Chapter 50
While Meng Zixuan was taking a shower, Chen Huan was lying on the bed playing on the computer. His phone, which he had left at the bedside, lit up. Chen Huan took a look and saw that it was an automatic email from the medical insurance, indicating that the bill had been processed.
Only then did Chen Huan remember that last week Meng Zixian had asked her to change the hospital's emergency contact to him, along with the authorization for medical insurance and medical information disclosure. Unless Meng Zixian squeezed out time to go to the hospital today between her flight and car, the bill must have been reported to the insurance company by the gynecology clinic.
Chen Huan wanted to delete the email, so she took his phone, unlocked it, and opened it. She found another email from a few hours ago, a one-time verification code for logging into the medical insurance website. This one was already read. Chen Huan rubbed her nose, slammed his phone shut, put it back on the cabinet, and lay on the bed, burying her face in her arms. She felt so stupid. She had been to the hospital, he would definitely know.
Meng Zixuan walked out of the bathroom, Shen Huan got up and closed the computer.
There was a single, small light in the room, its circle of light illuminating a corner of the bed. She looked up at him, but the light was blinding. She turned it off, plunging the room into darkness. She wondered how she'd get to bed without him seeing her, so she reached out to turn on the light. As she pulled her hand back, the large sleeve of her fleece pajamas caught his phone on the table, where it landed with a dull thud on the carpet. Holding onto the edge of the bed, Chen Huan bent down, felt for it twice but couldn't find it. She got out of bed, squatted on the floor, reached under the bed, fished out his phone, and placed it neatly in the center of the nightstand.
Meng Zixuan just stood there and looked at her.
After doing this, she walked around him, went to the bathroom, and washed her hands. When she turned on the faucet, tears began to flow, and she sat on the toilet seat and cried.
When Meng Zixuan pushed the door open and walked into the bathroom, Shen Huan was crying breathlessly. She asked Meng Zixuan why he was so angry. She curled up her knees and hugged them in front of her, holding them tightly, as if she was afraid that her legs would run away if she wasn't careful. She knew that she was being unreasonable and it was obviously her who was angry.
He was just about to say something when she complained that this pregnancy reaction was like having a cold. One side of her nose was always blocked, her ears were stuffy, she could hear her own heartbeat, and occasionally she couldn't hear other people talking clearly. She also felt that her voice was particularly loud. For example, now, she was almost being annoyed to death by herself.
Meng Zixian sat on the tile floor, his back against the bathtub, his arms resting on his knees. He seemed to want to speak, but Shen Huan interrupted him. She said she was going to the hospital for an ultrasound today, but she didn't dare tell him. Because on the day Henry's body was sent back, the surviving officer also brought Henry's personal belongings, including an ultrasound of the fetus at six weeks old, which Emma had sent to Darwash before. "I wonder if you have seen that photo." She cried, "It will make you sad."
He didn't say anything.
After a long time, she stopped crying and asked how Oliver Schumer was doing.
"The funeral is scheduled for next Saturday." Meng Zixuan answered calmly.
She was quiet for a moment, "I'm sorry, when you came back just now, I should have asked about his situation first."
Meng Zixuan raised his head and looked at her, "There's no need for us to care about these things."
Shen Huan tore off a piece of toilet paper from the side of the toilet and wiped her nose. She said, "Sometimes, I also want to pretend to be less selfish."
"Like, go to the hospital without telling me?"
"Is this why you're angry today?" she asked.
"Because you didn't answer the phone."
“If you pick up the phone, I’ll blame you for not coming home that night. I’ll say nasty things,” she said. “We’ll argue.”
"I'd rather have a fight."
He stood up. Chen Huan put down his legs, holding the paper ball in his palm and clasping it on the edge of the toilet. Meng Zixuan walked to the bathroom door, stopped, and turned back. The bathroom light was off, and he occupied the entire door frame, a tall and gloomy shadow, his outline highlighted by the lamp beside the bed. "You can't hide it from me, you can't make these decisions on your own. You think an ultrasound picture will make me unbearable. This is ridiculous."
Chen Huan was silent for a long time, staring down at the tiles at his feet, and said softly, "I don't know what would make you unbearable. That year when I went back to New York with you, you inexplicably decided to break up. I waited downstairs of your house for an entire autumn and winter.
"When Li Ting was pursuing me, he bought me a lot of gifts and spent a lot of money. I have a set of lambskin handbags, lambskin loafers, lambskin gloves, lambskin notebooks and lambskin pens. I would replace the cashmere carpet and sofa at home with orange because of an orange cashmere pillow I bought casually.
"Most of the clothes, jewelry, and bags I bought remain unpacked. I pile them in my closet. Sometimes I'll spread them out on my bed, intending to unwrap them and put them in order. But after a while, I get bored and roll them up in a silk scarf and shove them under the bed.
"I lay in those cashmere and silks, constantly reflecting on what I said wrongly to offend you. Now I understand. I am like a handcuffed prisoner reading the Miranda warning. I only have the right to remain silent. Beyond that, anything I say will anger you, and anything I do is wrong. I don't know why this time is different. Is it because of this child? If that's the case, then you have a hundred ways to take the child away. I can't argue with you."
