Chapter 92 Yellowed Handwriting
Back in her dorm, Song Zhiyi didn't immediately open the diary.
She carefully reread her grandfather's letter, then carefully tucked it into the deepest part of her desk drawer. Next, she washed her hands, made herself a cup of calming tea, and then sat down at her desk, gently opening the notebook with its blackened cover and curled edges.
After the title page, her mother Shen Qingru's neat and elegant handwriting came into view. It was indeed her mother's style of journaling—concise and clear, like her surgical records. But soon, Song Zhiyi noticed something different. This wasn't a purely work log; it was more like a collection of essays interspersed with work, life, and thoughts. Moreover, in the blank spaces of many pages, there was another kind of strong and powerful penmanship—her father Song Huaiyuan's annotations.
The diary wasn't kept every day; time jumped between entries, some pages were burned, and the content was incomplete. Song Zhiyi carefully read through the remaining writing, page by page.
Page 1 (Date obscured)
"Today at the medical station in Tripoli, I met a strange man. He was a Chinese diplomat, there to coordinate the customs clearance of a batch of donated medicines. He was wearing a wrinkled shirt (trying to maintain a presentable appearance in a place like this), and he spoke fluent Arabic with the local officials, but was clearly unfamiliar with the medical terminology. I helped him with the explanations. When he thanked me, his eyes lit up, and he said, 'Doctor, you've been a great help.' He had a somewhat bookish air about him, but he was very efficient. His name is Song Huaiyuan."
(The father's annotations in the margins are relatively new, suggesting they were added later.)
"That day you were wearing a white coat, your hair tied in a ponytail, your face was sweaty, but your eyes were clear and firm. It was the first time I had ever seen a Chinese doctor in a field hospital who could switch so naturally between French medical terms and Arabic slang. It wasn't strange, it was dazzling. — Huaiyuan's postscript"
Page 2 (approximately one year later)
"I ran into Song Huaiyuan again. This time in Tunisia, at a regional health cooperation conference. He was a member of the Chinese delegation. During the tea break, he came over and actually remembered me, accurately stating the generic name of an antibiotic I mentioned last time. He said he had looked it up, 'not wanting to embarrass himself on professional matters again.' This guy... is quite interesting."
(annotation)
"It's not that it was interesting, it's just that for the next month, I was cramming on basic medical vocabulary. I had this feeling that we would meet again. — Huaiyuan"
Page 3 (the dates are clearer now)
"Song Huaiyuan has been transferred to Algiers for permanent assignment. We're actually in different institutions on the same street. He's started 'conveniently' dropping by the medical team to bring some fresh fruit (fruit is scarce here), or borrowing some French medical journals (he says he needs to understand the local disease spectrum). His intentions are obvious. But... the fruit is very sweet. I've also finished reading the journals, and I've taken quite careful notes."
(annotation)
"The sun in Algiers is lovely, but it can't compare to the way someone's eyes crinkle when they see a mango. — Huaiyuan"
Page 4 (with water stains around the text)
"There was a car bomb attack near our base today, and many wounded were brought in. I was in surgery for eight hours straight, and it was dark when I came out. Song Huaiyuan was actually waiting outside the medical point with a thermos in his hand, saying that the canteen had left some food for me. My hands were still bloody, and he squatted down, opened the thermos, and said, 'Eat it while it's hot, I'll hold it for you.' At that moment, I suddenly felt like crying. He's so pathetic."
(annotation)
"Your hands are wet with the blood of those who saved lives; they are the cleanest hands. That day, when you were eating with your head down, a tear fell into your food. I didn't say anything, but I saw it. From now on, I won't let you face these things alone. — Huaiyuan"
Page 5 (paper is damaged)
"...Huaiyuan formally proposed today. No ring, no flowers, under the starry sky on the edge of the Sahara. He said, 'Comrade Shen Qingru, my ideal in life is world peace, making diplomats unemployed. Your ideal in life is saving lives, making doctors idle. We have the same goal, but different paths, but can we walk together?' I said yes. Was I too unreserved? But...the starry sky was truly beautiful."
(annotation)
"I've come out on top. My conscience is clear, witnessed by the sun, moon, and stars. — Huaiyuan"
Page 6 (with a faint red mark, seemingly the color of a marriage certificate)
"I got my marriage certificate at the embassy today. It was very simple. There were other overseas Chinese waiting to complete their procedures behind me when we took the photo. Huaiyuan said, 'I feel bad for making this difficult for you.' I said, 'It's fine, it's down-to-earth.' I cooked noodles for myself tonight. From now on, I am Mrs. Song, and also Dr. Shen. I must fulfill both roles well."
(annotation)
"Mrs. Song, please guide me for the rest of my life. Dr. Shen, the world needs you. — Huaiyuan"
Page 7 (the handwriting has become exceptionally soft)
"I'm pregnant. I have severe morning sickness and am vomiting a lot. Huaiyuan is very worried and is searching everywhere for pickled plums and light food. There are few resources here, so it's hard on him. He said he would name the children 'An' for a boy and 'Yi' for a girl, meaning 'peace and good fortune'. I said it was too straightforward, but he said that our expectations for our children are the most straightforward—peace and good fortune. Okay, I'm convinced."
