Chapter 106 Sprouting: Li Xunhuan could never lose Nian Nian. ...
As dusk fell, a cold wind howled.
The carriage traveled along the rugged mountain path, its wheels rolling over the curb, barely missing the cliff face.
Tie Chuanjia gripped the reins tightly, gazing at the narrow, winding dirt road, and sighed deeply, "Young Master, the road ahead is narrow; the carriage can only go this far."
A violent coughing fit erupted from inside the carriage. A pale hand gripped the carriage door tightly. "Get off, it's only a short distance away."
Tie Chuanjia sighed inwardly: Young Master... It's already dark and freezing cold. You're already drunk. Why make yourself suffer? What old friend must you be visiting at this time?
He frowned, and no matter how much he was worried, he didn't say the words that were on the tip of his tongue.
Although the young master escaped from the jaws of death unharmed, he was utterly dejected, as if he had lost all life. In the past ten years, no matter how lonely or painful he had been, he had never looked like this.
If I had known this would happen, I should have risked my life to stop the young master from entering the pass.
A corner of the mink-fur curtain was lifted, and Li Xunhuan silently got out of the carriage.
A series of footsteps, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, echoed at the entrance to the winding mountain road, but he didn't look up. — It was strange that his hearing was so sharp that he didn't even have a chance to misjudge the sound.
If it were any other day, he would probably be very curious about who would venture into the deep mountains at night.
But he was too exhausted now, so exhausted that even opening his eyes and breathing felt difficult. Perhaps he was already drunk; what could a drunkard do?
He... he just wanted to lie down and rest.
Unfortunately, when he doesn't want others to approach him, things often don't go as planned.
Seeing the two men's clothes, the village woman was delighted. Carrying a wicker basket, she blocked their way and said breathlessly, "I left this food at the door yesterday, why didn't you take it? I thought you had gone on a long trip, but you didn't answer the door when I knocked."
In these deep mountains, which family still lives?
Li Xunhuan lowered his eyes, struggling to suppress his cough, and said with restraint, "...I've gone on a long trip."
I'm never coming back.
Hearing the cough, Li Erniang quickly put down her wicker basket and said anxiously, "The previous prescription wasn't working well, so the young lady asked the master to find a new one. The medicine is all ready, and I'm really worried. Don't delay the illness, okay?"
As soon as the burlap covering was lifted, a rich aroma of medicine rushed into the nostrils.
Ophiopogon japonicus, loquat leaves, licorice root... the wicker basket was full of neatly stacked medicine packets.
Li Xunhuan remained silent.
After a long silence, Li Erniang subconsciously pursed her lips, glanced at the two of them cautiously, and thought she had said something wrong.
Tie Chuanjia hesitated, unsure how to ask, so he took out some money and said in a hoarse voice, "Thank you for your trouble, ma'am. Here you go. It's getting late, you should head down the mountain soon!"
Li Erniang repeatedly refused, saying, "I already gave it to her! Even if I make two trips, it's just the young girl's filial piety. She always comes to ask what to eat and what to do since she has lung disease."
"Look, there are also a lot of pears, honey, white fungus, and yams; she asked me to buy them..."
"Young Master..."
"Young Master!"
The muffled buzzing stopped abruptly, and a powerful voice, like a pair of strong hands, suddenly pulled Li Xunhuan out of the air-filled earthenware jar.
He curled his hands, his eyelashes trembling slightly, and stammered, "You...you wait at the door, she doesn't like being disturbed by outsiders."
Li Xunhuan lowered his head, as if these words had exhausted all his strength.
He knew, of course, that he had revealed countless flaws along the way. But what could he say?
Tie Chuanjia should only say "yes".
He was indeed a burly man with a thick beard, but he would never mention anything his young master didn't want to talk about.
Li Xunhuan stood frozen in front of the mansion, staring at the courtyard gate. He knew better than anyone that there was no one inside. No one would smile and patiently tell him "I love you," or ask him if he was in pain, if his medicine was bitter, or if the candied fruit was sweet...
He took a couple of breaths and tried several times before finally pushing the door open with trembling hands.
Everything in the courtyard was as usual. The wooden puppet hanging on the plum branch was still swaying in the wind, as if saying to its owner, "You're back."
—Niannian always loved to sit in his lap, shaking her wrist bells as she carved wooden sculptures, and would occasionally look up and ask him, 'Does it look like you?'
But he never answered.
Li Xunhuan gripped the puppet's edges tightly, the veins on the back of his hand almost bursting through his skin.
He was trapped in this mansion like a puppet on strings, and this was the first time he had ever pushed open those doors.
The area behind the door was completely empty, except for broken porcelain, scattered medicine stains, and... countless candied fruits covered in sugar frosting.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he picked up a pill, thinking with difficulty: How could you be so stupid? So what if you loved sweets and hated bitters when you were young? Would you still complain about bitter medicine when you're middle-aged?
He said in a hoarse, mocking voice, "I am Little Li Flying Dagger..."
Why do you treat me like a child?
He stared at the pile of mink gloves in the corner, and somehow his vision blurred so he couldn't see them. He thought to himself: I said you shouldn't wear gloves when you're holding a throwing knife, but why didn't you say that you made so many gloves of different thicknesses?
His eyes stung, and his heart felt crumpled beyond recognition, like a tattered piece of paper stuffed in a pile of medicinal herbs.
The difference was that the note was crookedly and densely written with phrases like "excessive labor, sweating is good, go to bed early, white fungus, pear...", but his heart was empty, with only gaping holes that could never be filled.
Wet water dripped into his lips, and he lowered his head, gritting his teeth as he swallowed the last bit of sweetness she left behind.
