Chapter 16 Rainy Day "Because you won't like me."...
2018.01.02 Heavy Rain
You and I are infinitely close, yet infinitely far away.
——Excerpt from Tao Shuran’s Diary
*
A seat change caused a lot of discussion in the class.
"Why can the newcomer sit with Liang Yuanjing?"
"By the way, why did Liang Yuanjing come to our class?"
"Don't you know? After the flight training is over, the remaining time is used to sprint for the college entrance examination. The school is short of teachers, so the two classes are split, half in the liberal arts class 1, and half in the science class 4."
Tao Shuran was carrying a book on his back, listening quietly to other people's discussions.
It turned out that Liang Yuanjing came to their class for this reason.
Wen Fangfang, who was sitting in the front row, asked, "Then why did Teacher Zhou let Tao Shuran sit next to him?"
"It's because of her well-behaved, sullen personality," Gu Shiyu said in a low voice. "She's the student Teacher Zhou is least worried about falling in love with."
They talked and laughed without reservation, and their occasional glances were uninhibited and bold, as if they really regarded Tao Shuran as a nerd who only knew how to study hard.
Tao Shuran endured it silently. She raised her head and silently glanced at the rightmost position of the blackboard.
Zhou Wu separated out a small area there and wrote a line of big words in eye-catching red chalk - 157 days left until the college entrance examination.
157 days.
We must catch up with him.
So no sound could stop Tao Shuran from moving forward. She felt sad for a second, and then she read even louder, trying to drown out all the rumors.
Liang Yuanjing raised his head from the noise around him. He raised his hand and knocked on the back of the chair in front of him. He had just woken up, so his voice was a little hoarse.
"It's a bit noisy."
Wen Fangfang quickly turned around and carefully covered her mouth.
"Sorry to bother you, Liang Yuanjing."
Liang Yuanjing hummed, no longer sleepy, and raised his chin. The wrinkles on his double eyelids were slightly deeper, which softened his eyebrows and made his eyes less cold.
Tao Shuran only glanced at him and turned back hurriedly, saying in a voice that only the two of them could hear -
"Sorry, I'm reciting it silently."
Liang Yuanjing whispered, "No, the sound of your reading is really helpful for sleeping."
After that, they were silent. Tao Shuran no longer spoke, but just moved the bench silently, with her arm almost close to the edge of the aisle. The distance between her and him was clear, like the boundary between Chu and Han.
Liang Yuanjing narrowed his eyes, as if he could sense that she treated him differently.
A very different kind of alienation.
*
Liang Yuanjing did not take the liberal arts class with them, so the time Tao Shuran spent with him was actually limited.
Most of the time, she attended class alone, took notes, and then left.
Because their learning progress was slow, Tao Shuran and Zhou Wu asked for a long-term leave from the physical education class and applied to stay in the class to study.
That afternoon, she stayed in the classroom to correct her test papers as usual.
But she didn't expect that Wen Fangfang was standing in front of her seat waiting for her with Gu Shiyu's hand in hers.
Tao Shuran suddenly felt something was wrong, he paused and subconsciously turned around to leave.
Unexpectedly, Wen Fangfang blocked her way and acted bossy.
"New here, go talk to the teacher and ask him to let me switch seats with you."
Tao Shuran looked at her calmly and asked, "You wanted to sit at the same table with Liang Yuanjing, why didn't you tell the teacher?"
"Because..." Wen Fangfang said breathlessly, angrily, "What do you care?"
What she hated most was Tao Shuran's nonchalant look. She had an extremely good temper, as if nothing could move her.
This was just her disguise, Wen Fangfang glared at her fiercely.
"If you don't tell me, I'll post all your photos on the school's confession wall so the whole school can see what you, the new campus goddess, really look like."
Even though he had told himself many times that he didn't care, Tao Shuran still couldn't help but feel hurt.
She felt her fingers hanging by her sides trembling. She tried to suppress the pain, but could only dig her fingertips into her palms and clench them into fists.
"I don't like being threatened."
