Chapter 90
The air seemed to freeze, leaving only Sheng Xuan's slightly rapid breathing and Su Zhelan's own heart pounding like a drum.
The awkwardness and helplessness of being caught in the middle, like cold vines, instantly wrapped around Su Zhelan's heart, making it almost impossible for him to breathe.
Xiao Qiyun's composed departure disappeared behind the moon gate, his calm and collected demeanor seemingly taking away the last barrier, completely exposing Su Zhelan to Sheng Xuan's surging emotions.
Sheng Xuan's gaze was fixed on Su Zhelan. His eyes, which always carried a hint of arrogance, were now filled with undisguised grievance and hurt, and his eyes were even slightly red.
He no longer spoke with the biting sarcasm he had shown Xiao Qiyun before, but rather with the pitiful vulnerability of a puppy drenched in rain and neglected by its owner.
He didn't rush up to question him immediately; instead, he pursed his lips, his shoulders slumped slightly, and he exuded a sense of loss as if he had been abandoned.
He slowly took two steps forward, stopping just a step away from Su Zhelan. His voice was no longer questioning, but rather low, choked with suppressed sobs and deep resentment:
"His birthday..." Sheng Xuan's voice was soft and hoarse, as if it had been sanded, with a slight, almost imperceptible tremor, "...and you'll agree to anything he says?"
He raised his eyes, his reddened eyes staring straight at Su Zhelan. There was no flame of anger in them, only a heavy, almost overflowing hurt and confusion.
“He told you to go with him, and you obediently went with him…” Sheng Xuan’s voice was even lower, with a pitiful tone of accusation.
"He told you to stay, and you really did... He even... he even combed your hair..." His voice almost turned into a mutter as he spoke, filled with jealousy and resentment. His eyes glanced at Su Zhelan's neatly combed hair, which shone with a soft sheen in the morning light, and then quickly lowered his eyes again, as if looking at it for even a second longer would make him even more heartbroken.
Su Zhelan felt a slight pang in his heart. Sheng Xuan's current state made him feel even more helpless and guilty than his earlier anger.
He opened his mouth, wanting to explain, but all his words seemed pale and powerless in the face of Sheng Xuan's undisguised grievance. He had indeed... complied with Xiao Qiyun's wishes.
“I…” Su Zhelan’s voice was dry.
Sheng Xuan didn't give him a chance to explain, or rather, he simply didn't want to hear an explanation.
He took another half step forward, so close that Su Zhelan could smell the morning dew on him.
Sheng Xuan tilted his head slightly, looking into Su Zhelan's eyes. Su Zhelan's figure was clearly reflected in those reddened eyes, with a pleading, wet, pitiful look.
"And what about me?" Sheng Xuan's voice was thick with nasal tone, as if he was about to cry, but he was trying his best to hold it in. "Ze Lan... look at me... tell me... what about me?"
He reached out, this time not with angry grip, but with a cautious probing and a desire for comfort. He gently, with a slight, almost imperceptible tremor, grasped the corner of Su Zhelan's sleeve. The grip was light, yet it carried an undeniable sense of dependence.
"Last year...last year on my birthday..."
Sheng Xuan's voice choked completely, and the moisture in his eyes finally condensed into large teardrops, stubbornly swirling in his eyes. He blinked hard, but couldn't blink them back; instead, a tear slid down the corner of his eye.
He quickly wiped it away with his sleeve, his movements displaying the stubbornness and embarrassment typical of a young man, but his voice was filled with grievance: "Where...where are you? You're not here..."
He lowered his head, no longer looking at Su Zhelan, but tightly gripped the sleeve of his shirt, his shoulders trembling slightly as he tried to suppress his sobs.
He looked as if he had suffered a great injustice, or like a child forgotten by the whole world, pitiful to the extreme.
Su Zhelan's heart was instantly gripped by immense guilt and heartache! Seeing the tear that slid down Sheng Xuan's cheek and the way he was desperately trying to suppress the trembling of his shoulders, Su Zhelan felt a tightness and pain in her chest.
Last year... Shengxuan's birthday...
