Chapter 38 The Truth
Knock knock knock——
The knuckles of his index finger knocked on the wooden door, but no one answered from inside.
"Le, I'm coming in~" Hanyu said cheerfully and turned the doorknob.
But the room he saw was different from what he expected.
The room was simply furnished. A single bed, a desk, and a small wardrobe were placed against the walls. A large empty space in the middle was covered with a mat and a movable bar against the wall. This was unlike the room Yuzuru Hanyu remembered from his time in Finland. It felt more like a dormitory than a room.
The room was dark, the curtains drawn, the only light coming from the computer screen on the desk. Its white glow fell on the figure huddled at the foot of the bed, her face buried deep in the tiny space between her knees and arms, as if hoping to shrink enough to disappear.
Yuzuru Hanyu walked over and wanted to touch her hair, but the girl suddenly became emotional, picked up the pillow at hand and swung it at him.
"Don't come over here! If you don't believe what I say, why do you still come to me? Don't come over here!"
"Le! Le! What's wrong with you? It's me! Look, it's me, Yuzuru." He took some effort to avoid the pillow that was swinging towards him, held down her hands that were waving in the air, and held up her face to make her look at him.
"Yuzuru?" She seemed to see the person in front of her clearly through the faint fluorescent light from the monitor, but suddenly she let out a wry laugh. "So what, Yuzuru? Don't you believe me, too? Didn't you also say I'm realistic and only care about profit?"
She suddenly gained great strength and pushed him away.
"Don't come over here, don't touch me!"
He was kneeling on the edge of the bed, massaging his pleasure, but this push caused him to lose his balance and he was about to fall on his back onto the floor.
“!!!”
He suddenly opened his eyes and sat up in bed, his eyes adjusting to the darkness faster than his breathing had adjusted after a nightmare. Hanyu Yuzuru panted and looked around. He was surrounded by Pusan in bed, the familiar white walls, curtains, desk, and the photo frame standing on it.
It was definitely his room.
It’s a dream… It’s so good…
He threw off the quilt and got out of bed. His right foot was still fixed after treatment. He leaned on his crutch and tiptoed to the kitchen. He poured himself a full glass of water and drank it down in one gulp.
His Beijing Winter Olympics journey ended a week ago. Yuzuru Hanyu returned to Japan with the other Japanese athletes to quarantine and treat his foot injury. After his exhibition skate, he no longer had any reason to torture his foot. After undergoing a series of tests, he obediently followed the doctor's instructions, wearing a cast and using crutches. He was so obedient that even Le praised him.
Ever since he accidentally saw the job application materials Le had prepared last time, he had only done a few things recently: resting and recovering from his injuries, reviewing the entire Winter Olympics competition and exhibition skating, and waiting obediently for Le to tell him that he was planning to return to Japan to work.
Over the past week, life has been so leisurely that it's a bit boring.
He was bored enough to diligently check Twitter, and when Twitter suddenly pushed an American TV series he'd previously been watching to the front page, he'd specifically searched for it. He'd been a little surprised to see it on the front page, but then he figured it might be because Le had searched for it a few times using his account, causing the data to misjudge it. However, the search bar was completely clear, which was puzzling. He'd indeed seen her search... had he misread it?
After clicking on the first season of this American drama, he thought again that perhaps Le had deliberately deleted the search history. She probably didn't want him to see this drama.
Under the guise of a ballet company, the film exaggerates the suffocating competitive atmosphere within the company, fostering a series of ugly realities that contradict the beauty of ballet. Unspoken rules, illegal drugs, and harassment are all present, leaving one frowning throughout. When the frantic artistic director throws an entire nest of chicks off the windowsill, smashing it into a shattered mess, even Yuzuru Hanyu's heart skips a beat.
These are all deliberately distorted by the screenwriters to attract attention. Yuzuru Hanyu consoled himself with this as he watched.
Until he found a comment in the comment section.
January 30, 2017
******: Oh my god, I thought this plot was deliberately written by the screenwriter, but it turns out there is a prototype? The official is so bold!