The sugar coating on the candied fruit melted into honey on the lips and tongue. With a swallow, the bitterness in the eyes had not yet dissipated before the sweetness was completely consumed.
It turns out he didn't stop liking sweets. It's just that even he himself felt that how could the middle-aged Little Li Flying Dagger crave sweets?
A deep sense of powerlessness washed over him, and he suddenly felt so sore that he couldn't keep his eyes open, wanting nothing more than to sleep. —This coward, he only dares to come back to this place drunk.
He stumbled open the door, not even sparing the bronze mirror a glance, before collapsing onto the bed fully clothed.
His shoulder blade slammed heavily against the bed railing of the canopy bed, his body sinking in. The faint scent of plum mixed with an inescapable sweet and fishy smell enveloped him for a moment.
Li Xunhuan's eyes stung, and he covered his burning eyelids with his palm, unsure whether he was crying or laughing.
He simply closed his eyes and told himself: Twelve years ago, wasn't he also drunk for three days straight, just like now? After waking up, after waking up... it will all be over.
He curled up, clutching his chest, his heart choking with suspicion.
The canopy bed creaked as if it had bumped into something, and suddenly a nursery rhyme came from under the medicine pillow. It was weak and stumbling, mixed with the man's muffled cough, fragmented and mixed. After a few words, it was mixed with the 'tsk tsk' sound of lips and teeth intertwining.
Anyone with basic manners and knowledge would frown upon hearing this and utter a remark that was utterly offensive. Even Li Xunhuan used to turn pale, unwilling and unable to bear to listen any longer.
Yet on this quiet night, he wept until his pillow was soaked.
Just as the cassia seeds in the pillow were about to sprout, Li Xunhuan finally realized, belatedly, that he had long been surrounded by her deep love.
Even earlier than the nursery rhymes my mother used to sing when I was a child, the crooked "go to bed early" notes on paper, and the secrets of the chaotic pharmacy, are the subtle details hidden in those eighteen years. — The subtlety of these moments often lies not in the turmoil at the time, but in the layers of waves that accumulate as they recede.
In her presence, he didn't need to constantly be on edge, to act as a flawless young master from a noble family, or even sit alone in the courtyard gazing at the moon and drinking alone, pondering the meaning of fame and fortune. She would take him to collect miscellaneous books, make friends with wandering knights, and lead him to climb over the wall, raising his voice to ask his parents, "Which is more important, fame and fortune or Li Xunhuan's happiness?"
Family constraints will disintegrate, and his parents and brothers will accompany him as he grows up. He will not need to restrain himself or observe etiquette, nor will he need to fear the suspicion of others.
During those eighteen years, Li Xunhuan was able to live without any burdensome expectations because the little girl was trying her best to protect him and meticulously repair every crack in his body.
But he was blind in heart and eyes, relying on his elders, and used only the words "moral principles" and "age" to erase all of this.
He never wanted to open his eyes to her love—reckless, clumsy, and domineering, yet also delicate, passionate, and unrestrained.
When he opened his eyes, his eyes were filled with tears, he realized that this love had already flowed into every vein of his body, how could he bear to let it go?
In his youth, he hid his love in unspoken words. Love is like the endless plums of summer, a patch of green in the wardrobe, and the softness in one's peripheral vision.
In middle age, love becomes a tormenting instrument, hidden in every restrained gaze, concealed in every groan of bones. The more he tries to distance himself from her, the closer he gets to her.
Every glance, every voice, still carried the echo of his own cowardice and timidity; he dared not listen, dared not look.
Li Xunhuan could never lose Nian Nian.
How could she just leave and never come back?
She's already married to me.
My heart is clenching in waves, like the sour juice squeezed from a plum I loved in my youth, pouring down on the wound in my heart, a mixture of sourness, pain, and astringency.
The rolling waves engulfed him completely. In his imbalance and disorientation, he was pushed forward by fear, and suddenly he no longer wanted to be afraid.
If the price of cowardice is that when he wakes up in the middle of the night, there will never again be a cold little foot stepping on his palm. Even if he drinks countless bowls of strong liquor, no one will grit their teeth and snatch it away. He can drink countless bowls of medicine afterward, but no one will remember to slip him a piece of candied fruit covered in frosting. ...
That misguided love was a once-in-a-lifetime, intense experience. Even though the love curse had been lifted, how could he not tell Nian Nian his feelings and his regrets?
At least—at least tell her that I didn't belittle her love, it's just that I'm a coward.
If he doesn't mention it at all, how can he face the love she once gave him?
He suddenly became anxious, propped himself up, and stumbled as he ran outside.
The world is so vast, and he didn't know where to look for her. But he could no longer hesitate. The past would fade with each passing day and night, the wrinkles around his eyes would deepen, and time would not stand still for him to waver.
Amidst the buzzing in his ears, all he could think about was: Faster, faster.
His moon-white robes crashed against the courtyard gate. He anxiously raised his head, but before he could utter a word, his gaze suddenly froze on an invitation card that abruptly came into view.
Li Xunhuan shouldn't have lingered, but there just happened to be a sparrow feather tucked into the invitation.
Tie Chuanjia frowned and said in a hoarse voice, "I don't know how this invitation got stuck in the crack of the door, and it's for the young master. Hiding your head and tail is not the behavior of a gentleman, I'm afraid the visitor has ill intentions."
Li Xunhuan took the invitation, glanced at the paper, and without thinking, said in a hoarse voice, "Don't delay, go and prepare the birthday gifts immediately."
Let alone a Feast at Hongmen, even if it meant facing mountains of knives and seas of fire, he would still go to keep the appointment.
-----------------------
Author's note: Finally, finally, it's time to win back my wife...
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
