struggle
With the blessing of lucky halo, Xu Zhiyi's scores also rose, and he remained in the top ten in the grade for three consecutive months.
This year, Xu Wangping was also very happy and promised Xu Zhiyi that if she was still in the top ten in the grade in the final exam, he would take her to Fantawild Happy World in Jiangchuan.
I don’t know if it’s because they haven’t had a heart-to-heart talk together for too long, or because the child is growing up and having a rebellious period, but this time Xu Zhiyi feels that she doesn’t seem to be so looking forward to going to such a place to play.
"Did you hear that?"
Xu Wangping was still asking for her answer, but Xu Zhiyi was just doing the math problems indifferently.
"oh."
She felt like a cow trapped in a pasture. When she was hungry, someone whipped her from behind to make her produce nutritious food quickly. When she was exhausted and unable to struggle, the person put the surrounding grass in front of her and told her to eat quickly, as it had been prepared for her a long time ago.
Sadly, she almost starved to death.
Looking at the New Year's Eve plans on the desk calendar that were getting closer and closer, Xu Zhiyi clenched his pen.
At the end of last month, Zhang Ningxia came to her mysteriously to discuss her plans for the New Year's Eve. She was already preparing to confess her feelings to a boy in the first year of high school.
Xu Zhiyi was a little surprised, but she didn't gossip too much. She just felt that the hope of this matter... was not very great.
It was almost the end of the month, and she thought for a long time before she mustered up the courage to look outside the door.
"Dad, let's go to the riverside to watch the fireworks on New Year's Day. I heard there will be a fireworks show."
"There will be so many people on New Year's Day, and it's not safe. What if you get hurt? Rest at home. You only have one day off and you're still thinking about going out. After you finish the college entrance examination, you can go wherever you want. I won't care about you."
I already knew it was a rejection, but Xu Zhiyi refused to give up and insisted on asking.
She half lowered her head, not in a good mood, but she was used to such answers.
"Okay, got it."
"Also, I asked your mother to give the yellow skirt you bought last time to the neighbor's child. How old are you, and you're still wearing such a short skirt? Skirts should be above the knees. How does your teacher teach students? I'll have to ask him about it next time!"
Xu Zhiyi's fingertips couldn't help but tremble. She tried her best to suppress the tears in her eyes, but the tears still fell on the exercises and splashed around.
My throat felt like it was blocked by something weighing a thousand pounds, and I couldn't make a sound. I could only respond reluctantly.
"……oh……"
Hearing this answer, Xu Wangping seemed very happy and stopped talking.
Xu Zhiyi suddenly stood up, locked the door, then grabbed the notebook and pen on the table and threw them against the wall. The notebook fell to the ground in a mess, and the pen could not withstand the heavy blow and broke into pieces, rolling along the wooden board and landing next to the trash can.
When everything became completely quiet, Xu Zhiyi seemed to be empty. He slumped in his chair, leaning back against the chair, staring blankly at the empty ceiling with his head tilted upwards.
nausea.
The feeling of emptiness in my stomach and body suddenly came over me.
She felt nauseous.
She felt as if she was not alive, as if her soul had been drained away.
She actually didn't think much about going to Fantawild, and she didn't really care about the yellow dress.
She just felt like a puppet being controlled by others. She couldn't decide where to play or what to wear in her daily life. She didn't even have the right to know.
Like a poor fool.
She just wanted to go out, feel the river breeze, see what the riverside looked like after two snowfalls, talk and laugh with friends, and feel the joy of the New Year. It was that simple.
What she wants is not some unattainable fantasy.
What she wants is very simple.
How come it becomes so difficult?
She still remembered the day Zhang Ningxia asked her, "Zhiyi, do you think I look better with my hair down or tied up?"
"Tell me, if I wear Hanfu, will it be too cold? Will he think I'm weird?"
Perhaps, she really envied Zhang Ningxia. No matter what she did, her parents always understood and supported her, even if it was against the rules.
But she was trapped in the rules.
Even the desire to go watch the fireworks was easily rejected.
As the date got closer, Xu Zhiyi became more and more absent-minded. Ever since Xu Wangping took her cell phone away, she hadn't found anyone to chat with for a long time.
December 31st.
During the last self-study class in the afternoon, Zhang Ningxia changed seats with someone else and sat next to Xu Zhiyi.
"Zhiyi, what should I do? I haven't chosen a gift yet. Can you accompany me to pick one after school?"
Xu Zhiyi looked at her excited expression and asked, "Aren't you afraid that he will reject you?"
"I'm scared!"
Zhang Ningxia rubbed her ears, which were red from the cold. "I'm afraid he'll reject me, and it'll be too awkward to meet him in the future. But, what if he agrees? Well, wouldn't that be the best of both worlds? Everyone's happy?"
"Besides, if I don't tell you, there are two answers. If I tell you, there are still two answers. I have a 50% chance. I don't want to regret it later."
Zhang Ningxia patted Xu Zhiyi's shoulder and said, "Some things, if you don't do them, you'll never know the outcome. Right? Leave no regrets."
These words seemed to have magical power, taking root in Xu Zhiyi's heart and gradually beginning to devour her cowardice and powerlessness.
After school, after accompanying Zhang Ningxia to look at the gifts, Xu Zhiyi also met Song Chengrui in the store. He bought a new set of stationery. However, the two of them had recently swapped seats, and one was in the south and the other was in the north, so they were too far apart that even the frequency of their chats had decreased.
Qianqian said hello, and Xu Zhiyi followed Zhang Ningxia out of the store.
Back home, the atmosphere remained the same.
Just as Xu Zhiyi picked up the bowl and was about to take a bite, Xu Wangping's life motto came to his mind: It's almost the end of the month, you can't slack off in your studies, you have to take a step forward.
