stagnation
Zhou Ji'an couldn't be sure whether Deng Yi truly cared about her love for him or not.
She couldn't rashly confess her love to him, because if she did, she might lose everything she had at that moment.
Deng Yi might have intentionally gotten the answer that she didn't love him, in order to prevent her from having illusions about their relationship and him after they officially became intimate.
"Yes." Zhou Ji'an answered against her will, her heart feeling as if it were being ripped apart. She forced a smile. "You asked me to have a fake marriage with you, isn't it just because I don't love you and you don't have to take responsibility?"
Zhou Ji'an wanted to laugh at herself. Back then, she actually thought that the misunderstanding between her and Deng Yi had been cleared up and that they could become a normal couple. She forgot that the real obstacle between them was never some trivial misunderstanding.
They weren't a real couple, and she needed to remember that at all times.
"So your reason for breaking up back then wasn't fake?" Deng Yi asked somewhat stiffly.
Zhou Ji'an's cheeks felt as if they had been soaked in the juice of thousands of lemons, so sour that he couldn't open his mouth to answer Deng Yi's question.
The person in front of her was the best person she had ever met in her life. After she met him, she thought about him while eating, sleeping, and exercising. She was thinking about him almost all the time.
But after they reunited, she couldn't tell him how much she loved him, because after seeing her again, he only wanted to use her to get a marriage without any constraints.
During the few days they spent together, he was indeed extremely kind to her, but his kindness had an ulterior motive.
“I…” Zhou Ji’an began with difficulty.
The cell phone rang in the quiet space, its shrill and piercing sound interrupting Zhou Ji'an's struggle and self-pity.
Deng Yi waited a few seconds, but seeing that she was staring at his phone on the desk, he suddenly lost patience and let go of her hand, leaving the sofa.
Zhou Ji'an felt a sudden lightness in his left hand and left leg, as if a cool breeze had taken something away. A sense of bewilderment arose in his heart. He looked up at Deng Yi, who was answering the phone with a stern face.
"What's wrong?" Deng Yi asked.
"Meng Ke broke his right leg in a motocross accident and will be bedridden for a long time, so he won't be able to participate in the variety show we booked before," Meng Ke's agent said anxiously.
"How did you negotiate with the production team?" Deng Yi frowned, took out his phone, and looked through Meng Ke's WeChat Moments, where he saw a selfie of the man lying in a hospital bed.
Agent: "The production team's idea is to have someone from our company fill in the gap."
Deng Yi: "We'll see who has the right schedule to fill in. Meng Ke's reputation will suffer again. His contract expires in January, and the company will not renew it."
The agent already knew that the company was not satisfied with Meng Ke's behavior and was certain that the company would not renew Meng Ke's contract, so he was only thinking about how to say the most important thing: "The production team specifically wants you to make up for it."
Deng Yi glanced at Zhou Ji'an, who had already put on his headphones and was engrossed in studying, and his heart sank little by little.
The agent added, "The main problem is that the schedules of other artists don't fit, and the recording is scheduled for the day after tomorrow. Otherwise, I would have recommended other people to the production team."
Deng Yi: "Send me the recording details."
Meng Ke's agent was surprised that this director and boss, who hadn't acted or participated in variety shows for many years, agreed so readily and immediately said happily, "I'll send it to you right away."
To develop his language sense, Zhou Ji'an watched German variety shows, but there weren't many interesting ones, so he ended up watching drama-filled romance shows over and over again.
The individual interviews she received on the show always made her so embarrassed that her fingers curled up.
She stole a glance at Deng Yi, who was sitting at his desk, his back straight and his face serious.
I don't know what kind of call I received.
Time seemed to slow down considerably, and an inexplicable awkwardness filled the entire study between the two.
In moments when he completely lost his senses, Zhou Ji'an always wanted to lay bare his years of longing and regret for Deng Yi to see, hoping that Deng Yi would be moved and tell him that he actually wanted to marry her.
Such moments are rare, so she has not yet fallen into a state of sorrow.
When you're in pain, learning is the best medicine.
Zhou Ji'an moved his stiff legs, shifted to a more comfortable position, and forced himself to focus and concentrate, hoping to actually grasp something.
The alarm clock rang as Zhou Ji'an stole a glance at Deng Yi, who was probably reading the script.
They were each doing their own thing in their respective places, without disturbing each other, or perhaps their relationship wasn't close enough for them to bother each other.
Zhou Ji'an stood up, holding his tablet, and tried to say, "I'm going to get ready for bed."
Deng Yi looked up at her and politely replied, "Okay."
He simply replied with a "okay," and immediately immersed himself in the white paper printed with the script.
Lost, it crawled towards Zhou Ji'an's limbs and bones.
She thought they would definitely do it today, and that after they did, their relationship would become closer.
As it turned out, they didn't mean it that way at all.
After washing up, Zhou Ji'an lay down under the fluffy down comforter, stared at the ceiling for a while, and when he reached out to turn off the light, Deng Yi came in. So he left the light on and closed his eyes tightly to block out the light.
Deng Yi lay down on the bed, Zhou Ji'an huddled up, and the lights went out.
Their breathing was so light that it was as if no one was in the bedroom.
