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"Your Majesty, do you treat hemorrhoids?"

"Eating, drinking, and entertainment; toileting comes first. A body free of hemorrhoids is a light body." Crossing over to the Eastern Han Dynasty, Gu Yan didn't get a script for internal family struggles, palace intrigue, farming, or infrastructure development. Instead, she got...

She glanced at the toilet sticks next to her, estimating how many times they had been reused after washing. Then she looked down at the latrine pit beneath her buttocks and faintly heard pig grunts. She understood: she had received a toileting script.

As the ancients said, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." As a proctologist, Gu Yan decided to make this primitive toilet a starting point for her career. She first improved her own toileting environment, then found a more comfortable little home, and finally set up a stall to practice medicine, making her unexpectedly widowed life better.

With years of experience fighting hemorrhoids, she became a household name, a legendary divine physician. Her reputation spread throughout the capital, even reaching the palace, where she was eventually summoned by the Son of Heaven.

At that time, Liu Heng was suffering a crushing defeat in his battle against hemorrhoids, enduring both physical and mental agony. All the court officials hoped for his ascent to the heavens. It was truly a time of internal strife and external threats.

Gu Yan arrived before Deng Tong could suck his sores and lick his hemorrhoids. She used scientific, civilized, and hygienic treatment methods to successfully help him conquer his hemorrhoids, earning her an honorary title as a "beauty." This surprised her, causing a momentary tension, as she wondered, "How did this turn into an ancient romance novel script?"

Just then, her fiancé, who was presumed dead in battle, miraculously returned triumphant. He didn't want official promotion; he only wanted to marry her and have three "goods" with her: three sons and three daughters – a perfect 666! Had this transformed into a marriage romance script as well?

But all she wanted was to fight hemorrhoids, make money, and shop!

~~~Flower Lanterns Unending~~~

In the seventeenth year of Yongle, Zhao Mingyan, the "Flower Lantern Princess" of Mingyue Zhai, and Tan Linshuang, the young master of Zhulin Chamber of Commerce, were united in a joyous marriage.

However, the moment Tan Linshuang took Zhao Mingyan's hand to enter the sedan chair, a subtle game of chess began between them. Zhao Mingyan thought, "This man is rumored not to live past twenty, but he's handsome as jade. Lying on the bed, he can help me conceive a son and secure the Zhao family's lineage. If he unfortunately dies young, I'll have the flower lantern shop in my left hand and the Zhulin Chamber of Commerce in my right. With money and a child, I'll live a carefree widow's life."

Tan Linshuang thought, "This woman is known as the 'Zhao family's vixen,' a fierce shrew from Shu, yet she is deeply loved by my grandmother. I will let her be a ceremonial wife, use her to gain control of the Chamber of Commerce, then take concubines to have sons, force her into divorce, and marry a virtuous woman to be the new matriarch, with the husband leading and the wife following."

On their wedding night, she 'parted the clouds and stirred the rain,' while he feigned illness, then fainted, and almost pretended to die. A year later, she made Mingyue Zhai's flower lanterns famous in the capital once more, and the Zhulin Chamber of Commerce also prospered.

She turned to look, and he was still alive. Feeling her full-term pregnant belly, she began to select beautiful concubines for him. He, however, asked her with a hint of resentment, "Wife, what is the meaning of this? Do you no longer want your husband now that we have a child?"

She smiled sweetly, "Husband, am I not fulfilling your wish? I'll be the 'decoration,' you embrace your beautiful concubine, and then you'll lead and she'll follow?"