Chapter 59 I Love You
Lin Yu and He Ji entered Chang'an City, and with a flick of their whips, they sped ahead of Lin Yuan, heading towards Dongping Township.
As Lin Yuan rode her Qingyun Steed and turned into the alley of Yonghe Lane, she saw her mother, who had said in her letter that she was seriously ill, standing under the plum tree outside the courtyard. She was trembling and leaning on the tree, her hair mostly white, and she was squinting as she looked up at the other end of the road.
"Mother!..."
She dismounted and ran towards Qin Shi.
Qin pushed the tree trunk aside, spread her arms, and ran a few steps.
A shower of pink and white plum blossom petals fell onto Lin Yuan's shoulders.
Lin Yuan looked up from Qin Shi's embrace and saw that Qin Shi's complexion was even more rosy than the flowers on the branches.
She blinked: "Mother, you're not sick..."
Madam Qin snorted and interrupted with a strong voice: "When your brother arrived just now, he asked the same question. He even said he brought back a miracle doctor from Huaiyang. Mother is perfectly fine, how could she be sick? The letter said 'illness due to longing,' how could you educated people not know that this is not the same as a real illness?"
Lin Yuan was stunned.
They returned to the academy on Cuiwei Mountain, and three days later, they found a letter in the snow pile at the entrance that had been sent from Dongping Township to the academy before the New Year.
The bamboo slips had been soaked in the melted snow for nearly half a month, and the words on the upper part were no longer legible.
After a long while, I managed to identify one "mother" and one "illness," followed by "not liking tea," "not wanting to eat," and "unable to eat oil or salt."
When she found Lin Yu, tears streamed down her face as she cried, "Mother, Mother...she's critically ill!"
"The letter says that you have no appetite for tea..."
Madam Qin rolled her eyes: "How could Father and Mother bear to drink tea? They're saving tea from three years ago to serve guests. What are you thinking about?"
"That, that doesn't mean the food is also..."
“Last time you left home without a word, it made your father and me so angry. We bought so much pork, isn’t it all going to go to waste? It’s been snowing every day, we can’t even dry the pork.”
As she spoke, Qin couldn't help but give her a sharp rap on the head, scolding, "All I could do was bake a bunch of meat pies and eat them every day. Now, just the smell of oil and salt makes my stomach churn."
Lin Yuan sniffed, blinked, and the tears she had been holding back dried.
Mother does look a bit fatter than when I saw her when I left home a month ago.
"Alright, alright, now that you and your brother are back, whether it's the illness of longing or any other illness, it's all cured!"
Qin took her hand and smiled more brightly than plum blossoms.
She pulled Lin Yuan into the courtyard to welcome her and wash away the dust of her journey.
After scooping a ladle of water from the water vat and washing Lin Yuan's hands and face, Qin Shi gestured towards the windows of the main hall from a distance, saying, "And look, who's that? As soon as he arrived, Mother saw him and felt that he looked even better!"
A young man sat in the hall. His features were not clearly visible. He looked like he had been sitting in the sun for a long time. His clothes were moon-white and wrinkled from sitting, as if they were about to accumulate frost and snow.
The tea on the table looked like it had been sitting for three years; the smoky aroma had long since dissipated.
Qin looked at Lin Yuan, who was tilting her head in thought, her expression blank. Before she could speak, she whispered in her ear, "It's Ade! The village head's son. Three years ago, the village head also became the village steward!"
"Ade?"
Lin Yuan scratched her head and asked suspiciously, "Mother, I remember you told me that Ade went to Xianyang or Liyang to become an official? A physician?"
Qin was speechless. She changed her words: "Then, are they the divine officials under the Queen Mother of the West?"
Qin laughed in exasperation, patted the back of her head, and straightened the hairpin that she had knocked askew while scratching her head.
He then took two steps back, frowned, and looked Lin Yuan up and down.
After a while, she glanced again at the well-dressed man inside the room, then turned back, her brows furrowing even more.
She shook her head, stepped forward, and tugged at Lin Yuan's collar, hem, and sleeves, as if she wanted to create a beautiful pattern on Lin Yuan's plain white dress.