Memories flooded back—the blood-soaked military medical tent, the desperate cries, the tireless treatment... At that moment, his mind was filled with nothing but wounded soldiers and life and death; he couldn't possibly remember anything about birthdays.
He... he completely forgot!
Overwhelmed by immense guilt, like a cold tide, Su Zhelan was instantly engulfed.
He looked at Sheng Xuan's lowered head, slightly hunched shoulders, and trembling fingers clutching his sleeve. His throat felt like it was blocked by something, a sharp, aching ache. The word "I'm sorry" stuck in his throat, too heavy to utter.
“You weren’t here…” Sheng Xuan’s voice trembled with sobs as she spoke softly, “You didn’t…you didn’t even know…that was my birthday…didn’t you?”
The question "Is it or not?" carries a heartbreaking plea for confirmation.
Su Zhelan's face turned deathly pale instantly. He couldn't deny it. He truly didn't know. That silence, like the heaviest boulder, pressed down between the two of them.
Sheng Xuan sensed Su Zhelan's silence and her immense guilt.
He knew his words had pierced Su Zhelan's heart like a knife. What he wanted was this guilt, this pity.
But he did not continue his accusations. Instead, as if his last bit of strength had been crushed by this silence and guilt, he slowly loosened his grip on Su Zhelan's sleeve.
He looked up, his face still streaked with tears, his eyes red-rimmed, but the grievance in his eyes was even deeper, carrying a kind of almost desperate sadness and the coldness of being ignored.
"……never mind."
Shengxuan's voice was soft, carrying a sense of weariness and despondency.
He stopped looking at Su Zhelan and just wiped his face haphazardly with his sleeve, trying to erase the messy traces.
Turning around, his movements were no longer filled with the angry resolve of before, but rather with a heavy sense of loss and helplessness.
"I..." Su Zhelan finally found her voice, which was a little hoarse and urgent, as if she wanted to say something and try to persuade her to stay.
But Sheng Xuan only paused for a moment, without turning around. He spoke softly, almost to himself, his voice as light as a sigh, yet clearly reaching Su Zhelan's ears:
"So... he's the only one who's special..."
Sheng Xuan's low, heartbroken words, filled with endless loss and despair, were like the last straw, completely breaking down Su Zhelan's already crumbling defenses.
"No...no!" Su Zhelan blurted out, her voice filled with unprecedented urgency and hoarseness, even with a slight, almost imperceptible tremor.
He took a sudden step forward, reaching out to grab Sheng Xuan, but stopped abruptly just as his fingertips were about to touch the other's sleeve.
Su Zhelan looked at the stiff figure, his Adam's apple bobbing, overwhelmed by immense guilt and heartache.
He took a deep breath, trying to make his voice sound less flustered, with a hint of clumsy reassurance and urgent explanation:
"Last year... I was wrong last year!" Su Zhelan's voice was thick with nasal tone, and her eyes were also a little hot.
“Back then…the casualties were too heavy…I…I didn’t sleep for days…my mind was full of injuries…I…” He spoke incoherently, trying to describe that hellish scene, trying to make Shengxuan understand that his forgetfulness at that time was not intentional.
He took another small step forward, his voice even softer, almost pleading: "I...I really didn't mean to forget...I..."
Sheng Xuan remained stiff, but Su Zhelan seemed to be able to feel that his tense shoulders loosen slightly.
This small change gave Su Zelan a glimmer of courage.
He mustered his courage and reached out again, this time with a cautious tentative touch, gently tugging at Sheng Xuan's sleeve—just as Sheng Xuan had gripped him earlier. He could even feel the instantaneous tension in Sheng Xuan's arm muscles with his fingertips.
"Shengxuan..." Su Zhelan's voice was very soft, with an unprecedented gentleness that was almost coaxing, "Don't...don't be sad, okay?"
He paused, looking at Sheng Xuan's profile, which still refused to turn around, with her tightly pursed lips and stubborn jawline, and the bitterness in his heart intensified.
He gritted his teeth, as if making a firm decision, his voice carrying a hint of a do-or-die commitment:
“This year…this year is your birthday…” Su Zhelan’s voice was not loud, but it was exceptionally clear, with an undeniable seriousness, “…and so it is yours.”
