Unable to live, unable to die
Tang Feng, slowly helped by Eunuch Feng, walked to the dilapidated courtyard mentioned by Emperor Yun. Looking at the withered trees and the servants bustling about, Eunuch Feng couldn't help but worry about Tang Feng's health. "Young Master... the servants' quarters are like this; the smell is unpleasant, damp and cold. I'll take care of things here, at least ensuring you have a sunny room." Tang Feng gently pushed away Eunuch Feng's hand, looked up at the dilapidated walls around him, and shook his head. "No need. There are too many people here, and if... if His Majesty finds out, you'll be in a difficult position."
Several times, Eunuch Feng hesitated before finally shaking his head and offering a word of advice: "Those servants all treat people differently based on their status. I'm just worried you'll be mistreated inside. The houses on the west side are better; I'll take you there."
Zhou Ziliang waited until late at night but Tang Feng did not return. Although he was worried about whether Tang Feng had been in trouble, he had to pretend to be calm in front of Madam Zhou. He ate dinner absentmindedly. He wanted to go for a walk outside the palace to see if there was any news, but he bumped into Ning Wan, who had come to deliver a message.
Ning Wan looked up and saw Zhou Ziliang. She hurriedly asked, "Young Marquis, has the Grand Tutor returned yet?"
Zhou Ziliang was completely bewildered by the question. Although Ning Wan was in the deep palace, she should have better access to information than he did. She should know very well whether Tang Feng had returned or not. "Xiao Feng hasn't returned yet. I came here to ask you what exactly happened in the palace?"
Ning Wan was a little anxious. She rubbed her hands together, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and whispered, "His Highness the Ninth Prince didn't return this evening... I went out to inquire, but I didn't find out anything. I only knew that His Majesty was resting with Consort Rong. Consort Yun asked me to inquire with the guards outside, but they said His Highness the Ninth Prince was taken to the Imperial Mausoleum, and the Grand Tutor didn't go with him. So I thought I'd come out and ask you."
Zhou Ziliang frowned, pondered for a moment, and then headed towards the palace. "No, I have to go to the palace. Something must have happened to Xiao Feng." Ning Wan grabbed Zhou Ziliang's sleeve, trying to stop him, but Zhou Ziliang was a martial artist, and Ning Wan was a weak woman. She stumbled as Zhou Ziliang pulled her. "Young Marquis, please listen to me. If you barge into the palace like this, you will harm the Grand Tutor. I'm just here to ask if the Ninth Prince was taken to the imperial mausoleum to observe mourning?"
Before Zhou Ziliang could speak, he heard the sound of rapid hoofbeats in the distance. Zhou Ziliang looked closely and saw that it was Zhang Mobai. Zhang Mobai had also spotted Zhou Ziliang and Ning Wan ahead, and he pulled on the reins to stop.
"Brother Mo Bai?" Zhou Ziliang was surprised that Zhang Mo Bai would visit so late at night. Ever since Tang Feng fell ill, Zhang Mo Bai had never come at night so as not to disturb his rest. He hadn't told Zhang Mo Bai about Tang Feng's visit to the palace today for fear of worrying him. So Zhou Ziliang was a little surprised to see Zhang Mo Bai rushing over. He saw Zhang Mo Bai pull on the reins, dismount, and ask before he had even stood up properly, "Where is my little brother?"
Seeing that Zhou Ziliang did not answer, Zhang Mobai became even more anxious. "I'm asking about your little brother!" Zhou Ziliang turned his head to the side, sighed, and then said, "Xiao Feng went to the palace this morning to overturn the case against the former crown prince..."
Before he could finish speaking, Zhang Mobai pounced on Zhou Ziliang, grabbing him by the collar and pinning him against the wall. Ning Wan was also terrified, afraid that their loud noise would attract the soldiers. "Lord Zhang, please don't get too agitated at this time... Please sit down..."
"You knew he was going to the palace today, why didn't you ask someone to tell me!" Zhang Mobai completely ignored Ning Wan's advice, staring intently at Zhou Ziliang as if trying to see through him. Faced with this aggressive questioning, Zhou Ziliang didn't get angry, sighed, and said slowly, "It was Xiao Feng's idea."
