My name is Mu Qiuci, and I almost forgot my name.
I never thought that one day I would suffer from Alzheimer's disease, also known as senile dementia.
I was very angry when I first heard the doctor say this. He must be a quack. I just feel dizzy sometimes, and he says I have dementia?
I think he is the one with dementia, and I am becoming more and more agitated.
I have been teaching for my whole life, I have won the title of excellent teacher so many times, I have taught so many college students, how could I be demented?!
I cursed at the doctor, saying it was a violation of the dignity of a teacher.
Until I realized that the person I was scolding was my daughter.
Her eyes were filled with tears, and she seemed to be feeling extremely aggrieved. There were even scratches on her face.
Am I not in the hospital consulting room? How come I am at home?
"I'm sorry, Xiaoqin. Mom doesn't know what happened to me just now..."
I said a little embarrassedly, it seemed that I had a nightmare, and I felt even more guilty towards Xiaoqin.
Xiaoqin has been a very obedient child since she was young. Although I am a teacher, I don’t spend much time on my daughter.
It’s not that I don’t want to, but my energy is too limited.
My lover always tells me not to work so hard, saying that it is not necessary for an elementary school teacher.
But I know that I have the responsibility to teach those children well. In this small border town, many children's parents have gone to big cities to work and have no time to pay attention to their children.
Few people take learning as an important matter. If there are too many people around and children are not disciplined strictly, they will go astray.
I have seen older students smoking at the school gate with people from outside the school.
Even though he was not my student, I still walked over and put out his cigarette. When he saw it was me, he quickly apologized and left.
I am known as a "difficult" teacher in the whole school.
After school, I went to six or seven Internet cafes and billiard halls to pick up the boys in my class and take them home. I watched them finish their homework before letting their parents pick them up.
I will also visit the homes of children whose academic performance has declined during my breaks. I don’t want any student in the class to fall behind.
If they don't lay a good foundation and develop bad habits in elementary school, their life will be ruined.
There are still many families in big cities who support their children and they have many options to choose from.
But in a small border town like this, studying is almost the only way out.
This place is backward, chaotic and crime-ridden.
Once I was educating a child who never studied. When I asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up, he actually told me that he wanted to sell cocaine when he grew up and he could make a lot of money without studying.
I never thought a child would have such thoughts, and I was more worried than shocked or angry.
I asked him to take me to his house, and I had to explain the importance of this matter to his parents.
He looked embarrassed, but after my repeated insistence, he still took me there.
It was a very remote bungalow. It was almost evening when I arrived at his house. I finally understood why he was always late.
He was taken care of by his grandparents at home. They were very excited to see me, but also very worried, fearing that their grandson had gotten into trouble.
I told them about the boy's future plans. His grandfather got angry and tried to hit him with a stick, but I stopped him.
I finally saw fear in the boy's eyes.
I said, "You are afraid of even grandpa's stick. If you do that kind of thing in the future, there will be many guns pointed at you." He nodded silently, and I don't know if he really came to his senses.
It was late at night when I got home that day and Xiaoqin was already asleep.
When I saw the birthday cake my husband bought for Xiaoqin on the table, I remembered that today was Xiaoqin’s birthday.
I really want to apologize to Xiaoqin, but I can't disturb her sleep, and I haven't finished grading the homework in class today.
The next day, I prepared a sumptuous breakfast for Xiaoqin early in the morning. Xiaoqin didn't say a word of blame, which made me feel bad.
I am not a good mother.
I even asked my lover to move the TV from home into the classroom, and I spent two classes playing a documentary about anti-drug police for the students.
Many children cried when they saw so many anti-drug police officers died in the line of duty. I hope this can touch them.
It is a teacher's responsibility to keep them on the right track.
My lover has asked me more than once to spend more time on Xiaoqin, but I always told him that Xiaoqin is sensible and obedient, and is a good child, and that the students in the class are the ones who need me to constantly guide them on their own.
He sighed and said he had no way to deal with me, but I also knew that I owed Xiaoqin too much.
"Xiaoqin, Xiaoqin!"
Today is a rare day off, and I am going to take Xiaoqin to the park to play. I haven’t been with my children for a long time.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
A middle-aged woman stood in front of me. She was wearing an apron and smelled of cooking oil.
"Xiaoqin!"
I continued to shout, but the middle-aged woman in front of me called me "Mom" again.
"You are sick, why did you agree to my daughter's name? My daughter is only 10 years old, how old are you?"
I lost my patience and even used my hands to push her away.
She didn't scold me, but she burst into tears.
"Are you sick? Why are you crying?"
"Mom, I'm Xiaoqin!"
She shouted so loudly, and her voice was so confident that it made me hesitate.
I looked at her face carefully, and found that her eyes, eyebrows and nose were indeed a bit similar. I was stunned.
How could this happen? Didn't my Xiaoqin just celebrate her 10th birthday? How could her face be covered with wrinkles?
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