She tried her best to restrain herself and looked at Wen Fangfang and said, "I have always kept your love for Liang Yuanjing a secret. Similarly, whatever you want to do has nothing to do with me."
"Why are you pretending? Don't you like Liang Yuanjing too?"
Hearing this, Tao Shuran couldn't help but take a step back. She lowered her head slightly, feeling a sense of panic as if her heart had been touched.
She pinched her fingers into her palms even harder, forcing herself to calm down, and her voice trembled slightly.
Wen Fangfang vented all the resentment in her heart and even started to speak without thinking.
"Don't think I don't know that you went to see Teacher Zhou before changing seats, and that you deliberately used the excuse of studying to get close to Fu Changpei. Isn't it because you know that Fu Changpei and Liang Yuanjing are good friends and you want to have more opportunities to interact with him?"
"You just want Liang Yuanjing to like you!"
It turned out that she regarded herself as a competitor.
Tao Shuran raised the corners of his lips in self-mockery, looked out the window, and spoke in a low but certain voice.
"He won't like me."
The distance between them is like the star and the moon facing each other on the Milky Way. The star and the moon seem to be very close, but they are separated by billions of light years.
At this moment, Tao Shuran suddenly envied them for having the courage to express their love easily.
Liang Yuanjing happened to walk in from the door.
Wen Fangfang's eyes lit up instantly, and she focused all her attention on him, shouting, "Liang Yuanjing, Tao Shuran likes you!"
Tao Shuran's heart skipped a beat. She didn't expect that she would suddenly shout it out. This secret that even she herself dared not admit was revealed at this moment in such an absurd way.
Her body became shaky and she no longer dared to look up at Liang Yuanjing.
"What are you talking about?"
Liang Yuanjing came over and saw that she was in a daze. He tapped the edge of the table with his knuckles, motioning her to move aside.
He walked in, picked up the water cup on the table, tilted his head back and drank the water, seemingly not taking the words to heart.
Wen Fangfang took the opportunity to ask again: "Do you like her?"
This question is very rude.
Liang Yuanjing hated answering these boring questions about likes and dislikes. He sat down with his arms folded, zipped up his black windbreaker to the top, revealing a pair of dark and deep eyes.
His eyes were cold and his voice was cold.
"dislike."
Liang Yuanjing didn't notice that the second after this sentence was spoken, Tao Shuran, who was standing in the aisle, trembled violently.
"I don't like people bullying classmates in my name. You happen to be here too. Please apologize for what happened last time."
He was talking about the last photo.
Wen Fangfang's eyelashes trembled. She wanted to play dumb and get away with it, but when she looked up and met Liang Yuanjing's extremely cold eyes, her heart trembled and she couldn't help showing timidity.
He whispered, "I'm sorry."
Liang Yuanjing raised his chin slightly and sounded a warning.
"I don't want you to disturb my new deskmate's study because of these boring things."
Wen Fangfang's eyes were red, and she seemed to have suffered great injustice. She pushed the table away and rushed out of the classroom.
Liang Yuanjing never understood those who bullied others. Once justice was served, they would immediately reveal their faces as victims.
He sneered disdainfully and turned his head to look at his new deskmate, but he only saw the corner of his clothes flying past and, for a moment, the faint sound of sobbing in his ears.
Zhao Zhengnian was stunned for a moment and pulled his sleeve.
"Ajing, why is your new deskmate crying too?"
There have been rumors circulating in the class recently about his love affair with Tao Shuran, and the new seat has only fueled the rumors.
Liang Yuanjing stared at her leaving back for a while, and suddenly felt a little annoyed.
"have no idea."
*
The news about the fight between the study committee member and the new transfer student because of Liang Yuanjing spread like wildfire.
Liang Yuanjing, one of the parties involved, was invited into the office.
Zhou Wu slammed his hands on the table. "Liang Yuanjing, what are you doing? You're still causing trouble in your third year of high school."
Liang Yuanjing stood with his hands behind his back. He was also a regular customer here. He put the tip of his tongue on his cheek and smiled a little mischievously.
His tone was also nonchalant: "Teacher Zhou, is it my fault that others are impressed by my charisma?"
