Chapter 22 I'm so stupid "But I can't live without you!"
Once all the dishes were served, the three of them sat around the table to eat dinner. The table was covered with a layer of colorful plastic mats, which had become covered with a layer of sticky grease over time.
If Chen's father didn't provoke him for a day, he would feel a burning anger simmering inside. His elbows were glued to the table, his brow furrowed, and he was about to explode again: "You can't even wipe a table clean! How am I supposed to eat? Are you all just good-for-nothings to feed all day long?!"
The brother and sister kept their heads down, neither arguing back nor paying him any attention.
Seeing that no one responded, Chen's father felt his authority was being challenged and tried his best to regain the upper hand.
Just then, Chen Xiaojing sat down next to him. He reached out, glared at her, and pinched her face, angrily yelling, "You're always slacking off! All you do is slack off!"
"I raised you all these years, and you're completely useless. Not only do you not repay me, but you also act all sullen and pathetic all the time. Who are you trying to impress? You ingrate, you money-loser! I should have strangled you back then!"
Her bangs fell loose, obscuring her eyes. Chen Xiaojing was being twisted, enduring it, gritting her teeth and refusing to make a sound. However, her resentful emotions, like the moisture in her eyes, kept rising and desperately trying to seep out.
Insane! Madman! Butcher! Uncivilized beast! Devil! The most disgusting maggot in the gutter!
Her eyes were bloodshot, and she gritted her teeth so hard they were grinding, as if she wanted to bite off a piece of his flesh.
But she didn't dare.
"dad!"
Chen Lan slammed her chopsticks down, stood up, and pulled Chen Xiaojing into her arms. "I'll do the work, I'll wash the dishes. Why are you throwing such a tantrum?"
Seeing that he insisted on protecting Chen Xiaojing, Chen's father angrily cursed, "You've finished all the work, what is she doing? We raised her at home, not to be pampered like a spoiled princess, she's useless! A money-loser!" He cursed her over and over again, still not satisfied, and raised his hand to slap her. Chen Xiaojing didn't have time to dodge, and subconsciously closed her eyes, only to feel someone push her hard backward. The slap landed on Chen Lan's face, immediately swelling up with a high red mark.
Chen Xiaojing exclaimed in surprise.
"Sister, go back to your room." Chen Lan didn't look at her.
"No!" She glared fiercely at Chen's father, her teeth chattering with anger.
"obedient!"
"You two little brats, have you gone too far?" Father Chen's eyes widened in anger, and he grabbed a wine bottle from the table, ready to smash it.
Chen Xiaojing grabbed his arm frantically, crying and screaming, "Don't hit my brother! Don't hit my brother!"
Chen's father slapped him across the face and spat, "Get out of my way."
"Sister!" Chen Lan looked at her anxiously, but her father grabbed her collar and punched her twice, making her see stars.
"You think you're all grown up now, daring to rebel in front of your old man?" Chen's father couldn't tolerate being disobeyed. He pointed his finger directly at Chen Lan, shoving and pulling at his thin body, hitting him fiercely and cursing him viciously, "Do you submit? Do you submit?"
Chen Lan, like an inanimate object, clenched her teeth and didn't utter a single word.
Chen Xiaojing's face was pale. She covered her forehead and looked over, her eyes bloodshot, staring straight at him with hatred, her gaze as fiery as magma or as fierce as a vengeful ghost. The heavy sound of fists hitting flesh, the cursing from Chen Jiang's thick lips, and the muffled groans from Chen Lan as she was forced to endure all sounded like the wails of thousands of extremely evil and vengeful spirits in a slaughterhouse, all pouring into our ears.
With a buzzing sound, she seemed to hear nothing at all, only her eyes were unfocused, her heart was pounding, the world was out of balance, and she was trembling violently, as if something was trying to break free and rush out.
Chen Xiaojing suddenly stood up, turned around stiffly, and walked straight to the kitchen.
Chen Lan noticed, her eyes widening as she stared at her retreating figure in surprise: "Xiao Jing?"
Not long after, Chen Xiaojing came out carrying a kitchen knife, cold and sharp, its gleaming surface reflecting light. It was the knife sharpener Chen Lan had personally taken down to have sharpened the day before yesterday when the sharpener was selling his wares downstairs. The sharpener was exceptionally skilled, cutting meat and vegetables incredibly fast. Xiaojing had jokingly told Chen Lan to be careful while cooking, afraid he might cut off a finger like her. At that moment, Chen Lan smiled and earnestly said to her, "What's wrong with that? At least we'll be the same."
She always hated her missing little finger. She once wondered if she would not feel so inferior if Chen Lan's finger were also broken. They had shared a finger since birth. His healthy finger was made possible by her. Chen Lan's beautiful finger should have been half of hers.
But after thinking it over, she couldn't bear to let go, because she saw guilt in his eyes. She didn't want him to take it for granted; she wanted him to feel that he owed her something forever, even if it was just a little bit. She was willing to remain trapped in this dark, dry well for him.
Chen Xiaojing no longer wanted to cut off her brother's fingers; all she wanted now was to use the kitchen knife to chop off Chen Jiang's head.
It's all his fault, imprisoning her freedom! It's all his fault, erasing all possibilities in her life! It's all his fault, even trying to destroy the slightest bit of happiness and peace she had with Chen Lan!
Everything will be alright as long as he disappears.
Kill him, kill him...