"What?"
"I said it was Xiaofeng's idea," Zhou Ziliang said, straightening up and putting some distance between himself and Zhang Mobai as Zhang Mobai's grip on his collar loosened. "Xiaofeng didn't want you to worry, so she didn't tell you. Not only you, but even my parents don't know."
"You idiot!" Zhang Mobai scolded, then looked up at Zhou Ziliang. "Did you receive your transfer order?"
"A transfer order?" A bad premonition arose in Zhou Ziliang's heart. He could comfort himself by the fact that Princess Ning Wanjiu had just been sent to the imperial mausoleum, as the Empress Dowager had just finished her mourning period, and it was perfectly normal for princes to guard the mausoleum. Tang Feng was just unwell and would be out a little later. But when Zhang Mobai mentioned the transfer order, Zhou Ziliang's heart jumped into his throat again.
"Yes! Yang Fei and I both received transfer orders. I was transferred to His Majesty's side as an imperial censor, and Yang Fei was transferred to the imperial guard as a bodyguard. Although the change in position is not significant, the fact that we were both transferred to His Majesty's side is rather unusual. That's why I came to ask you if something happened."
Hearing Zhang Mobai's words, Zhou Ziliang became even more certain that Tang Feng was in danger. However, after listening to Zhang Mobai, he was no longer as impulsive as before. After a moment of contemplation, he said, "Brother Mobai, I have a favor to ask of you. Under no circumstances should you interfere in Xiao Feng's affairs. Although Xiao Feng may be imprisoned in the palace, His Majesty has not issued an edict summoning me to the palace, which means he is still safe. You and my senior brother should just focus on your own affairs. I will handle the rest."
"His fate is unknown in the palace, how can I possibly focus on my work!" Zhang Mobai was amused by Zhou Ziliang's words. "Ever since Qin Liuliu's death, every step he's taken has been pushing himself into his grave! And you? You aided and abetted the evildoer, stood idly by, and now that something's happened, you tell me I can't get involved? How can you say I can't get involved! Zhou Ziliang, I've been with my little brother for most of my life, we've known each other since childhood, I've never resented him in the slightest, and what about you? You once abandoned him, and now your affection is stronger than ever. Have you ever considered that agreeing to let him seize the throne back then harmed him?!"
Zhou Ziliang didn't refute, but simply patted Zhang Mobai on the shoulder. "That's precisely why Xiaofeng doesn't want anything to happen to you, Mobai. At least think about my senior brother. I will do my best for Xiaofeng. If I fail, then we will share the same bed in life and the same grave in death. I will not let him be alone in the afterlife."
At this moment, Emperor Yun saw that Rong Ji had already fallen asleep, so he slowly got up and walked outside. Eunuch Feng hurriedly followed and draped a robe over Emperor Yun's shoulders. "Your Majesty, aren't you going to rest so late?"
Emperor Yun stood with his hands behind his back, looking up at the gloomy sky. "It's going to snow." Eunuch Feng also looked up and then added, "It's normal for it to snow as the year draws to a close. But why are you out in such cold weather?"
"I'm going to the Imperial Study. Light the lamps; you'll come with me."
Eunuch Feng lit the candle and placed it inside the paper lantern. He then carried the bamboo pole ahead of him. The north wind was howling, and the candlelight was almost extinguished along the way. Eunuch Feng glanced back at Emperor Yun, but seeing that he did not speak, he dared not speak either. The two of them walked in silence to the Imperial Study.
Emperor Yun entered the room, spread out a blank imperial edict, dipped his brush in ink, and began to write. Eunuch Feng, standing behind Emperor Yun, couldn't help but ask, "Your Majesty, if this old servant dares to ask, given what happened yesterday, would the young marquis agree to be sent to the border now?"
"What are you afraid of?" Emperor Yun put down his brush and handed the imperial edict to Eunuch Feng. "Go to Tang Feng and tell him whether he's willing to let the Zhou family stay or not; that's up to him."