"What charisma? You're such a troublemaker!" Zhou Wu slammed the table and decided, "You need to change seats. You can't sit with girls."
Liang Yuanjing shrugged his shoulders and had no opinion.
Anyway, he has gotten used to it. He has been misunderstood in recent years, but he doesn't care much about it and just mentioned it casually.
"Teacher Zhou, please don't bother looking for the two girls after you've scolded me. We're in our third year of high school, and everyone's emotions are pretty unstable. There's no need to do that for this."
"Especially Tao Shuran, she doesn't like me at all, this is purely an unprovoked disaster."
…
Tao Shuran returned to the classroom and found that the seats had been changed.
Liang Yuanjing was moved to the last row, together with Zhao Zhengnian, while Wen Fangfang was replaced to the first row. As the study committee member, her grades had dropped significantly since she entered the third year of high school. Anyone with a discerning eye could see that she was not focused on her studies.
Tao Shuran’s new deskmate became Fang Qingyi. This was a good thing, but she couldn’t be happy at all.
During the Chinese class, the teacher asked them to recite the text to each other in the two rows in front and behind.
As luck would have it, Tao Shuran turned around and looked at Liang Yuanjing again.
She looked away in panic, and her mind unconsciously recalled his words "I don't like it", and her heart felt very sad.
Liang Yuanjing had been watching her quietly, listening to her stumbling as she recited the text. Sometimes when she got stuck, her eyes would drift upwards.
It was a little cute, and he couldn't help but chuckle.
This laughter completely disrupted Tao Shuran's rhythm. All the emotions in her heart turned into red strings, quietly wrapped around his fingertips.
He tugged lightly, and her whole heart swayed.
Liang Yuanjing said: "I'm sorry about Wen Fangfang's matter. I will take care of this problem."
"fine."
Tao Shuran shook his head and said softly, "It's not your fault that others like you."
Her voice was light and soft. She was clearly the one who was wronged, but no emotion could be heard in her voice.
Liang Yuanjing looked at her clear and calm eyes, and was stunned for a second. Soon, he looked away and responded coldly.
Tao Shuran asked carefully: "I heard that you didn't talk to any girls before."
"Why……"
She stopped talking at this point, and even she felt that this was a difficult question to ask.
What should she ask? She should ask why Liang Yuanjing treated her differently, why he was willing to form a study team with her, and why he helped her get Wen Fangfang to apologize.
"Because you are different from others."
Tao Shuran suddenly raised her head, her eyes trembling. She looked into his bright eyes and waited for him as usual.
Who knew that Liang Yuanjing's next words would push her into hell? His voice was extremely calm, with a hint of laziness in the corners of his eyes and eyebrows, and he said with some certainty -
"Because you won't like me."
In an instant, Tao Shuran felt as if he had fallen into an ice cellar.
Because he was sure that she would not like him, he allowed her to get close to him, occasionally waving his hand and giving her a little care. Tao Shuran's eyelashes trembled badly and even her voice was a little shaky.
"Are we friends then?"
Amid the noise of people reciting poems, Liang Yuanjing was playing with the small pendant on his key. He didn't look at her, his brows furrowed in a somewhat cold and arrogant manner, and he looked particularly unkind.
“Not really.”
He raised his head, his eyes were gentle, as if he was simply stating a fact to her.
"I won't be friends with any girls."
Tao Shuran opened his lips, wanting to say something, but then fell silent again.
There didn't seem to be anything wrong with what he said. The distance between him and her was between being half-familiar and half-familiar.
It was only today that Tao Shuran realized that he seemed to have glimpsed another layer of Liang Yuanjing beneath the clouds.
Lonely, closed, and hard to really get close to.
*
The lights of Zhongshan Mansion, located opposite Xikang Road, were finally lit up after a long absence.
Liang Yuanjing was stunned when he was carrying his schoolbag home. When he saw the familiar license plate, he lowered his eyes and walked in calmly.
Ms. Li Wan was sitting on the sofa in the living room waiting for him.
