end
On the cold street, Song Qiuxuan and Cheng Xun stood face to face, neither of them taking the initiative to speak first.
As dusk deepened, the bare branches swayed in the strong wind, and the deafening music from the bar across the street faintly drifted over, breaking the silence between the two.
"I hate you." Song Qiuxuan's myriad emotions coalesced into four words of resentment.
Perhaps she didn't really hate him, but just wanted to use sharp words to provoke Cheng Xun's cold and hard heart.
It seemed like they had succeeded. Song Qiuxuan saw Cheng Xun, who was calm and composed, looking surprised and helpless. He lowered his eyelashes, and a trace of pain seemed to flash across his eyes.
Song Qiuxuan was still waiting for an explanation. At this moment, she couldn't help but wonder if Cheng Xun would explain the reason for his cold violence after hearing those four words and try to get her forgiveness.
"I know." Cheng Xun forced a smile. The streetlight shone on his face, the dim light making his facial features appear gentle, and the smile seemed to exude a rare tenderness and indulgence.
Song Qiuxuan frowned slightly. His calmness made him seem inexplicable, as if there was no need to care about his actions.
Song Qiuxuan raised her voice: "Cheng Xun, you always act like you don't care about anything, it's really annoying, you know?! It makes me look like I'm just being presumptuous!"
"Your letter described you perfectly; you're someone who only knows how to run away. You don't remember any of the good things I did for you, and you've broken all the promises you made to me. Don't you think you owe me an explanation?"
As Song Qiuxuan spoke, her voice trembled with tears, her chest heaving slightly. All the grievances and sorrow she had endured during this time poured out at that moment.
Song Qiuxuan realized she had gone too far. The vulnerability that Cheng Xun had once revealed to her in his love letters was now being used as a sharp blade to stab Cheng Xun.
But she still felt it wasn't enough. Compared to the sorrow she had experienced, what did Cheng Xun's few indifferent words matter?
His heart was the coldest and hardest, surrounded by solid walls, so that no matter how outrageous the words, they probably wouldn't hurt him in the slightest.
Cheng Xun stood motionless like a statue, accepting her anger, rebukes, and verbal attacks. His expression was no longer one of indifference; all pretense crumbled, and his lips were tightly pursed, revealing a painful struggle.
The hurt he caused her was far more profound than she had imagined.
Song Qiuxuan raised her eyes and looked at Cheng Xun, who was still silent. He was unmoved, while she was on the verge of collapse. Song Qiuxuan suddenly smiled mockingly.
“Cheng Xun, during the time you were on leave, I was still thinking about you, worrying about how well your wound was healing, how much homework you were falling behind in, and how you were getting further away from your goal of getting into the top class. But what did you do? You deliberately didn't reply to my messages, and after you came back to school, you were like a different person, avoiding me and not caring about me. I really can't understand why you suddenly became like this.”
Song Qiuxuan stared at him coldly: "Maybe you are that kind of person all along, but I have never understood the real you."
Song Qiuxuan staggered back half a step, her body swaying slightly, and squatted down, panting.
Cheng Xun subconsciously took a step forward, seemingly wanting to support Song Qiuxuan, who looked like she was about to collapse. He watched as she squatted down, her body curled up into a ball, and his outstretched hand stopped abruptly.
Seeing Song Qiuxuan like this, his heart ached again and again.
Cheng Xun's gaze fell on the light blue scarf, and memories surged up like waves. Cheng Xun knew he had wronged Song Qiuxuan, first letting her feel his unreserved affection, and then withdrawing it without warning, which was undoubtedly a huge hurt.
However, Song Qiuxuan neither lacked nor cared for his affection. She had a happy family and caring parents, so this pain was ultimately only temporary.
Thinking of this, Cheng Xun took a step back and returned to his original position.
After a long time, Cheng Xun's bare hands, exposed to the air, turned bright red from the cold. He gently sniffed.
"Yes, I have always been a terrible person."
Song Qiuxuan suddenly raised her head, and their eyes met.
"So, Song Qiuxuan, this relationship is actually of no benefit to you. The sooner we end it, the better, before you fully understand me. You can hate me now, but after a while, you'll forget me. After high school, or even before that time, when you look back, I'll be just an insignificant person among the people you've met."
Cheng Xun's voice was low and deep. Song Qiuxuan seemed to be back on that evening when they broke up. He spoke clearly about the troubles he felt in this relationship.
"You're just making excuses for yourself." Song Qiuxuan shouted almost hoarsely, then stood up, took off the scarf Cheng Xun had given her, took two steps forward, and angrily threw it at Cheng Xun.
A minute ago, the taxi driver pulled over to the side of the road. The moment the scarf was thrown to her, tears welled up in Song Qiuxuan's eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She wiped them away forcefully, then turned and took a few steps before opening the car door and getting in.