(annotation)
"If it's a daughter, her nickname will be 'Zhizhi,' taken from the 'Do you know, do you know?' May she be intelligent and sensible, knowing the beauty of the world, and also understanding responsibility. — Huaiyuan"
Page 8 (The edges of the paper are worn, as if it has been repeatedly flipped through).
"Zhizhi was born! In a poorly equipped hospital abroad. She weighed six pounds and seven ounces, and cried loudly. Huaiyuan held her, his hands trembling, his eyes red. I had never seen him like that before. He said, 'Qingru, we have a daughter.' Yes, we have a daughter. Little Zhizhi, welcome to this world. Mom and Dad may not be able to give you the most comfortable childhood, but we will give you the most abundant love and the broadest horizons."
(Annotation, with deep ink marks)
"In this life, I, Song Huaiyuan, will do everything in my power to protect you and your daughter, and give Zhizhi a future where she can see the stars and stand firmly on the ground. — Huaiyuan"
For many pages to come, the word "Zhizhi" is almost entirely filled between the lines.
"When Zhizhi was three months old, she laughed out loud for the first time, like a little bell. Huaiyuan had just returned from a difficult negotiation, exhausted. Hearing the laughter, he froze at the door, then laughed too. He said, 'My daughter's healing power surpasses everything.'"
(annotation)
"The negotiations that day were at a stalemate. But thinking of you all waiting at home, I suddenly had boundless patience and wisdom. Zhizhi is my lucky charm. — Huaiyuan"
"Zhizhi is eight months old and learning to crawl. The sandy area in the camp courtyard has become her playground. She gets covered in sand and giggles. Huaiyuan said she might be an explorer someday. I said, 'Like you, always restless.'"
"Zhizhi is one year old! During her first birthday celebration, she grabbed my stethoscope in one hand and Huaiyuan's atlas in the other. Everyone there laughed, saying that this little girl has lofty ambitions. Huaiyuan was very proud and said, 'Like father, like daughter.' Actually, I know he was just happy."
(annotation)
"A stethoscope heals, an atlas measures the world. Zhizhi, will you walk the same path as your parents? It will be tough. But if you choose, we will definitely support you. — Huaiyuan"
"Zhizhi is two years old, going through a language explosion period. She's learned Chinese, French, and even a few Arabic greetings. Whenever Huaiyuan has free time, he teaches her to recognize maps and tells her stories about different countries. She listens very attentively, even if she doesn't necessarily understand. Huaiyuan says he wants her to know from a young age that the world is vast, not just what's in front of her."
"I took Zhizhi to the local orphanage for a medical outreach program. She watched the children who had lost their parents in the war, and instead of crying or making a fuss, she quietly helped by handing them things. On the way back, she asked me, 'Mommy, why don't they have mommies and daddies?' I didn't know how to answer. Huaiyuan patted her head and said, 'That's why mommies and daddies' job is to make sure there are fewer children like them.' Zhizhi nodded, seemingly understanding."
(Annotation, handwriting is heavy)
"The questions raised that day weighed heavily on my mind. Our work exposed Zhizhi to the cruel side of the world far too early. But perhaps, this is also a kind of wealth. May she forever retain compassion and courage. — Huaiyuan"
"Zhizhi is five years old and has traveled with us to several countries. Her adaptability is amazing. Today, she drew a picture in the sand with a small stick: three people, holding hands, standing on a crooked 'Earth'. She said, 'This is Daddy, Mommy, and me. We are protecting the Earth.' Huaiyuan and I looked at each other for a long time, and our eyes welled up with tears."
(annotation)
"Protect the Earth. These are the words of a child, yet they carry immense weight. Zhizhi, your parents' abilities are limited; we may only be able to protect a small part. But we will do everything in our power to protect that small part. — Huaiyuan"
"Zhizhi is seven years old and has started formally learning French and English. She is very talented and hardworking. She says she wants to be like her father, able to talk to many people; and like her mother, able to help many people. Huaiyuan says we put too much pressure on her. But I think it's her own choice. This child has a strong drive."
"Huaiyuan has been promoted to a senior diplomat, with heavier responsibilities and more dangerous places to go. We see each other less and less. Zhizhi is very sensible and never complains. But every time before her father leaves, she secretly puts a talisman she drew herself in his suitcase. She says that if her father is safe, her mother won't worry, and she can study in peace. This child... is so sensible, so sensible that it breaks my heart."
(Note: The ink is a bit shaky.)
"Every time I open my suitcase and see those innocent drawings, my heart aches. I missed so much of Zhizhi's growth. Qingru, thank you for everything. I will definitely make it up to you when I retire. — Huaiyuan"
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