Eunuch Feng bowed his head and accepted the decree, but hesitated to move. Then Emperor Yun asked coldly, "What? You don't want to go?"
"Your Majesty, please forgive me! This old servant was merely wondering... Young Master Tang is seriously ill; is he capable of shouldering such a heavy responsibility?" Seeing the change in Emperor Yun's expression, Eunuch Feng immediately bowed and softened his tone. Emperor Yun simply smiled. "Rest assured, he will definitely go, for the Zhou family, for Zhou Ziliang."
Eunuch Feng slowly withdrew from the Imperial Study with the imperial edict in his hand. After gently closing the door, he sighed deeply and looked at the edict in his hand. He wanted to first sound out Tang Feng's opinion. After all, Zhou Ziliang held a large army, and Tang Feng was under house arrest in the palace. If Tang Feng was unwilling, it was not impossible for Zhou Ziliang to defy the edict.
The next morning, before dawn, Eunuch Feng arrived at the side courtyard where the servants lived. Seeing several servants coming and going staring at him, Eunuch Feng frowned and whispered, "What are you looking at? Get out there and get to work! Watch your mouths, or I'll tell your manager if you spread rumors."
After dismissing the servants, Eunuch Feng gently knocked on Tang Feng's door. His hand had barely touched the doorframe when the door opened softly. "Young Master... I apologize for disturbing your rest."
Tang Feng was leaning against the bed, his face pale, with bloodstains on the bedding beneath him. Hearing footsteps, Tang Feng turned his head to look at the door and leaned forward slightly. "Eunuch Feng..."
Eunuch Feng frowned slightly and quickly stepped forward to help Tang Feng up. "Young master, what are you doing? I am but a lowly servant; how can I accept such a courtesy?" After helping Tang Feng up, Eunuch Feng noticed that Tang Feng was staring at him, somewhat hesitant to meet his gaze, and his repeated attempts to speak left him quite perplexed.
“Eunuch, please don’t be so formal. Just say what’s on your mind. I’m already in this state, what else can I do?” Seeing Tang Feng’s reaction, Eunuch Feng sighed and hesitated before speaking. “Young Master… as you know, treason is a crime that should implicate nine generations of one’s family…” Eunuch Feng observed Tang Feng’s expression and, seeing no change, continued, “His Majesty’s intention is… that since the Marquis of Dingbei has achieved so much in battle, he intends to punish the young marquis by sending him to guard the frontier.”
"For Yu Ziliang, guarding the frontier was his duty, not a punishment."
"But...but His Majesty's meaning is that unless summoned, you will never be allowed to return to Xiling."
"Isn't this better?" Tang Feng chuckled softly, his eyes closed. "Xiling might not be a good place after all. I'm only now beginning to understand what Grandmother meant. I know the imperial family is the most ruthless, but even tigers don't eat their cubs. I never imagined he could kill his own son. And I never imagined I was so foolish as to trust my father's killer so much!" As soon as he finished speaking, Tang Feng felt a sharp pain in his chest. He raised his hand to cover his mouth, and a stream of crimson liquid flowed from his fingertips.
"Young...Young Master, be careful what you say, be careful what you say, lest the walls have ears!" Eunuch Feng gently tugged at Tang Feng's sleeve, trying to stop him, but Tang Feng pushed him away. He wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve and said coldly, "You've come here to persuade him, haven't you? I won't leave Xiling just like that if I don't go back. He's wary of Ziliang's Dingbei Army, so he wants me to persuade Ziliang to leave."
"This..." Although Eunuch Feng stammered, he was even more afraid of not being able to explain himself to Emperor Yun, so he quickly reassured him, "Young Master, please don't be angry... This is the best possible outcome. After all, His Majesty didn't implicate anyone else, and your crime is indeed quite serious, so tomorrow..."
"I promise," Tang Feng said softly, lowering his eyes. "I promise. I'll try to persuade Ziliang tomorrow. You've watched me grow up and helped me a lot, so I won't make things difficult for you. Go and report back without worry."