Fine, she pushed Lin Yuan toward the door of the main hall, her tone leaving no room for refusal, "You should go and take a look too."
Once inside, even the most confused Lin Yuan understood that her mother's loss of appetite and illness stemmed from her own suffering.
This isn't longing at all, it's lovesickness.
Lin Yuan went inside and sat there for a while.
Ade also sat down.
The two smiled at each other, and remained silent.
He had already drunk three cups of herbal tea.
Lin Yuan had heard Lin Yu say that the officials and clerks in the government office would drink tea and chat every day, sometimes drinking five pots of tea and boasting about everything under the sun.
It seems that Ade, as the clerk, did something different, displaying a refined and untainted demeanor.
He only drinks tea, but he avoids boasting and chatting.
No wonder that by the time it reached Xiao Xun, he was so busy, with piles of documents and the lights in the Xuan Shi Hall always flickering until midnight.
"Ade." Lin Yuan called out as she watched the three-year-old tea in the cup sink to the bottom for the fifth time, finally freeing Ade from his silent entanglement with the teapot that had stopped dripping.
“I remember you used to be very good at embroidery.”
Ade nodded repeatedly.
"Can you teach me?"
“Of course,” Ade asked. “What kind of embroidery do you want to learn?”
Lin Yuan pursed her lips and said, "Plum blossom."
"That's the simplest!"
Ade smiled broadly and sincerely.
"How is it?" Qin asked Lin Yuan as soon as she saw Ade out of the courtyard.
Lin Yuan had just finished putting away her needlework when she turned around and patted her chest: "Mother, where did you come from?"
"Tell me, how was it?" Qin ignored her question and repeated herself with a smile.
Hearing the overflowing joy in her words, Lin Yuan knew without a doubt that an hour ago, her mother had gone to the window of the main hall under the pretext of buying meat, and when she returned, she had naturally glanced into the window again.
Then, under the guise of feeding the chickens, he slowly strolled over again.
Then, in a corner of the courtyard directly opposite the window, the natural order of the wind sweeping away fallen leaves was also broken. In just one afternoon, it had been swept three times.
The elm tree planted there was almost entirely devoid of leaves, not only at the base but also on the top.
"Mom, didn't you see everything? By the way, what are we having for dinner tonight?" Lin Yuan changed the subject with a smile. "Didn't we buy mutton? How about braised mutton? Or pickled mutton?"
Qin watched as the twilight light shone on Lin Yuan's cheeks, giving them a blush, and she asked no more questions.
Recalling the image of the talented young man and beautiful woman, separated only by a small table, whispering to each other, she found it truly pleasing to the eye, and the smile in her eyes deepened.
"Don't make it today. Ade will come again tomorrow, right? You can leave him for a meal then, and I'll make the meat later."
Lin Yuan pursed her lips and asked, "By the way, where is my brother? It's almost dark, why isn't he home yet? Did he take Master He somewhere? Master He said he wanted to visit the medical center in Chang'an."
"I heard that Master Cheng is ill! Your brother brought back a physician, what a coincidence!"
Lin Yuan was startled: "How did you get sick?"
"It's a strange story. Master Cheng suddenly had an old friend. The two were overjoyed to see each other, laughing and crying, and they stayed up all night for several days."
"So, it's a problem caused by being happy?"
Madam Qin clicked her tongue: "What's even stranger is that the two of them were discussing something in a book, and as they talked, they started arguing. How can old people withstand such great joy and sorrow? Sure enough, one of them had chest tightness and the other had a headache, and suddenly they both fell ill. If your father hadn't gone to deliver rice, we wouldn't have known. The two of them were still arguing even while lying on the bed."
As they were talking, the sound of Shengyun's horse hooves could be heard outside the door.
The two men went out to greet him. Lin Yu dismounted and said, "Master Cheng and Master Xie are both fine. They were arguing about the Minister and got a little angry. Master He prescribed a medicine to protect the liver and reduce the heat. They'll be fine after taking it for two days. However, in case they argue again, Fourth Brother will stay there and stay for now."