There were several servants standing around, as well as several shareholders and lawyers of the company. Liang Yuanjing sneered. His mother's trip was still such a grand affair, which had nothing to do with the "Wan" in her name.
He responded casually: "Mom, why didn't you tell me in advance when you came home?"
"Just one night. I'm flying to Japan tomorrow."
Li Wan put down the documents in her hand, looked at him calmly and said, "Yuan Jing, I took the initiative to contact your school teacher this afternoon, and he told me a little about your situation."
The subordinate sitting next to him saw that something was not right and quickly stood up and said goodbye.
"Then Mr. Li, if there's nothing else, we'll leave first. It's rare for you to come home."
"I heard you're a bit of a jerk at school."
The people in the room had not yet left, but in front of everyone, Li Wan's face turned cold and her tone of voice was filled with unconcealable disgust.
"Don't be like your father, a playboy and a dissolute man."
Liang Yuanjing paused in raising his leg, his whole body stiffened slightly, his eyelashes drooped, hiding all his emotions, he slowly turned around and stared at Li Wan's indifferent smile.
"Mom, did you come back just to make me unhappy?"
Li Wan sneered, "I'm just reminding you not to become like your father. I heard from your teacher Zhou that many girls in school have fought because of you."
The room was very quiet, and the dim light was the only warmth in the house.
Liang Yuanjing stood in front of Li Wan. Instead of sitting down, he looked down at her condescendingly. This was a natural posture of confrontation.
At this moment, the girl's words suddenly came to his mind, and for the first time in his life, he couldn't help but argue.
"Is it my fault that others like me?"
"Isn't it your fault? You're always stirring up trouble and flirting with other women." Li Wan stood up. "You have the same playful and unruly face as your father. You're destined to never find love in this life."
"Yeah?"
"Then why did you give birth to me?" Liang Yuanjing's eyes flushed, and he said with almost determination, "I have the blood of both of you. This is how my life is destined to be."
"Snap"
Li Wan raised her hand without hesitation, and with a crisp slap, Liang Yuanjing's face turned to the side.
He raised the corners of his lips in self-mockery, too lazy to say another word, threw down his schoolbag and walked out.
It rained in Fuqing. It started with a drizzle and then gradually became heavier.
Liang Yuanjing stood at the door, looked up at the rain, and vaguely recalled another tearful face.
This rain was like Tao Shuran's tears, wet, soft, bitter, and filled with the biting cold of winter.
She seemed to always cry, and every time she cried, it seemed to have something to do with him?
Is it really like Li Wan said, that his existence will only make others shed sad tears and endless pain?
The rain kept falling, and the pedestrians on the street hurried, casting strange glances at him from time to time.
Liang Yuanjing didn't care and walked aimlessly.
Slowly, he walked to Xikang Road. He liked to wander around this place when he had nothing to do. This place was not a pure residential area. There were many small shops along the street, and it was a rare place in the old city that had not been demolished.
Li Wan called this area a "slum", but Liang Yuanjing felt that this place was much more humane than Zhongshan Mansion.
Many times after evening self-study, he would walk to this street alone, look up and see the three-story buildings lit up with thousands of lights. The laughter and even the noise among the families made him feel a little warm.
Liang Yuanjing stood downstairs and stared for a long time.
He was tall, yet his whole body was filled with loneliness and pain. Tao Shuran happened to see this scene when she went downstairs to throw away the trash under an umbrella.
She paused and stood there hesitating.
In the end, emotion overcame reason, and she couldn't suppress her instinct to get closer to him, so she slowly walked closer to him.
"Liang Yuanjing, it's raining."
She stretched out her hand, wanting to hand over the umbrella and move closer to him.
Who knew that Liang Yuanjing took two steps back and turned slightly to the side, his attitude of resistance obvious.
He paused, turned his head and said, "Tao Shuran, don't come over."
"I'm not in a good mood right now."
Tao Shuran was not blind, so she naturally noticed that something was wrong with Liang Yuanjing today. He was completely different from the proud, unruly, and always high-spirited Liang Yuanjing she met at school.
He looked very sad, surrounded by the wet rain. Why was he standing alone in the shadows in the desolate night?
