Your hair is messy (final chapter)
Naoki travels to a parallel universe where Kotoko doesn't love him. (2013 Japanese TV series)
47
Unlike Irie, Kotoko never had any hope for her love life. Breaking up was an inevitable outcome, but she never expected that the person who would put the final stop to it would be her.
After becoming the "Legend of Dounan", Kotoko was once the target of everyone's envy and jealousy, but she never became arrogant because she expected that one day she would be dumped by Irie. She attracted so much attention because of Irie, and she was destined to fall from the altar because of Irie. She yearned for such a mediocre and realistic ending.
However, Irie did not follow the route that Kotoko had specially planned for him. His obsession was so deep that he was obsessed. After losing control again and again, Kotoko had to take the stage and carry out her reputation as the "Legend of Dounan" to the end. After inexplicably gaining the favor of the God of Love, Kotoko prepared to end the relationship and move towards a new life without Naoki Irie.
"I have seriously considered what Irie-kun said about me. You are right. I wanted to satisfy my own selfish desires while also wanting to be seen as a good person by everyone. So, under the guise of doing things for your own good, I caused you so much pain. Please forgive me for realizing it so late. It wasn't until today that I realized the root of our pain was my cowardice in muddling along."
"Although I don't know why Irie-kun likes me, it was under everyone's instigation that I decided to accept him. You have an understanding mother and a gentle and capable father, and you have the happy family I long for. You are also willing to love and treat me well without any reason. My father likes you, and my friends support you. They all say that you are an excellent person. So, I had a false impression that liking you was not difficult at all, and that I should not refuse such a good thing. If we were together, we would all be happy."
"Anyway, Sano's gone."
Irie's breath was caught in his throat. What was even more unbelievable to Irie than Kotoko's initiative to break up was that she could mention Sano so easily and directly. Kotoko couldn't get Sano, so after weighing the pros and cons, she accepted Irie as a second best option, and she even dared to say it out loud, as if her mental infidelity was a matter of course.
Irie's rationality instantly disappeared. He wanted to have a calm conversation with Kotoko, but he couldn't. He even felt that driving him crazy was one of Kotoko's goals. She hated him so much.
"Kotoko, I'm curious, what kind of mentality do you have to be able to talk to me about Sano so nonchalantly? You've been playing tricks on me for so many years, do you really not feel any guilt at all?"
"I wasn't trying to play tricks on you, Irie-kun."
Before coming, Kotoko had simulated countless scenarios of confrontation between her and Irie in her mind. She had almost guessed what Irie would say, which was pretty much the same as what Renko accused her of. Kotoko knew that what she had just said, including what she was going to say next, would definitely hurt Irie badly. In fact, she was not having an easy time either, but she and Irie had made the wrong choice together in the past, so this was the price they had to bear now.
Why had she and Irie wasted nearly a decade of their lives? It was because they were both too indecisive. She knew clearly that she and Irie weren't right for each other, but she didn't want to be the bad guy, didn't want to hurt Irie. She could only hope that one day Irie would discover the problem herself, or that smart people like Yuuki and Funatsu would remind her. With their constant persuasion, Irie would surely come to her senses.
But it turns out that people can't be persuaded, they can only be awakened by pain. In order to end this endless nightmare and let everyone be relieved, Kotoko is willing to play the villain in the story. She decides to personally kill Irie, the man who loves her. Only then will Irie be reborn and realize that Kotoko doesn't actually need his love and is not worthy of his love.
"When I first started dating Irie-kun, I really tried hard to forget Sano. I didn't want to let you down, nor did I want to be trapped by him. We argued a lot later, but we also had happy moments. I thought I had a crush on you, even if it was just a fleeting moment. It made me believe I could successfully move on from the past."
"Until the day of my hat-wearing ceremony, when everyone had left and I was left alone in the auditorium, I saw you walk in from the door. Your figure was very similar to Sano. I thought I had fallen asleep and saw Sano in my dream, but in fact, what I saw was my own heart. I suddenly realized that it was impossible for me to let go of Sano, impossible to abandon him, and truly look forward to it."