He felt Sheng Xuan's arm tremble slightly beneath his fingers that were gripping his sleeve.
Su Zhelan took a deep breath and continued awkwardly, yet with utmost sincerity, "Whatever you want to do... I'll do it with you... okay?"
"..." Sheng Xuan remained silent.
Su Zhelan's heart was in his throat. He nervously watched Sheng Xuan, waiting for a response. He didn't know if his clumsy promise and reassurance would be effective, but he had to do something.
Time seemed to freeze for a few seconds.
Finally, Sheng Xuan's shoulders twitched slightly, as if he had taken a deep breath. Then, very slowly, with a hint of hesitation and tentativeness, he raised his head.
His eyes were still red-rimmed, his nose was red, and his face was streaked with tears, giving him a disheveled and vulnerable look.
But his usually defiant eyes were now filled with complex emotions—unresolved grievances, deep-seated sadness, but even more so, a cautious, disbelieving...expectation?
He raised his eyes, his wet gaze fixed on Su Zhelan, a barely perceptible tremor and... a faint, flickering hope.
"...Really?" Sheng Xuan's voice was soft, with a heavy nasal tone and a barely perceptible sob, as if afraid of waking her from a beautiful dream, or as if afraid of hearing a negative answer. "...You'll do whatever I want?"
His gaze was fixed on Su Zhelan, with an almost greedy desire for confirmation, as if he wanted to verify the truth of her words from every subtle expression on her face.
Looking into Sheng Xuan's red, expectant, and fragile eyes, Su Zhelan felt a sharp pang in his heart, a mixture of ache and tenderness. He nodded firmly, his gaze incredibly earnest, his voice carrying a reassuring yet resolute tone:
"Yes, really." Su Zhelan's voice softened further, carrying an awkward yet sincere assurance, "Whatever you want to do... I'll do it your way."
Sheng Xuan's lips moved slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he just sniffed hard. He lowered his head abruptly, as if he didn't want Su Zhelan to see the tears welling up in his eyes again.
But this time, the tears were not tears of despair, but tears mixed with grievance, relief, and a hint of... indescribable joy.
After a long while, he finally gave a muffled, almost imperceptible "hmm" in response.
Su Zhelan gently grasped that little sleeve, her fingertips conveying a silent reassurance and an awkward promise.
He didn't speak, but gently tugged at his sleeve with a cautious, guiding force.
Sheng Xuan kept her head down, but her steps were obedient, with a hint of dependence, as she was led by Su Zhelan, slowly and step by step, back to the small courtyard of Shuyu Courtyard.
The courtyard gate closed gently behind them, shutting out the bright sunlight and birdsong outside, leaving only the tranquil air inside and the two of them breathing softly.
Su Zhelan led Sheng Xuan to a small table inside the room and asked him to sit down.
Sheng Xuan kept her eyes downcast, like a child who had done something wrong or suffered a great injustice, but the hand that was gripping Su Zhelan's sleeve never let go.
Looking at Sheng Xuan's still-wet tear tracks, red eyes, and the disheveled dampness on the tip of his nose, Su Zhelan felt even more pity for him. He gently patted the back of Sheng Xuan's hand that was clutching his sleeve, his tone soothing: "...Let go for a moment, okay? I'll go get some water."
Shengxuan's fingers twitched slightly, as if hesitating, but in the end he loosened the fabric very slowly, with a hint of reluctance.
He kept his head down, his hands unconsciously resting on his knees, his fingers slightly curled.
Su Zhelan walked quickly to the water basin stand next to her, picked up a clean cotton towel, soaked it in the cool well water, and carefully wrung it out, leaving only just the right amount of moisture.
He walked back to Sheng Xuan's side with a cool cotton towel, squatted down, and looked at Sheng Xuan's face, which was streaked with tears and stubborn.
"Don't move..." Su Zhelan's voice was very soft, with an unprecedented gentleness and patience, as if she were treating a fragile treasure.
He reached out and gently wiped away the undried tear stains on Sheng Xuan's cheeks with the corner of a damp cotton towel.