[Quoted comments deleted]
While the deleted quotes were unavailable, the anonymous comments left behind left much to the imagination. Hanyu Yuzuru tried searching, but couldn't find any similar quotes. Instead, he found mostly word-of-mouth from fans.
Just last night, he saw a tweet under the tag of F&B Season 2.
@Alice_: [Photo] Miss Bambi, I hope you can achieve success in other fields with integrity. #F&BMissBambi# #F&BSeason2#
He didn't recognize the poster, but the person in the picture was very familiar to him. Even though it was just a profile picture of someone wearing a mask, the hairstyle, eyebrows, and facial contours made Yuzuru Hanyu very sure that it was Le.
This sentence without a beginning or an end was obviously said to those who understand the cause and effect. He clicked on the comments and finally found a detailed reply.
complex.
@Ballet_Sylvia: I see many people asking about this, so I know a little bit about it and would like to share it with you.
The first season of F&B premiered in 2017. What's not widely known is that many of the characters in the show are based on real-life figures in the ballet and entertainment industries. I won't go into detail about the explosive content of F&B; if you're interested, go binge-watch it yourself. Since the content is so explosive, we have to mention the incredible Scandal by the B Troupe in 2012.
In late 2011, a ballerina from Company B sued the artistic director, alleging sexual harassment. Many of the troupe's dancers came forward to testify, demonstrating their true courage. However, one young dancer, who everyone assumed should have spoken out, remained silent. This young dancer, long favored by the artistic director, simply quit the troupe! This young dancer's career had been meteoric since she joined, reaching the soloist position in just one year. For her to choose to leave the troupe at this time, one can only say, "Those who understand understand."
Everyone knows there's a seemingly innocent and naive girl in F&B, known as Miss Bambi. I'm speculating that the girl in this picture is the prototype for Bambi, and perhaps even Lingna from the group.
The reply was written entirely in English, and Hanyu struggled to read it, but he still read it carefully, word for word. His confident statements, as if he were the person involved, were so infuriating that people trembled.
It was this kind of person who made up stories for himself and also made up stories for Le.
I couldn't help but reply, "You speak as if you are an insider."
Unexpectedly, the other party quickly sent a private message reply and sent me a few links to reports from that year.
He clicked through them one by one. Since he wasn't a native speaker, he couldn't scan them quickly, so he could only recite them word by word in his mind. With each word he pronounced in his mind, he could almost feel the mental torture being inflicted by these calculating reporters on a 17-year-old girl.
Ms. Suginohara told us that she likes Mr. D very much. Many times when she encountered bottlenecks while practicing alone in the dance studio, it was Mr. D's encouragement and individual guidance that helped her regain her confidence.
Ms. Suginohara said she was fully aware of her limited experience in Troupe B, and that her promotion to soloist was due not only to luck but also to Mr. D's favor.
Ms. Suginohara said she would always remember that she was a gold medal dancer at the Moscow IBC.
…
The twisted interpretations, the quotations taken out of context, were all so familiar that they made Yuzuru Hanyu feel incredibly sick. The netizen, seemingly anticipating the moment he finished reading the link, quickly sent him a new private message.
Ballet_Sylvia: I really liked Raku when she competed at the IBC in Moscow, or rather, I've been following her since she competed at the YAPG. She was so talented back then, and after joining a dance company and having a supportive artistic director as her sugar daddy, she thought she was in a safe place. But her skills declined, and her body shape became uncontrollable. Her partners even said they couldn't lift her anymore.
Ballet_Sylvia: After her sugar daddy disappeared, she couldn't stay in the group anymore. Does anyone know if she left on her own or was fired by the group?
Pooh_1111: So you said you were a fan of Suginohara Raku before?
Pooh_1111: You can create waves even without wind. That's truly amazing. Suginohara Raku must be pitiful to be liked by someone like you.
Click on the avatar, block it, and close the dialog box.
After completing the move in one go, Yuzuru Hanyu threw his phone aside and buried himself in his pillow. Then he had this terrible dream.
The night after the skating rehearsal, she slept so restlessly, perhaps because she had a dream about the past. Now, all the doubts she had had came back to her.