Both Qin and Lin Yuan sighed in unison, "A doctor's heart is benevolent."
Lin Yu chuckled, "Old Fourth He thought that there were two Imperial Academy Doctors on that mountain, and he wanted to immerse himself in the essence of heaven, earth, sun, and moon. When the two old scholars finished their medicine and continued to argue about the authenticity of the lost chapters of the Book of Documents, he listened intently."
"Does Master He have any insights?" Lin Yuan asked curiously.
“He naturally believes that the lost poem is fake.” Lin Yu smiled and looked at Lin Yuan. “It’s like someone wishing there were 100 poems instead of 300.”
"Lin Yu!" Lin Yuan stamped her foot.
Qin was relieved and had already turned and headed to the kitchen.
As dusk settled, the lights flickered.
Lin Yuan propped her head up in the room, staring blankly at the half-finished plum blossom embroidery, lost in thought.
As Xiao Xun boarded his carriage on Cuiwei Mountain, the north wind grew stronger, whipping his robes into flight.
Clouds and smoke billowed, and robes and sleeves fluttered.
She noticed two plum blossoms on his belt.
It looked like it had been broken by a cold wind.
It was blown so badly that it lost its luster.
Did she embroider the plum blossoms?
She didn't know.
She couldn't see clearly anymore.
Two tears fell unexpectedly.
It rolled onto the hazelnut cake in my hand.
She lowered her head, picked up the damp hazelnut cake, and took a bite.
It's bitter.
Has she not tasted this kind of hazelnut cake in a long time? Why is it bitter?
It's very bitter and astringent.
My brother said that liking someone is as sweet as candy.
However, once you eat too much maltose and get used to it, it will taste bitter if you stop eating it or can't get it anymore.
Everything tastes bitter.
Is this what liking someone is?
The hazelnut cake was still in my hand.
Hazelnut cake, but... I don't really like eating hazelnuts.
The day after Xiao Xun left was the full moon night of the first month, and there was no curfew.
The prince came to the academy and asked Lin Yu to teach him. He studied diligently until nightfall.
Lin Yuan followed He Ji to the Huaiyang market to see the lanterns and acrobatics that he had been longing to see.
Clouds obscure the moon, and the lights are dim and indistinct.
Under the glow of the lights, crowds thronged, with bursts of drumbeats and loud cheers echoing from time to time. On one side, there was Nuo opera, and on the other, wrestling.
"If you ask me, it's really bad timing that Young Master Xiao left. The variety shows at night in Huaiyang are even better than those in Chang'an."
As He Ji spoke, he led Lin Yuan to the place with the most people.
He said he regretted it, but his lips curled into a wide grin.
"I've heard that the current emperor doesn't like watching plays, and the disgraced Grand Marshal Qu Yang also calls them all decadent music. So few of these acrobatic performers and magicians from the Western Regions go to Chang'an. They all come to Huaiyang Kingdom because they admire the name of the Prince of Huaiyang."
He clicked his tongue in amazement: "This Young Master Xiao is quite strange. He's said to be the son of the Prince of Yuzhang, but he doesn't even return to Yuzhang on New Year's Eve. It seems he has little connection with his family. When he came to Huaiyang, he didn't seem close to the Prince of Huaiyang or his heir. Instead, he mingled with the rest of us. But this time, when he left in such a hurry, I asked him why, and he said it was because of a relative he hadn't seen for several years, so he had to rush to Chang'an."
"Out of curiosity, I asked another question: Is family really that important? Young Master Xiao said it's more important than anyone else. I even wondered if I had misheard; it should be 'lover' not family..."
Lin Yuan stood in the crowd, watching the surging tide, and softly hummed in agreement.
After a long pause, he asked, "What play is being performed here?"
She stood on tiptoe to look inside.
"Come with me."
He Ji excitedly pulled up one corner of Lin Yuan's wide sleeve and squeezed a path through the crowd.
Two burly strongmen were grappling with each other.