Through the soft fabric, his fingertips could clearly feel the warmth and slight trembling of Sheng Xuan's cheek skin.
Sheng Xuan's body tensed up instantly, as if he was somewhat uncomfortable with such intimate contact.
He instinctively tried to turn his head away, but Su Zhelan gently but firmly supported his chin with her other hand.
"Don't move." Su Zhelan's voice was still gentle, but it carried an undeniable reassurance, "...Just wipe it clean."
His movements were slow and meticulous. The cool cotton towel, carrying the refreshing scent of well water, gently brushed across Shengxuan's burning eyes and wet cheeks, carrying away the disheveled tear stains.
Su Zhelan's fingertips, through the cotton towel, moved with a gentle touch, as light as a feather brushing against the skin, carrying a reassuring focus and tenderness.
Sheng Xuan's tense body gradually relaxed under Su Zhelan's gentle and focused wiping.
He stopped trying to dodge, and simply lowered his eyelashes slightly, feeling the cool and soft touch gently moving across his face.
That cautiousness and focus seemed to possess a certain magic, gradually soothing the grievances and bitterness in his heart.
Su Zhelan carefully wiped away the tear stains on Sheng Xuan's face, and then used a clean corner of a cotton towel to gently dab the tip of Sheng Xuan's slightly red nose, taking away that little bit of moisture.
His movements were almost instinctively gentle, as if he were taking care of a wronged child.
After wiping, Su Zhelan did not get up immediately. He remained squatting in front of Sheng Xuan, tilting his head slightly, looking at Sheng Xuan's lowered eyelashes and the still slightly stubborn curve of her lips.
The morning light shone through the window and fell on Shengxuan's face, casting a soft halo around him and illuminating the still-wet, lingering grievances in his eyes.
Su Zhelan's heart felt as if it had been gently bumped by something, a mixture of sourness and tenderness. He reached out, this time without using a cotton towel, and with his cool fingertips, with extreme gentleness and an awkward tenderness, lightly brushed across Sheng Xuan's slightly reddened eyes.
The slightly cool touch made Sheng Xuan's body tremble violently. He suddenly looked up and met Su Zhelan's eyes, which were so close to his own and filled with tenderness and guilt.
Their eyes met.
Sheng Xuan's pupils dilated slightly, clearly reflecting Su Zhelan's focused and gentle face. He clearly saw the undisguised pity, heartache, and...deep guilt in Su Zhelan's eyes.
An indescribable surge of heat instantly welled up in Shengxuan's heart, washing away the last trace of grievance and bitterness, replacing it with a burning excitement and... a trace of helpless panic.
He instinctively tried to look away, but it was as if he was held captive by that gaze, unable to move.
Su Zhelan looked at Sheng Xuan's suddenly widened eyes, filled with a hint of panic and disbelief, and her fingertips paused slightly. He seemed to realize that his gesture was too intimate, his ears turning slightly red, and he hurriedly tried to withdraw his hand.
However, just as his fingertips were about to leave, Sheng Xuan suddenly reached out and grabbed Su Zhelan's wrist as she tried to pull it back!
The force wasn't great, but it carried an undeniable urgency and... a subtle, almost imperceptible dependence.
Sheng Xuan gripped Su Zhelan's wrist tightly, his gaze still fixed on Su Zhelan's eyes.
His lips moved as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he just gripped Su Zhelan's wrist even tighter, as if afraid that he would disappear in the next second.
After a long while, he mumbled, with a barely perceptible sob and... a weak, almost coquettish threat, "...You...you can't go back on your word..."
The voice was soft, with a heavy nasal tone, yet it clearly reached Su Zhelan's ears, carrying a childlike persistence and... a hint of cautious confirmation.
Looking into Sheng Xuan's eyes, which were fixed on her with unwavering determination and a hint of fragile expectation, and feeling the dependent force on her wrist, Su Zhelan felt a surge of tenderness and pity that reached its peak.
He nodded slightly, his eyes incredibly serious, his voice carrying a reassuring firmness and promise:
“Yes, no regrets.” Su Zhelan’s voice was soft, but it carried an undeniable power. “...Whatever you say.”
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