Kotoko had imagined more than once that if she and Sano were destined to be together, if God gave her another chance, they would definitely meet again one day in the future. When that time came, she would walk up to him, and Sano would recognize her, smile at her, and say, "Aihara-san, long time no see."
When that day comes, nothing can stop her from going to Sano.
Kotoko doesn't necessarily want to be Sano's girlfriend or wife. She hopes that Sano can grow old with the woman he loves, even if it has nothing to do with her, as long as he is happy. She just wants to watch him from afar, put him in a corner of her life, occasionally be illuminated by his light, and know that he will always be the beautiful and gentle boy in her memory. That's enough.
But Sano never showed up. He returned to his hometown, took root in Hokkaido, and never came to Tokyo again.
Kotoko's expectations were dashed year after year, so she thought, since Sano wouldn't come back, she would go instead.
The person who once extended a helping hand to her under the scorching sun must be able to save her from the life she doesn't like.
Even if the above wishes cannot be realized, it would be good to see him again in my lifetime.
She misses him very much.
Then, in the empty room, Kotoko said to herself the words she had used to advise others: "Kotoko, you must be brave."
Kotoko confessing her feelings for Sano to Irie wasn't a wise move. After all, Irie had long ago mocked her, saying she was just an insignificant person in Sano's life, not even a friend, and that she could be forgotten the moment she turned around. So what if she loved Sano, no matter how passionately? Sano didn't know, and even if he knew, he wouldn't care.
"Irie-kun, you can laugh at my arrogance, because I used to think the same way. Sano probably wouldn't like me, and you inexplicably love me deeply, so being with you is the best thing for me. I could just be numb, marry you, who knows nothing about you, start a new family, and spend the rest of my life together in confusion. That should be a good life for me, right?"
"But I can't do this to you. You asked me if I felt guilty about you. You always got angry because I pushed you to other people, but I pushed you away because I couldn't bear the condemnation of my conscience. Of course I feel guilty about you! You are so good, Matsumoto is also good, Oizumi Sahoko and Rika, they are all better than me, at least they love you more than I do. You have many choices, you can definitely find a wife who cares about you and loves you."
"I'm afraid everyone around us is wondering why we've become like this. I've also been wondering, when did I start to hurt you so recklessly? I cared about you so much before, Irie-kun. You're like the brother I never had, like my uncle and aunt, a family member I want to cherish. I miss those days so much. I want to go back to that time with you."
"Miss Sahoko once asked me what I was worried about and why I hadn't accepted your feelings. I told her I thought what you truly loved was the illusion in your heart. I was afraid the real me wasn't as good as you imagined. But if I truly loved you, I would be willing to change for you, just like you learned to bow down and compromise for me. But I don't love you."
"I'm sorry, Irie-kun. I've never loved you."
Zhishu looked at her with an incredible look. What he saw was not Kotoko, but the evil spirit that appeared in his dream. It still refused to let him go, so it crawled out of the dream and into reality.
"Who are you?"
Kotoko was confused: "Me? Irie-kun, I'm Kotoko."
Irie shook her head. "I thought God gave me a chance to start over so that I could avoid all the difficulties and be together better. I thought that without the company's crisis and without Oizumi Sahoko, our obstacles would no longer exist. But the biggest obstacle is actually you. You are not Kotoko at all."
Irie seemed to have grasped a lifeline. As if waking from a dream, he repeatedly emphasized, "You are not Kotoko. Kotoko is not here..."
Ignoring Kotoko's surprised look, Irie turned and ran. He had stayed here for too long and now he had to go back. He wanted to return to another time and space to find his Kotoko.
Irie ran for a long time. He hadn't eaten properly in the past few days because he was busy thinking about how to deal with his relationship with Kotoko. He also didn't sleep much, but he didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Hunger and fatigue were forcibly suppressed by endless desire. He just kept running forward. As long as he could reach the destination he was pursuing, it didn't matter if he used flesh and blood as fuel and disappeared in the wind.
In the end, Irie returned to the intersection where he had traveled through time.