Her back and movements looked anxious, as if she wanted to get as far away from Cheng Xun as possible.
Cheng Xun swiftly caught the scarf that was about to fall to the ground. He heard a roar, then turned his head to look. The taxi sped away and disappeared in no time.
As he watched the car disappear into the distance, Cheng Xun felt as if a piece of his heart had been hollowed out. He lowered his head and sighed wearily.
He seemed completely enveloped by the night, feeling a sense of powerlessness that everything was beyond redemption.
Why is his life so miserable? Why is nothing going smoothly for him? Why did he have to become Cheng Xun?
Cheng Xun didn't know who to vent to; he always kept his worries to himself. He walked aimlessly along the street for a few steps, then put on his hood. He gripped his scarf tightly with both hands, unable to control his emotions. His lips twitched a few times, and a cold tear rolled down his cheek.
Even when his parents didn't believe him, Cheng Xun could still maintain a calm facade, but at this moment, he shed tears because he realized that he had hurt the people who were best to him.
Her temples throbbed with pain. After what seemed like an eternity, Cheng Xun raised her hand and wiped away the tears on her face.
Even seeing her heartbroken, Cheng Xun still believed that his departure wouldn't make her life lack anything.
Song Qiuxuan, after today, you will get better and better.
*
That night was their last time together during their holiday.
Song Qiuxuan returned home dejectedly. She opened the door and saw Xu Yanzhen watching TV on the sofa.
Xu Yanzhen, cracking sunflower seeds, turned to look at her: "You're back. How did you have fun with your classmates?"
Song Qiuxuan didn't respond, but nodded listlessly.
"What's wrong? Have you been crying?" Xu Yanzhen stood up. "Are you reluctant to leave your classmates?"
Song Qiuxuan hadn't expected Xu Yanzhen to notice, and she raised her hand to rub her eyes.
"Didn't you bring your scarf back?" Xu Yanzhen walked up to Song Qiuxuan, looked at her bare neck, and asked in confusion.
"I left it at the karaoke bar. I cried because I loved that scarf so much." Song Qiuxuan had recently experienced intense emotional turmoil, which made her very calm now and able to lie with ease.
"It's just a scarf." Xu Yanzhen didn't blame her for being careless; instead, she comforted her.
Song Qiuxuan thought the scarf incident was over, but the next day at the New Year's Eve dinner, Xu Yanzhen happily took out a paper bag and stuffed it into Song Qiuxuan's arms.
Song Qiuxuan opened it with a puzzled look, and then she stopped in her tracks.
The scarves are almost identical, even the feel of them is nearly the same.
Seeing that Song Qiuxuan's face showed more surprise than joy, Xu Yanzhen immediately explained, "Didn't you say you really liked that blue scarf last night? I went to the mall this morning and found you a similar one as a New Year's gift. I hope our Xuanxuan grows up healthy and becomes even better in the new year."
Song's father chimed in, "Yes, Xuanxuan will do even better this year."
Song Qiuxuan took a beat to react, then smiled warmly and nodded, "Thank you, Mom."
The family of three chatted and laughed as they watched the Spring Festival Gala and ate their New Year's Eve dinner.
After the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, Song Qiuxuan continued to attend tutoring classes, as if nothing had happened that night, and she spent the rest of the holiday uneventfully.
Two days before the start of the school year, news spread that the school had broken with tradition and, in order to cultivate more top students, had added two new elite B classes to the existing elite class, which already included the top 50 students in the grade.
Song Qiuxuan already knew she was in the top-tier A class, but on the first day of school, she inexplicably walked to the bulletin board and looked up at the newly posted class assignments.
Her gaze swept over the names one by one, and then she saw Cheng Xun's name on the class list of Class 3, which was the key Class B.
Song Qiuxuan's heart skipped a beat. She knew she shouldn't have, but for a moment she was still happy for him.
Class 1 and Class 3 should have been on the same floor, but the school put the top classes of the three grades, namely the top A class in the first year of high school and the two top classes in the second and third years, in a separate building, so they became the furthest apart.
In the new class, Song Qiuxuan and He Zhimian became deskmates.
Even though it was only the beginning of the semester, the top classes were already filled with a strong learning atmosphere. Every student knew that being in the elite A-class meant even greater competition, and that if they didn't work hard, they might be squeezed out.
Song Qiuxuan and He Zhimian helped each other with their studies, and from that moment on, their relationship became even closer.
Occasionally, when Class 20 is mentioned, He Zhimian no longer hides her dislike for certain classmates from her former class.
And at these times, Song Qiuxuan would think of Cheng Xun.
Two weeks have passed since school started at the end of February, and she has not encountered Cheng Xun at school even once.
