When the words "I'm stuffed" came from the mouth of the Emperor, spoken with a tone as sorrowful as if announcing the fall of the nation, Zhang Zhongmin, the head of the Imperial Medical Academy, almost fainted on the spot.
You ate...you're stuffed?!
He stared blankly at the emperor before him, whose face was solemn and who looked as if facing a formidable enemy, and then at the empress on the bed who looked innocent and was still holding half a sour plum in her hand. He felt that his brain was not working properly.
At midnight cockcrow, the entire hospital is mobilized; disobedience will result in immediate execution…
Along the way, they lost their shoes, knocked their hats askew, and almost broke their legs, each thinking they were about to face mountains of corpses, seas of blood, and palace upheavals.
result……
Just because... Her Majesty the Empress ate too much?!
A tremendous, utterly absurd feeling instantly swept over Zhang Zhongmin's weathered heart. Throughout his life as a doctor, he had treated countless difficult and complicated diseases, but he had never imagined that one day he would face such a... earth-shattering "illness".
However, he dared not be negligent.
Seeing Xiao Che's terrifying expression that said, "If you can't cure him, you'll all come back with your heads," Zhang Zhongmin knew that tonight, this seemingly absurd little matter had been elevated by His Majesty to a political level concerning the very foundation of the nation.
If they can't cure "overeating," the entire Imperial Hospital staff might really have to die in the line of duty.
"Ahem!" The old abbot forcibly suppressed the myriad of thoughts swirling in his mind, and his face immediately adopted an unprecedented solemnity and professionalism.
He sternly shouted at the group of imperial physicians behind him who were also frozen in shock, "What are you all standing there for! Didn't you hear His Majesty's decree? Her Majesty the Empress is unwell. Why don't you all step forward immediately to examine her!"
He deliberately emphasized the words "Phoenix is unwell," and frantically winked at his colleagues.
The imperial physicians were all astute and instantly grasped the chief physician's profound meaning. One by one, they immediately dropped their bewildered expressions and adopted a serious demeanor, as if they were about to face not a simple case of "indigestion," but a century-old problem that could overturn the entire medical community.
Thus, a "consultation" specifically targeting the problem of "food stagnation"—the highest-level, most comprehensive, and most intense "expert consultation" since the founding of the Great Liang Dynasty—was launched in this strange atmosphere.
Led by Zhang Zhongmin, the five most experienced and highest-ranking medical experts in the Imperial Medical Academy formed a "core expert group".
The first step: Look!
Five elderly doctors stood in a row, about three feet away from the bed, each squinting as they carefully examined Lin Wanwan, from her complexion and tongue coating to her eyes.
"Hmm... Although Her Majesty's complexion appears slightly tired, her spirit is clear and her complexion is radiant, so she doesn't seem to be in any serious condition," a royal physician said thoughtfully, stroking his beard.
The second step is to smell it!
This step was a bit difficult, but it didn't stump them. The old doctors exchanged glances, pretended to go forward to tidy up Lin Wanwan's blankets, and then subtly sniffed the air.
"The breath is calm and there is no foul smell... but... there is a faint sour and spicy taste?" another imperial physician whispered to each other.
The third step is to ask!
This step was personally overseen by Zhang Zhongmin.
He began questioning Lin Wanwan with the meticulousness and rigor of someone interrogating a serious criminal.
"Your Majesty, may I ask what you had for dinner? How many bowls did you eat?"
"...A bowl of sour soup with beef noodles...and then...another half bowl was added." Lin Wanwan looked at the scene before her, suppressing a laugh, and answered honestly.
"What cut of beef is used? How well-done? What kind of vinegar is used in the sour soup? What kind of pepper is used for the spiciness?"
"Is the rice noodle made from fresh or old rice? How many side dishes are there?"
...
A series of incredibly detailed questions were posed by the old doctors. They even had a small but heated academic discussion on the topic of whether hot and sour noodles were too spicy and oily to be digested by the spleen and stomach.