She lowered her head and said nothing, shoveling food into her mouth, but could not taste it at all.
"I'm done eating." She put down her bowl and chopsticks and stood up to leave.
"By the way, you have a day off tomorrow. I've made an appointment with your Uncle Zhou to have your brother Yu'an tutor you so that you can consolidate your knowledge."
"I'm already in college..." Xu Zhiyi was interrupted by Xu Wangping before he could finish his words.
"Yeah, he got into a good university. If you work harder, you can get into the same university. Don't just play around all day. You have no future."
Xu Zhiyi stood where he was, looking at his father sharply.
He had such an ordinary face, but the more Xu Zhiyi looked at it, the more annoyed she became.
"Okay, okay, after dinner, go heat up the bath water. I've put your clothes in the closet for you."
Mom wanted to divert Xu Zhiyi's attention, but Xu Zhiyi was extremely calm at this moment.
"Dad, I want to go to the riverside with my classmates to watch the fireworks tomorrow night."
Xu Wangping looked at Xu Zhiyi in surprise, as if he didn't recognize his daughter at the moment.
"I'm not going to tutoring. I'm going out to watch the fireworks. I'm going regardless of whether you agree or not."
"Pah—" Xu Wangping threw his chopsticks down, his eyes showing an unprecedented anger. "You're so rebellious! I told you not to go because there are too many people and cars. You're about to take the college entrance exam, so why are you making such a fuss?"
"I—want—to go."
Xu Zhiyi repeated this sentence in a serious tone, his voice not high, but revealing a stubbornness he had never had before.
"Who did you learn this from? Did you pick up bad habits from those classmates at school?"
"I'll tell your teacher, and he'll have to change your deskmate. I heard your current deskmate is a boy. Are you in a premature love relationship?"
Xu Zhiyi looked up at him, calm as water, "It has nothing to do with others, I just want to go, once a year, why can't you let me go, even if you don't let me, I have to go!"
"Others are others. How can you compare with them? Besides, I'm your father! If I don't let you go, you can't go!"
"You used to be so obedient, how come you're so playful now? Do you know that your current mission is to study and get into a good university? You'll have plenty of time to play later!"
"Later..." Xu Zhiyi sneered when she heard this word. She suddenly kicked the stool around, and the stool fell to the ground with a harsh friction sound.
"Later! It's always later! If I can't do something now, I'll definitely be unable to do it in the future! I don't care about the damn future, I only want this year's fireworks, no matter if it's next year, the year after, or the year after that. If it's not this year's, I don't want it! Do you understand?"
At this moment, all the grievances, depression, and unwillingness burst out. She couldn't control her tears and burst out with a hint of stubbornness and persistence.
The heavy breathing made her chest feel uncomfortable. Xu Wangping was stunned, and even her mother beside her was stunned. They had never seen Xu Zhiyi like this.
They felt that Xu Zhiyi had always been gentle and well-behaved.
Xu Wangping's fingers trembled with anger. "Well, I provided for you, and you ended up raising a daughter like this! You're such an ungrateful person! You've wasted all my years of education. What kind of education have you had? What kind of person are you? How dare you talk back to your parents like that? You're so unfilial!"
"I'm just unfilial! If you have the guts, don't raise me! Just stuff me back!"
After saying that, Xu Zhiyi rushed out of the door, and could still vaguely hear his father's angry scolding coming from behind.
It was freezing outside and Xu Zhiyi was only wearing a thin coat. Her eyes were swollen and painful from crying, but she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
In the past, she felt like a heavy burden was pressing on her heart, but now there was finally a crack there, allowing her to breathe.
There were vaguely people setting off fireworks in the community. Although the sound was quite small, it was still very beautiful.
So that she doesn't feel lonely.
As the night deepened, the figures around gradually disappeared.
Xu Zhiyi was huddled alone on a bench in the corner, with his head down, in a daze.
"Xiaoyi..."
Mom came down from upstairs with a thick down jacket in her hand. She pulled Xu Zhiyi up from the bench. Xu Zhiyi was now as tall as her mother, and she could even see the faint white hair on her mother's head. She suddenly felt a little distressed and a little self-blame.
"mom……"
Her mother put her coat on and handed her the phone. "Don't blame your father. His method is wrong. I scolded him, but he didn't mean any harm. It was all for your studies. Don't get so angry that it harms your health, okay?"
"Mom..." Xu Zhiyi couldn't hold back any longer and threw herself into her mother's arms. "I just can't stand him. He always says things like that. I'm studying hard and I'm being obedient. Why won't he even agree to my request?"
"Good child, don't cry, don't cry. You are his only daughter, and he is worried about you. He can't speak. I will scold him later. He still wants to be a teacher. Sooner or later, I will call his school leaders and tell him to quit as soon as possible and go home to farm!"
Xu Zhiyi calmed down, not as angry as before, "I just don't want to study anymore, and I don't want to pay attention to him."
"Just ignore him, let's just ignore him and go play by ourselves."
Mom opened the inner pocket of her down jacket and reminded me, "There's 500 yuan in it. Go buy whatever you want to eat or drink later. Be careful on the road."
"ah?"
Before Xu Zhiyi could react, he heard Zhang Ningxia's voice.
"Zhiyi! We're coming!"
Not far away, beside the flower bed, a group of people were walking towards this side happily with their schoolbags on their backs. Xu Zhiyi saw that they were her friends.
"Mom..." Xu Zhiyi felt a pang in her heart, but she saw her mother zipping her up and pushing her forward.
"Go ahead, be safe, and go early and come back early."
As the figure gradually moved away, Xu Zhiyi was pushed into the car by Zhang Ningxia and others. Seeing her mother turning around alone, Xu Zhiyi felt indescribable in her heart.
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