Chapter 3, Side Story 2: You Are My Destiny (from the female protagonist's perspective)...
Ah Yan has grown to five years old. He's become much less boisterous.
All that carefree attitude seemed to have been transferred to his younger sister, Awan.
Ah Wan is exactly like me when I was a child. I once wondered if having a younger sister made me more composed and mature.
Just like my older brother, whom my parents talked about, he was almost exactly like me when I was two or three years old.
There is an elm tree in Changde Township in the southern suburbs. He had just learned to walk and wanted to climb it.
When they talked about my childhood, it was the same tree, and I had climbed to the second tallest branch, where I also met an owl.
The difference was that I was startled and fell face-first into the mud. My brother, on the other hand, bravely chased the owl away.
There is also a shallow stream in Changde Township. When my older brother had just learned to run, he would disappear in a flash to catch tadpoles and small fish.
And so it was with me; even the fish I caught were all the same: "small crucian carp, about the thickness of a finger."
But recently, Ah Yan has become even more taciturn.
Only when two-year-old Awan calls him "brother" in her childish voice will a smile appear on his face.
I really don't understand.
Even Lin Yu, at the age of eight or nine, did not have such a bitter and resentful look.
At that time, I privately thought that he had read too many books like "The First Emperor ordered Prince Fusu to die" and "Wu Zixu fled to Wu to avenge his father".
After much thought, Ah Yan realized that during those days, besides visiting his parents morning and evening, he spent his days studying in the Chengming Hall.
So I found Lin Yu and asked, "Brother, what have you been teaching A-Yan lately?"
"horse riding."
"Anything else?"
"Shoot an arrow."
What books have you been teaching him to read lately?
"Etiquette, and also the Spring and Autumn Annals."
Ah Yan is unlikely to be unhappy because he feels restricted in everything after learning etiquette.
After all, his father had been reading etiquette to him late at night since he was two years old, but it had no effect whatsoever.
I pressed on relentlessly: "Which chapters in the Spring and Autumn Annals are mentioned?"
“Ah Yan is only at the age where he has just learned to read. He only recently started learning the Spring and Autumn Annals and has only just finished the first chapter.”
The first story is about Duke Zhuang of Zheng defeating Duan at Yan. It's unlikely that A Yan was saddened because Duke Zhuang of Zheng and his mother were unable to meet again in the afterlife.
Although he moved to the North Palace, I couldn't bear to leave him, and because A-Wan always liked to cling to her brother, and Xiao Xun doted on A-Wan excessively, granting her almost every request, so A-Yan still occasionally stayed overnight in Han Guang Pavilion.
It wasn't because of the book. I was at a loss for what to do for a moment.
Ah Yan is precocious, and now that he's grown up, his pride is just like his father's.
Whenever I ask directly or indirectly, the more questions I ask, the more his eyes well up with tears when he looks at me.
Xiao Xun only gives me bad advice.
Based on his twenty-seven or twenty-eight years of life experience, Ah Yan's five years of life were incredibly smooth. So, his worries and sorrows were probably because he had someone hidden in his heart.
"He's only five years old!"
I punched Xiao Xun hard.
When I was five years old, I fell in love with a little fairy.
After hearing my description, Xiao Xun sulked for three days. Three days later, he realized that I hadn't noticed he had stayed in the Xuan Room for three consecutive days because he was angry, so he sheepishly returned to the Jiaofang Palace to find me.
He was still jealous, but unwilling to give up, he listened to more details.
As he listened, he wanted to know more and more details. For example, how high was the pavilion I climbed? Was it a hundred zhang or fifty zhang? Was the bamboo forest on the mountain path made of emerald bamboo or Xiangfei bamboo? And what about the jade crown on the boy's head? Was it carved with a chi tiger or a dragon?
I was speechless and choked with emotion. I scolded him, saying that I could hardly remember what kind of bamboo grew on the mountains of Dongping Township, or even if there was any tall bamboo at all.
But he quickly hugged me very tightly, almost crushing me into his bones, murmuring "my little girl," "my little girl."
I was going to say, isn't having Awan enough?
But then his deep kiss on her cheek and lips became wet and almost scalding.
That being said, although the son resembles the mother, Ah Yan grew up in the palace and really didn't see any little fairy maidens to keep in his heart.
Fortunately, there was Awan.
