Chapter 35: The love-hate relationship and the self-inflicted injury scheme failed.
Meng Cenjun's memory of events from twenty years ago is very vague; perhaps due to some kind of protective mechanism in her brain, only scattered fragments remain vividly in her mind.
As his mother lay dying, she abandoned her usual gentle demeanor, her eyes widening as if she were filled with resentment, and grabbed his hand, saying, "Go away, go as far away as possible, and never touch anything related to the Meng family again. Disgusting, utterly disgusting!"
Amidst the piercing beeping of the electrocardiogram, a straight line pronounced her death sentence.
Later, he followed the tall figure in a daze and was taken away from the hospital in a daze.
In the dimly lit carriage, he asked where they were taking him.
A large, broad hand pressed down on his head, smiling, with a touch of force: "Go to the Yi family, become their family, and see what they do."
He never understood that his parents' relationship with the Yi family was so good that they could entrust their child to them. Perhaps it was just because this middleman had a close relationship with them and found him such a good place.
July is the height of summer, and cloudy days are rare.
He stood under a pomegranate tree, peering coldly through the falling red blossoms as he observed the adults arranging all his affairs.
The well-matched couple waited at the door early in the morning to welcome him. It was the first time he had met Lan Jia's parents, and a strange, spontaneous sense of familiarity made him almost immediately let down his guard.
He stared intently at the beautiful woman, enveloped by her maternal glow. She smiled and, as introduced, softly murmured his name, "Xiao Cen."
It's so similar. The curve of his lips when he smiles, even his voice—it's like his mother's. He wondered if it was a dream, but he couldn't wait to throw himself into this new family.
"Then, I'll leave it to you."
The man said this, then shook hands with Mr. and Mrs. Yi and said goodbye.
Lan Jia's father's expression changed slightly. The man gripped his hand briefly, staring intently at him. On the surface, nothing seemed amiss, but there was an undercurrent of tension. He released his grip, leaving a white mark on the back of his hand from the force of the grip.
"Hanzhen, please."
He then looked at Lan Jia's mother and called her name gently and attentively.
The handshake lasted a long time; his palm seemed glued to her fingers, holding on tightly for so long that even she looked on in surprise.
The ten-year-old had no interest in the undercurrents between the adults. The driver was unloading his luggage when a small red trumpet-shaped flower fell at his feet, landing on his spotless shoes. He squatted down, brushed the flower away, and retied his loose shoelaces, making sure both ends were the same length.
When he looked up again, he was met with the smiling faces of Mr. and Mrs. Yi. They put their arms around his shoulders and warmly led him into the house.
Summer vacation, problem sets, formulas, competitions, and the prospect of meeting another family member, his newborn sister. His mind was only able to hold these things at the time, and he never imagined that he would end up staying here for twenty years.
I never imagined that he would form such a profound connection with someone here.
What he didn't expect was that the obstacle between him and this person was not simply about confirming her feelings.
Whose fault is it?
Is it because the previous generation was too cunning and kept too much from him?
It's his own fault for being so foolish back then, failing to discern anything unusual from the subtle clues.
After the conversation ended, Meng Cenjun came to her senses and stood up somewhat unsteadily. On her way back to her room, she passed Lan Jia's bedroom and stood silently for a while, feeling as if she were standing on a reef in a vast ocean, with surging tides, nowhere to go and nowhere to retreat.
She'd better stay as ignorant and untainted as she is now.
Of course, at this moment, Lan Jia was completely unaware of the storm raging outside. Inside, a small lamp flickered, and she was curled up in bed when she unexpectedly received a message.
[Are you alright?]
Although we had exchanged contact information beforehand, we didn't talk much in private, except for discussing work-related matters.
I never expected that my only concern now would come from him.
Perhaps it's because he was a witness to today's events, or perhaps it's because she needed an outlet to express her emotions.
Lan Jia thought for a moment and then made a phone call.
After a few seconds of busy signal, the other end quickly answered.
"Hello." It was Song Qingqu's voice, very gentle and calm.
"Will this bother you? It's so late," she said.
"Actually, I've been waiting for your message, even though I know you won't contact me."
"What are you waiting for me for?"
"I'm curious, I want to know if your self-inflicted injury scheme worked?"
“I already said it was an accident.” Lan Jia found it somewhat amusing.
"No beginner would be foolish enough to knowingly go downhill and keep pushing forward, right?"
Her smile faded. "Then why didn't you stop me?"
"You don't want people stopping you, right?"
After a moment of silence, he asked again, "How serious is it? Will you be able to leave tomorrow?"
"Don't worry, I'm coming. Work comes first."
"Do you truly love this job? Or are you simply trying to prove something to someone?" he asked jokingly.
Suddenly realizing that she had been discovered, Lan Jia felt a pang of panic and turned over in bed. "I don't know..." She didn't know when it started, but everything had changed.
Between breaths, a gentle voice came through the receiver, "Lan Jia, does it hurt from the fall?" It sounded like she genuinely cared about her.