Zhou Ji'an moved his hand, but did not touch Deng Yi on the other side of the bed, and another chasm grew between them.
The next day, Zhou Ji'an woke up to find the other side of the bed empty, just like the previous morning.
Today is a copy of yesterday, and tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and every day thereafter, may be a copy of yesterday.
Two Western-style breakfasts were already laid out on the table: whole wheat bread topped with salmon, avocado, and eggs, and a bowl of yogurt containing berries and nuts.
Zhou Ji'an couldn't eat salmon and avocado; the taste and texture of both foods made her feel uncomfortable.
After failing to enjoy these two foods on her first try, she doubted her own culinary skills and felt heartbroken about the money she had to throw away. To console herself, she made a small pendant with Deng Yi's name on it using an avocado pit.
When Zhou Ji'an and Deng Yi met and started dating, salmon and avocados weren't as popular as they are now. If these two foods had been as popular back then, Deng Yi probably would have taken her to eat them long ago.
"Is it to your liking? If not, ask Aunt Zhu to make something else," Deng Yi said as he came downstairs.
"Yes." Zhou Ji'an smiled, sat down in his dining chair, and ate his yogurt with a small spoon.
Deng Yi sat down opposite her.
Zhou Ji'an picked up the bread slices with avocado and salmon on them and took a bite with a death wish.
A few seconds later, she slowed down her chewing and carefully savored the taste of salmon and avocado with her tongue.
How can it not taste bad at all? It's even kind of delicious?
Is it because I'm getting older and my tastes have changed?
No way! Zhou Ji'an tried pears again not long ago, but he still didn't like them.
Finally, after much thought, Zhou Ji'an came up with a possible answer: the salmon and avocado she bought were probably of poor quality.
"Is it good?" Deng Yi asked. "Would you like to try something else?"
His tone and expression were very natural, as if he could act as if nothing had happened in the next second, lower his head and kiss her, shattering her rationality.
The phrase "able to control one's emotions and actions" seems tailor-made for Deng Yi.
"No need." Zhou Ji'an shook his head and took another bite of avocado.
Deng Yi looked at her and nodded.
After that, the atmosphere at the table became somewhat quiet. Fortunately, the breakfast was not large, so Zhou Ji'an did not feel unwell for too long.
After the meal, the two didn't say much. Zhou Ji'an said, "I'm going to work," and left without waiting for Deng Yi's response.
She was afraid she wouldn't get a response from Deng Yi.
The WeChat app on the computer prompted Zhou Ji'an to scan a QR code to log in again. Only then did Zhou Ji'an remember that his phone was still in the bedroom. He hurriedly ran back to the bedroom, passed through the walk-in closet door, and saw Deng Yi packing his luggage. He subconsciously asked, "Are you going on a business trip?"
Deng Yi folded his down jacket and replied casually, "Mm."
You can't ask any more questions.
After getting his phone, Zhou Ji'an stopped at the door of the dressing room, looking at Deng Yi who hadn't offered any information about where he was going on the business trip, how long it would last, or when he would return. The unease and worry that had surfaced yesterday evening were rapidly escalating.
Although Zhou Ji'an didn't know how long they would be separated this time, she felt it was different from the separation after the wedding.
He said he was going on a business trip, but could it actually mean he can no longer live with her?
After trying to spend these few days with her, does he still find it unbearable?
Will they be separated next?
These past few days, the desires and hopes stirred up by Deng Yi have been nagging at Zhou Ji'an's reason. She asked anxiously, "Will it be a long trip? Are we leaving now?"
Deng Yi's hands remained busy, his eyes focused solely on the task at hand. "Hmm, the plane at one o'clock."
Zhou Ji'an glanced at his phone.
It's almost nine o'clock.
He still hadn't told her how long they were going to be gone.
Does she have to walk for several more years, until she reaches a place she can no longer reach?
Zhou Ji'an's nearly broken heart beat unwillingly, and he shamelessly asked again, "How long does it take to get from your home to the airport?"
Deng Yi sighed almost imperceptibly and packed more items into his suitcase. "It took more than forty minutes."
"Should we do it?" Zhou Ji'an's heart seemed to have an amplifier installed, pounding so loudly that she almost had tinnitus.
Deng Yi's back stiffened noticeably.
He didn't directly answer her yes or no, but simply stood up and stared at her intently, trying to see through her intentions.
"I've never done this before, but I want to give it a try." Zhou Ji'an said, swallowing nervously as the tingling sensation in his fingertips lingered.
Deng Yi's eyes were as black as ink and as deep as a pool.
Zhou Ji'an, utterly humiliated by his gaze, lost all courage. His lips twitched. "I was just asking..."
“You don’t want to do it with me.” Deng Yi stated the fact casually, then turned around to squat down and continue tidying his clothes.
Thinking back to the inner turmoil and thoughts he had on the day he first arrived here, Zhou Ji'an was speechless. After a few seconds of silence, he wanted to claim that his behavior had affected her, but he was afraid that it would not only be futile but also increase his humiliation, so he lifted his foot and walked out of the bedroom.
Deng Yi's deep, powerful voice rang out from behind.
"You can do it with someone you don't love?"
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