“Why is my brother unhappy? If my brother is unhappy, then Awan is unhappy too.” Awan stammered, repeating what I had taught her.
After she said it, she looked genuinely down.
Ayan remained silent for a long time before speaking: "In early spring, my father took me to the suburban sacrifice, to visit the mausoleum of the late emperor, and also to see the mausoleum of Crown Prince Jiemin. My father said that it was the tomb of my eldest uncle."
I suddenly paused, and heard A-Yan say, "Mother, I saw a portrait there, and there was a child who wasn't much older than me. His name was Xiao Yu. Father said he was less than eight years old. Mother, I heard that he died in a fire. He must have been in a lot of pain. When I was four years old, I accidentally burned my hand with a candle flame, and it hurt a lot."
Tears welled up in his eyes.
"Mother, snoring."
A-Wan, who was only two years old, listened from the side, seemingly understanding but not quite. She took A-Yan's hand, meaning, "Let me blow on it, and it won't hurt anymore."
Ayan gently patted Awan's shoulder, withdrew his hand, and explained to her, "I wasn't talking about me."
A-Wan realized she had misunderstood, turned around, took her uncle's hand, pulled him in front of me, and said again:
"Mother, snoring, snoring!"
Feeling anxious, she puffed out her cheeks and blew on Lin Yu's hand.
"It doesn't hurt." Lin Yu patted A-Wan's head. "It doesn't hurt anymore."
His voice was a little hoarse, and his eyes were a little wet, probably because the late spring wind carried sand and dust. He was standing in the windy spot of Chengguang Hall again.
Ah Wan breathed a sigh of relief after hearing his words, released her uncle's hand, and said to Ah Yan, "Brother, it doesn't hurt anymore. Uncle said it doesn't hurt anymore."
“Xiao Yu isn’t in pain anymore, A-Yan,” Lin Yu said slowly.
"Really?" Ayan asked, still somewhat doubtful.
"Yes, imagine it was winter. Winter is when snow is falling heavily. When the snow falls, it lands on the ground and on people, it's icy and cool, and the wounds don't hurt anymore. Even if they hurt, you won't be afraid."
“But…” A-Yan lowered his eyes, hesitating to speak.
"It's snowing heavily, and it's very, very cold," A-Wan said, echoing what her brother wanted to say.
She was born in summer and has only experienced two winters so far.
She was still an infant during the first winter, and during the second winter that just passed, she had just learned to walk when a heavy snowfall caused her to slip and fall in the snow. The snow melted on her neck, making her shiver with cold, and she even had to drink bitter medicine for ten days.
"It won't be too cold."
I crouched down and stroked Awan's head.
Looking up, I saw that Ah Yan's lowered eyes were still brimming with two tears, which had already fallen.
"For farmers, the thing they look forward to most in winter is a heavy snowfall. Snow is like a blanket for flowers, grass, and wheat seedlings; it's not cold underneath. Not so cold. If you look closely under the snow, you can see new shoots slowly emerging."
As I spoke to them, I watched as Lin Yu slowly raised the corners of her lips.
At the end of the fifth year of Zhangming, Cheng Xuanzhi once again set up an altar to give lectures.
He is now in his eighties and can no longer even ride in an oxcart; this is probably his last lecture.
All the scholars from the Imperial Academy will be there. A-Yan, having obtained his father's permission, also wants to attend the lecture.
When Awan heard that they were going to Nanyuan, she didn't care what Nanyuan was or that the altar was not a small jar for holding sugar cakes, and she insisted on going anyway.
“Okay, let’s go together.” Xiao Xun smiled and hugged A-Wan.
This is the first time that Ayan and Awan have come to Nanyuan.
A-Wan was just beginning to recognize a dozen or so characters. Looking at the two large characters on the plaque outside the garden, she was very curious: “日，安”.
A-Wan's eyes lit up: "It has my brother's name written on it."
Xiao Xun, who was walking ahead, heard these words, stopped, turned around, walked to A-Wan's side, squatted down, took A-Wan's hand in one hand and A-Yan's hand in the other, looked at me, and smiled: "Your name is A-Yan, and your mother wishes you peace and happiness throughout your life. As for the Yan here," he looked up, "it means a world in peace and prosperity, where one can see the clear sky."
Lin Yu stood behind A Yan, lowered her eyes and smiled.
"Then why is Awan called Awan?" Awan asked excitedly.
