Chapter 33
On the way to the airport, Meng Zixuan didn't say a word and kept looking out the window.
The next night, the rain was still pouring outside, but inside the car, the sound of the rain was reduced to a muffled hum. Shen Huan felt as if her world was sealed within this quiet, thick cotton-wrapped shell. She was attached to this feeling.
Meng Zixian's cell phone rested on the armrest of the back seat, occasionally vibrating. Shen Huan glanced at it from time to time. In addition to a few foreign names she didn't recognize, Xi Yuhui called twice and Sylvia once.
Shen Huan says your phone is ringing.
He finally came to his senses, "Sorry." He reached out and turned off his phone.
Shen Huan didn't know what he was thinking. It must be something important. So she stayed quiet all the way.
The car stopped at the departure gate. Meng Zixian got out, opened his umbrella, walked to her side, and opened the door for her. He acted like a gentleman, but his eyes were not on her. The door opened and he stepped aside again.
Oh, Shen Huan thought, we can’t hold the same umbrella.
She picked up her folding umbrella from her feet. The ribs were a little rusty, and Chen Huan struggled with it for a long time in the car seat. She looked up at Meng Zixuan, but he had a blank expression on his face and didn't come to help her.
Chen Huan lowered her head and fiddled with the umbrella again. It refused to yield. It was stubbornly stubborn. This became a battle of dignity between her and the umbrella. Finally, Meng Zixuan seemed annoyed. He handed her the handle of his own umbrella, turned around, went to the back of the car, picked up Chen Huan's luggage, and headed to the terminal. Chen Huan limped after them.
Chen Huan went to the check-in counter to handle the formalities. Meng Zixian turned on his phone and Xi Yuhui called. "Chang Yueqing has returned to Hancheng, and Chen Huan has moved out of Yunjingli. This is an opportunity, Zixian. Win Chen Huan over. We will acquire the 7% stake at a fair price according to the company's articles of association."
Meng Zixuan looked at the counter a few steps away. Chen Huan struggled to get her suitcase onto the luggage straps, then bent over, hands on her knees. The suitcase weighed just over thirty pounds. Hadn't she been exercising all these years?
Xi Yuhui continued, "We can afford this money right now, but Li Ting can't. But we have to hurry. Li Ting can always find the money. Besides, if they get into a divorce lawsuit, Li Ting can easily drag it out for a few years by preserving some common property. Levin said you went to Beverly to see Chen Huan last night? You're pretty quick, kid."
Meng Zixuan went to the counter and said he would hang up first.
Chen Huan was sitting on the ground holding her schoolbag, her face pale, her hair stuck to her forehead. Meng Zixian walked over and half-knelt in front of her. Seeing that her whole face was wet, he couldn't tell whether she was crying or sweating a lot. He called her, and Chen Huan looked up at him, wiping the hair stuck in front of her eyes with her hands. She cried and said it was dark, I must be blind. Someone asked if they wanted to call 911, someone said they could do first aid, and there were also onlookers, dragging boxes around. Meng Zixian picked up Chen Huan and squeezed through.
He found a wheelchair and pushed her to the emergency clinic at the airport. In the elevator, Chen Huan solemnly told him to help me up, I want to stand up. Meng Zixian asked if it was still dark. Chen Huan looked around with lifeless eyes, and she said that every time I blink, the sky gets dark. She grabbed his hand, her fingertips were cold, and her nails dug into his palm. Chen Huan said solemnly, "Please help me find something." Meng Zixian asked what it was. She said that if you search on Google, will your retina detach if you use too much force? Meng Zixian said that it wouldn't be a big deal if you were moving a suitcase. Not just now, Chen Huan corrected him, but last night. Meng Zixian asked if you used a lot of force last night. Chen Huan asked back, "Didn't you feel it?" Meng Zixian laughed out loud.
Apart from endometriosis, Shen Huan had no underlying diseases and had always been in good health. He probably thought it was due to anemia.
After getting out of the elevator, he pushed the wheelchair towards Terminal 1, where there was a simple medical center. Chen Huan asked, "Did you help me stand up?" Meng Zixuan nodded. "No wonder," Chen Huan sighed, "I walk so fast."
The emergency room conducted a preliminary examination. Her blood pressure was low and she had a low-grade fever, but otherwise her vital signs were normal. The inexperienced nurse suggested that Shen Huan go to the hospital.
The driver had already retrieved her luggage, and Meng Zixian rescheduled her flight for tomorrow. They drove to NYU Langone Medical Center, where Shen Huan's previous medical records were kept. The doctor said she was severely anemic, her hemoglobin was far below standard, and her serum iron was also low. He recommended a healthy diet and active management of endometriosis symptoms. "My menstrual flow is so heavy that even iron supplements can't make up for it."
Meng Zixuan remembered that Shen Huan had previously worn the Mirena IUD, which controlled her menstrual flow, managed pain, and provided contraception. He didn't know why she stopped wearing it.
While receiving an IV drip, Shen Huan lay in bed, the head of the bed against a white wall, the remaining three sides separated by a space separated by a light green curtain, outside which a gurney occasionally passed. Meng Zixian received a message from Sylvia, which was a reservation for a performance at the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts Jazz Bar tomorrow night.