The night was windless, but still chilly. They were shirtless, and large beads of sweat slid down their strong, bulging muscles and veins.
Lin Yuan was somewhat dazed. She opened her eyes wide and was about to clap and cheer with everyone when her view was blocked in the next instant.
He Ji was jostled by the others and happened to end up in front of Lin Yuan.
He smiled and said, "Ah Yuan, I just heard that someone at the bridgehead is dressed as the Yellow Emperor of the East Sea, fighting a tiger with a knife, and there are also fish and dragons roaming around. Do you want to go and see?"
Fortunately, there was nothing to see here, and Lin Yuan nodded slightly.
The two then bought some honeyed bait ahead and ate it as they slowly walked towards the bridge.
Looking at the river reflecting the lamplight, He Ji recounted his childhood story of following his father and brothers along the river, heading north to Shangjun and Shuofang, east to Langya and Donglai, and then north along the Zhang River to the Yan Kingdom to gather medicinal herbs.
He spoke with great enthusiasm, and the lights reflected in his eyes one by one.
As he spoke, he sighed, "It's a pity that my father always felt I should strive for fame and success. My three older brothers, however, did not. Perhaps it was because I was born too late, and I learned to say 'no' too late."
He took a deep breath of the cool air. "Fame and fortune, official rank and titles, to me, are like the lamp in the water, or the wind in the night."
He opened his arms and embraced nothingness.
Lin Yuan was amused by him: "That's just like my mother. She doesn't expect my brother to pass the imperial examinations, but she hopes that I can marry into an official family like the sister next door."
He Ji choked on a breath of cold air.
He clasped his arms together and walked silently for a long while.
Upon opening it again, a palm-sized glass lamp appeared out of thin air in his arms.
The candlelight shone through, its shimmering light reflecting off the eyes.
He laughed and said, "Look, the light in the water and the wind at night are not entirely out of reach."
The glass lamp indeed vanished as quickly as the night wind.
It turns out these were prayer lanterns hung on the branches by the people of the Prime Minister's residence.
A total of eighty-one lamps were hung, symbolizing the return to oneness.
I pray that Cui Heng, who is imprisoned in the prefecture, will be safe and sound and return home soon.
If even one lamp is missing, it means all efforts will be in vain.
It seems unlikely that I will be able to return.
The prime minister's family was furious and, with their dogs and servants, chased He Ji for about five miles.
He Ji finally plunged into the swarm of people, disappearing without a trace.
Just as the illusionist was performing "Dragon Emerging from the Water," the dragon leaped out of the water and surprisingly had a single, glowing glass eye on its head. The applause from the crowd was thunderous.
Lin Yuan couldn't find He Ji later, so she walked alone along the riverbank.
As midnight passed, the lights on the trees gradually dimmed, the wind blew gently, the clouds drifted by, and the moon rose.
A few days ago, the moon wasn't this bright, but it was still around this time of year that it cast its silvery light into the window screen.
The room was dark, as quiet as a midnight dream.
She did indeed fall into a deep sleep, her head resting in the moonlight, which carried the scent of agarwood, the fresh aroma of herbs and trees, and a faint medicinal smell.
The moonlight poured down from above, as if it were talking to her.
Like a dream, like an illusion, a mixture of reality and illusion.
"I really wish I could have met you sooner, gotten to know you sooner, at fourteen, no, eight, seven... before her, and before him..."
Are you talking about her? It's too late after all, isn't it?
She was in your heart first, she's always been there for you.
"I've racked my brains, and even now, I still don't know how to tell you..."
I've racked my brains, and to this day, I still don't know how to convince myself.
"Wait for me a little longer, okay? Wait a few days, it won't be long. Once I'm back in Chang'an and have taken care of those matters, I'll tell you..."
It won't be long? But I've waited for so long, like a dream that's lasted too long, a nightmare that's lasted too long. It's so painful, it's time to wake up.
"I love you."
I……
It seemed like something had fallen heavily into the river with a "plop".
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Author's Note: Xiao Xun: Wow, it's only been ten days, how come there's another Ade? ???
①Yangyan: pickled mutton
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