Her nose suddenly stung, and tears streamed down her face, soaking her pillow.
"I must be crazy."
They actually resorted to such low-level and childish tricks to try and win back someone's heart.
If you do something but are ashamed to admit it, it will all come to nothing in the end.
An unprecedented self-loathing nearly overwhelmed her, because she had so easily lost herself.
No man is worth it for her, and nothing is more important than realizing her self-worth.
Lan Jia remembered what Xu Xinwen had said to her, and suddenly felt that she had let down many people's expectations.
Hearing the heavy nasal tone in her voice, Song Qingqu knew things were far worse than he had imagined. He pondered for a moment before asking, "Have you figured it out? Do you really like him?"
Lan Jia was stumped by the question.
Family ties? Romantic love? Love and affection—she remained perpetually confused.
Her earlier decisive acceptance of Meng Cenjun's proposal and her frank confession to him stemmed from their shared feelings. Looking back now, she couldn't help but feel she'd been too impulsive. She hadn't yet grasped the boundaries between those two emotions; her hasty words were merely an attempt to hold onto something tightly, a sense of urgency that time waits for no one. It didn't matter if she didn't understand now; she could figure it out later. Anyway, she didn't want him to leave, she wouldn't give him a chance to escape, and she wouldn't let him go.
He assumed she hadn't figured it out either, and simply said, "That's not important. You just need to understand one thing."
"What?"
"Is it really true that you've decided on him?"
She remained silent, closed her eyes, and repeatedly questioned her own heart before finally giving him a clear and unequivocal answer.
"Yes, I want him."
"So there's no need to be fixated on whether the process is respectable or correct; the result is what matters most, isn't it? Any attempt, any hardship, is worthwhile."
She instinctively felt that he meant there was nothing wrong with using any means to achieve one's goals. In fact, the older she got, the more she agreed with this, but many concerns forced her to bury certain thoughts deep within her.
“I can’t possibly ignore his feelings,” Lan Jia said, frustrated.
She was really unsure of herself. Perhaps Meng Cenjun did have unusual feelings for her, but that might just be a reflection of a mistaken desire, a dream, and not enough to prove anything, much less enough for him to promise her a lifetime together.
As long as he doesn't make a clear and honest confession to her, she will never be able to make up her mind to do whatever it takes.
"If you're struggling to figure out how to confirm his feelings, let me help you."
"You're going to help me?" Lan Jia smiled in surprise. Given their relationship, there was no need to go to such lengths.
Do you want some?
"Do you pity me?" Pity her for being tormented by love, to the point that she is unrecognizable.
“It is I who need to rely on you, Lan Jia.” He was clearly serious when he said this.
Lan Jia pondered, "You seem to have many secrets." Although she had known him for some time, she knew nothing about him.
"Everyone has secrets, more or less. Perhaps if you know me a little more, you can solve the mystery."
"So, how about trusting me one more time?"
"I will do everything in my power to get you what you want."
"So what do you want?" She didn't realize she was already making a deal.
"If only you would do everything in your power to help me in the future, okay?"
After considering for a long time, Lan Jia tentatively asked, "It's not something illegal or criminal, is it?"
He chuckled softly and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you're really cute?"
She ignored his teasing and made up her mind: "As long as you don't cross my bottom line, I'll agree."
Song Qingqu was delighted, "Then it's a deal."
As soon as he finished speaking, she heard him let out a soft hiss.
"What’s wrong with you?"
"It's just that the pet is disobedient," he laughed.
When the topic of pets came up, Lan Jia seemed to be lost in thought, and she relaxed considerably.
"I'm so envious, is it a kitten or a puppy?"
"You're envious too?" That was all he cared about.
"Well, for certain reasons, we can't keep pets at home," Lan Jia replied vaguely, because Meng Cenjun had repeatedly told her not to reveal her asthma to anyone outside. She was also afraid that people might have ulterior motives.
"It's neither a cat nor a dog; it's in my hands."
It must be very small, which immediately reminded her of fluffy hamsters, chinchillas, and guinea pigs—so cute!
But Song Qingqu denied it.
"Could it be a small bird?" She liked the beautiful plumage of the lovebird.
“No,” he smiled. “I’ll let you see them next time you have the chance.”
"Okay. How about you teach me skateboarding properly next time? I really want to learn."
"It's a deal, goodnight."
The call ended.
Lan Jia turned off the light, idly fiddling with the blue silk scarf in her hand, her eternal bedtime comfort item.
Lan Jia woke up very early the next day, just like on Christmas when she was a child, she couldn't wait to get up and open her presents in the early morning.
She waited all night for Meng Cenjun's answer, wanting to know his thoughts on the relationship.
However, when she saw the unexpectedly large gift box and note card on her bedside table, her heart sank.
Before she knew it, Meng Cenjun had already vanished without a trace.
The author says: "The more I try to escape, the more I love you."
I also need some time to figure out my feelings. [Chin resting on hand]
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com