Tao Shuran stood there and did not leave.
She put away her umbrella and stood there with him in the rain, her voice low.
"Then can I comfort you? In the name of a friend."
Liang Yuanjing put his hands in his pockets, squinted his eyes and looked at her, his tone was low and there was a sense of dejection in his voice.
"I'm not a good person. Are you sure you want to mess with me?"
On the hazy rainy night, Tao Shuran's eyes were strangely bright. She stared at him closely and said with great determination, "There is no absolute good or bad in the world."
"I want to be friends with you, like you and Fu Changpei."
Liang Yuanjing didn't say whether it was good or bad.
Later, the rain gradually got heavier, and they went to a milk tea shop at the intersection together. It was rare that the milk tea shop was still open so late, and some snacks were served in the shop.
Liang Yuanjing glanced at the menu and pushed it over.
Tao Shuran was sending a message to Tao Hongfeng with her head down. She said that she met a classmate downstairs and would have to wait a while before going home.
I saw the menu and shook my head.
"I came down here after eating my fill. How about you? Have you had dinner yet?"
"The dumplings here are delicious. My dad said they're handmade. What kind of filling do you like?"
Liang Yuanjing nodded with his index finger. He had no appetite, so he asked for a glass of ice water. When he met Tao Shuran's hesitant gaze, he paused and switched to warm water.
He casually said, "Would you like a cup of milk tea?"
The warm milk tea held in her palm covered up the slight sweat that Tao Shuran was sweating because of nervousness. The small room was well heated. She quietly unzipped her down jacket and looked up at Liang Yuanjing.
He wore very little, only a windbreaker in winter. He took it off and put it beside him, revealing a dark black turtleneck sweater with broad shoulders and a narrow waist, and the proportions were perfect.
Liang Yuanjing looked out the window and asked her, "Why did you cry this afternoon?"
This was an unexpected problem.
Tao Shuran panicked for a moment, swallowed, and began to frantically look for excuses.
"Maybe it's because of too much pressure."
She met his gaze and whispered, "I'm always worried that I won't be able to get into Qingda University. The college entrance exam is only a few days away, and I'm still a long way from the Qingda University score line."
Liang Yuanjing asked, "Does it have to be Qing University?"
Tao Shuran paused.
Looking directly into his eyes, as if clearing away the fog, she looked at him and said with great determination, "It must be Qingda."
Perhaps it was because her firm and stubborn attitude was so touching that Tao Shuran saw Liang Yuanjing slightly curl up the corners of his lips.
He looks very nice when he smiles. There is a faint dimple on the right side of his cheek, which is slightly sunken, making him look particularly gentle.
Maybe this is a secret that no one else has discovered.
Tao Shuran was completely immersed in sweetness, supporting her chin and quietly listening to the sound of rain with him.
She began to understand the true meaning of secret love, which was - not asking for anything in return, but just quietly waiting by his side and liking him.
The conditions for staying with Liang Yuanjing are also very harsh. She must play the role of "not falling in love with him" well before she can truly stand by his side.
"I hate it when so many people like me."
Liang Yuanjing lowered his head and took a sip of water, his voice lacking any emotion.
"Tao Shuran, you are a very nice person."
“The person you like is also lucky.”
So, is it because of this reason that Liang Yuanjing is so sure that she won't like him?
Tao Shuran's throat felt hoarse, and she felt that this was a multiple-choice question in which she had to give up something. If she wanted to be close to him, she had to give up expressing her love for him.
She felt a little sad and just managed to pull her lips together.
"He may not like me."
It’s not necessarily, it’s definitely not like it.
Tao Shuran looked at Liang Yuanjing, her eyes filled with sadness. She suppressed her sadness and lowered her eyes. The air she and he breathed together seemed to be stained with the cold rain, and every breath she took stingingly caused her heart and lungs to ache.
"Qingda."
Liang Yuanjing raised his glass and clinked it with her milk tea cup. His fingertips that were holding the wall of the cup accidentally brushed against it. He raised his eyebrows and regained his former arrogance and spirit.
"I'll help you."
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