Lin Wanwan listened in stunned silence, feeling as if she hadn't just eaten too much, but had instead swallowed evidence of a shocking crime.
Xiao Che stood nervously to the side the whole time, like an anxious family member. His gaze swept back and forth between the imperial physicians and Lin Wanwan, not missing a single detail.
The emoji above his head was a stark reminder of his inner turmoil.
A moment later, a chibi-style character was stamping his feet in frustration, with the words "[What's going on?! I'm so anxious! .gif]" appearing above his head.
A moment later, the scene shifted to him with his arms crossed, looking at the group of imperial physicians who were having a heated discussion with a suspicious expression, a line of sarcasm floating above his head: [A bunch of quacks! Does it really take this long to discuss a bowl of noodles?! .gif]
Finally, after a comprehensive consultation that lasted for an hour and included observation, auscultation, inquiry, and palpation, academic discussions, and even the "remains" of that bowl of hot and sour noodles being summoned as "evidence,"
The core expert group has finally reached a preliminary conclusion.
"Your Majesty..."
Zhang Zhongmin, trembling, knelt down before Xiao Che once more.
Behind him, a large group of imperial physicians knelt down.
The air in the entire bedchamber froze at freezing point once again.
Lin Wanwan secretly glanced at Xiao Che and saw that he was so nervous that his fists were clenched tightly.
She found it amusing, cleared her throat, and prepared to end this farce herself.
However, the old abbot's next words made her swallow back the words that were on the tip of her tongue.
The old physician, his face grave and voice hoarse, said, "Your humble servant... Your humble servant and we are utterly incompetent! After repeated consultations, we have finally... finally reached a diagnosis..."
He deliberately dragged out his words, building suspense until he sensed the emperor's patience was about to run out, then suddenly kowtowed to the ground, and in a tragic tone as if he had made a tremendous decision, loudly reported:
"Your Majesty... Her Majesty the Empress is in good health, and the pregnancy is stable... There is no sign of poisoning or premature birth..."
He paused, took a deep breath, as if he were about to say something earth-shattering.
"only……"
"It's just that dinner...we did eat a bit too much."
After saying that, he buried his head deep in the ground, looking as if he was ready to accept whatever fate befall him.
Inside the bedchamber, there was a deathly silence.
Xiao Che was stunned.
He looked at the imperial physicians kneeling on the ground, as if they had just fought a fierce battle, and then at the old imperial physician's sorrowful face, which was filled with the words "final judgment." His mind went blank once again.
That's it?
You've been making a racket for a whole hour, almost scaring me half to death, and the final conclusion you came to is... that I ate too much?
A tremendous sense of absurdity, as if he had been tricked, instantly overwhelmed him.
However, before he could react, the old doctor seemed to think the stimulation wasn't strong enough, and tremblingly pulled out a pre-written prescription from his pocket and held it high above his head.
"Your Majesty, I humbly offer a prescription for Your Highness to aid digestion. I humbly request Your Majesty's approval."
Wang Dequan quickly presented the prescription.
Xiao Che, his face dark, snatched it away.
On that precious sheet of Xuan paper, four large characters were written in a flowing, elegant style.
"Your Majesty...eat less."
"puff--"
This time, Lin Wanwan couldn't hold back any longer. Looking at the utterly absurd scene before her, watching Xiao Che's handsome face go from tense to astonished, then from astonished to ashen, and finally turning a deep purplish-red, she almost spat out her plum juice. She laughed so hard she collapsed onto the soft pillow, her shoulders shaking violently, tears streaming down her face.
Xiao Che stood frozen in place, clutching the thin yet incredibly heavy "prescription" in his hand.
He listened to the Empress's undisguised, almost breathless laughter behind him, and looked at the imperial physicians kneeling in front of him, their heads buried in the ground as if they wanted to disappear into the earth...
At that moment, this supreme ruler, the iron-fisted emperor of the Great Liang Empire, for the first time truly understood what it meant to be—
Social death.
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