Chen Huan leaned over to look at his phone. She teased him, saying that the foreplay was long enough, two and a half hours. Meng Zixuan sat in the accompanying chair against the wall, glanced at her sideways, and put his phone at his feet. He said this wasn't foreplay, that we often had high-class chats. Chen Huan laughed so hard that he hiccuped.
A corner of the curtain was lifted, and the nurse poked her head in, reminding Shen Huan to register her medical insurance information later. After she finished speaking, she closed the curtain again.
Chen Huan sat up in bed, removed the blood oxygen probe from his right index finger, and reached for his wallet by the bedside. Meng Zixuan's eyes fell on the monitor. The blood oxygen and heart rate on the screen skipped a few beats before returning to zero. The pulse waveform formed a straight line, and the machine sounded an alarm.
The corner of Meng Zixian's eye twitched slightly, and he looked at Chen Huan. She acted as if she hadn't heard him, only looking down at the front and back of her driver's license for a long moment before aligning it with a pile of credit card membership cards and stuffing it forcefully back into her wallet. Meng Zixian's five fingers resting on the armrest were slightly bent. He knew he was being unreasonable, but the alarm sound made him anxious. He couldn't help but stand up and clip the probe back on for her. Just as he was about to stand up, Chen Huan finished her work and casually clipped the probe back on.
The sharp beeping sound disappeared immediately, and the values on the LCD screen returned to normal. Meng Zixuan's half-clenched fist loosened.
The two of them didn't speak again. Medical staff were talking in hushed voices in the corridor. Rubber-soled shoes scraped against the floor. A nurse came and left, leaving behind a cold sandwich wrapped in tinfoil. Chen Huan turned around and joked with him about medical insurance. Only then did Meng Zixuan come to his senses and say, "Can I ask you a question?"
Shen Huan looked at him.
The phone screen at his feet lit up, and Shen Huan's eyes were drawn to it. Meng Zixuan turned the phone over. Shen Huan's eyes returned to him.
He couldn't finish his words immediately, the corners of his lips tightened. After a moment, he asked, "If we could try again," his eyes rested on her face, his Adam's apple below his collar moved, and his voice was hoarse, "What should I do?"
Chen Huan was stunned for a moment, then understood. She lowered her head to look at the sandwich packaging, clipped the oximeter probe to her left hand, and carefully unfolded the tinfoil between her right index finger and thumb. The skin on her fingers was transparent white. After a few seconds of silence, she said, "I don't know, Meng Zixuan. Perhaps you can tell me why you don't want to be with me."
He frowned, "I don't want to?"
"You don't want to." Shen Huan was sure.
"So what was I doing last night?" he asked. "What am I doing now?"
Chen Huan didn't answer. She slowly pulled back one side of the tinfoil, as if folding paper, and pulled out a stale sandwich: two slices of white bread with a slice of cheese. She held the sandwich in her right hand while her left, wearing the oximeter, peeled back the tinfoil.
In their relationship, Chen Huan had some unique advantages. For example, she never had to rack her brains to figure out what was wrong between them; her smile could solve almost any problem. Sometimes this made Meng Zixuan feel suffocated, and he stood up. This seemed to make her a little alert, and she held the sandwich to her chest like a shield.
Meng Zixuan didn't move forward, not wanting to scare her. He stood there and asked, "Last night, if you and Li Ting hadn't broken up, would you have let me come find you?"
Shen Huan looked at him for a while, "You know this has nothing to do with Li Ting. If you really want me, this marriage can't stop you."
Meng Zixuan said nothing, staring at the bread in her hand.
A long time passed, and Meng Zixuan moved the chair to face her beside the bed. He sat down, one hand on his knee, and the other hand on the edge of the bed. He was silent for a long time, and finally said: "Being with you makes me suffer from time to time. This pain is illogical. It's not that you did one thing, which reminded me of another thing, and this thing means something else."
Shen Huan looked at him as she placed the sandwich on her knees.
After a while, he continued, "For example, I saw a photo at home. Your dad sent it to me when we got married. It was when you were three or four, right? Yellow dress, white socks. I thought it was cute at the time, but I only saw it once. I don't know where you put it.
"Once in Kandahar, I saw a dog licking blood on the ground. It was a white dog, its neck covered in blood. The dead were two National Army soldiers, and that was their police dog. The two men were not yet dead, and blood foamed from their mouths. The dog licked their mouths. That yellow skirt appeared before my eyes.
"After that day, I don't want you to take Alison for a run in the woods anymore. It's totally irrational, so I can't tell you. But every time I see you with Henry's dog, I want to shoot him.
"I've killed a lot of dogs since then. Did they all deserve to die? Of course not." He took a deep breath and smiled uncomfortably, "But it's all in the past. If you plan to get a dog in the future, I won't hurt them."
Shen Huan held the sandwich tightly in his hand, his lips turning pale.
"Some things are logical. I didn't understand it at the time, and when I finally figured it out, you didn't give me another chance. Let's say we went to counseling, and your first question was, 'Does your job make you this way because you have to kill people?'"
He paused, his jaw clenched. After a long silence, he spoke again, "This question pains me. I've become such a terrible person in your eyes. I'm not proud of what I did. It wasn't an easy job, and I didn't get to see you often, which made our relationship difficult."
"But nine years later, my answer is still the same. I became like that because our marriage wasn't working. I put some of the blame on you. You didn't do anything for us."
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