He must die, he must die...
As if possessed by a demon, Chen Xiaojing muttered incantations and swung the cleaver without hesitation.
With a crash, the kitchen knife flew far away, and Chen Xiaojing fell heavily to the ground, her head hitting the floor hard.
Chen Lan shielded her with her hands.
Chen's father watched the two men from the side, his thick lips trembling slightly as he muttered incoherently, "Madmen...beasts...you'll be struck by lightning sooner or later!"
He was ultimately a cowardly middle-aged man, a paper tiger that crumbled at the slightest touch, the scum of society. Accustomed to being a bully at home, he still showed some fear when faced with a cornered and frantic rabbit.
Chen's father swallowed hard, pointed at the two men for a long time, but couldn't come up with anything more to say, so he scurried out of the house like a rat.
On the broken, chipped, rusty floor tiles of the living room, Chen Xiaojing sat up in a disheveled state, shoved Chen Lan aside, and yelled, "Why are you stopping me?"
"Why won't you let me kill him?"
"I hate him! I hate him!"
"Xiao Jing, calm down!"
"How can you expect me to stay calm after he treated you like that?" Chen Xiaojing's face was contorted, and tears streamed down her face.
“Xiao Jing, little sister…” He cupped her face in his hands, “Listen to me.”
"Nothing is insurmountable; taking action is the least worthwhile solution."
“You killed him in a fit of anger today, and you have become a guilty person. He is a murderer, a status that is not accepted by society. You are still so young, you should not ruin your life for such a person or such a thing.”
"I'm no longer accepted," Chen Xiaojing said angrily. "I have no identity, I'm not recognized, I'm just a nobody in this world. So what if I'm ruined? I don't care at all!"
“But I care!” he emphasized.
"Is it useful? Is it useful? Can it change the status quo?"
"Brother, you can't even save yourself, how can you save me?"
"I really don't understand why you always put up with it. I hate your weakness the most!"
"Xiao Jing..." Chen Lan gritted her teeth, her face hard and cold, "Do you blame me?"
Should we blame him? How could we not?
Chen Xiaojing's eyes were bloodshot.
Twins are one, sharing nutrients from the womb. They are the two most closely similar people in the world, two irreplaceable pieces of a perfect puzzle.
We are born of the same root, so why should she suffer this unfair treatment?
She was stripped of her fingers, her freedom, and her rightful identity.
Now, the people she is closest to and most trusted are turning around and accusing her of rebellion.
We cannot rebel, we cannot resist, we cannot live recklessly, and we certainly cannot die a quick and painless death.
She's already living in hell, shouldn't she be allowed even the slightest bit of resentment?
Chen Xiaojing stood up and pointed angrily at Chen Lan: "If it weren't for you... if you weren't always by my side comparing me to others, how could I have become like this?"
He taught her, educated her, and helped her break free from numbness, making her understand the value of freedom and making her yearn for the outside world grow stronger every day. But in the end, it was he who trapped her, imprisoned her, bound her with the ties of blood, and disciplined her with all sorts of rules and regulations of the real world.
From childhood to adulthood, she seemed to always be watching Chen Lan's back, watching him sling his schoolbag over his shoulder and head out the door, watching the back of his blue and white school uniform, watching him carry a vegetable basket to the market, watching him take a huge woven net bag to collect recyclables, watching him walk countless times on the sun-dappled stone path, so free, so unrestrained...
She could only ever peek at him through a prison-like security screen.
How could she not hate? How could she not resent?
Chen Xiaojing bit her cheek, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Without you, I'd be happier being a fool than I am now."
"Without you, I'd rather die than rot here!"
"But I can't live without you!"
A roar cut off her vicious words.
Chen Xiaojing paused, her gaze blank.
Chen Lan slowly and laboredly repeated, "Xiao Jing, in this world, the one person I can't live without is you..."
"This one is good, very good."
The director in front of the monitor called "cut" and expressed his approval.
The two lead actors relaxed, tears welling in their eyes. Having exhausted their emotions, they gave each other a very weary hug as a gesture of comfort.
Lan Jia stood quietly not far away, her eyes filled with soothing emotion.
The main character had already left the scene, but she was still immersed in the atmosphere from before, and didn't even hear the director call for a break.
"Lan Jia?"
Song Qingqu patted her shoulder lightly and called her name several times.
"Um, what is it?" She finally snapped out of her daze.
"We've almost finished filming today, so we should wrap up early. Shall we go out for a bite to eat together?" He knew she hadn't been eating well these past two days.
"Oh... okay." Song Qingqu had helped her a lot, and she should have treated him to a meal long ago, so she agreed without thinking.
Unfortunately, I was distracted and completely forgot that I had spoken to Aunt Ming on the phone that afternoon and asked her to prepare a late-night snack.
Song Qingqu noticed her unusual expression and asked knowingly, "Thinking about your brother again?"
Having her secret exposed, Lan Jia's face stiffened and turned cold. After a moment, she tried to hide her emotions by forcing a smile: "I was thinking about myself too."
"I was so stupid."
"Let's not talk about it anymore. Let's think about what we want to eat. I'll treat you tonight." She looked at him.
"I've finally heard you say that." Song Qingqu smiled. "Come with me."
Author's note: I was in a rush, so I quickly uploaded this chapter as soon as I finished writing it. Please bear with it for now; this chapter may be rewritten.
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