Why did Le give up ballet, why did she hate reporters, why was she so angry during that quarrel? Until now, he had tried to apologize for that incident many times, but she would always circumvent him in various ways.
He finally understood the source of the understanding he had felt from Le when he fled to Finland. There was no such thing as empathy in this world; every bit of her understanding and companionship came from her own personal experience.
After placing the glass in the sink, Yuzuru Hanyu returned to his room on crutches. He tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep. He reached for his phone and habitually checked Twitter, but this time, he didn't see the tweet in the tag, as if it were all an illusion.
-----
That night, Le Ye hadn't fallen asleep yet. She was talking on the phone with Gabriella.
"Dear, I helped you settle this matter. How are you going to thank me?"
"It's just a matter of one word."
"It's not as easy as you say. I need to ask my dad to find the producer first, and then have the producer and screenwriter go and negotiate with this old acquaintance, the reporter. Who knows what they negotiated about? I guess they just spent some money and persuaded them with their virtue. Anyway, it's been deleted now, so it shouldn't have caused much of an impact."
During the performance skating rehearsal, Le didn't recognize the reporter who approached her under her mask, but the reference was obvious, making her wary. After all, she'd heard about a reporter snooping around about her during the first season of F&B, a situation that was only resolved when the B group sued the show for defamation. But it also accelerated her plans to apply for a new job.
She originally wanted to hide for the rest of her life. After all, who could have known that she would later become friends with the daughter of a film and television company?
"But, dear, I'm very curious about one thing. For so many years, you have always been hiding in your hamster ball, and this time you came to me for help? It really is because of that lovely Kevin, right? Is it your boyfriend?"
"Hahaha, you must not call him like that. He has his own name. And he cares a lot about this matter." Le held his forehead helplessly.
"Are you sure? I think this is a good idea. After all, it's not nice to mention your boyfriend's name." Gabriella's words were well-reasoned, making it impossible for Le to refuse. Before she could reply, she continued, "I told you that you two were a couple at my wedding, and you denied it then!"
"We weren't together at that time."
"Okay, whatever you say. But are you afraid that he'll find out? Afraid that he'll misunderstand you?"
Le chuckled, leaned back against the headboard, looked at the ceiling and said, "He probably won't believe those nonsense."
"Then what are you worried about?"
"I just don't want him to know." It's been so long since this happened, and if the literary giant Yuzuru Hanyu started to sympathize with her, that would be truly terrifying. Also, if it got out of hand, who knows if it would affect her job applications.
"I really don't understand you." Gabriella rolled her eyes and shrugged. "But let me warn you, your lovely figure skater is a global superstar. The day you're discovered, all the things you've been hiding for so many years might be dug up. You have to be prepared. I can still help you with F&B-related matters, but I may not be able to help with other things... If you need anything, I can introduce you to a good PR team then."
"Thank you..."
"You're welcome~"
After hanging up the phone, he breathed a long sigh of relief. The tiny flame of the scented candle danced as the wick crackled, and the light and shadow on the wall also swayed. Le stared at the light and shadow on the wall, lost in thought.
Why did she give up ballet? This question has always been asked to her, and she may have asked herself this question many times.
If I was full of energy and had the highlight of my ballet career at the age of 16, then 17 was the most difficult year.
"Raku, you always fail to make it to the coda in the grand duet. How can you get promoted? You are too thin. You need to build more muscles." This is what teacher Tina said.
"Raku, have you not been controlling your diet recently? You've gained so much weight? Do you want your male partner to lift you up with a crane?" This is what Teacher Andrew said.
Every day after vomiting up her dinner, she would examine her body in the bathroom mirror. Her neck and arms weren't as slender as Emily's, and her legs, thanks to recent hard work, were starting to thicken slightly. Her splay wasn't perfect, and her instep wasn't as pretty. Everything was flawed, and even this lack of depth on her Asian face required her to spend much more time applying makeup than others.
But is it my fault for being Asian? Aren’t there also Asians who are chief executives?
Ultimately, it’s because I’m not good enough.