Hearing Tang Feng's agreement, Eunuch Feng finally felt relieved. He then cautiously inquired, "Then...tomorrow, you and the young marquis...?" Seeing Tang Feng's current state, Eunuch Feng feared he would pour out his grievances to Zhou Ziliang tomorrow. If Zhou Ziliang knew about Tang Feng's situation, he probably wouldn't let it go easily.
"Rest assured, I, Tang Feng, am not a hypocrite. I said I wouldn't make things difficult for you, and I won't lie to you." Tang Feng was clearly exhausted, leaning against the bedside, still swaying precariously. He slowly lay back down, raised his arm to cover his eyes, and said softly, "Please make yourself at home, sir. I'm not feeling well, so I won't see you off."
Eunuch Feng wanted to offer some words of comfort, but the words stuck in his throat, and he couldn't utter a single one. He could only get up and leave Tang Feng's room. Although he had been given the cold shoulder by Tang Feng, at least the matter was settled. Next, he just needed to summon Zhou Ziliang. According to Emperor Yun's wishes, the rest was entirely up to Tang Feng.
Seeing that Eunuch Feng had left, Tang Feng raised his arm from his eyes and stared blankly at the wooden beams on the roof. He had considered using this opportunity to persuade Zhou Ziliang to rebel, but the thought only flashed through his mind for a few seconds before he suppressed it. He couldn't be so selfish. He didn't have many days left to live. Even if Zhou Ziliang won, he wouldn't be able to stay with him for long. But what if he lost? He couldn't afford to gamble anymore.
What he needs to do now is to protect the Zhou family. He cannot let Zhou Ziliang die for him in vain. Even though he is guilty of heinous crimes and deserves to die, he cannot involve others.
Tang Feng spent the entire night pondering how to persuade Zhou Ziliang to leave Xiling. He knew that without his return, Zhou Ziliang would not leave with peace of mind. He also understood that Emperor Yun was using the Zhou family to threaten him; Emperor Yun had placed the Zhou family's life in his hands, certain that he was certain Tang Feng wouldn't risk Zhou Ziliang's life. This move was incredibly insidious. Tang Feng clutched the blanket tightly, but still couldn't ward off the chilling wind. He thought back to when he was forced into imprisonment in the Qiang and Hu tribes, and he could still hope Zhou Ziliang would come to his rescue. But now, after tomorrow's parting, they might never see each other again.
Tang Feng sat on the bed, unable to sleep all night. His mind was in turmoil, completely lacking his usual clarity, until a ray of sunlight pierced the room from the east. Only then did Eunuch Feng, his voice icy, knock on the door. "Young Master...did you rest well yesterday? You're going to see the Young Marquis today, so please don't give yourself away. I'm begging you." Eunuch Feng entered the room and pulled a set of white robes from his robes, placing them on the table. "Your clothes are stained with blood; change them."
Tang Feng glanced at the clothes on the table, slowly stood up, and said softly, "Alright, please go out. I'll change."
“Young Master, there’s no need to rush,” Eunuch Feng said, setting the basket aside and taking out a bowl of porridge and a few side dishes. “Please eat first. The journey back to the Zhou residence from the palace is long, and I’m afraid it won’t be good for your health.” Eunuch Feng placed chopsticks in Tang Feng’s hands and helped him sit down. Seeing that Tang Feng didn’t move, he knew he was still concerned about Emperor Yun, so he said, “I had this prepared. Please eat without worry. I know you’re not feeling well, so I made something light.”
Tang Feng picked up the bowl, brought it to his lips, then put it down again, lowered his eyes, and said softly, "Eunuch Feng, I have a favor to ask. My parents are getting old, and I'm afraid they'll worry if I go back now. Could we arrange to meet Ziliang outside the city?" Eunuch Feng hesitated for a moment, then quickly agreed, "Young master, you're very thoughtful. I'll go and give the order right away."