“Wan,” Xiao Xun smiled, gently pinching the tip of Wan’s nose, “we’ll stay together forever.”
Ah Wan understood, took Ah Yan's arm, and then stood on tiptoe to take my arm.
Master Cheng was talking about the Spring and Autumn Period.
I was quite surprised.
The text that Master Cheng taught Lin Yu was the Gongyang Commentary. In my home in Yonghe Village, Dongping Township, I kept several volumes of the Gongyang Commentary personally annotated by Master Cheng. Of course, that place has now become a marquis's residence.
Duke Yin ceded the throne to Duke Huan because Duke Huan was young and of high status, while Duke Yin was older and of low status. This is a commentary in the Gongyang Commentary.
This time, however, Master Cheng turned to talk about the Guliang School.
Although Duke Yin's act of relinquishing the throne was a good deed, it was a betrayal of natural relations and a forgetting of his ruler and father.
The ruler and father are like Heaven. The so-called "Dao" is "receiving from the father as a son, and from the ruler as a feudal lord."
I was completely confused.
Ah Wan is too young to sit still, and she can't understand what's going on.
One moment she was asking me who Duke Yin was, and the next she was asking how old her father was when he ascended the throne—was he older or younger than Duke Huan? Then she earnestly told me that she also felt that the words of her father were naturally more important than anything else. Although she was younger than her brother, not older, her father's affection for her was even greater than his.
As they listened, snow began to fall. Awan quickly grabbed a palace maid and ran out to play in the snow.
Ah Yan probably only vaguely understood, but he sat upright and seemed to be listening very attentively.
Xiao Xun seemed to be deep in thought, and slowly raised the corners of his lips.
Lin Yu, as Master Cheng's favorite student, understood the meaning best. He smiled and sighed silently. Finally, he took the lead and, together with more than a thousand Confucian scholars who had braved the cold to come and listen to the lecture, bowed deeply to Master Cheng.
When the Master descended from the high platform, Lin Yu stepped forward to help him up.
He looked intently at Lin Yu and nodded to him.
His hair had long since turned completely white, but his eyes remained clear, reflecting the bright white of the snow.
This winter actually came late.
The first snow fell at the end of November.
The lecture hall in Nanyuan was only set up in one corner. The rest of the place was usually less crowded. The snow was thick and the view was boundless, a dazzling silver-white expanse.
It's a rare opportunity to visit Nanyuan, and even though it's a bit cold, the kids still want to explore.
Ah Yan walked to a spot and suddenly squatted down.
He buried himself in the snow.
I thought he just wanted to make snowballs and have a snowball fight on a whim.
Behind him, he grabbed a handful of snow, made one, and stuffed it into Awan's hand, whispering in her ear, "Go quickly."
Ah Wan was overjoyed, her nose turning bright red from laughing, and she wobbled as she walked towards her brother.
"Brother! Watch how A-Wan ambushes you!"
"Sneak attack" was a new word she had learned from her uncle.
Her uncle would sometimes teach A-Yan about military strategy. But she only listened to half of it, and of that half, she only understood half. She was shouting too loudly and clearly didn't understand why a sneak attack was called a "sneak attack."
Her brother didn't seem to be doing very well either.
When you are ambushed, you should take cover.
But he remained where he was, waiting for the snowball, which had been crushed more than half by a pair of small hands, to gently land on his back.
It's on the back of my hand.
I felt a pang of resentment and couldn't help but sigh. My two children couldn't even understand the meaning of the word "battle" in "snowball fight".
Since the brothers are not at odds with each other, we can only hope that they can still unite against external threats.
At that time, if I hadn't been afraid that Xiao Xun would see me and then nag me for ages about catching a cold, I really wanted to pull Lin Yu over and demonstrate to the two siblings what a snowball fight is all about.
I can win every snowball fight with Lin Yu ten times out of ten.
I could see Ayan holding the snowball Awan gave him in both hands, smiling at Awan. Suddenly, I remembered Lin Yu, who had lost to me time and time again during snowball fights. Hexagonal snowflakes melted little by little in his hair and on his eyebrows.
He never brushed it away.
"Aren't you cold?" I once asked, puzzled.
“It’s not cold,” he said with a smile, snowflakes glistening at the corners of his eyes. “Because it’s warm here.”
He was referring to his own heart.
Awan clapped her hands happily.
Her little hands were red from the cold, or perhaps from rubbing them with snow and getting warm.