Song Qiuxuan was torn between wishing she hadn't met him and secretly hoping for something more.
March 21st was Song Qiuxuan's birthday. It happened to be a weekend, and Xu Yanzhen ordered a cake for her and cooked a big meal.
Song Qiuxuan invited He Zhimian and Sun Shan to her home to celebrate her birthday together.
As evening approached, Song Qiuxuan heard a knock at the door and happily ran to open it. It was He Zhimian who stood there, carrying two flat, long gift boxes.
Song Qiuxuan invited He Zhimian to sit on the sofa. Seeing what He Zhimian was carrying, she smiled and said, "Didn't I say that coming here to eat cake is enough? There's no need to prepare a gift."
"It's embarrassing to come empty-handed." He Zhimian handed the two items in her hands to Song Qiuxuan: "Happy birthday."
"Two gifts?" Song Qiuxuan accepted them with both hands.
He Zhimian looked a little awkward. She sat on the sofa and nodded, "I thought these two gifts would suit you, so I bought them both. I hope you like them."
Song Qiuxuan first opened the smaller square gift box, inside which was a red sweater.
"Thank you, He Zhimian. I really like this sweater. It's perfect for this season." Song Qiuxuan expressed her appreciation without reservation.
He Zhimian smiled and said, "I'm glad you like it."
Song Qiuxuan closed the gift box and placed it on the coffee table. Then she picked up another rectangular one, opened the lid, and paused, her expression momentarily stunned.
That was the badminton racket that Song Qiuxuan had long desired but had hesitated to buy due to its price. Its pink and white colors were even more stunning and eye-catching at first glance than in the photos.
Back in Class 20, Song Qiuxuan and He Zhimian often played badminton during PE class. He Zhimian mostly used rackets from the equipment room, and she didn't seem to have any particularly strict requirements for the quality of the rackets, so Song Qiuxuan never mentioned her favorite racket brand in front of her.
"Zhi Mian, how did you know I like this racket?" Song Qiuxuan felt the gift was too expensive, and she thought that since He Zhi Mian also liked playing badminton, she should just return it to her.
He Zhimian feigned surprise and said, "You like this badminton racket? That's great! I didn't expect you to pick one you like so easily. When the weather gets better, you can use this racket to play with me in PE class."
Song Qiuxuan also found it quite a coincidence. She hesitated for a moment and said, "But what you gave me was too expensive."
He Zhimian glanced at the badminton racket, then waved her hand dramatically, saying, "It's nothing, what matters most is that you like it."
Just then, there was another knock on the door, and He Zhimian quickly said, "It must be your friend."
Song Qiuxuan hesitated for a moment, then put down the rectangular gift box and hurried over to open the door for Sun Shan.
Sun Shan was the most cheerful and lively among them. As soon as she entered the room, she vividly recounted how she saw a handsome guy on the bus.
Song Qiuxuan's attention was no longer on the gift, and Sun Shan secretly breathed a sigh of relief.
Xu Yanzhen was very warm and welcoming to her daughter's friends, and took good care of them.
After that day, Song Qiuxuan's life returned to normal. She studied as usual every day and still went to the library on weekends.
Half a semester has passed, and Song Qiuxuan has taken two monthly exams. Her physics score has improved the most among all subjects, and her overall score has also risen accordingly. This makes Xu Yanzhen very happy, and she feels that her decision to enroll Song Qiuxuan in tutoring classes during the holidays was the right one.
She only saw Cheng Xun a few times during this half semester.
Once, during a long break between classes, she saw him pass by the area where the first class was doing exercises. The weather was getting warmer, and he was wearing a black hoodie. He seemed to have grown taller, with a straight and slender figure. As he passed by, Song Qiuxuan couldn't help but keep looking at him. Several girls nearby also saw him and commented on how handsome he was.
Later, the school canceled the large-scale exercise activity during the break for the top classes, and she never saw him on the playground again.
Another time, Song Qiuxuan was tired from studying and went out of the classroom for some fresh air. She leaned against the railing and looked down to the first floor. Unexpectedly, she saw Cheng Xun coming out of the stairwell of the opposite teaching building.
After that first time, every time she leaned against the railing to get some fresh air, she would look towards the stairwell. However, that time was by chance, and she never saw Cheng Xun again.
The next few times, I encountered them on my way to school.
On a rainy day, Song Qiuxuan took the bus. She swiped her card and walked to the back of the bus. As soon as she looked up, she saw Cheng Xun looking out the window with his face turned to the side.
He probably noticed the gaze on him, turned his head slightly, and met Song Qiuxuan's gaze.
As Song Qiuxuan walked back, her heart pounded as she looked into those beautiful eyes.