Seeing that Eunuch Feng had left, Tang Feng picked up his bowl again and swallowed the plain porridge with a gusto, as if chewing wax. Staring blankly at the clothes on the table, Tang Feng finally sighed. He had to persuade Zhou Ziliang to leave today, no matter what. Even if Zhou Ziliang was willing to share the blame, what would happen to his parents?
When Eunuch Feng returned, Tang Feng had already changed his clothes. After looking him over and seeing no difference from the previous days, Eunuch Feng was relieved. "I thought you didn't want to change... Do the clothes fit you?"
Tang Feng straightened his sleeves and looked up at Eunuch Feng. "Of course I won't let Ziliang worry about me. Since he's leaving, I want him to leave in peace." Upon hearing this, Eunuch Feng lifted the curtain at the door. "Then, young master, let's go."
Tang Feng hadn't left the house since arriving, spending his days listening to the servants' laughter and hushed whispers about him. When the curtain was lifted, the sunlight stung Tang Feng's eyes, taking a while to subside. He then saw that it was snowing heavily outside, the white snow covering the yellow earth. "It's snowing."
"Yes, this is the first snow of the year. A good snow promises a good harvest; it's a good omen." Grandpa Feng, realizing he might have said something inappropriate, glanced discreetly at Tang Feng's expression. "You don't need to be sensitive about my feelings; such heavy snow is indeed a good omen."
"Young master... there's one more thing. Given your current status... His Majesty's intention is that you will need to wear handcuffs when leaving the city."
Hearing Eunuch Feng's words, Tang Feng sneered, "What? Is he afraid a patient like me will run away?" Although he said this, Tang Feng didn't want to make things difficult for Eunuch Feng. He raised his hands, waiting for Eunuch Feng to handcuff him. When the cold shackles touched his wrists, Tang Feng shivered. The carriage stopped at the door, and Eunuch Feng helped Tang Feng, stumbling and shuffling, afraid he would fall. Only when Tang Feng was steadily kneeling in the carriage did Eunuch Feng get in. Seeing Tang Feng staring blankly out the window, Eunuch Feng felt somewhat embarrassed. After thinking for a moment, he spoke, breaking the brief silence, "Young Master... please take good care of yourself. His Majesty is in a fit of anger. Since he hasn't punished the young marquis, perhaps you can be spared punishment in the future."
"Exempt?" Tang Feng chuckled and shook his head. "There's no need to appease him, Father-in-law. He surely knows what I've done. Letting Ziliang go is simply because he's after his military power. He hasn't punished me any further, probably because he's certain I won't live much longer."
Eunuch Feng opened his mouth, but ultimately said nothing, and the topic ended there. The only standing mountain outside Xiling City was the closest point to the garrison of the Dingbei Army, and Qin Liuliu was also buried on this mountain. The carriage gradually came to a stop, and Eunuch Feng lifted a corner of the curtain, looking at Zhou Ziliang standing alone in the wind and snow not far away, holding an umbrella.
He reached out and took out the key, unlocking Tang Feng's handcuffs. "Young Master, you know what to say, right... Don't overstep your bounds."
Tang Feng took the imperial edict handed to him by Eunuch Feng. He was about to open it when Eunuch Feng grabbed his sleeve. Tang Feng looked up, tilted his head, and asked, "Can't I look?"
"Young master, this is, after all, an imperial edict..."
"There are only the two of us here, what are you afraid of?" Tang Feng pushed away Eunuch Feng's hand, opened the imperial edict, and then smiled, "Don't worry, I will never say anything to make things difficult for you."
Tang Feng alighted from the carriage and looked at Zhou Ziliang, who was waiting for him in the snow. He gripped the imperial edict tightly in his hand and slowly walked over. Zhou Ziliang turned around and saw Tang Feng. He was stunned for a moment, then rushed over, pulled Tang Feng up and down, and asked worriedly, "Xiao Feng, are you alright? What happened?"
Tang Feng looked at Zhou Ziliang, and all the grievances and resentment he had felt over the past few days finally culminated in one sentence: "It's nothing, don't worry."