Ah Yan's lips were also turned up high, and he was unusually in high spirits. His eyes reflected the snow and sparkled.
"Mother, I saw it!"
"Huh? What did you see?"
"Sprouts."
I was still wondering what he had said. He was almost six years old now, and by all accounts, he shouldn't be spouting childish nonsense that I couldn't understand anymore. Ah Yan had already pulled me over.
He exclaimed excitedly, “Look, Mother! It’s a new sprout!”
At the foot of the mountain, he dug a hole in the thick snow.
Below is yellow mud, and further down, there are scattered patches of green.
Ah Yan held my hand.
The smell of snow mixed with yellow mud from his hands wafted into my nostrils, making me feel a little choked up and almost cry.
That's the taste of new life.
-------
When I was seven years old, I had an older brother.
He's really good-looking.
I have never seen such a handsome boy.
When my father brought him to me, my left neighbor Ashun and right neighbor Ashou were fighting fiercely over half a millet cake.
He looks even more graceful when he eats, taking small bites one after another with refined manners.
I watched intently, imagining how incredibly sweet the honey water must be.
Judging from his lips, his mother must not have added as much water as before, otherwise, how could the honey have such an alluring luster under the sunlight?
Most of that honey water ended up in my mouth.
Therefore, the term I later used to call my elder brother became increasingly sweet.
My brother is getting older and more handsome.
However, he is becoming less and less like his father and mother, and also less like me.
I would naturally like to be like him. The book says that a gentleman is like jade, which refers to my elder brother.
Therefore, sometimes when he was walking on the road, he could find a pair of jade rings and a jade pendant.
Although my brother also said that I am very beautiful, like the moon in the sky, the snow on the mountain peak, and the white plum blossoms on the branches.
But when he spoke, the moon was half-full, its face obscured by dark clouds, and at that moment, I happened to be missing a tooth.
The mountains in the western suburbs are not high, and the snow on the mountain peaks melts quickly. I helped my mother watch the fire in the stove while reading the poems that Lin Yu taught me. My clothes were often half-covered in soot from the smoke.
And I entered the palace that year.
My brother is so different.
He was not only refined and cultured, nor was he exceptionally gifted; he was proficient in all six arts.
He loved reading but was unwilling to enter officialdom.
He said the people are more important than the ruler, but he also said that this world belongs to the Xiao family.
One day, I asked him, "Do you know that the southern suburbs of Chang'an were in the third year of the Tian Shou era..."
I stopped talking halfway through my sentence.
The elder brother didn't speak, turned his face away, and looked somewhat pale.
I smiled and said, "In the southern suburbs of Chang'an, during the third year of the Tian Shou era, there was a candy shop. Their malt sugar was the most delicious. Brother, if you weren't in Yanzhou at that time, I wish you could have tasted it."
He nodded, but still didn't turn his face away.
I think I know who he is.
I gradually came to understand the tears my mother shed the night my brother arrived at the thatched hut, and I also understood what my father meant when he said, "Your brother has suffered so much, so much." My father said, "Ah Yuan, he is your brother. You must make him happy."
It doesn't matter who he is. He is my brother.
He must live well. Living is the most important thing.
In the third year of Jinghe, I encountered an assassin in Shanglin Garden.
Disguised as a palace attendant, he drew his sword and thrust the dagger at Xiao Xun, saying that he was an orphan born in the third year of the Tian Shou era.
I rushed over.
It was much faster than when I ambushed Lin Yu during a snowball fight.
The dagger pierced my waist.
When I was in so much pain that I almost fainted, I saw the assassin being riddled with holes by the Imperial Guards who came to protect me, and he died even faster than I did.
I can finally close my eyes.
In that case, Your Majesty, and Qu Yang, will have no leads and will be unable to reinvestigate the case from the third year of the Tian Shou era... Hopefully.
Xiao Xun often says I'm a bit silly. He's liked me for so long, so very long, how could I not have known at all?
Sometimes when he looks at the wounds on my body, he will say, "How could I be so stupid?"
As he looked at it, tears fell onto it.
The burn stung a little, leaving a shallow, almost invisible scar.
I laughed at him; the way he cried made him look rather silly. Utterly silly.
February of the spring of the fifth year of Jinghe.
Xiao Xun and Lin Yu played together all night.
Full of curiosity, I entered Lin Yu's room after the two of them, one returning to the palace and the other going to the Western Hills to visit Master Cheng, had both left.
