Chapter 33 Confession "You insist on forcing me to send you filthy words..."
Does she even know what she's saying?
Upon hearing her speak, Meng Cenjun's first reaction was annoyance, angry at her nonsensical talk and lack of understanding of the situation.
He certainly wasn't foolish enough to mistake this for a confession; instead, he felt even more hatred, hating her for being so unintentional and ignorant, yet deliberately making him think he had an opportunity. How could she seduce him? How could she treat him so well? Shouldn't she be wary? Should she scold him? Scold him for being shameless and despicable, for actually lusting after a young girl's body, even his own sister who was ten years younger than him and whom he had raised himself.
He resented that she didn't give him a legitimate reason not to touch her.
With her emotions stretched to the limit, Meng Cenjun looked away, her tone cold: "Get up."
"What kind of talk is this?"
This was undoubtedly a blow to Lan Jia.
She was stunned at first, then looked at him incredulously.
"You want to kick me out?"
"You must be tired from playing so late, go to sleep." His voice was hoarse, as if he were more exhausted than she was.
So late? Her intuition told her he was angry.
"You just got home too..." she muttered. She kept quiet about seeing him with other people at the restaurant.
He just got home? She thought he was going on a date like her? She had no idea how he had made up his mind to cut ties with the past.
“I’m different from you.” He was clearly angry at this moment.
Lan Jia swallowed hard, as if trying to hold back the tears that were about to well up. She looked at him calmly, as if she were wearing a suit of armor. "Yes, we are indeed different. The difference is that you never let me into your so-called adult world. No matter what, you can always find a suitable reason for yourself, while in your eyes, whatever I do is immature, trivial, and not worth mentioning."
"You think I don't care about your affairs? You think I don't care about your affairs?" Meng Cenjun suddenly snapped.
"You ran out and got yourself into this state, and then I had to see it all. What am I supposed to think?"
“Yi Lanjia, you are so generous and selfless in protecting everyone, but you never thought of me. Who can I blame? Who can I blame? You won’t even give me an outlet for my anger.”
"Perhaps I am the culprit. I was wrong. I shouldn't have agreed to your request so easily. I shouldn't have let you go like that."
His face was cold and hard as he stared intently at her, which eventually turned into a stern accusation.
Lan Jia was stunned. It was the first time in her life that she had seen him complain so emotionally, and she didn't know how to refute him for a moment.
After finally calming down, she said in a somewhat frightening voice, "You scared me."
She propped herself up, instinctively wanting to escape, but he pushed her back down.
"Yi Lanjia".
He called her name again, with a bewildered tenderness, as if he didn't know what to do with her and was extremely helpless.
What exactly do you want?
Lan Jia was encircled by his arm, half-lying in his arms, and said in a hoarse voice, "All I want is to be with you, to have a home that will never fall apart."
"Together?" His brows furrowed even deeper, as if he had only heard that one sentence.
"Brother, did I do something wrong?" she asked weakly. "Did I do something wrong again?"
Lan Jia buried her face in his arms and hugged his waist, just like when she was a child. When she was scared or helpless, she loved to snuggle into his arms, as if she could find the answers in him.
She thought that as long as she took the initiative to make amends, they could reconcile as before, but she did not expect that Meng Cenjun would not appreciate it today.
"Don't touch me." He said, his face tense, and removed her hand.
"I don't want to." Her voice trembled, filled with a panic at the prospect of losing everything. Why was today different? Had all the methods failed?
She felt incredibly weak and foolish, completely unable to think things through, only knowing to cling to him like a lifeline.
"I told you to let go." He was holding back his anger, but he had completely lost his patience.
Things had gone awry. Lan Jia was shocked and terrified, but instinct prevented her from moving. She knew that if she left, everything would be for naught. They continued their cold war, their conflicts, and their endless mutual recriminations. She didn't want things to become like that.
Why do you never listen to me?
Meng Cenjun said this very sharply, grabbed her wrist tightly, and pulled her up. Lan Jia sat up, her body limp, and was forced to face him.
He met her frightened eyes, like those of a deer, but showed no intention of letting her go. One hand moved to her lower back, forcefully pulling her into his arms. Two faces, so different and dissimilar, suddenly drew close, almost touching nose to nose.
Lan Jia sensed danger and instinctively tried to back away, but Meng Cenjun was quicker, grabbing the back of her neck and forcing her to look him in the eye.
Why do you keep ignoring my warnings?
She closed her eyes and felt that he was a complete stranger.
Meng Cenjun reached out and stroked her cheek, coaxing, "Look at me, Lan Jia."
She could feel the heat on her face, burning like a brand, as if some kind of pressure was applying, threatening to scald her skin if she delayed even a moment longer. Lan Jia's eyelashes trembled, and she looked at him cautiously and with a wronged expression.
Seeing her red eyes, he asked with great pity, "Lan Jia, are you afraid of me?"
"Hmm? Are you scared?"
She was breathing rapidly and didn't respond.
“You should have done this a long time ago.” He suddenly turned cold.
"You should have learned to be wary long ago and recognized what kind of person I am."
