Chapter 170
Time flowed slowly in the heavy silence.
Su Zhelan leaned against the broken wall, his eyes closed, his breathing gradually becoming steady, yet beneath that steadyness lay a lingering emptiness, as if all his strength had been drained. The extreme grief and the exhaustion brought on by his catharsis overwhelmed him like a heavy tide. He seemed to be asleep, or perhaps he had simply sunk into a self-protective, all-encompassing numbness.
The sky changed imperceptibly. After the last rays of the setting sun completely sank into the distant mountains, twilight, like a giant curtain, slowly enveloped this desolate ruin.
The temperature in the air dropped rapidly, and the chilly evening wind began to weave through the broken walls and ruins, making a low whistling sound, adding to the desolation.
Sheng Xuan looked up at the increasingly dim sky, then glanced worriedly at Su Zhelan's pale, haggard profile, which seemed as if it could break at any moment. Finally, he couldn't help but lower his voice and cautiously make a suggestion:
“It’s getting dark, and it’s so windy and cold here. Zhelan looks like she needs to rest. How about we find a sheltered place to rest for the night, and then properly bury your uncle, aunt, and younger siblings tomorrow?”
His voice was soft, tentative, as if afraid of disturbing Su Zhelan or touching upon the lingering sorrow.
Su Zhelan, leaning against the wall, trembled almost imperceptibly with his eyelashes. He didn't open his eyes immediately, remaining silent for a long time, so long that Sheng Xuan thought he wouldn't respond, before finally nodding extremely slowly and almost imperceptibly. The movement was so slight it was almost invisible, but it was indeed a signal of agreement. He still didn't open his eyes, nor did he say anything, as if he had exhausted even the strength to speak.
Upon receiving this faint response, Sheng Xuan breathed a slight sigh of relief and immediately looked at Xiao Qiyun.
Xiao Qiyun's gaze had been fixed on Su Zhelan. He nodded slightly and said in a deep voice, "Yes. Find a sheltered place."
Xiao Qiyun was the first to stand up, his sharp gaze sweeping over the surrounding ruins. He quickly spotted a relatively intact corner, still partially covered by two remaining walls and a roof. He walked over and quickly cleared away the rubble and debris.
Sheng Xuan carefully approached Su Zhelan, her voice extremely gentle: "Zhelan, can you get up? Let's find another place, it's too cold here."
Su Zhelan slowly opened his eyes, his gaze filled with a weary emptiness. He looked at Sheng Xuan, then followed Sheng Xuan's gaze to the corner that Xiao Qiyun had cleared, and nodded silently once more.
He tried to move, wanting to stand up on his own, but his body was weak and he staggered.
Sheng Xuan firmly supported his arm and helped him up. Su Zhelan did not refuse, letting them support most of his weight, and moved unsteadily to that sheltered corner.
Xiao Qiyun had already taken out a thick blanket from his bag and laid it on the ground. Sheng Xuan helped Su Zhelan sit down slowly, letting him lean against a relatively intact broken wall. He then immediately took out another blanket and carefully covered Su Zhelan with it, wrapping him tightly, especially his icy hands.
"Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?" Xiao Qiyun asked him with concern, taking out dry rations and a water bag from his luggage.
Su Zhelan slowly shook her head, lowered her gaze, and fell silent once again.
Seeing this, Xiao Qiyun felt sad, but he didn't force it and just silently let it go.
Shengxuan lit a small campfire in the corner. The dry branches crackled as they burned, and the flickering flames dispelled some of the darkness and chill, casting swaying shadows.
Xiao Qiyun sat silently by the fire, adding firewood to ensure the fire wasn't too big to attract unnecessary attention, yet still provided enough warmth. His gaze would occasionally sweep over Su Zhelan, who was curled up in a blanket, silently clutching the remains, his eyes deep and lost in thought.
Sheng Xuan sat down next to Su Zhelan, hugging his knees, watching the leaping flames, and glancing at Su Zhelan with concern from time to time.
The cold night slowly passed in the deathly silence and the crackling of the campfire. Su Zhelan didn't know how she fell asleep. Perhaps it was because of extreme physical and mental exhaustion, perhaps it was the faint warmth from the campfire, or perhaps it was the silent yet present protection of the two people beside her that brought an indescribable sense of security.
When he regained consciousness, dawn was breaking. The morning light shone through the cracks in the crumbling wall, dispelling the darkness in the corner and bringing a cool, refreshing breeze. The campfire had long since died down, leaving only a pile of greyish-white embers, still emitting a faint smell of smoke.
He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was the cloth bundle and pottery jar containing his parents' remains, which he was still clutching tightly in his arms. The cold touch made his heart clench. The immense grief of yesterday surged back like a tide, but it no longer had the destructive impact of the previous night. Instead, it settled into a heavy, dull pain, a sorrow deeply rooted in his bones, a reality that he had to face.
He shifted slightly, his body stiffening, and the thick blanket covering him slipped down a little, bringing a chill. Only then did he notice that Sheng Xuan and Xiao Qiyun were already awake.
