decent grades seemed lackluster.
Cheng Ting was rewarded with a day trip to the zoo, but he was criticized by Zhang Yuyun. She poked his head with her curled-up report card and said, "Ah Xun, how come you are not as good as your brother in every way? If you can't catch up with your brother, you will never get a reward."
At every family gathering, when the aunts and uncles asked about the brothers' grades, Zhang Yuyun would smile and praise Cheng Ting's outstanding achievements. She would go on and on as if she couldn't praise him enough. As for Cheng Xun, she would usually summarize him in one sentence: "He is not as good as A Ting. He is far behind in every way."
There were many similar stories, which Cheng Xun gradually forgot, but he clearly remembered that these words accompanied him as he grew up.
He had forgotten when Zhang Yuyun stopped calling him A-Xun, but she would still affectionately call him A-Ting at certain times.
With a bang, the door slammed shut.
Cheng Xun was momentarily distracted. His eyelashes trembled slightly. He spun his gaming chair to the side, raised his right hand to the mouse, and stared blankly at the computer screen. He opened the game software, and only when the music started did he remember that his left hand was in a cast and he couldn't play games.
While checking online physics courses, he finally remembered his original purpose for turning on the computer. He moved the mouse a few times, then suddenly let go and lowered his head.
He slumped down, feeling utterly drained, burying his head in the crook of his right arm. Zhang Yuyun's words and the events of the previous night echoed in his mind. Cheng Xun felt a pang of sorrow; he wanted to retreat to a secluded place and let himself die.
In the middle of the night, Cheng Xun opened his chat window with Song Qiuxuan on his phone, and he stared intently at the word "okay".
Cheng Xun never intended to tell Song Qiuxuan what had happened in the past two days, and he would never tell anyone but her. But he didn't know why he opened the chat box in the dead of night.
He kept scrolling up. Most of their chats in the previous weeks were about arranging the location and time to go to the library on weekends. In fact, they rarely chatted on their phones because they spent most of their time together.
When Cheng Xun scrolled to the message recommending a playlist by Song Qiuxuan, his finger paused. He picked up his headphones from the bedside table, put them on, and opened the music app to listen to songs she liked.
The soothing and upbeat music, like her personality, gives people a feeling of joy and comfort.
Cheng Xun recalled their time together and realized that Song Qiuxuan had always been a happy person. He also remembered what she had overheard her mother saying on Friday evening; every word was for her sake, and she was worried that he would influence her.
Cheng Xun irritably pulled off his headphones. He couldn't stand it anymore; listening to it reminded him of Song Qiuxuan and her mother's words. He didn't know what to do. Would he really affect her?
If they continue to be together, how will Song Qiuxuan face her mother? If they continue, their puppy love might be discovered someday. On that day, will Cheng Rongken and Zhang Yuyun blame him for making another mistake? Will they place all the blame on him? Will her mother say those hurtful things even more harshly?
Cheng Xun closed his eyes, not daring to continue speculating.
He really is a coward; his subconscious reaction is to run away.
So when he received Song Qiuxuan's message on Wednesday, he pretended not to see it.
Cheng Xun really didn't know how to reply to her. Vulnerability was something he found hard to talk about, especially in front of someone important. Everything that happened that night was too sudden, and even his parents' way of handling it was unexpected. In the end, it just meant they didn't care about him that much, but he didn't want to show that in front of Song Qiuxuan.
On Friday night, his phone vibrated. He looked at the message from Song Qiuxuan, and through the screen, Cheng Xun imagined her concerned tone. His parents hadn't inquired about his recovery these past few days, but she asked him if his fractured hand was any better after a few days. Cheng Xun stared at the message, his eyes slowly stinging, and he almost burst into tears.
But Cheng Xun still didn't reply. He even thought, "Don't care about me, don't pay attention to me. It would make my choice seem heartless and cowardly."
Cheng Xun had initially held back his emotions, but the thought that those happy weekends would never return, that his increasingly improved handwriting would no longer be praised tirelessly by anyone, and that no one would print out his photos—all these things overwhelmed him. Suddenly, a cold touch brushed against his face. Cheng Xun lowered his head and wiped it away, his shoulders trembling slightly, an overwhelming sadness threatening to engulf him.
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