A messy chessboard lay on the table.
The Spring and Autumn Annals on the bookshelf are placed crookedly.
I picked it up and saw that it was the Gongyang Commentary with annotations by Master Cheng. Lin Yu had copied a copy for me.
The character "惠" at the top is missing a stroke.
When I first learned to read, I wrote it like this too.
"Wrong."
Later, Xiao Xun took a book and tapped me on the head.
"I've forgotten how to write characters, Your Majesty, please forgive my foolishness." I scratched my head with the pen in my hand.
He was indeed laughing heartily.
The third month of spring.
"Someone has fallen into the water!"
I heard a commotion on the crane boat.
Brother, brother, he's on the ship, on the deck, he's been drugged.
I straightened my slightly disheveled clothes and rushed out of the cabin.
"Ah Yuan, it's alright, Ah Yuan, your brother will be fine, he can swim." Xiao Xun hurriedly hugged me.
"He can't! My brother... can't swim."
My tears welled up, my mind was a blur, yet strangely clear.
My elder brother is my elder brother. We were both born in Changde Township in the southern suburbs, and later moved to the western suburbs of Chang'an. My elder brother spent two years in the countryside of Yanzhou, where there were no great rivers or lakes, only a small stream.
I don't know where the strength came from, but I broke free from his embrace and rushed to the ship's side, where I saw the black hem of a robe bobbing up and down in the whirlpool.
The night wind whipped up my robes, causing them to flutter wildly.
I looked into Xiao Xun's eyes: "He is my brother... he is my... life."
Author's Note: That's all for the extra chapters!
The story is now complete.
Regarding the Spring and Autumn Annals, the Gongyang and Guliang schools of thought differed, representing a divergence between the principles of legitimate and illegitimate succession and the mandate of the ruler. I'll briefly mention this here: Lin Yu relinquished his own name and the legitimacy of his ascension. But none of that matters now! The brother protected his sister, and the sister protected her brother in return.
Leave a comment and I'll send you a red envelope!
Thank you, A Yuan, Xiao Xun, and A Yu, for accompanying me through these past six months. I had a lot of fun writing when I was stockpiling drafts. Although the data was very poor after I started writing, and I was almost constantly mending my Dao Heart after publishing [laughing and crying with face covered]. But I am very, very grateful to everyone who has read this book. I am very grateful for every comment and every encouragement you have left. Thank you for liking A Yuan, A Yu, and many other people in the book, and for accompanying them through this period of time, through their lives.
May everyone find their own happiness! May all the people you care about be by your side, and may all the things you care about come true!
Finally, here's a pre-order for "My Fifth Year as Empress," please add it to your favorites! I'll probably still write the whole story before serializing it. Thank you!
The text is as follows:
A domineering and arrogant daughter of a powerful minister VS a cunning and scheming puppet emperor
After drinking a cup of poisoned wine, Huo Yu woke up to find the sunlight warm and illuminating the golden hairpin with the mountain motif beside the bed, as well as the dark blue and light blue robe on the bed.
She returned to her fifth year as empress.
It is spring.
At this time, her relationship with Emperor Xiao Zhan also melted away like the winter snow that had been there for years, from mutual respect to harmonious love.
However, it was in the dead of winter that year that her father, the powerful minister Huo Yan, died.
The Huo family was guilty of numerous crimes, including embezzlement, selling official positions, and so on. Some were sentenced to death, while others were imprisoned.
Huo Yu, as a daughter of the Huo family, went to the cold hall of Zhaotai Palace.
With the Huo clan's influence in the court eliminated, the emperor seized power and changed the era name to "Yuanguang".
The door to the Jiaofang Palace opened.
The footsteps grew closer.
A corner of a black robe appeared behind the screen.
Xiao Zhan carefully brought the medicine, which he had cooled by blowing on it, to her lips.
As Huo Yu gazed at the smiling face emerging from the misty steam, she unconsciously gripped the brocade quilt tightly with both hands.
Xiao Zhan:
From a young age, I have harbored a love for a woman in my heart.
We are childhood sweethearts, like a dragon and a phoenix flying side by side.
But she doesn't seem to believe that I truly love her.
Also, I'd like to recommend a silly work called "I Am Not Zhao Feiyan," written in the first person, historical in style, based on the Book of Han, which you can read in my column.
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