Sheng Xuan stood on a slightly higher broken wall not far away, his gaze calmly sweeping over the ruins bathed in the morning light, as if assessing the terrain or standing guard vigilantly. His tall figure appeared exceptionally composed in the dim morning light.
Xiao Qiyun was sitting not far from him, carefully inspecting the water pouch and food bag. Hearing the commotion from Su Zhelan's side, Xiao Qiyun immediately looked up, his face showing concern, and quickly moved closer.
"Ze Lan, you're awake?" Xiao Qiyun's voice was very soft, with a hint of cautious probing. "How are you feeling? Are you still cold?"
Su Zhelan slowly shook his head. Although his movements were still somewhat slow, his eyes were no longer empty, but rather held a weary yet clear-headed calm. He took a deep breath, the crisp morning air penetrating his lungs and bringing a sense of clarity. He proactively pulled the blanket he had slipped down to his chest and tried to sit up a little straighter.
Xiao Qiyun looked at him with a hint of relief in his eyes. He didn't interfere much, but simply handed over the water pouch he had just opened: "Have some water, it's freshly changed."
Su Zhelan's gaze fell on the water pouch, and without hesitation, he reached out and took it. His movements became much more steady. He tilted his head back and drank a few mouthfuls of water; the cool liquid moistened his dry throat and dispelled some of the fog.
"Thank you." His voice was still hoarse, but much clearer.
Xiao Qiyun shook his head and handed over the dry food wrapped in oil paper: "Eat something to tide you over. There are still things to do today." His tone was encouraging and supportive.
Su Zhelan nodded and took the dry rations. He did feel an emptiness in his stomach, a physical weakness reminding him that he needed to replenish his strength.
He chewed his food slowly, though he still had little appetite. His gaze was lowered, falling on the remains in his arms. Although there was still pain in his eyes, there was also a firm determination to complete his mission.
Sheng Xuan had already climbed down from the broken wall and walked closer, but not too close. He watched Su Zhelan eat and drink in silence, his gaze calm. When he saw Su Zhelan take the initiative to adjust her state, a barely perceptible hint of approval flashed in the depths of his eyes.
As dawn broke, the darkness was completely dispelled, clearly outlining the ruins. Su Zhelan finished her dry rations, drank a few sips of water, and then handed the water pouch back to Xiao Qiyun.
He took a deep breath, raised his head, and his gaze swept over the land where his loved ones were buried, finally landing on Sheng Xuan and Xiao Qiyun. His face was still pale, but his expression had returned to its usual coldness. However, beneath that coldness was an undisguised heavy grief and a calm that had made up its mind.
“I’m all better,” he said softly, his voice low but carrying an undeniable resolve. “...Let them rest in peace.”
Su Zhelan chose a relatively intact, sunny spot in the courtyard. It offered a wide view of the distant mountains, perhaps a place where her parents would rest and gaze out while working.
There was no coffin, no elaborate ceremony. Xiao Qiyun used his longsword to smooth several pieces of rough wood, simply piecing them together into a rectangular box, and placed the father's fragmented bones, which Su Zhelan had carefully wrapped, inside. Sheng Xuan then found a relatively flat stone slab and painstakingly carved his parents' names with a dagger—words that Su Zhelan had drawn on the ground from memory with trembling fingers.
The mother's urn was carefully placed into the earthen pit dug next to the father's urn.
He whispered almost inaudibly, his voice broken, "I'm home... I'm not afraid anymore..."
Handfuls of soil were used to backfill the graves, covering the resting places of the four loved ones, gradually building up a small new tomb. Su Zhelan remained silent throughout, every movement carrying a heavy sorrow, yet with extraordinary determination.
As the last handful of soil fell, he stood quietly before the grave, gazing at the fresh yellow earth and the simple stone tablet, speechless for a long time. The morning breeze blew, ruffling the stray hairs on his forehead and bringing a touch of desolate coolness.
After a long while, he slowly bent his knees and knelt upright before the grave. His back was ramrod straight.
He bent down, his forehead deeply and solemnly pounding on the still-damp earth. Once, twice, three times. Each pounding was silent, yet it seemed to draw upon all his strength, bearing more than a decade of longing, guilt, unspeakable pain, and the heavy solace of finally being laid to rest.
He straightened up, his eyes red-rimmed, but no more tears fell. He simply knelt quietly, as if engaging in a silent dialogue with his loved ones in the grave, a dialogue that transcended life and death.
Just then, I heard a rustling sound of fabric rubbing together beside me.
Without any hesitation, Sheng Xuan knelt down right next to Su Zhelan, his posture equally upright.
He didn't look at the tombstone, but turned his head and stared intently at Su Zhelan's pale and fragile profile. His voice was loud and firm, filled with unquestionable love and promise: "Father, Mother!" His words were straightforward and fervent, like the most passionate vow, unabashedly placing Su Zhelan at the center of his life.
