Ever since Emperor Xiao Che successfully "dissuaded" Wang Taifu, the tutor of three emperors, with his "unprecedented" Buddhist-style curriculum, the early education of "Tuanzi" (the prince) officially entered the "happy childhood" mode personally handled by the emperor and empress.
Every day, Kunning Palace and the Imperial Garden became the young prince's biggest playground. He would play in the mud with his father in the morning and accompany his mother to see flowers and birds in the afternoon. He lived a carefree and happy life.
As "Tuanzi" grows up day by day, the little guy begins to babble and try to explore this new world in his own language.
When the first indistinct "Ah!" escaped his lips, the entire Kunning Palace erupted in commotion. For the Emperor and Empress, this meant that a brand new, silent, yet crucial "war" had officially begun.
The core of this war is only one thing—who can be the first person that "Tuanzi" can clearly call out in her life?
Is it "Father" or "Mother"?
In Xiao Che and Lin Wanwan's view, the importance of this issue even surpassed that of military intelligence at the border and tax revenue in the national treasury.
The war was started by Emperor Xiao Che.
He fully utilized his dual status as emperor and father to launch an authoritative education that could be described as "brainwashing".
Inside the Imperial Study, half of the dragon desk, which was originally used to review memorials, was now occupied by a little "dumpling" that was babbling and crawling around everywhere.
When handling state affairs, Xiao Che no longer focused as intently as before. Instead, he would occasionally stop writing with his vermilion brush, point to his nose with a serious expression, and give the little thing that was still drooling while gnawing on the jade seal tassel its daily "royal lesson".
“Look here,” he said in a deep voice, loud and full of imperial majesty, “Xiao Mu’an, look at me.”
The little "dumpling" raised its head, blinked its big, clear, bright eyes that looked just like Lin Wanwan's, and stared at him blankly.
Xiao Che cleared his throat and said, slowly and clearly, word by word, "Call me—Father—Emperor."
"Huh?" "Tuanzi" exhaled a bubble.
“No, it’s not ‘ya’,” Xiao Che corrected, his brows furrowing slightly. “It’s ‘Father-Emperor.’ Repeat after me, Father-Emperor.”
"Oh……"
"Wrong!" Xiao Che's expression grew even more serious. He even picked up the paperweight on the table and tapped it lightly, speaking in a tone as if he were reprimanding a minister during court, "Pronunciation must be accurate! Lip shape must be correct! Do it again, Father!"
As he spoke, he even opened his mouth and made an exaggerated mouth gesture as a demonstration.
The eunuch in charge of the imperial seal twitched at the sight, feeling that the emperor who was glaring at a baby was completely different from the majestic monarch in the Golden Palace.
In the end, Xiao Che even resorted to his "trump card." He would pick up "Tuanzi," point to the dragon robe he was wearing, and say in a seductive tone, "Call me Father! Call me Father, and this dragon robe... will be yours in the future!"
However, this kind of "pie-in-the-sky" teaching is obviously unappealing to an infant who is only concerned with whether he can get one more bite of the jade seal tassel right now.
Faced with Xiao Che's "authoritative offensive," Lin Wanwan adopted a completely different "gentle and appeasing" strategy.
Her only weapon is food.
On the lawn of the Imperial Garden, Lin Wanwan spread out a soft blanket, and "Tuanzi" was happily rolling around on it.
Lin Wanwan sat to the side, holding a small, freshly baked teething biscuit that smelled wonderfully of milk. She had shaped the biscuit into an adorable star, making it look incredibly tempting.
She held the small cookie in her hand and waved it in front of "Tuanzi's" eyes, successfully attracting the little guy's full attention.
The little dumpling's eyes lit up instantly. It stopped rolling around and crawled towards the fragrant little star on all fours, making longing "ah ah" sounds.
Lin Wanwan smiled and held the cookie up a little higher, coaxing it in a voice gentler than a spring breeze and sweeter than honey:
"Baby, be good, do you want it?"
"Ah! Ah!" "Tuanzi" stretched out her chubby little hands, extremely anxious.
"If you want it, just repeat after your mother," Lin Wanwan's voice was full of seduction, "Call me—Mother."