Meng Zixuan seemed to be nailed to the door frame. After a while, he spoke in a hoarse voice: "I thought you would be better off without me."
Shen Huan nodded: "So I should be grateful to you for the rest of my life, just like the women and children you saved on the battlefield."
"Shouldn't you be grateful?" he asked. "For the past seven years, you've studied, worked, fallen in love, and gotten married. And I've either been in jail for you or, like a pervert, working my ass off for the man who supports you. You have no conscience, Chen Huan. Even if I had handled my business impartially, you and Li Ting would still be in jail now."
"So you want to get back at me," she said.
"I don't know how to explain it to you. I don't know what to say so you'll believe it." He lowered his elbow from the doorframe, walked into the bedroom with his back to her, took two steps, and then turned back: "When he was killed, I was blown away too. I woke up and saw a Black Hawk parked nearby, carrying the wounded. A stretcher was pulled over, and Tedesco pushed the medic aside and scrambled under the Humvee like crazy. He said he had seen Schumer's arm before, and then it rolled under the vehicle with the gun. He had to get that left arm back. Schumer used his left hand to masturbate.
"We saw Tedesco's own butt bleeding. Shrapnel lodged in his thigh, leaving a hole in his crotch. Back in the helicopter, they said the shrapnel grazed Tedesco's testicles and exited without damaging his femoral artery, leaving all vital organs intact. Austin's injuries were minor, so he'll wait for the next batch. We'll look for him when he gets to the base. And what about the hand? Have they found it? The arm was found, taken away by the second Black Hawk, the remains unit helicopter."
When he said this, his sentences had become broken and struggling. Shen Huan said I don’t want to listen, Tedesco is a drug dealer. Meng Zixuan said firmly, "Listen."
"I broke my leg, and I asked Austin if he could push me to see Henry. He said he wanted to go too. Someone said the bodies were being processed in a four-story prefabricated building. But all the buildings on the base looked the same, with no signs and bleached white by the sandstorm. Austin pushed me and asked each one if this was the body collection point or where. I don't remember how many buildings we went to or how many people we asked. Finally, Austin said he couldn't ask any more questions. He pushed me out of a building, and suddenly we heard someone shouting, and everyone stood at attention and saluted. A few steps ahead, a stretcher was carried over, covered with an American flag. I finally saw Henry."
Chen Huan always assumed that bad news would be accompanied by a gloomy sky, with the sound of wind and rain foreshadowing the inevitable outcome. But the morning the news of Henry's death arrived, the sky was clear.
Chen Huan drove Emma to the Army Supply Store to buy beef and cheese. On the way back, Eddie Holman's "Hi, Lonely Girl" was playing in the car. Chen Huan hummed a tune, turned on the turn signal, and turned the corner to see the black car parked in front of Schumer's house. The reflective paint on the car's body caught the cold morning sun. The back door was already open.
An officer in a dark blue military dress uniform stood in the front porch, his epaulettes and collar neatly tied, his hat pulled low. Beside him stood a military chaplain, a cross hanging on his chest, his hands clasped in front of his abdomen.
Shen Huan's first reaction was that she had taken the wrong road. This wasn't Schumer's house, even though she had been this way hundreds of times. She thought that maybe Emma hadn't seen the man yet, so she could just let the car slide to the next intersection without braking or stepping on the accelerator.
But she heard Emma's voice telling her to stop the car.
Chen Huan didn't dare turn around to look at Emma. She parked the car as quietly as possible. She couldn't remember how they'd reached the front porch. She only remembered staring at the blue uniform, like a fresh, neat white line at the end of a runway. It stood there, motionless, waiting for them, as she walked forward, step by step.
The man in the blue uniform was named Plas, the rear liaison officer for Company E's operation. Plas held a briefcase in his left hand and the white envelope in his right. Chen Huan saw the neatly folded American flag inside the briefcase.
After that, Emma's irises turned into a dark, bottomless abyss.
Shen Huan called relatives of the Schumer and Lawson families to arrange a flight for them to Fayette. Her English was poor, so she wrote a draft in tiny handwriting on a notepad at Emma's house and practiced it many times in the bathroom.
Many things only had this one chance, like this phone call to Oliver Schumer. She should only tell him this once. Oliver had already heard the news of his son's death once from the military, heard a prayer to God once from the chaplain, and heard countless tears from his wife Barbara. He probably didn't want to hear Shen Huan emphasize twice whether the coffin was made of walnut or oak.
Chen Huan stayed with Emma, accompanying her as she navigated the daily stream of signed documents that emerged from Plath's briefcase. These included whether the body should be buried in Virginia or North Carolina, which pastor to choose, a list of personal belongings to review, and which photo to choose for the final portrait. Chen Huan saw the palm-sized ultrasound image and two credit cards that had been melted and glued together. Also present were Henry's dog tags, rings, and lighter.
Emma sat like a stone statue in the middle of the living room, and for the most part she heard nothing. No one, except a few close friends, knew what Emma was secretly planning: to abort the baby she was carrying at nine weeks' old.
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