Almost simultaneously, on the other side, Xiao Qiyun silently lifted his robe, knelt down on one knee. His movements were as steady as a mountain, but his gaze did not first fall on the grave, but rather on Su Zhelan's slightly trembling fingertips. He reached out, his warm palm gently yet firmly covering Su Zhelan's cold hand, silently conveying strength and warmth.
Then, he turned to the tombstone, his voice low and tender, each word seemingly containing deep affection and weight etched into his very bones: "Sharing joys and sorrows, sharing life and death."
His vow was simple, yet it carried a rock-solid sense of eternity; it was a declaration that Su Zelan would be completely incorporated into his life's trajectory and never be separated from him.
After speaking with Xiao Qiyun, Sheng Xuan also bent down and solemnly kowtowed three times to the grave. The movements were swift and decisive, carrying respect for the deceased and a promise to the living.
After kowtowing, the two did not linger for a moment. They stood up at the same time, one on the left and one on the right, and steadily supported Su Zhelan's arm.
"Get up, Su Zhelan." Sheng Xuan's voice was soft, yet carried an undeniable weight of authority. "The ground is cold."
Xiao Qiyun didn't speak, but his arm firmly and powerfully supported Su Zhelan's waist.
Su Zhelan's body stiffened for a moment, as if still immersed in the silent conversation. With the help of the two men, he stood up somewhat unsteadily. The long kneeling position had made his legs numb and painful, but he only swayed slightly before being steadily supported by the two men beside him.
He took one last, deep look at the newly built earthen grave, his gaze heavy and complex, a mixture of lingering grief and a sense of emptiness after the dust had settled. Then, he slowly withdrew his gaze and whispered, "...Let's go."
Sheng Xuan and Xiao Qiyun nodded without saying anything more. They continued to protect him from both sides. The three of them slowly turned around and left this corner of ruins that held so much pain and farewell.
The three slowly walked out of the ruins and arrived at the place where the horses were tied. Sheng Xuan looked at Su Zhelan's still pale face, her eyes filled with lingering fatigue and emptiness, and frowned.
"Su Zhelan, you ride with me." Sheng Xuan's tone was decisive and left no room for discussion. Before Su Zhelan could respond, he directly untied the reins of Su Zhelan's horse and handed it to Xiao Qiyun beside him. "You're not in good shape, it's too dangerous for you to ride by yourself."
Su Zhelan opened his mouth as if to say something, but in the end he just nodded silently. He did feel completely exhausted, and even the action of mounting his horse was extremely difficult.
Sheng Xuan nimbly mounted his horse, then reached out his hand to Su Zhelan: "Come on, let me help you."
With Sheng Xuan's help, Su Zhelan climbed onto the horse with some difficulty and sat in front of him. Sheng Xuan naturally wrapped his arms around him, gripped the reins tightly, and held him firmly in his arms, using his body heat to insulate him from the morning chill.
"Hold on tight," Sheng Xuan whispered, his voice much gentler than usual.
On the other side, Xiao Qiyun had already taken the reins from Su Zhelan's horse and skillfully tied them to the saddle ring. He mounted his horse with steady and swift movements, his gaze sweeping over Su Zhelan, who was being protected in Sheng Xuan's arms. After confirming that Su Zhelan was seated securely, he said in a deep voice, "Let's go."
Xiao Qiyun rode ahead, holding his own reins in one hand and steadily leading the empty horse of Su Zhelan with the other. Sheng Xuan followed closely behind, protecting Su Zhelan.
The horse began to move forward with small steps. Su Zelan was initially a little stiff, her back straight, seemingly unaccustomed to being completely protected in this position.
But as the horse swayed rhythmically, and the firm, warm touch of Shengxuan's chest behind him gradually eased his tense nerves. The grief, exhaustion, and immense emotional drain of the past few days washed over him like a tidal wave, leaving him feeling more weary than ever before.
He lowered his head slightly, his eyelids drooping heavily. Sheng Xuan noticed the relaxation in his body and the slight backward lean, so he tightened his arms to make him more comfortable.
The morning sun shone on the winding mountain road as the three riders moved forward quietly. Xiao Qiyun's figure stood ahead like a silent barrier, while Sheng Xuan's embrace behind them felt like a warm harbor.
Su Zhelan's consciousness gradually blurred amidst the turbulence and warmth. Finally, his head tilted slightly and unconsciously rested against Sheng Xuan's shoulder, his breathing becoming even and long—he had fallen asleep.
Sheng Xuan felt the even breathing and relaxed weight of the person in his arms. He looked down at Su Zhelan's still tired profile as she slept, his eyes filled with heartache and pity.
He adjusted his posture slightly to make Su Zhelan more secure, while also controlling the horse more gently.
Although Xiao Qiyun didn't turn around, he seemed to sense the movement behind him. He controlled the horse's speed more steadily, and kept the reins on the empty horse at just the right tension to ensure that he wouldn't disturb the people sleeping behind him.
The mountain path was quiet, with only the soft sound of horses' hooves on gravel and the rustling of the wind through the treetops.
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