She pronounced "mother" in such a soft and sweet voice, as if it were the sweetest word in the world.
"Call me Mommy, and if you call me Mommy, you'll get some delicious little stars!" She shook the cookies in her hand, and the aroma wafted into Tuanzi's nose again.
"Mmm...mmm..." Under the immense temptation of the delicious food, "Dumpling" seemed to be trying really hard to imitate, uttering indistinct syllables.
Lin Wanwan was overjoyed, feeling that victory was in sight, and was preparing to press on.
Just then, a cold voice, thick with jealousy, came from not far away.
"The Empress seems to have plenty of free time."
Emperor Xiao Che, having finished his official duties sometime earlier, stood not far away with a dark expression. He looked at the small cookie, the "cheating tool," in Lin Wanwan's hand, then at his son, who was about to "rebel" for a bite to eat, his eyes filled with accusation.
A war without gunpowder was thus fully ignited in the Imperial Garden.
"Is Your Majesty questioning my teaching methods?" Lin Wanwan raised an eyebrow.
"I simply believe that the education of the Crown Prince should prioritize 'filial piety' rather than using 'food' as a lure," Xiao Che said righteously.
"Oh? Then I wonder what results His Majesty's 'Imperial Edict' teaching method has achieved?" Lin Wanwan retorted with a smile, hitting Xiao Che's sore spot with just one sentence.
Thus, the two most honorable emperors and empresses of the Great Liang Dynasty engaged in an extremely childish battle of wits in the Imperial Garden over who should be called first by a babbling baby.
Seeing that he couldn't win an argument with Lin Wanwan, Xiao Che simply started to use his "privileges".
With a wave of his hand, he issued an absurd decree: From this day forward, no one shall mention words such as "mother," "mother," or "empress dowager" in the presence of His Highness the Crown Prince. Anyone who violates this decree shall be punished by copying the Classic of Filial Piety one hundred times!
Upon receiving this order, the entire Kunning Palace was plunged into an eerie atmosphere.
The palace maids became extremely careful when taking care of "Tuanzi," afraid that they might accidentally let something slip.
"Your Highness, it's...it's time for your meal. It's...it's the milk that's been prepared by the Emperor's side."
"Your Highness, it's time to change your diaper. This is... this is a new dress that the Empress made for you."
They racked their brains trying to use all sorts of awkward alternatives, each one suffering terribly.
Xiao Che was extremely satisfied with this. He felt that after eliminating the biggest obstacle, "Mother," his "Father Emperor" teaching method would surely achieve final victory.
He even proudly held "Tuanzi" and showed off in front of him: "Look, now everyone only mentions Father Emperor. You should know who is the most important, right? Come on, call out to me."
"Oh dear!" "Tuanzi" responded with a bright, silly grin.
This absurd "language blockade" finally ended with Xiao Che's slinking away after Lin Wanwan refused to let the emperor into her bedchamber for three consecutive days, citing "illness."
Ultimately, this protracted "battle" escalated into a fierce "talent war."
On this day, the emperor and empress argued about this issue again.
Xiao Che placed the imperial seal, representing imperial power, in front of "Tuanzi" and said authoritatively, "Xiao Mu'an, call me Father! The entire country is yours!"
Lin Wanwan then brought over a plate of freshly made pastries that exuded an enticing fruity aroma, and said softly, "Baby, call me Mommy. These pastries are even tastier than the Imperial Seal."
The little "dumpling" was sandwiched between the two of them, looking at the cold jade seal on the left and the fragrant snacks on the right. His little head seemed to be caught in an unprecedented dilemma.
"Call me Father!" Xiao Che became anxious when he saw his son hesitate.
“Call me Mother!” Lin Wanwan retorted defiantly.
The two of them were talking back and forth, almost starting to argue.
The "dumpling" being fought over by them looked at this one and then at that one, seemingly annoyed by their childish argument.
He no longer looked at the cold jade seal, nor at the tempting pastries.
He stretched out his two chubby little hands, one pointing to the imperial seal and the other to the pastries. Under the expectant and nervous gazes of the Emperor and Empress, he suddenly uttered his first word, clearly and powerfully:
"eat!"
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