In countless days and nights in the past, he would pass by here. Like Kotoko, he had been holding on to hope for the same reason for the past ten years. Kotoko hoped to reunite with Sano, and he hoped that the familiar dizziness would come again, so as to lead him through the wall of time again and return to the past that he could never go back to.
But nothing happened, just like no matter how hard he tried, Kotoko couldn't fall in love with him.
The evil spirit in the dream mocked him for ending up in this situation, saying that he deserved it. Irie did not deny that he did not do well enough, which was why he was teased by fate and came here.
He wanted to change, but just like everyone has different abilities to accept and comprehend knowledge, it took Irie many years to teach Kotoko to learn in the right way, and he also had his clumsiness, so it would take a lot of time to complete the emotional transformation, but Kotoko was unwilling and had no obligation to give him time.
Is he really going to lose Kotoko?
Is he really so unforgivable?
Irie was frantically searching for the wall of time at the intersection. The sky was getting darker and darker, and he gradually felt dizzy, but that was not the dizziness caused by time travel, but a sign of physical exhaustion. Reason told Irie that he needed to calm down, eat and sleep, but when he stopped, the world was still spinning around him, and he could no longer distinguish between reality and dreams.
Irie closed his eyes and felt as if he had fallen heavily to the ground. He didn't feel any pain because his consciousness was taken away in an instant. He finally calmed down.
The intersection was empty, with no pedestrians or vehicles, and it was as quiet as an isolated island.
So no one noticed that Irie's body became like a colorful bubble. He became thinner and thinner, and more and more transparent. A gust of wind blew, and the rolled-up sand swept past his side, and the bubble shattered in the air.
Irie disappeared.
At an unknown intersection, another Irie who was also in a coma appeared. He was wearing the uniform of Dounan High School and looked like a student. He was just waking up from a long sleep.
High school student Irie had a splitting headache because his mind was filled with too many strange memories. He clearly remembered that on his way home from school, he passed by a mirror. In the mirror, he saw that he had turned into transparent foam, and then... he fell asleep?
When he woke up, Irie was still wearing his high school uniform, but in his memory, he had graduated from university, became a doctor, and fell in love with a girl from Class F named Kotoko Aihara. He had such a good memory that he even remembered all the knowledge points in every medical book he had read, and naturally he also remembered all the unreasonable actions he had done to win back Kotoko's heart.
This feeling was very strange, because although he remembered his past, he did not understand his feelings at the time at all. It was like he was watching someone else's story. He felt that the "Irie" in his memory was not him, but someone else who was exactly like him.
High school student Rujiang walked towards home with unsteady steps. He passed by the mirror again. He stopped and looked at himself. This time he did not turn into bubbles.
The evening breeze blew, everything returned to its place, and everything was over.
END
It seems that many people don’t know what mental infidelity means. They think that it is just missing the white moonlight occasionally, and their hearts will be moved for a while before returning to the normal track.
But true infidelity cannot be brought back on track, just like physical infidelity. During the trial phase, you can still stop yourself, but once you have done it, there is no going back.
A complete deviation of thoughts will definitely affect words and deeds. You will involuntarily use words and actions to convey to your partner the signal that "I love others, not you", which will frequently cause mental harm.
B Qin is just like this. She never intentionally hurt Irie. The words and actions that drove Irie crazy were all unintentional acts caused by her mental infidelity.
B-qin came to collect debts for A-qin. Irie helped her advance in her career, and she helped Irie complete her emotional transformation, so it is understandable.
But don’t underestimate the destructive power of mental infidelity because of the special case of B Qin. It cannot be forgiven even if you have not done anything, because if you have always wanted to do something, you will definitely do it. It is just a matter of time, and there will be a big bomb afterwards.
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Unbelievable! An update at this time! And it’s the finale!
I will update the extra chapters this Friday. I plan to write two extra chapters, one is the sequel to world A, and the other is the sequel to world B. A will be released this week and B will be released next week. It’s perfect!
Every time I finish an article, I really want to praise myself. I must fill in the gaps where I have left them, and I am so happy to see the quality of the gaps!
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