Just as she was about to casually look away from Cheng Xun as if he were a stranger, Cheng Xun turned his face away first, his gaze sweeping over her without making a sound.
Song Qiuxuan gave a self-deprecating smile and found a seat.
Looking back on what she said that night during winter break, Song Qiuxuan felt regret. She felt that she had been too impulsive and had said some things without thinking, perhaps too harshly.
But now it seems she was overthinking it; Cheng Xun must have forgotten what she said that night.
Cheng Xun didn't even remember the things he had promised her, let alone those light-hearted words.
Song Qiuxuan turned her head to look out the window. The rain was pattering down, leaving winding water streaks on the window.
Some rainwater also flowed into my heart, I don't know if it blurred the mottled memories, or washed away the haze and made them clearer.
*
By June, the height of summer had arrived, and the weather was getting hotter day by day.
On a sunny weekend with not a cloud in the sky, Song Qiuxuan bumped into Cheng Xun's friend on her way to the library.
She was sitting on the swaying bus, looking at the street scene outside the window, when someone patted her on the shoulder.
Liang Shizhe frowned and tried hard to recall, finally remembering that across the aisle, he sat down on the chair next to Song Qiuxuan and pointed at her casually, saying, "Song Qiuxuan, Cheng Xun's ex-girlfriend?!"
Upon hearing this address, Song Qiuxuan's eyes revealed a hint of displeasure.
Liang Shizhe noticed it and awkwardly withdrew his finger, which had been pointing at others rather rudely.
He curled his lip, his tone full of incomprehension: "You break up and then never speak to each other again? I really don't understand you guys."
Song Qiuxuan said with a hint of sarcasm, "If you really don't understand, you can ask Cheng Xun."
Liang Shizhe raised an eyebrow in surprise. He hadn't expected that this seemingly obedient girl would have such a sharp tongue. He recalled how she had clearly cared about Cheng Xun when she came to ask him about Cheng Xun last semester.
"I asked him, and he said you two aren't a good match." Liang Shizhe noticed the girl's spirits immediately wilted.
After so much time had passed, Song Qiuxuan didn't want to argue about the real reason for their separation, so she nodded helplessly.
Liang Shizhe said in a flippant tone, "I always feel like he still likes you."
Song Qiuxuan could tell that Cheng Xun had already walked ahead, so there was no trace of him liking her anymore. Therefore, she naturally wouldn't believe his words.
Song Qiuxuan shook her head: "Don't make jokes like that, it's not funny at all."
“I’m telling the truth,” Liang Shizhe said as he recalled, “During the winter break, when we went out late at night, I saw him secretly wiping away tears a few times. At that time, I even wondered if you had hurt him.”
Song Qiuxuan seemed to have heard something absurd, her tone full of doubt: "I hurt his feelings?"
As Cheng Xun's good friend, Liang Shizhe couldn't comment on who was right or wrong between them, so he changed the subject: "Okay, let's not talk about who hurt whom, but I'm not saying there's no basis for my claim that he still likes you."
Song Qiuxuan frowned slightly, but still couldn't suppress her curiosity, and turned her head to look at him.
"The school organized a trip to the Xihuaishan Temple. During the holidays, Cheng Xun suddenly suggested going there, so I went with him."
"I thought he was going to pray for himself, but when I peeked at his wishing plaque, I found out that he had written your name on it."
Song Qiuxuan's eyes widened, her voice filled with disbelief: "How could that be? You must have seen wrong."
Liang Shizhe confidently stated, "Your name has absolutely nothing in common with Cheng Xun's. Do you think I would mistake you for someone else?"
"What...what did he write?"
"I don't know, I just peeked and Cheng Xun pushed me away," Liang Shizhe said. "I didn't mean anything by it, I just happened to run into you today and wanted to let you know."
When the train arrived at its destination, Liang Shizhe got off.
The next day, Sunday, Song Qiuxuan, filled with curiosity, went up to the Xihuai Mountain Temple.
Song Qiuxuan hurriedly climbed up step by step, her back soaked with sweat, panting heavily, but she still didn't stop for a moment.
Hasn't Cheng Xun already let her go, stopped caring about her, and treated her like a stranger?
Didn't he say that relationship was bothering him?
Why do something that moves you silently?
There were countless wishing plaques. Song Qiuxuan didn't know where Cheng Xun had hung them, but she remembered where he had hung them last time. She walked towards the direction she remembered.
As she expected, Cheng Xun hung the two wishing plaques in the same spot.
Song Qiuxuan bent down, her fingers trembling as she raised the wishing plaque.
Sunlight filters through the lush foliage, casting shadows onto the square wishing plaque. The characters on it are neat and each stroke is executed with utmost care.
It says on it—
"Xuan, best of luck."
—The End—
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