Zhou Ziliang looked at Tang Feng, who was smiling at him, with suspicion, feeling somewhat unreal, and couldn't help but ask, "Xiao Feng? What's wrong?"
"It's nothing," Tang Feng said softly, taking Zhou Ziliang's hand in his. "Ziliang, I failed."
Zhou Ziliang didn't quite grasp Tang Feng's meaning. Ever since Tang Feng hadn't returned, Zhou Ziliang had suspected that he hadn't succeeded. However, Tang Feng's words surprised Zhou Ziliang. "It's alright, Xiao Feng. Tell me, were you wronged in the palace? I can accompany you into the palace again. No matter how His Majesty punishes you, I will bear it with you."
Tang Feng's hand holding the imperial edict trembled slightly. "No... You don't need to share this burden with me. You must fulfill your duty and guard the northern frontier."
"What?" Zhou Ziliang frowned, looking at Tang Feng in confusion. "Xiao Feng, did I hear that right? You're asking me to leave at this crucial moment? Is His Majesty forcing you? I'll go to the palace right now and explain everything to His Majesty!" Zhou Ziliang turned to leave, but Tang Feng grabbed him. "Ziliang, Zhou Ziliang! Listen to me. No one forced me. I'm doing very well in the palace. His Majesty... His Majesty, remembering our past relationship, arranged for me to stay in a quiet place. He noticed I haven't changed much these past few days." Tang Feng felt a pang of bitterness in his heart, but still forced a smile. "My crimes are as high as a mountain. His Majesty sending you to guard the northern frontier is only for the sake of the country. What I cannot make up for, you will do in my place."
Zhou Ziliang gently pulled Tang Feng into his arms, burying his head in the crook of Tang Feng's neck, greedily inhaling the scent of his hair. "I don't want to be separated from you."
Tang Feng hugged Zhou Ziliang back, patting his back to comfort him. "I'll always wait for you in Xiling. You've waited for me so many times, this time it's my turn to wait for you, okay?" Zhou Ziliang felt that Tang Feng's behavior was a little strange, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. After getting up, he looked down at his beloved husband. "Alright, I promise you, but you have to promise me too, wait for me to come back, and we'll grow old together."
Upon hearing this, Tang Feng didn't answer directly. Instead, he said, "After you leave, I will write a letter every month and send it to the border, so don't worry too much about me. As for my parents, I am unfilial for not being able to accompany them." Then, Tang Feng took two steps back, raised the imperial edict he had been clutching so tightly that it was creased, and read aloud, "Zhou Ziliang, son of the Marquis of Dingbei, listen to my command! I order you to personally lead the Dingbei Army north immediately to return to the border and garrison... This is the imperial decree." Tang Feng closed the edict, looked at Zhou Ziliang kneeling on the ground receiving it, squatted down, and whispered in his ear, "If I don't let you come back, then don't come back."
He then raised his right pinky finger. "Pinky promise, you said you wouldn't go back on your word."
Zhou Ziliang pondered for a moment, initially wanting to ask for clarification, but ultimately gently hooked his little finger around Tang Feng's and said, "I promise you."
Tang Feng nodded, looking at Zhou Ziliang and himself covered in snowflakes, and couldn't help but smile, "Two hearts yearning for each other, yet both drenched in snow; in this life, we can say we'll grow old together. Ziliang, be a contented marquis in the north, don't worry about me, don't go and suffer the pain of unrequited love. I'll always be in Xiling, waiting for you to return."
Okay, wait for me.
Tang Feng waited until Zhou Ziliang had gone far before getting into the carriage. He brushed the snow off his clothes and heard Eunuch Feng say, "Young master, there's no need to worry. If the young marquis achieves merit at the border, His Majesty will still recall him and reward him."
“No, he won’t come back.” Tang Feng looked at the snow scene outside the carriage curtain. “I didn’t tell him the second half of the imperial edict. I said that if I didn’t let him come back, he was not allowed to return, not even by anyone’s summons. If he ever returns to Xiling and finds that I haven’t kept our promise, I don’t know how I will face him in the afterlife.”
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