So, aside from rehearsals with the group, most of her memories of 17 are of late nights in the dance studio. Not wanting to disturb too many people, she kept only one row of overhead lights on. The anxiety of not improving had long since overcome all her fears. She spent nearly every midnight in the dimly lit studio, practicing her weak jumps and spins, and the pointe work her French teacher constantly criticized for its lack of refinement. Her toes would already be screaming with pain, but she didn't dare remove her shoes, as it would be impossible to put them back in without soaking them in ice water.
"Try to let go of your breath and pull your left waist up a little bit." When she couldn't remember how many times she fell down after turning four times, Director Denial gave her advice while standing at the door.
Adjust your breathing, start the big four position, find the point in front of you, push your center of gravity with your hands and stand on tiptoe, one circle, two circles, three circles, four circles, and you will land steadily in a beautiful five position.
"Very beautiful!" The director standing at the door gave her a round of applause. It was the first time she had felt such applause that year. She sat down on the mat and burst into tears, but the director, as if he knew nothing about her, walked over and knelt beside her. "Girl, you have a long future ahead of you. You have your strengths. Don't just focus on your weaknesses. Think about what won you the gold medal back then."
Le didn't know whether the director had ever used his unspoken rules on other people, but that was the only time she met the director in private. He just squatted down and finished talking, and finally left a sentence "This unyielding spirit is quite similar to my old self" before leaving the classroom.
The next time she met the director was during a ballet casting audition. Le understood her strengths. She immersed herself in the role, letting every breath she took align with the character's heart. She forgot all about technique, trusting her body, honed through years of practice, and completely immersing herself in the performance. Even when she finally gave out physically, she was still part of the character, moving everyone.
The casting was successful, the performance was successful, and the promotion was successful.
That year, she finally got a chance to dance Giselle, albeit only in a C-group performance in a remote area to gain experience. She thought everything was going well, but then she unexpectedly fell badly on stage. She fractured her toe, and the doctor said she would need at least two months of rest.
A full 2 months!!
She started ballet at the age of 4, and except for a week when she skipped classes at the age of 7, she never took a day off, not even a single day... 2 months sounds like enough to ruin her ballet career.
But the despair didn't stop there. Unaware that the company had arranged media coverage for her lead role, her fall reignited debate within the small ballet community, accusing her of lacking ability and experience, claiming she was unworthy of the position and had only climbed to that position through the director's strong recommendation. A month later, the director was sued, further exacerbating the situation. She tried to explain, but no one believed her.
"Le, if you are bullied by that director, mom supports you to speak out. Don't hide it from mom, okay?" Even Suginohara Feng didn't believe it, even though she hysterically emphasized on the phone again and again that no, no, she really stopped the performance just because of a foot injury.
The only person who said she believed in her was a female reporter. She said she had been following Le for a long time and had watched many of her competition videos. She believed Le relied on her own abilities and was willing to help Le write a clarifying report.
Looking back now, I was so naive at seventeen, I'd believe such a lie. Le chuckled to herself and closed her sore eyes. Her eyes were tired, but she couldn't bring herself to sleep. How could she possibly sleep well with her mind full of the past? Instead of shutting her eyes and drowning, she might as well hold on and not fall asleep.
Why did you give up ballet?
Because ballet is no longer the thing that made her happy when she was 12. Besides the dance itself, the competition within the dance troupe, the interactions between people, the spotlight and public opinion, the companies and the profits, the "fans" who express their opinions wantonly—all of it is disgusting and terrifying.
So was there any point in continuing? As long as her body remained, she could always dance, away from everything that disgusted her.
Although, standing in the center of the stage has always been her biggest dream.
The 6:30 alarm clock rang on time, and a LINE message also rang at the same time.
Yuzu: Good morning, did you sleep well?
The news about Hanyu brought Le back from her past. This was the reality she needed to face and consider. Gabriella was right. With Hanyu's current popularity and influence, if she chose to stand by him, she would never be able to escape everything she had hated and avoided for nearly a decade.
【I will always believe in you.】
She once heard Yuzuru Hanyu's whispers as he kissed her between the eyebrows while she was half asleep and half awake. She raised her hand and stroked the pendant on her chest, her eyes gentle and firm.
"I, too, will believe it again."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