"Why should I see you this way? I don't understand..." she couldn't help but mutter in protest. From childhood to adulthood, the only person she could truly trust was him.
Still so naive! So foolish!
Why couldn't he scare her off no matter how much he hinted? He was almost about to lose his temper, but the last vestiges of his reason made him grit his teeth, take deep breaths, and hold on until his facial muscles trembled before he managed to utter a single sentence: "Do you really want me to explain all those disgusting thoughts to you?"
"Or is this how you want me to treat you?"
He moved closer and rubbed her lips with his fingertips. Although it was such an intimate gesture, his eyes were filled with malice.
She stared at him blankly, tears welling in her eyes.
Even after all this, she still doesn't understand...
Meng Cenjun held back for a moment, then pulled her close, their cheeks pressed together, whispering in each other's ears. He lowered his voice to the minimum, almost furious, and gritted his teeth, saying, "Do you really want me to utter these foul words into your ears?"
"You insist that I describe to you in detail how, in my imagination, you are lying naked on top of me, right?"
"You must tell me clearly how your dear brother did some despicable, vile, and immoral things to you in your dreams, right?"
He gripped her neck, having abandoned all dignity and self-respect, completely exposing the darkest side of himself that he loathed most, accusing her in an extremely vile and despicable manner:
"Yi Lanjia, do you have to force me to tell you all those dirty details over and over again before you'll stop?"
Do you even understand what I meant when I told you not to come near?
Do you even understand how disgusting and terrifying a dangerous factor I am to you?
He uttered the words rapidly in one breath, roaring until his throat was sore and hoarse.
He was panting heavily, as if all his strength had been drained away, and he was about to collapse immediately, but he remained stiff like a puppet in a shop window, struggling to hold on, waiting for her judgment, or waiting for her to flee in panic.
However, after a long time, she still didn't make a sound. Just when he thought she wouldn't make a move, she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his neck, a gentle and soothing gesture.
Is that all?
"So this is your reason for avoiding me?"
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? You made me keep guessing like a fool."
"Don't you have anything else to say?" He was taken aback by her calmness.
"I understand now." She understood his predicament and that he didn't really want to leave her.
“Brother, you are not scary at all, and what you have said is not enough to scare me away.”
Lan Jia rubbed her cheek against him, her voice softening, "In my eyes, that's not disgusting, much less despicable, shameless, or vulgar."
"What if I told you that I feel the same way you do? Would that make you feel better?"
“Brother, we are essentially the same kind of people.”
“We all made the same mistake.” He said, his eyes red.
At such an unexpected moment, the precarious windowpane was torn open.
Like a flood bursting its banks, or a tall building collapsing, it comes on swiftly and unexpectedly.
He had never had any experience dealing with this kind of relationship, and he had no time to think about his future with Lan Jia.
Everything went off track, and the train of fate rumbled into the mist-shrouded forest.
At that moment, he was as ignorant as an infant, waiting for her to speak and ask her to give him direction.
Lan Jia let go of his hand and lay down, her head being steadily supported in his palm.
She looked up at him, her gaze, though from a subservient position, was powerful, her heart as firm as a rock, unwavering.
"The strongest alliance is the one where two people collude."
Even if we make mistakes, we'll still stand on the same side, right?
"Brother, you won't leave me to face all this alone anymore, right?"
"No matter what happens in the future, we will never be apart, right?"
She stared intently at him, bombarding him with questions, each one pleading.
He looked at her innocent face, but felt that her voice was like a lake nymph, or a net of green snakes crawling into his ears, winding and enticing him to fall deeper.
It wasn't the sound of an Antarctic icebreaker breaking through the ice, but the sound of his blood slowly congealing and freezing. It was an echo that bordered on lingering fear.
He suspected it was a hallucination caused by his own mental breakdown, but the bone-chilling cold almost brought his lost reason back to his body immediately.
He's no longer young, yet he thinks he can still act recklessly?
She's still so young, how can he only think about his own selfish desires and not consider her future?
Her future is so long and so promising; how could she possibly wait for just him? She's always been fickle and easily distracted; she won't keep a favorite piece of clothing or shoes for more than a season, and she'll lose interest in a cherished gift after a couple of days. If she finds someone she loves more, how can she guarantee she won't abandon him? Everything will be ruined, everything will fall apart, and where will their hard-earned family go?
He cannot afford such a risk.
He can't afford to gamble.
Kolanca was still waiting for his answer, her eyes filled with such longing and tenderness. He didn't even dare to look at her face.
"elder brother?"
She finally sensed something was wrong and whispered a reminder, but all that awaited her was a long silence. The longer and longer it went on, the more her heart sank.
The silence was finally broken by a sudden human voice.
"Young Miss," Aunt Ming, who was not far away, reminded her at the right moment.
Almost simultaneously, both of them were terrified.
Lan Jia sat up, meeting a rare, stern, and disapproving gaze.
"It's late, time to go back to your room and rest."
Meng Cenjun clenched her fists, only to find herself shamefully letting out a sigh of relief.
Author's Note: I suddenly feel like my brother would be pretty scary if he went crazy, but it hasn't reached that point yet. [Heartbroken]
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